Chapter One
Sixteen-year-old Remus looked down into his half-eaten Shepherd's pie. James and Sirius were verbally sparring each other on the merits of Britain's top ten Quidditch teams while Peter amicably watched, throwing in his two cents every so often. He had no desire to finish it, even though he'd barely eaten anything all day. He felt queasy for some reason. He hoped he wasn't ill—not in the way normal people were ill, anyway. If the feeling didn't subside soon, he promised himself he'd go to the hospital wing.
Looking up from his food, Remus glanced across the Great Hall to the Ravenclaw table. A girl with long dark hair sat diagonally from him, deep in conversation with the other girls around her. Remus swallowed as he gazed at Kendall Cole, a fellow sixth year who he shared two classes with: Transfiguration and Ancient Runes.
Resigned, Remus forced himself to look away. He knew there were many reasons he'd never have the courage to talk to her. One, she was probably—no, was definitely the prettiest girl at Hogwarts—devil may care what James or Sirius thought. Two, he was not handsome or charming or even good at speaking to other humans, let alone beautiful ones. Third, Remus Lupin was a werewolf. And the fact that he was a danger to everyone around him kept him away from pretty girls and anyone who would be needlessly hurt by a relationship of any kind with him. Although his attempts at keeping Sirius, James, and Peter from discovering his secret had gone out the window—this did prove more difficult when you shared a dormitory for six years.
He attempted focused on the conversation his friends were having, to no avail. His mind kept wandering to Kendall Cole and the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.
"Alright there, Moony?" asked Sirius, the first to notice Remus' inattention.
"Fine," replied Remus, unable to keep his eyes from flitting over to Kendall. He quickly looked away, hoping no one had seen.
"Mooning over Kendall Cole again, are you?" James asked lightly. Sirius and Peter sniggered.
Remus sighed. "No," was his only reply. His friends knew him too well.
"Come on, Moony," Sirius began. "Why don't you ask her to Madam Puddifoot's for the next Hogsmeade visit? I'm sure she'd say yes."
"I'm sure she wouldn't," said Remus. He felt so tense all of a sudden. He knew he would have to leave soon or risk a row with his friends.
"Come on, she'd be a fool not to," James offered. "You're a catch, mate."
Remus rolled his eyes. "Lucky for everyone who manages to slip the bait."
Lily, sitting on James' left, turned from her conversation with a fellow Gryffindor girl to glare at James.
"Oh, leave him alone, will you," she said sternly. Without another word, she flipped her red hair and turned back to her friend.
James didn't dare continue his goading of Remus when he knew Lily was listening. The Marauders were silent for a few uncomfortable moments.
"I'm going to the library," Remus said, rather unexpectedly. He wanted to break the silence and find an out so he could be by himself for a while. His friends were great, really, but solitude was a necessity for the helplessly introverted.
"Want us to come with you, mate?" asked Peter.
"That's alright," said Remus, grabbing his school bag from the floor. "I wouldn't want James or Sirius to have heart attacks from being surrounded by so many books that could actually help them pass their N.E.W.T.s."
"Uncalled for," Sirius quipped before taking a swig of his pumpkin juice as Remus stood.
"See you back in the common room," James said, still hyper-aware of Lily Evans' presence beside him.
Remus nodded. Before he left, he glanced at the Ravenclaw table again. A second later, Kendall looked over at him. Without realizing it, Remus furrowed his brow as he stared back at the girl. He found the look in her eyes very disconcerting. She almost looked…interested. Not intended to be rude, he turned away swiftly and hurried out of the Great Hall. He hoped his friends had not noticed the exchange.
Once in the Entrance Hall, Remus allowed himself to relax. Only a few people were milling about, none of whom paid any attention to him as he hurried up the staircase. A few steps from the top, he noticed the lace of his trainer was undone. Annoyed, he bent down to fix it. He could have used magic, but with his mind so preoccupied, he relished in being able to focus on something.
Righting himself, he heard a group of girls emerge from the Great Hall. Out of curiosity and annoyance at the volume of their noise, he turned his head. Seeing Kendall Cole among the throng of girls moving toward the staircase, Remus turned to bolt to the library, but not before she'd looked at him. The same expression was on her face: interest. Without holding her gaze for long, Remus turned away and walked swiftly down the corridor, throwing himself behind a secret passageway he knew led to the library by a different route.
He debated going somewhere other than the library, but he knew Sirius had the map and both he and James would want to check up on him to see if he'd really gone where he said he would.
As he meandered through the passage, Remus' thoughts trailed back to Kendall and the way she kept looking at him. He knew better than to assume any girl was interested in him—especially a girl as lovely and brilliant as Kendall. He'd only ever been less than three feet away from her during Ancient Runes, a class he luckily did not share with his friends. As much as he'd attempted to, he could never keep himself from glancing at her during class. It didn't help that she sat in front of him, her wavy hair always brushing against the front of his desk.
Remus shook his head in an attempt to clear it. He must force himself to stop thinking of Kendall. He must.
Reaching the end of the passage, Remus listened for any sign of students on the other side. Relieved, he heard no one, and thus slipped out before turning the corner to enter the library. Carelessly opening the door, he nearly collided with the librarian.
"Watch it!" Madam Cassius scolded, hovering a large stack of books in front of her. They teetered ominously.
"Sorry," Remus apologized quickly, ducking out of the way as one slipped off the top. He grabbed it off the ground.
"Oh, Mr. Lupin, no matter," she said. He knew he was one of her favorites. "I believe I saw your table was empty when I walked by earlier," she informed him with a smile.
