Alexander pushed his tired horse on to where a small group of his men stood around a corpse, one held a skin of water and murmured that he had been alive when they had found him. Darius. The man who had been king now lay upon the rocky ground, his lifeless eyes looking up in to the blue sky where an eagle soared effortlessly, its cry echoing across the barren land. The Great King, the man who had everything, brought to this end. Unclipping his cloak, Alexander laid it gently over the man, then crouched down beside him and thought of what might have been.
OOXXOO
Philotas' laughter echoed around the crowded hall. Deep in his cups, he lay back upon his couch finding great amusement in something Leonnatus had said, embracing his friend warmly as tears rolled down his face.
Leonnatus shrugged his shoulders and grinned towards Alexander, shaking his head.
"He never could hold his wine," Ptolemy noted, slapping the thigh of Nicanor who slept beside him. "The brother passed out long ago."
"Ah, but we are celebrating, Ptolemy," Craterus declared, getting up, so that he could ruffle his friends curls, then hold his empty cup up to toast the king. "Philip led us to a great victory at Chaeronea, I would love to be in Athens now and hear what Demosthenes has to say, for I wager he has returned there with his tail between his legs."
"I went to Athens. Remember?" Alexander chided, laughing softly
Craterus thought for a moment. "Oh yes, you did. With the ashes of the dead." He noticed his empty cup and looked around for a servant to fill it, frowning as he saw her in the arms of Seleucus.
"We have every right to celebrate," smiled Leonnatus, " the whole of Pella can celebrate tonight, can toast our victorious return."
Alexander looked down and studied the wine in his full cup, feeling once again the anticipation of battle, seeing the Sacred Band before him and feeling the desire for victory flow through him. He took a sip of the wine, then lowered his cup as he remembered the komos his father lead amongst the dead, the drunken party then. A great victory for his father, though he had scarcely acknowledged that his son had defeated Thebes greatest strength. He had been glad to go to Athens, to get away if only for a short time.
Leonnatus nodded over to the other side of the hall, where you could just see Amyntas sitting with his companions, drinking and laughing. "You fought well, Alexander," he offered in praise, "but your cousin, the man who would be king, has nothing to celebrate, he almost got himself killed and a good man died to save him."
"A good man fighting for a lost cause," agreed Ptolemy, looking across the hall, "and now the sons will give him that unconditional loyalty and for what? Philip was right to take the throne look how worthless his nephew is, he'd have got us all killed had he ever been old enough to take the throne when his father died."
"We'd still all be minding our sheep, goats and horses," Perdiccas commented, sitting up to look over the hall.
"He'd have bowed to Athens," Leonnatus stated. "There would have been no battle".
"So Leandros and Hephaistion, will follow as their father did," Ptolemy shook his head.
Perdiccas, who had stepped over to sit by Alexander laughed to hear Ptolemy. "They say that Leandros loves Amyntas with slavish devotion, though it is unrequited, he beds the girls not the boys. Leandros has a wife, who they say, has never known her husband's company in bed."
"She is with child, and it is his, that's what I heard," Ptolemy said, giving Perdiccas a look to show how he hated gossip.
Seleucus let the servant go to serve the wine, she stayed close smiling at him, filling the cups of his friends, then frowning as she was called away by others further along the hall. Dancers span by the group, wearing flowers in their hair, laughing as they passed by, dancing to the beat of the music. Other laughter was heard around the room, everyone was celebrating.
"You will have your chance, Alexander," Craterus said, coming close so Alexander alone would hear it. "You father will not conquer all."
"Attalus is too close to him, they say my father will marry his niece."
"I suppose by 'they' you mean your mother," laughed Craterus, pulling his friend close and kissing his golden hair, "you listen to her too much".
Alexander smiled. "She says I never listen to her anymore."
Cleitus staggered over and rested his hand on Alexander's shoulder. "Are you brooding again?" he asked.
"Celebrating," laughed Ptolemy, raising his cup and nodding towards Nicanor and then Philotas.
"Parmenion should have sons who can hold their wine," Cleitus said, shaking his head, "but then the father is having trouble staying awake, having exhausted himself talking through the battle once more." He took a large drink of wine. "Still. Philip likes to hear it." He looked across the room, distracted for a moment. "Who is Hephaistion with?" he asked.
All those still sober enough looked over to see Leandros and Hephaistion sitting each side of Amyntas, his arms around the brothers.
"Hephaistion is not with anyone," Leonnatus said, grinning at Cleitus, laughing as the general began to stagger over in pursuit of his prey.
