/*AN - For everyone who also reads "When the lights go out". I haven't forgotten this story. I kinda felt unmotivated to write. This little story hit me this morning and I decided to write it since it helped me to start writing again. My exams are over and I'll try to update my other story as soon as possible. Thanks for sticking around! */
When JJ walked into the jet, there was only Hotch; as always. He and JJ were usually the first two of the team ready to go or fly home.
"Hey, Hotch. The others are late again?"
It was then, when she saw someone else sitting on their plane. The dark-haired woman sat across from their unit chief. She stared out of the window and it seemed her mind was somewhere else. Her eyes were focused on something out there, but JJ couldn't see what it was.
"Hey, Em. You're early. Didn't think someone other than Hotch would ever beat me in coming early to the plane." She said with a wink. There was no reaction.
The blonde agent looked back to Hotch and asked him a silent question with her eyes. As an answer, he just shook his head and his eyes had a sad expression.
"Oh Em", JJ thought as she took the seat next to her partner.
"Emily?" she tried again and gently tapped her on the shoulder.
"Oh, hey JJ." Emily said as normal as she could. But JJ could see that something was wrong with the other agent. She looked confused and her eyes weren't really there. Her mind was still not with JJ.
"You always this early?" Emily winked.
"Yes. But Emily, it doesn't need a profiler to tell that something's wrong with you. What's going on?" The blonde reached for the dark-haired agent's hand to show her that she was here for her.
JJ guessed that something had happened when or after Emily had interrogated Regina Lampert, the woman who had held the Piano Man hostage. Hotch was the one who had watched the interrogation from across the two-way mirror. JJ was occupied with the press.
"I'm fine, JJ." Emily answered.
"Oh, come on, Em. You know that's not the truth."
Emily slowly looked towards Hotch whose expression told her "Tell her! Don't let her worry about you." When she finally made eye contact with the blonde, she sighed.
"I'll explain you. But, please, not here." the agent reluctantly said.
"Okay, but today! I don't like pushing you, but you need to open up a bit." JJ's concerned expression changed to sympathetic. "We wanna help you, Em."
"Hey, blondie. That's my seat!" Someone from behind her shouted.
"Yeah, Derek. Whatever you say." JJ laughed as she stood up and moved to her usual seat. While she walked away, she told Emily with her eyes that this conversation wasn't over and had to happen. The dark-haired woman slightly smiled and nodded in answer.
"Since we're almost at Quantico, I want you all to head home immediately. Reach in your reports on Monday and we're good. Have a good weekend!" Hotch said moments before they landed.
"Emily", JJ said as she approached the profilers desk in the bullpen. "I'm really sorry that I pushed you in front of Hotch to tell me what's wrong. But the look in your eyes nearly broke my heart. I wanted to make sure that we will talk about this. I can tell that it has to be about this case because you seemed happy before the questioning with Lampert. And after what happened with… with Doyle the team swore to pay more attention to our own emotions and to help each other no matter what!"
"It's okay, Jayje." Emily assured her. "Before the case started, Hotch talked to me and made me promise to tell him when something is wrong me."
While she talked to JJ, Emily started to gather her things. The others had already left their desks. Well, except Hotch and Rossi.
The two women made their way towards the elevator.
"And Jen, you're right. This is about the case. But... "She sighed heavily while they stepped into the elevator car. "There's something else."
The dark-haired agent rose her hand to stop whatever JJ was going to say.
"And yes, I'll tell you. But this has to wait until we're out of here. I don't want to have this conversation here." She gestured towards the walls that surrounded them.
"Why's that? It's really nice in here, don't you think?" the blonde tried to lighten up the mood and was rewarded with a slight smile from Emily which finally reached her eyes.
"Agent Jareau, you're lucky I like you that much." They both laughed as the elevator's doors opened and the walked outside.
JJ drove them to her house since Will and Henry were visiting the detective's parents.
"Okay, here we are." She opened the door and lead Emily inside. "What do you want to drink?"
"I… I'd love to…" Emily stuttered.
"Em? What is it? Don't be embarrassed. I know you don't love coffee as much as I do."
"Well… to be honest. I'd love to have a hot chocolate."
"Your wish is my command. I take my bag upstairs. You can put yours there if you want." She pointed at a place next to the front door. "I'll be right back. You know where the living room is."
When JJ came back downstairs, she saw Emily in the kitchen searching the cupboards.
"Em! That's my kitchen and you're my guest. Stop that!" the blonde woman said smiling.
"Go to the living room. I'll make our drinks and you can make yourself comfortable over there."
"Okay." Emily hesitantlly said. She made her way out of the kitchen but stopped midway.
"Jen?"
"Yes, Em?"
"Thank you!"
"Always, Em. Always." JJ smiled as Emily walked away.
When JJ joined her guest on the couch, they first talked about other stuff to keep their good mood for a moment. After a while, JJ went back to their conversation on the jet.
"Now, Em. Please talk to me. What's going on with you?"
Emily sighed.
"I'm not sure where to start. But I guess there's no easy way for me to tell this."
"Take your time, Em. We've got plenty of time and I won't go anywhere." The blonde reassured her.
"You remember that Regina Lampert only wanted to talk to me?" JJ nodded.
"She asked me why I didn't let her kill him. That I had no idea how it feels like when the monster from your nightmares comes back for you. It was than that she realized that something had happened to me. She asked if I arrested him like a real FBI agent or if I killed him. When I said that I didn't pull the trigger, she said that my monster is dead and that she had to live with hers."
When Emily finished, she looked into blue eyes that looked the ocean. They weren't filled with pity. They were full of sympathy.
"Oh, Em. I'm so sorry." JJ reached for Emily's shaking hand and pulled her into a hug. It was then that the normally tough woman burst into tears.
"I still have nightmares, Jen." She sobbed into the younger agent's shoulder who immediately held her closer.
"Shhh. I've got you, Em. I've got you." She soothingly rubbed her hand over the taller woman's back.
They sat there for nearly an hour, when Emily finally pulled away.
"I… I think I should go home. It's late."
"No, Em. You'll stay here tonight. I can't let you drive home like this. Don't try to be the tough agent you always try to be." JJ put her hands on Emily's shoulders and forced her to look into her eyes.
"It's okay to break down at some time. That doesn't mean that you're weak. Do you hear me? You're not weak!"
"Okay" Emily choked out as she burried her head again in JJ's shoulder and let the tears roll down her cheeks.
A few minutes later, the tears had subsided, but they remained in their hug.
"Hold me tonight?" Emily asked weakly and it broke JJ's heart to see and hear her best friend like this.
"Of course, Em. Of course!"