"Bless you," he said before scurrying to the back of the library. Before sitting at his usual table of solitude, Remus walked down one of the aisles to find the book he'd need to do his Ancient Runes homework. Once he'd grabbed it from the shelf, he went to the back of the library where other students rarely went. He found his table deserted as Madam Cassius had said it would be. A small grin on his face, he sat down with his back to the wall, dropping his bag on the table.
He rifled through his bag for a moment, finding his homework for Ancient Runes, a quill, and an inkwell. After reading over what he'd begun, opening the library book as well as Spellman's Syllabry, Remus went to work. At first he had trouble focusing, as his thoughts kept wandering to things he'd rather not think about.
Kendall.
With a sigh, he forced himself to focus on the task at hand. In a few minutes, he'd already written two inches of the eighteen they had been required for homework.
Twenty minutes later, as he was rifling through the library book again, he had a strange sensation as though someone else was nearby. He looked up from the page to find Kendall Cole standing a few feet away from his table.
"Sorry," she apologized immediately, a small smile on her face. "Madam Cassius said you'd taken that book."
Remus felt his cheeks grow warm. "Oh, y-yeah," he said, fumbling with his quill.
"I can see that you're using it, but I wondered if you'd mind sharing it for a bit? I'm nearly done with my homework, so I won't need it long."
He knew his ears were bright red by now. "Um, yeah, okay," he said, awkwardly motioning for her to sit down.
"Thanks," said Kendall, still smiling as she took the seat across from Remus.
"Here, uh, go ahead," he said, pushing the book toward her as she pulled out her homework.
"Thanks, Remus," she said. He nodded stiffly before looking down at his homework.
Why is she here? He wondered to himself as he wrote a few incoherent words down. Why does she keep appearing everywhere I am? Why is she still smiling? I didn't even think she knew my name. She's so pretty.
He couldn't stop himself from glancing up at Kendall every few minutes. She caught his eye one time, her gray eyes shaded by long eyelashes. She smiled and Remus furrowed his brow before looking away.
Remus forced himself to stop looking at her after that. After his face had turned red again.
"Remus, is everything alright?" asked Kendall after quarter of an hour of silence.
"Yeah, fine," he said, not looking up from his homework. He was halfway done but he knew it didn't make any sense. He figured he'd need to rewrite it later.
"Really?" she pressed. "Are you angry that I asked to sit down?"
"No!" Remus said immediately, a little surprised by his own enthusiasm. "I mean, it's really alright, Kendall," he said more calmly.
Kendall smiled. "I didn't think you knew my name," she said shyly.
Remus raised his eyebrows. "Of course I do," he said. Before he could stop himself, he added, "You're brilliant."
She blushed. "Well, thanks," she said sweetly.
Remus nodded. He looked down at his homework again, not really seeing the page. His brow furrowed again as he stared at it. Kendall's eyes were still on him.
"Remus," she said after a few moments. He looked up to see a frown on her face, although that look of interest hadn't left her eyes their entire conversation. "Are you sure you're alright?"
"I, uh, was just wondering what you're doing…here," he said the words slowly, as though he were unsure of them.
"My homework," she said, smiling slightly.
"No, I mean—what are you doing here with me?" he asked.
"Well, you had the book," she said, smiling again. "And I find you very intriguing Remus Lupin."
"Me?" he asked, chuckling. "I'm not intriguing in the slightest."
"Well, I think so," said Kendall. "You're so different from any of the boys I know. You're not at all like your friends—Potter's a show-off, Black's narcissistic, and Pettigrew—well, Peter doesn't really know who he is, does he?"
"They're all really great," Remus said defensively, feeling protective of his friends.
Kendall held up her hands. "I'm sure they are," she said, still smiling. "I'm just saying you're different from them—always so serious and brooding. You're special."
You have no idea how different I am, he thought darkly.
Remus shook his head. "I'm not so special," he said trying to keep his voice light.
"Well, I think you are. Are you trying to say I'm wrong? I'm shocked," Kendall said with mock disgust. She smiled. "Ravenclaws are rarely wrong."
He couldn't help but smile at her. "Well, Gryffindors usually are," he quipped. Kendall laughed. Remus hated to admit that he liked the way she laughed.
"Then, we can just say that you are wrong and I'm right," she said triumphantly.
Madam Cassius came down the aisle, a look of determination on her face. "Quiet," she said sternly. "Remus—you know better."
"Sorry, Madam Cassius," Remus apologized. She nodded before turning on her heel to descend on some first years too close to the Restricted Section.
"Good friends with the librarian, are we?" Kendall whispered impishly.
"How else do you think I got so smart?" he quipped. Kendall wrinkled her nose at him before turning her eyes back to her homework.
What am I doing?
Remus forced himself to look away from her, returning to his poorly written essay. He'd been in the library for nearly an hour now and would have to leave soon to do his nightly prefect duties before returning to the Gryffindor common room. If he didn't fix the essay before turning it in, he knew he'd get a low mark on it.
They kept their silence for the next half hour. If Remus had not forced himself to stare at his parchment, he knew he wouldn't get anything done. But if he'd looked up he would have seen Kendall observing him, a small smile on her face.
Her essay had been finished for nearly ten minutes before Remus had noticed she was no longer writing. He hesitated before looking up at her once more, surprised by the look in her eyes. He noticed her cheeks turn pink.
"I should get back," Kendall said, hastily rolling up her essay and pushing the book back toward him. She shoved her homework into her bag before getting to her feet. "Thanks again, Remus," she said, sounding flustered.
"N-no problem," Remus said, taken aback by her abrupt departure.
"See you later," she said, grabbing her bag off the table before hurrying away.
Bloody hell. Remus thought to himself. What did I do?