"I heard he was with Pallas," commented Perdiccas.
Ptolemy emptied his cup. "Hephaistion will have many, that's for sure, he has the looks of a god, just not the sense to follow the right man."
Perdiccas nudged Alexander. "Are you not drinking?"
A song was struck, Philip, staggering forward to sing a victory song, encouraged by all in the crowded hall, he raised his hands high and began to dance, joined by others and a komos was begun once more.
OOXXOO
Alexander rode out on Bucephalus just after dawn the next morning, while all in the palace slept off the excesses of the celebration.
It was a perfect summers morning, with a cloudless blue sky and he headed towards the mountains which overlooked the city, riding across the plain and then up in to the foothills, through woodland, along a goat track to a place where large rocks sat upon the grass, as if a god had crushed part of the mountain and the fragments had landed here.
There was a small brook, birds sang, the place was idyllic, a secret haunt found long ago, a place to come and be alone with your thoughts.
"You're late."
Alexander turned and saw Hephaistion, smiling to him. "And joy to you," he said, quickly dismounting. "Have you been here all night?"
Hephaistion laughed and took him in a warm embrace, looking in to his eyes before gently kissing his lips, laughing again as Alexander sought to deepen the kiss but returning it with equal passion.
"Leandros thinks I went with Pallas," Hephaistion said, when they finally parted. "Let him think it, for it buys me time with you, my Alexander."
Alexander embraced his lover tightly. "I am so sorry that you lost your father, I wanted to come and be with you but it was impossible to get away."
"Amyntas made a mistake," Hephaistion acknowledged. "My father saved him."
Alexander stepped back and put his hands on Hephaistion's shoulders. "Now is the time for you to give up any loyalty to Amyntas, so that we can be together."
"I would lose a brother as well as a father then," Hephaistion said. He pursed his lips and then smiled, reaching up to caress Alexander's face. "I never thought to have such feelings for anyone as I do for you, my Alexander. I take risks for you, for stolen moments with you and that is all it can ever be between us."
Wanting the contact, Alexander pulled Hephaistion close to him. "But if Amyntas challenged my father…"
"It would have happened sooner, it will not happen now, your father keeps him in comfort, his ambition would only ignite if anything happened to Philip."
"And who would you fight for, Hephaistion?"
Hephaistion shook his head. "I pray that your father lives to enjoy old age, to save me these choices."
Alexander breathed in the scent of Hephaistion, relished the sensation of Hephaistion's body against his and raised his hand to entwine his fingers in the silken locks then pulled back a little to lose himself in the lapis eyes. He was asking too many questions, he realised that, he was pushing him too much, but these brief moments were the only time he ever had to talk...and love. "It has been too long," he whispered.
Two nights before the battle they had managed to be alone for a short while, to speak briefly and to kiss, away from the camp where they had to act as if they hardly knew each other. Alexander knew his father would laugh to know of their relationship but that Amyntor and Amyntas would be displeased and there was a danger that Hephaistion would be sent away, far from Pella if they were found out.
Hephaistion bit his lip, looked deep in to Alexander's grey eyes and smiled. "Remember when we met?"
"As children? I remember."
"No, not then, we did not see each other for some years. I am thinking of when you had just returned from Mieza and I had been sent alone to Pella with a letter from Amyntas for the king. I think of that moment often, of how I met you, alone, in the hallway, as if the fates had planned it all. You never said a word and I just about managed to say a greeting."
"I wished you joy," Alexander insisted, then laughed softly. "No, I remember, the words would not come. I had never seen someone so handsome. "You found me out, later."
"You found me." Hephaistion kissed Alexander's lips. "Though I waited at the stables for such a long time before you appeared," he confessed.
Alexander tightened the embrace for a moment then led the way up a gentle slope to piece of level ground which had a carpet of grass. He kicked off his cavalry boots, unfastened his belt and pulled off his chiton then turned to see Hephaistion had done the same and was just in the act of pulling the chiton over his head. He laughed with happiness and lay down upon the grass, taking Hephaistion in his arms as he lay down beside him.
Giving in to their desire, they kissed while their hands reaquainted themselves with each others bodies which moved against each other, their legs entwined, they spoke murmured endearments, then because they could wait no longer they found release with each other but were still reluctant to break apart when they were both satiated.
"Be with me," breathed Alexander, kissing Hephaistion's brow.
