Summer had this big speech planned out. She had memorized it and written stuff down on que cards, as if she were in the fourth grade and memorizing a stupid speech about her pet dog, then memorizing what she was going to say at her best friend's funureal.
But now that she was standing there, in between Ryan and Seth, waiting for Kaitlyn to finish speaking, Summer wasn't sure that she should do it. She wasn't sure she could get up in front of all these people and talk about her best friend, who technically wasn't her best friend anymore because she was dead. She wanted to stay how she was, with Seth holding her hand tightly and Ryan's arm around hers in a protective big brotherly fashion.
Kaitlyn was done talking. She was smiling this sad smile and walking unsteadily down beside Julie and everyone was sort of waiting for Summer to go. "Summer?" Seth asked tentatively. "It's your turn."
"Yeah." She said in a thoughtful way and finally went up to the podium. She took a minute, looking out among the crowd. She tried that stupid trick of imagining everyone in their underwear, which hadn't worked on her since she was like... six. So she focused her gaze on Marissa's coffin and began to speak.
"Marissa Cooper was my best friend. Ever since we were four and our mothers signed us up for ballet class on Tuesday afternoons. We both hated the dance teacher, Mrs. Meghan so we used to hide behind the piano they had there for music lessons, and try not to get caught. Every day Mrs. Meghan would come and drag us out from behind the piano and try and make us do grand jeté's like all the other girls." Summer took a deep, shaky breath before continuing. "Ever since then, we were basically inseprable. All through sixth grade, we took turns sleeping at each other's houses on Friday nights. Marissa would braid my hair, because I didn't know how to. While she was doing it, she'd explain to me what she was doing. She'd tell me that she was weaving in the strands of hair and then pulling them tight. She probably did that... God, like five hundred times. I finally learned how to do it on my own, when we were twelve, but by that time Marissa was so good at it that she would just keep braiding it." Summer had to stop for a moment and close her eyes. She wanted to rush through this and get out of this stupid church and out of the stupid dress and the stupid panty hose that itched.
"Anyway. We were best friends. And looking over at that.. at her coffin. The Marissa Cooper I knew, best friend Marissa, the person in that coffin.. it isn't her. So I'd just like us to take a sec and remember the Marissa we all knew. Whether she was just someone you said hi to in the halls, or just someone that you shared a math class with. Just to remember her, when she was alive and happy. Not how she is now." Summer bowed her head uncertainly and watched as everyone else did the same. After a few moments, she left the podium quietly and returned to Seth and Ryan.
She cried then, for the first time. She tried to make herself stop at first but then Ryan reached over and said quietly "It's okay to cry."
"Okay." She said. And she cried.
Seth was leading her back to the car now. They were going back to the Cohen's house but really all Summer wanted to do was go home, crawl under the covers and die. Seth opened the door for her and she crawled in. She leaned her head against the window, closed her eyes and let her shoes slip to the floor.
When Seth looked over, ten minutes later, she was asleep. Seth drove up and down their street nine times before she woke up. Because she looked so pretty, asleep like that. And because she looked like she was having a nice dream and the last thing Seth wanted to do was wake her up into the hell that was currently her life.