The Rhythm Of His World
The door slowly opened and Lulu knew who it was before the person even entered.
His hair.
The room was quiet, save for a steady beep confirming that his worst fears weren't yet his. Wakka pushed the rest of door open after waiting a little to hear the maintained sound. He would do this every time he visited just to make sure he wasn't the one who found her in the silent room. Silent and still, no longer able to be silent by choice, forced.
"Hey Lu." He smiled at her as he closed the door behind him and pressed the red button to let the staff know that she was with a visitor. He knew the routine already, and it made him sick every time he thought about it without really thinking.
"Wakka." The voice was hers and it surprised him a little. It hadn't been hers for months now.
Wakka made his way toward the bed one hand behind his back and the other stiffly at his side. He leaned down and placed a small kiss on her forehead, his lips brushing against silky hair, a bang.
He seemed mystified by this feeling, this sensation that hadn't been available to him for some time. He stood looking down at her.
Her hair.
"I wanted a change." She said quietly once she noticed what he was looking at. She needed to change was what she had wanted to say, but looking up at her husband made the words fluid. She had missed him.
Wakka nodded, of course she would he told himself as he shifted his weight a little under her gaze. Something had caught Lulu's attention, and just as if nothing had changed at all, it made him nervous.
His hand.
"What do you have there?" She asked, curiosity jumping in the drivers seat, it had long been forgotten and the sudden rush of question delighted her senses and somewhere eased her mind.
"Oh." Wakka jumped a little with excitement as he brought the hand behind his back out, and the other behind his head nervously. "I uh, brought you these." The bright purple and red flowers brightened up every corner of the room. "… Vidina picked em' for you, said..." He looked up as if trying to remember, " said he wanted something pretty to give to such a pretty woman."
Lulu reached her hand out to hold them. She examined them and then brought them to her nose. They smelt of home. A scent that was once taken for granted, once shunned, and even once despised. She held the flowers close to her chest, Wakka watched the action sadly, a grim expression came over him, it looked as if he were trying not to frown, his jaw tightened a little.
"Did he really say all of that?" Was the question that slackened his muscles, that voice, he swore he had heard it many times before she was admitted, but never before had he actually heard it. Cherished it.
He let out an easygoing chuckle that startled her. It caused her to smile to herself. Oh how she missed that goofy almost annoying sound. Back then it seemed to be the start of every sentence, now it was like a semicolon; not used enough and awkward if used at all.
"Well y'know he can't really talk that much yet ya?" The air became a solid in his throat that he quickly wanted to swallow. They would not speak of the future, for it was as uncertain as their son's reason to hold back his thoughts to himself and stay quiet. Wakka opted for something else. "But he did say his mum was pretty…" A smile finding it's way onto his features just for her.
"He is still too young… what else has he said?" She asked again, She became upset with herself, a mother was supposed to be there. She motioned to the vase that sat next to a machine of vitals as she spoke. That's when he noticed it.
Her hand.
There was that solid again, always fighting to jump out of him, always pushed down with a casual clearing of the throat. He would stay up and think of her hand, how small and frail it looked. It seemed to him the only indication of what consumed her from the inside.
Her face.
Was just as he pictured it to be. Beautiful. Now though, now she was easier to read, her emotions were for show and he wondered if it was just like that whenever he was around. He wondered as he picked up the vase and brought it to her if her face would ever change like her hands had.
"He said—"
"Sit." She interrupted him. He had forgotten that he was still standing. Wakka pulled a small chair over to the side of her bed and sat down with a soft thud.
"He said pretty… and flower… and mommy ya? I kinda peaced it togetha."
"You did all of that?"
He chuckled, "I'm getting better ya?"
Lulu nodded and it was quiet. It seemed their attempt at normal conversation started well, yet fell flat on its face after about 30 seconds. She fingered his fish pendant that she now wore. When he wasn't around it was her only solace.
"What about you?"
"I feel fine Wakka." She said morosely. The thought of her small son sitting with Wakka alone in their hut still angered her.
Wakka bit the inside of his mouth a little. He was just as angry as she was. Angry at himself, angry at Spira, even angry at Vidina for looking so much like his mother that every time he saw him it brought on a sharp pain to his chest and at the same time a small flutter.
Their son.
His anger was gone. "Lu?" He probed softly.
Lulu turned and looked at him. "I feel unneeded Wakka."
Wakka shook his head and brought one of his strong bronze hands on top of hers. "I need you."
"Vidina needs us." She pulled her hand away from his and looked off into a corner of the room. She heard him clear his throat again. A flash of irrational worry consumed her and just as quickly was tossed aside; Wakka was as healthy as an ox.
"Lu… Lulu."
Lulu turned to look at him, her face softening, her hand covering his this time. "I need us." She heard herself say. Her voice shaky and her hand damp. They stared at one another for a second before another one of Wakka's hands covered theirs and he moved forward bringing himself out of his seat to kiss her lightly.
Their lips.
They were both surprised at the sudden need for the others affection. It was such a selfish emotion that it was long pushed aside for more practical feelings. Everything happened so fast, so fast that neither could hold on to what was, what they wanted, or even what they needed.
The kiss didn't last forever, but it did last long enough for both of them to long for it forever. To hold onto that one moment in time where those flowers didn't exist, the bed, the chair, the lights, the door, the world… that beep.
Wakka stayed suspended over the bed looking down at his wife. Their hands still intertwined, the steady and reassuring beep of her heartbeat playing as the soundtrack to…
Their lives.
Lulu knew, she just knew that this, whatever this was, whatever she and Wakka shared was what she needed to hold onto for. It was getting harder but if only she waited for the right moment then maybe… a tear escaped her. She did not want anything else. Nothing nothing nothing! "Nothing."