Hephaistion sighed and kissed Alexander's lips, then trailed his fingers gently along Alexander's back. He said nothing.
Alexander swallowed down the words he might have spoken, choosing to give up the battle and accept what they had. He knew that Hephaistion was not so close to Leandros, this older brother was more the age of Amyntas, but he was loyal, and he had just lost his father, it was too soon.
"How long does Amyntas plan to stay at Pella?" he asked.
"Another couple of days and then he will return to Aegae."
"Two days?" Alexander sat up, pulling his knees up and wrapping his arms around them. He turned to look at Hephaistion who was temptation lying on the grass beside him. "Can you find an excuse to stay?"
"No, but I will try to come back, to bring any messages to your father." He smiled. "And I can be here tomorrow, I will find a way to be with you."
Alexander returned the smile and lay back down beside his love, running his hand along the muscled chest, feeling his desire grow as it always did when Hephaistion was near.
OOXXOO
Smiling, as he walked in to the palace, Alexander's head was full of images of the morning spent with Hephaistion, of all they had done and all that they had spoken of, wondering how long Hephaistion had stayed at their secret place after he had left, whether he too was back in Pella now and if so how far away he was. He knew his mother wanted to see him but decided to delay the moment as he wanted to savour the sweetness of his memories before he tasted the bitterness of his mother's words.
As he ran up the stairs that led towards his rooms he saw Amyntas, Leandros, Pallas and Thoas coming towards him.
"Joy to you, Alexander," Amyntas said, his eyes studying the man before him.
"Joy to you," Alexander replied, looking to his cousin, then to Leandros,who had Hephaistion's long hair but small brown eyes, those of the father, not the mother apparently. He nodded to Pallas, a pale youth, who tried to emulate his father, Thoas, but failed miserably. He knew Hephaistion had tried to help him and that is how the convenient rumours started that they were lovers. Pallas never disputed any allegation, it suited him to have people think he had such a lover. Thoas was a brute of a man, who kept the fire of Amyntas' ambition burning brightly.
Amyntas gave a false laugh. "And how is the man who would challenge me to the throne?"
"Well enough," Alexander replied.
Amyntas nodded. "Are you on your way to see your mother?" He turned and smiled at his companions.
"To see my father," Alexander lied, knowing Amyntas would hate his answer, but Amyntas laughed once more.
"He's still in his bed...with a girl to keep him company, Attalus' niece by all accounts. Perhaps your father will have another son, another boy to challenge, then you will have a taste of what I have had to swallow."
Before Alexander could answer, the sound of someone running through the palace were heard, then taking the steps two at a time. Alexander turned to see Hephaistion approach, his footsteps now faltering as he saw the group before him.
"We were wondering where you had got to," Amyntas said, signalling for Hephaistion to come to him, then wrapping his left arm around his waist when he did. With his right hand he pulled back Hephaistion's hair and kissed his cheek, while all the time his eyes stayed focussed on Alexander. "I think I see some jealousy, Alexander. Perhaps I have something that you want." With that he nipped Hephaistion's neck.
Hephaistion flinched and pulled back, looking to Alexander, silently urging him not to react.
"You have nothing I can't take," said Alexander and went to walk on but Thoas stepped out in to his path, only to be pulled back by Leandros who caught his arm and told him they were in the wrong place to cause trouble.
"Come, Thoas," called Amyntas, like you would call a dog to heel.
"What is he anyway?" Thoas muttered. "Son of an Epirot."
Alexander's hand went to his dagger. He would have killed them all, except for Hephaistion, and only for his sake had he not reacted, Amyntas was responsible for Amyntor's death, Alexander vowed that if any harm ever came to Hephaistion Amyntas would be a dead man.
He took a deep breath, a final look at Hephaistion and then made his way to his rooms.
OOXXOO
After one more meeting, one morning together, where Hephaistion wore Amyntas' mark upon his neck, Hephaistion left for Aegae with the rest. Alexander was able to watch him leave, having found a quiet balcony which looked over to the stables and then across the road which led from the city.
Hephaistion had looked over to the palace, as if he knew grey eyes focussed on him and unseen by the others he raised his hand in a farewell. He rode along with Leandros and Pallas, while Amyntas talked with Thoas, behind them was Amyntas' guard.
Alexander waited until they vanished from sight, then made his way to the gymnasium to spend the morning with his friends.
OOXXOO
The rumours about Philip and the newly named Eurydice soom became fact, as the king announced his wedding plans and Attalus grew in power, spreading rumours of his own that his niece was already with child.
