Pained.
That's how Raven felt as she floated in the corner of the common room meditating. Or at least trying to. The tower was empty for the others had gone to a carnival. They had invited her, yet she declined. She needed to be alone today. It would be the second time in the month since she had… done THAT that she sulked. She would help Cy with the T-Car; Starfire and her would go shopping – as much as she hated it. She would listen to BB's humorless jokes and she would spend a lot of time with Robin training in how to keep your emotions really suppressed that they would not be felt at all and fighting.
Her violet eyes gazed at the city and she couldn't help but feel the yearning. She looked at her phone and stared at it as she imagined dialing him. She glared at it and shook her head as she chided herself.
"No, Raven. You can do this. He is just a guy and no matter how much it hurts, you will not dial him," she said it out loud. She had to convince herself that she did not need him. Even if it was a lie.
It was bizarre how in six months she had gotten so attached to the blue-hazel eyed, European strawberry blonde man. It really was. She remembered how at first she was weary of him, wondering what the Hell she gotten into when she accepted giving him her phone number. But as time progressed, she let herself be free with him and told him most of her secrets. Something that Raven had never done with her friends; friends that she had known for six years. But, alas, the man had proven to be what her heart cherished, even if he didn't love her like she did; even though he crushed on Shannon. His relationship would never work out with her, she knew, for she was too perky and he too dark. Just like her. They were meant to be in the beginning, yet all of it crashed down in the end. For a half demon like her, there was no happily ever after. No love.
And once she had gotten to know the man, she began risking herself. The relationship she had with Speedy, an on and off relationship, was demised. Raven then started sacrificing her happiness little by little for him. She sacrificed mostly everything. And when he gave her a mission, she willingly accepted in finding him his mate. And though she was strong, the ritual in dimension traveling was way too powerful. But she managed. She gave up something of her possession and wandered through every dimension she possibly could. But then it was time for Raven to return, and when she did, she barely had enough energy to breath, to keep her heart pumping. She almost died.
After she had a talk with one of her friends, one that the Titans didn't know about, she realized that she was sacrificing herself too much. Raven realized she had to be a bit more selfish consisting of her relationships with her friends or anyone else outside her super hero life. Because if she wasn't selfish, then that would be the end of her. She always pushed her feeling aside for everyone that she loved, even if it left her suffering. And now, she had to learn and consider her feelings a bit more. Be stronger.
But the European man… oh! He made it impossible for her to keep on living. To be strong. With his deep voice and funny Swedish accent… it was impossible. And every time she thought about him, her knees went weak. Every time she heard his voice or remembered it left her dazed. But their relationship could have never bloomed in a romantic manner for he was three years older than her, a girl of seventeen. And he needed a woman, not a girl. It hurt, but it was the truth.
And a tear slid from her eye.
Because even though she denied it, she still loved him.
To a guest reviewer, the only reason it would hurt to say goodbye to someone is because you still harbor feelings for that person. So I wrote this for you as an explanation. ~rymilu