"Lu… what's wrong? I'm here see…" He used his face (since his hands were still in hers,) to wipe the tear away and despite herself, she laughed. It was something he would do, something she adored.
Wakka was confused at first, then he to was chuckling softly along with her.
Their laughter.
Yevon he could act like a fool sometimes and not even notice, but if it made her laugh, then he supposed all was well. Wakka now lay beside her on the bed, their hands still interlaced and the air for once was breathable.
"Wakka, I am coming home."
"What…Lu?"
"I need to be with you and Vidina, and Yuna and… I want to be home."
Wakka kissed her hand. "I know Lu, I know." He had heard this before, and it still broke a peace of his heart off every time he heard it again. Wakka knew he was running out of peaces.
He could feel her turn to face him; he looked at her from his side. He loved looking at her while they lay awake in bed at home; he missed it. "I promise, you just rest up here for a little while longer."
"Time was once on my side." She said more to herself. Wakka cleared his throat again and moved closer to her.
"I'm on your side." He kissed her softly again and Lulu kissed him back. They lie close and still until Wakka leaned forward again and kissed her.
Lulu could not fight it any longer as she pressed her lips against his with a weak force. Wakka got the message. Today she needed them, she needed to feel like all would in fact be ok as long as she held him in her sights, and he held her in his arms. She could no longer worry for time truly was not on her side.
They needed to feel normal.
Their passion.
Wakka positioned himself over her and made sure that he wasn't smushing her with his heavy frame. He whispered reassurances onto her face ad kissed her again.
Beep…Beep…Beep….Beebeebeebeebeep.
Her hands coiled around his neck as she stared up at him. He had to smile to himself when he noticed the annoyed look on her face. She wasn't annoyed at much anymore. "Wakka." She whispered onto his lips. His eyes fixed onto hers. Lulu motioned to the vitals machine with her eyes and Wakka nodded.
She watched his every movement as he got out of bed and walked over to the machine, it took him a while to figure it out but he soon was taking the flat white detectors off of her body. The beeping had stopped; he cleared his throat once more.
How many times will it stop again? Will he be there? A part of him hoped he would, another wanted to stay away. He was scared and Lulu saw it as he crawled back into the hospital bed clad in only his boxers.
"Don't." She said softly as he curled his body next to hers.
"What, don't what?"
"I know… how you are feeling."
He cleared his throat, an action that took way more effort than usual. She rested a frail hand on the side of his face as they shared the same pillow.
"Your not… scared Lu?"
"Not of death Wakka no." She traced her fingers along his jaw line. "I am scared for you."
He shook his head. "You don't gotta worry about me Lu…you ggotta worry bout restin'… and stayin'….ok?" His voice was shaky and it literally destroyed her word to see him like this.
She rested her palm on his cheek, her fingers gracing his nose, Vidina's nose… "Still, I worry, how can I not? Vidina will probably grow up on fast food if left in your care." She smiled lovingly at him and Wakka's solid finally came out.
"I… can try and cook better Lu, y'know…keeps sayin'…" He was fighting an internal battle, he had to stay strong for her, but it wasn't working at all. "He keeps askin' for you at dinner ya? He want's real food…. Says he likes you better…"
She was rubbing his face now. "Wakka." Her voice a stern yet shaky attempt to calm him.
"No Lu." He sat up just a little and looked down at her. "You stop bein' all calm ya? All you gotta do is hold on till they come back."
"Wakka who is to say they wont come back empty handed?"
"…No…"
"Wakka." She sat up just a little and held his gaze. "I have every intension of coming home… but if I don't I need you to be strong." His face became moist and he didn't care to wipe it in shame. She was his life, and he needed her to see that. "For Yuna… for Vidina, for me. Will you do that?"
He didn't say anything.
"Will you?" She asked again, pleading with him.
She didn't need to beg him, Wakka nodded slowly and unsure at first but then nodded confidently, he took a sharp breath. "I will Lu, but that's only if."
Lulu leaned forward and kissed his chin softly. "I know." She whispered. Wakka pulled his arms around her and kissed her. They stayed in that one spot, in that one kiss, silence all around.
Lulu was first to pull away slowly and rested her hand around his neck. His skin smooth and firm, she missed the feeling of the feeling he gave her. She missed all feelings. She hated being subjected to nothingness. A place where by choice she had often drifted. Now she was there, and she couldn't go back.
Unless…
Wakka leaned forward and placed small kisses along her neck. He took in her scent and tried with all his might to keep it. Her things had long lost her presence back at home. "I love you." He mouthed onto her neck with the smallest of sounds. Lulu ran a hand through his hair an action that she knew set him at ease.
"Always." She muttered into the silence. He would always have her heart, always and forever, and she made a point to show him.
They made a point to show each other.
Their love.
Wakka gingerly pulled his arms from around her body and laid her on her back. He quietly dressed himself and sat in the chair next to her bed. His mind numbing itself for his journey back home for a few hours rest then up early with an energetic son then back here. Back to this room, back to this struggle back to the… He had almost forgotten. Wakka placed the little white detectors back on her wrist, her chest, her neck, then walked over to the machine and turned it on.
The flat blue line came into view and soon to his great relief a steady heartbeat made itself known, A sound that he had loathed and cherished at the same time, a sound he could depend on, a sound their Vidina depended on, a sound he needed to hear at least once everyday to sleep. A sound he loved.
It was the sound of her heartbeat, the rhythm of his world.
AN: I swore I would never do a fic with Lulu sick or dying or the other because in my head I want their happily ever after to be…ever after lol But this little plot jumped at me, I hope you all liked it, and got what I was trying to do with this. I would really appreciate your reviews.
KathleenDee