Alexander retreated to the comfort of his mother's rooms where his concerns about a child taking his place matched those of his mother who feared the new bride, this love-match was a dangerous thing.
Soon the comfort went as his mother turned on him, encouraging him to marry, calling him a fool when he refused to. She railed at him constantly, always pushing for perfection, always talking badly of his father. So, he began to go to the one place he felt at peace, the place he shared with Hephaistion.
He would lie upon the grass, his eyes closed against the warm sun and think of the man he loved. The one good thing about the wedding was that Hephaistion would return.
OOXXOO
Amyntas left it late, not arriving at Pella until the eve of the wedding and then only Thoas and Pallas accompanied him. Alexander was seated by his father when he arrived, bowing low, explaining that Leandros and Hephaistion were at their family estate and would not be attending.
It was nothing to his father, ambassadors and guests filled the crowded hall, two less meant nothing, but to Alexander it caused bitter disappointment. He glared at Amyntas, inwardly blaming him, wondering if anything had happened, if they might have been seen together, if Hephaistion and his brother could still be sent for.
He excused himself early and sat upon his balcony drinking wine, until Apollo began to ride his chariot up in to the sky. Only then did he lie upon his bed and let sleep claim him and all too soon his servants were waking him, concerned he would be late.
His head ached.
As he bathed, Craterus and Ptolemy arrived, swapping glances with each other, sending away a servant who came with another cup of wine.
Craterus sat on the edge of the bath and massaged Alexander's shoulders, while Ptolemy organised his clothes and a large breakfast which Alexander did not have the stomach to eat. Nobody knew of his love for Hephaistion, it would be easy to tell two trusted friends but what would it win him? It would not bring Hephaistion here.
Allowing Craterus to rub him dry, he laughed to himself and shook his head, then moaned at the pain that caused. He was acting like a lovesick girl, like the gynis everyone called him. He would see Hephaistion again, soon enough, and there was nothing he could do about it now.
Seleucus and Perdiccas arrived, Leonnatus shortly after them and after his companions had cleared the breakfast table they went to join the wedding party.
As the day progressed Alexander found himself with dark thoughts. Eurydice's rounded belly, his father's obvious love for his bride and Attalus being so full of self-importance all grated on him. He looked over to Amyntas, who seemed to share his mood. The two of them were like competitiors at a race, waiting for it to begin, looking at each other, weighing up the others strengths and weaknesses. If Eurydice had a boy then Attalus would have a right to step forward and claim the throne, to join that race too.
Attalus stepped up now, holding his cup up high, then shouted out a toast. Alexander looked to his father who was well in to his cups, grinning broadly at the general.
"Let us toast to have a true Macedonian heir...from my niece, Eurydice," he shouted.
Alexander leapt up from his couch and threw his wine cup at Attalus, just missing his head. "And what does that make me? A bastard?"
Attalus threw his cup but it went wide, there was a roar from Philip and Alexander found himself encircled by his companions who pulled him back from going to attack.
Philip staggered to his feet and then got up on to his couch so he could be seen. "Alexander! You will apologise right now."
"You favour him over your son? A man who called me a bastard?" Alexander asked, outraged with his father.
"Alexander..." Craterus said, trying to soothe but failing in the attempt, not knowing what to say.
"You'll apologise. Right now," Philip screamed, looking around for a weapon and finding the sword which had cut the bread."
Not quite believing his father would harm him, Alexander made no move to step back, he looked to Attalus who was sneering at him, over to Amyntas who was laughing with delight. Resisting the pull of his companions to get him out of the hall, Alexander heard a clatter and turned to see his father had fallen, the sword sliding across the mosaic floor.
He had to leave before his father called the guard. Attalus had power, who knew how far his influence would go. He pointed to his father. "This is the man who would lead you in to Asia, and he can not even make it from one couch to the other."
With that he left, striding out of the hall, knowing he would have to leave, take his mother and head out to Epirus.
His companions all came with him until they were sure there was no longer any danger of Philip coming after them. Then not wanting to risk his friends safety, make them appear accomplices, he told them to head home and went on to the capital, Dodona, with his mother. He wondered what Hephaistion would think when he heard the news, wished he could send a letter, that he could just spend a moment in his arms to explain everything.
OOXXOO
He thought that he could bear his exile in the comfort of Dodona, to wait out the winter in good company but messages from Pella soon made him realise that it was impossible for him to stay.
Perhaps his father hoped that he would return, contrite, asking for forgiveness but he had too much pride for that and so against both his mother and uncle's advice he wrapped himself up in furs and headed in to the wilderness of Illyria with some trusted men who saw him as far as the safest village, where they left him.
Spending his time hunting and helping in the village time passed, and Alexander would find himself staring in to the fire at night and thinking of Hephaistion, picturing him before him, wrapping himself in fond memories. It seemed like a dream now, that he was ever with him and he wondered how he spent the winter, if he had cause to come to Pella, if he rode out to their secret place and thought of him.
He rembered the sneer from Attalus, the cruel remark and vowed revenge, then thought of Amyntas' laughter, he must have welcomed the chance to step back in to favour with the king. He would be spending more time at Pella now, Hephaistion would be there too.
As spring approached a welcome visitor arrived, Demaratus of Corinth who brought news that his father had agreed to be reconciled with his wayward heir. An apology would be required, but a private one, not before the court and not with Attalus present. His mother had chosen to remain in Epirus and sent a letter to say that he should be cautious on his return to Pella, that his father was not to be trusted at any time, that some god would seek to punish him for all the misery he had inflicted in his life.
Alexander burnt the letter on the fire and packed his things, going directly to Craterus' estate where he swapped his furs and skins for fine linen and a woollen chlamys and waited for his companions to arrive before riding back to Pella. He made sure he looked his finest, not wanting to appear to have suffered any hardship in his absence.
Philip had ridden out from Pella to meet him, no doubt having sent scouts out to look for his return. He came with Cleitus, Parmenion and Antipater, his guard and Amyntas who was flanked by Leandros and Hephaistion.
While his father was officially welcoming him home Alexander was distracted by the broad grin on Hephaistion's face. A cough from Antipater prompted him to reply and a glance to Hephaistion had him apologising there and then, he apologised for leaving as he did, for staying away so long and praised Demartus for repairing the damage done. Philip smiled and offered an embrace which Alexander gladly accepted holding on to the man hoping Hephaistion knew the apology was for him.
Philip joked with Alexander's companions that his expenditure at court would no doubt increase because they had returned to eat his food and drink his best wine and that was all the welcome back they had.
Alexander returned to the city, riding alongside his father, welcomed by crowds gathered to see his return.
OOXXOO
Alexander was told he would be dining with his father that night, with Parmenion and Antipater in attendance and Philotas and Craterus to spend his time with.
As he finished his bath and dried his hair with a towel, Craterus arrived, still laughing at the novelty of having his friend back in the palace at Pella. While he dressed, Craterus lay back on his bed, stretching out at the comfort of it and jokingly suggesting they should be lovers so he could spend his nights in luxury, though his room at the barracks was hardly Spartan.
Philotas arrived as Alexander tied his sandals, calling to a servant for some wine then refusing to sit, saying he was hungry and wanted to go and get dinner.
They made their way out of the rooms and along the hallway, turning left to head for a short flight of stairs that led to where the dinner would be held. As they turned they saw Hephaistion, waiting in an alcove at the top of the stairs. Alexander's heart leapt to see him, he must have taken a chance, in the hope of finding him making his way to the dinner alone.
"Are you lost, Hephaistion?" sneered Craterus.
Hephaistion did not respond but stepped back in to the shadows.
Philotas stepped forward, pulling away from Alexander as he attempted to hold him. "Amyntas' dog," he goaded, ignoring the fact he had been following at Alexander's heel. "Have you been sent to spy? Is your Master so troubled by Alexander's return?"
"There should be nothing between us," Hephaisiton replied, softly, his eyes fixed on Philotas. "Philip is still king. Is he not? The last I saw of him he looked well enough."
"Why you!" Craterus reached out for Hephaistion, grabbing at his chiton and pulling him away from the wall before slamming him back into it.
Hephaistion raised his fist and punched Craterus in the face, knocking him back on to the floor, leaving him with a bloody nose, then reached for his dagger as he saw Philotas reach for his.
Alexander gave a shout, an order for Philotas to back away, which reluctantly he did.
"Amyntas plans to kill your father," Craterus mumbled, holding his hand to his nose, checking if it was broken before wiping the blood away.
"He plans nothing of the sort," stated Hephaistion, looking to ensure Philotas sheathed his dagger before he did. Only then did he look to Alexander. "I don't think much of your friends," he said, before stepping past Craterus and making his way down the stairs.
Alexander frowned. Hephaistion had taken a chance and the fates had been cruel, two of his closest friends, coming to him, had not only lost him that opportunity but there had been needless fight but he hid a smile as he thought how well Hephaistion had handled himself, at the image in his mind of Craterus falling on his back, of the shock upon his face.
"Go wash your face, Craterus, you know where we will be," he said, shaking his head at Philotas. "He had every right to be where he was, Philotas, think twice next time, you never think things through."
He made his way down the stairs, almost mournful to have lost a chance to be with Hephaistion alone.
OOXXOO
Two days later the fates were kinder to him. Alexander went to the gymnasium and found the place deserted, except for Hephaistion just finishing his bath.
Without saying a word, Alexander pushed him back in to the darkened room and claimed his lips, realising as he kissed him that he had been away so long, he might be wrong to assume that Hephaistion would want him. Yet, his kiss was returned, the sweetest kiss followed, where their passion was expressed.
Breaking it, Alexander looked over his shoulder, and seeing no-one was there sought a darker place while he kicked off his boots and pulled his chiton over his head.
Hephaistion laughed, pulling him close. "No friends with you?" he asked, giving a brief kiss before embracing him again.
"And no-one else for you, Hephaistion?" asked Alexander, parting his lover's thighs, still oiled from the bath.
Sighing, Hephaistion moved against him, encouraging Alexander to slide between his legs, groaning softly as Alexander took him in his hand. "I missed you," he confessed. "There has been no other." He laughed again. "And this will not take long."
Alexander claimed another kiss, the very thought that Hephaistion had remained his, had stayed true, overwhelming him, they had little time before someone would arrive, he wanted to make it last, to savour all that he had missed, but instead he gave himself to his feelings, heightened as Hephaistion held him tightly, moved with him and found his own release.
The sound of the gymnasium door, slamming against the wall echoed through the exercise area and Alexander and Hephaistion parted quickly, looking to where the light shone in through the entrance to the baths. No footsteps were heard, no voices and they both laughed in relief and came together to kiss once more.
"You should have realised that Attalus would goad you," Hephaistion whispered, when they parted for air.
Alexander laughed. "I was angry that you were not there, I would have picked a fight with anyone that night."
"I heard that you were exiled, that you had gone to Illyria, and I worried for you. I can't tell you how many nights I lay awake and thought of you, how often I wanted to get to my horse and find you, my Alexander."
"My Hephaistion," sighed Alexander, resting his forehead against his love's.
They were still for a moment, taking pleasure from the nearness of each other.
"I want more than this," Alexander said, "I want you with me all the time."
Hephaistion hesitated. "Leandros quarrelled with Thoas before the wedding, then with Amyntas who he imagined had taken sides against him. That is why we went to our family estate. He brooded on the argument and decided he would go against our father's wishes, he said you were the better man. Then we heard that you had left and while we waited Amyntas arrived and Thoas apologised. Then all was well and nothing more has been said."
"You could still come, to be with me…"
Voices were heard, laughter, men were getting nearer. Alexander stepped back, picked up a towel, making out that he was drying himself as men from his father's guard arrived to wrestle with each other. Hephaistion dressed, then without looking to Alexander he made his way outside, there was no sign of him when Alexander followed his path.
OOXXOO
Alexander heard that Hephaistion had left with Amyntas and the rest five days later, having only managed to catch glimpses of him at a banquet and seeing him once in the hallway where he stood with Thoas and Pallas.
He had ridden out to their secret place when he could get away in the mornings, when he had no need to be on the practice ground or to eat breakfast with his father. Although he waited Hephaistion never came and though the disappointment cut deep he realised that Hephaistion would have good reasons for not being there.
It had always been the same, always stolen moments. He had a vivid memory of the first time Hephaistion came to court with his father, Amyntor. While Amyntas and Amyntor talked with his father he and Hephaistion had smiled to each other and then crept away from the hall to play together, forging a friendship that was possibly not supposed to happen.
When Amyntor had caught up with his wayward son Hephaistion had been beaten for leaving the hall, then beaten some more for his choice of companion, before Amyntor grabbed him by the arm and pulled him away. Alexander remembered that Hephaistion had looked back and smiled to him as he left.
It had been a while then before Hephaistion came back to court, two years to be exact. This time he remained by his father's side but Alexander noticed how Hephaistion was looking at him every time he looked in his direction and though they never spoke he recognised that something was between them.
After he had been sent to Mieza he absorbed himself in his studies, believing at one time that he loved Craterus, they became close friends for a while. Alexander laughed at the memory of returning to Pella, at fifteen, he had been reluctant to return, leaving his companions behind, then he saw Hephaistion and realised he felt no love for Craterus, that the feelings that he thought he had were surpassed by the overwhelming emotion he felt on seeing Amyntor's son once more. He had been mesmerised, he could not stop himself from staring and found himself planning ways that they could be alone, delighted to find Hephaistion at the stables one day and striking up a conversation.
Hephaistion's voice was soft, the friendship forged as children still there, as if they had been together a lifetime. He was easy to talk to, they shared the same ideals. Alexander found himself talking on philosophy, anxious to impress with what Aristotle had taught him, only to have Hephaistion laugh and reply to him as an equal. Such intelligence lay behind the lapis eyes. Drawn like a moth to the flame Alexander had moved closer, fearing to get burned, but Hephaistion did not stop him when he claimed a kiss, saying he always knew it would come to this.
OOXXOO
Letting go the regret of their missed opportunities, Alexander took time to write to his mother, letting her know that his half brother, Arrihadeus was to marry a Carian princess, telling her of his life at court, all the mundane things which had been happening, then wishing her health before he gave the letter to a servant to give to a messenger.
His favourite actor, Thettalus, had come to court and was due to perform that night so Alexander arrived early with Craterus and Ptolemy, to find Pallas standing before Philip, bowing low as he handed him a note, which the king read and then discarded.
Pallas would have walked by them but Craterus could not resist the urge to reach for him, grabbing him by the chiton and pulling him towards them, laughingly instructing Thoas' son to sit amongst them and calling for some wine. Perdiccas and Seleucus arrived with Philotas and Nicanor close behind them so Pallas' escape was blocked and he looked to Alexander who had become his only way to leave.
"So, tell us all the gossip from Aegae," Craterus urged him. "Does Amyntas have any more plots against the safety of the king?"
Ptolemy sighed. "You know Amyntas would not plan such a thing, Craterus. Careful your jests do not become rumours."
Craterus frowned at Ptolemy, thought for a moment then smiled. "Then tell us about your lover, Hephaistion. You must have some skill at rutting him, Pallas. I hear Cleitus' advances are regularly rejected."
Pallas looked Craterus in the eye. "He's getting married, to some girl from a good family at Aegae, I heard Leandros and my father talking about it. It will happen soon enough I think...so he will no longer be my lover...but we are both almost twenty and of an age when we should think to marry." Pallas blushed as he spoke, then looked down at the floor when he was done. "I have to go," he muttered.
Craterus would have kept him there for more fun but Alexander told Pallas to leave.
Thettalus strode in to the hall as if he were the king and launched in to his performance, a tragedy. Alexander sat and brooded on Pallas' news, that Hephaistion would wed, wondering why Hephaistion had never said anything, thinking what changes a wife would bring. He was almost twenty too, he had not thought to marry, he began to imagine that Hephaistion was growing tired of him, that his feelings were less than his own and perhaps he should marry too. He lifted up his head and looked across to Thettalus, thinking of the freedom the actor had, travelling where he pleased, the life might have suited him had he not been born a prince. He should perhaps marry to show Hephaistion he could do the same thing too.
An idea formed. He would marry the Carian princess and Thettalus could take his proposal for him, nobody need know until it was all agreed.
OOXXOO
Alexander dried himself from his bath, dismissing the last of his servants who had waited to attend him. He walked over to the balcony looking out in to the night sky, seeing the mountains of Aegae silhouetted against the midnight blue. He sighed to think of what the next few days would bring - his sister married, the games and then the army heading to Persia. He had nearly lost his chance to go and only recently had his father thawed towards him a little, though his friends had not been recalled from exile.
He turned away from the balcony and walked over to his bed, sitting down upon it while he discarded the towel, then lying back, letting his head rest on the pillow. He felt unsettled and could not understand why. Looking towards the balcony again he thought of Hephaistion being out there in Aegae, close to him. He had arrived too late to seek him out and then had been called to attend dinner with his father. Tomorrow he would see him and the world would feel right again.
Lifting himself to blow out the lamp he heard a noise from outside and reached for his dagger, getting to his feet and stepping away from his bed, looking to the lamp thinking he should have blown it out. He drew a breath, intending to call the guard, wondering how someone would get by and then he smiled, as Hephaistion appeared, lifting himself over the balcony, grinning at him for his success.
"Joy to you, Alexander," Hephaistion said, brushing down his chiton and stepping over to him to embrace him.
"You bring me joy," Alexander breathed, leaning in to the embrace, breathing in the wonderful scent that was Hephaistion's own. He twisted his fingers around Hephaistion's long, chestnut hair and lifted his head to stare in to the lapis eyes, losing himself in them once more, feeling breathless. "How did you get by my guard?"
Hephaistion grinned. "I live at Aegae. Remember? I know which rooms you use...and the guards assume nobody can climb to the balcony but I have tried it out a few times now, when I heard the wedding would be here." He smiled, then looked unsure, sensing something was wrong as he always could. "What is it?"
"I heard you were to marry. Have you?"
Laughing, Hephaistion threw back his head then pulled Alexander in to a tighter embrace before releasing him to look upon him. "Who told you that? I am not married, nor are there any plans for me to marry. Leandros said I might consider it and had a girl here in mind but there is no pressure for a marriage, after all Leandros has his wife and a son now, his wife had a son, back at the estate, he is the older brother and now he has someone to inherit." Hephaistion bit his lip as if to stop himself from laughing once more. "So that is why you chose to offer yourself to the Carian princess."
Alexander felt himself flushing. "You are my strength, Hephaistion. You light the way for me. With you by my side I see the path I wish to follow, you make me strong, make me believe that I can achieve anything."
Hephaistion leaned forward and claimed a brief kiss. "Less talking, Alexander," he smiled, before leaning forward again and deepening the kiss.
Yes, less talking. Alexander allowed himself to get lost in the kiss, holding Hephaistion closer, pulling at his clothing, wanting him so badly, wanting to make love and at the same time plead for him to never leave, to stay this time and let them face the world together. He was aware of Hephaistion unfastening his belt, unclipping his chiton and as they moved towards the bed, still kissing, that he was attempting to kick off his boots.
The mission failed and Hephaistion laughed as he had to break the kiss and deal with the unhelpful boots, throwing them across the room as they finally came off, leaving him naked. He fell back on to the bed, grinning, the lapis eyes openly studying the body before him, his arms opening as they fell in to an embrace once more.
Their shared passion was too great, it had been too long and they were too young to make the moment last, they both sought relief, finding it in the dance of their bodies, yielding to each other, murmuring words of love, both hungry for release. It did not always happen that way but this night they came together, clinging to each other and then laughing for the sheer joy of living, of loving and being loved in return.
"Stay. Be with me." The words were out of Alexander's mouth before he could stop himself. He had to wait for an answer, Hephaistion looked to him, studying his face as if he would never see him again.
"When the games are done."
Alexander thought he had misheard. He took a breath and held it. Hephasition had just told him he would be with him.
Laughing softly, Hephaistion reached up and twisted a golden curl around his finger. "You think you are the only one who hates it when we part? Though Leandros might well run me through with a dagger when he learns the truth...that I love you....my Alexander. He will definitely call me a traitor and remind me of my blood ties, of my duty to my family." Hephaistion smiled trying to hide the cost of his decision. "But I will be with you."
Alexander pulled him close, as if for the first time realising true cost of what he had been asking Hephaistion to give up all these years. He kissed him gently on the lips, thinking of his father who would laugh to know the truth, of his mother who would not be so happy, but she was in Epirus and he always thought more clearly when he was away from her. "Thank you," he murmured, wanting to say more but overwhelmed by the moment.
"After the games, I will tell Leandros when I can get him alone, I should tell Amyntas then but perhaps that will not be such a safe thing to do. I will write, perhaps, and then make sure I do not walk down any dark places alone."
"You will be with me," Alexander assured him, feeling a wave of realisation wash over him again. Hephaistion would be with him. "My friends will all defend you."
"Your friends are all in exile."
"Philotas is not."
Hephaistion said nothing, he just gave a wry smile.
"Then you just stay by my side, my guards will ensure that you are not harmed."
"Leandros might understand one day, he has quarrelled with Amyntas before, he might quarrel again," Hephaistion's voice held hope in it.
"You will be mine," Alexander breathed.
"I have always been yours," came the reply.
They kissed and then loved once more and Hephaistion slept a little in Alexander's arms before waking and saying he had to go, that he would try to return the following night if he could. Alexander had waited for him but he never came, he saw him during the day and understood. Amyntas was spending time with the Athenian ambassadors, acting the crown prince, and no doubt banqueting until the early hours, keeping Hephaistion by his side as all the ambassadors seemed enamoured with him, more so than Amyntas.
TBC