A/N: Hey guys. So..this is just a story I thought of after listening to a song called Terrified by Katharine McPhee, featuring none other than our very own ZACHARY LEVI. If you've never listened to the song, I urge you to listen to it. It's awesome.
This story is set a little after the finale. I promise ROMANCE and a HAPPY ENDING (:
The bolded words represent the song lyrics.
Any mistakes are mine.
I do not own Chuck.
Enjoy (:
TERRIFIED
'Chuck, please understand why I have to leave. I'm not the woman you fell in love with anymore. I'm sorry. I need some time to rediscover myself.'
It was true. She'd tried to leave. She'd tried to submerge herself back into the life of a spy, rejoining the CIA, jumping from mission to mission, assignment to assignment. But she couldn't. Something in her heart was tugging at her – something stopped her from straying too far. Perhaps it was because of the intersect lodged in her head, or something psychologically complicated, but she knew it had something to do with the man whom she constantly thought of on a daily basis. The man she could not forget no matter how much she tried. Chuck.
You by the light
Is the greatest find
In a world full of wrong
You're the thing that's right
Finally made it through
The lonely to the other side
'Sarah, I understand that you have to leave. But please remember that I'll always be there for you, someone you can call, whenever; someone you can trust, with whatever. And when you're lonely or sad, remember that there's someone out there that loves you very very much, and will love you forever and ever, regardless of anything. Be safe, Sarah. Be safe.'
Chuck left this message on Sarah's voicemail after Sarah told him she was going to leave. The message kept resonating in Sarah's mind. She could hear the quiver in his voice and the sadness it bore. And sure. Not being able to remember the past five years of her life was hard, but she could only imagine how hard it was on him, having something so important ripped from his life so suddenly.
Somedays, when she didn't have a mission, she would just lie in bed thinking about her life. How there is a void in her heart; and how it feels as if a piece of her was missing. How she'd apparently finally found happiness – and how it was taken away from her. Maybe it's fate. Maybe she's fated to be alone for the rest of her life. She didn't know.
On other days, she would sit in her car in front of his apartment or in the Buymore car park, waiting for him, watching him from afar. For she couldn't muster up the courage to talk to him face to face but she was mesmerized by him. The way he interacted with people, especially young kids – he was so kind to everyone, and so honest and humble.
One day, whilst rumaging through some stuff she had, she found a set of keys. At first, she couldn't think of where they could have come from or what they were for, but it soon hit her – they were the keys to his apartment. Technically, her apartment as well.
She vaguely remembered returning to the apartment right after Quinn had tricked her into doing so, but she never really had the chance to look around. So, out of curiosity and perhaps hoping she would find something that would help trigger her memory, she decided to pay the apartment a visit.
She went the next morning. Driving up to the courtyard, she saw Chuck's herder sitting on the sidewalk. And so she sat in her car, like she'd done so many times since the incident, waiting for him to leave. About 10 minutes after she'd arrived, Chuck came out of the courtyard and headed towards his car. She noticed that he looked extremely dischevelled today, his eyes drooping, his hair a mess. She watched as he got into the herder and drove away. She felt a pang of sadness in her heart, but she ignored it as she made her way to the apartment, using the set of keys she had to unlock the door.
She pushed the door open, stepped in and closed the door. She took a good look around the living and dining area of the apartment. It looked generally the same as before, but she wouldn't have known if anything had changed, since she hadn't paid much attention to any details the last time she was there.
Something caught her eye on the shelf next to the window. It was a picture of her and Chuck on their wedding day. We looked so happy. And next to that was a photo of them at a beach, probably taken on their honeymoon. She soon realized that the whole apartment was littered with photos of her and Chuck. This love was real.
She then proceeded to the master bedroom. She saw that the bed was made and the curtains were open. As she walked in, she accidently knocked a folder off the dresser, and pieces of paper went flying.
As she knelt down to collect the papers that she'd just accidently knoced over, she couldn't help but read what was on them. She realized they were Chuck's diary enteries. And they were all about her – or related to her.
Jan 28th
She left. I thought nothing could go wrong and that we were going to grow old together, but evidently not. Quinn had to just come along and ruin everything. I'm just here, hoping she'll come back some day...one day. But if she doesn't, I hope she'll have a good, happy, fulfilling life. I love you, Sarah.
Feb 14th
I love you Sarah. I miss you.
The apartment feels so empty without Sarah. Most of her stuff is still here. What's lacking is just her presence...
Feb 28th
I've failed...I vowed to prove my love to you every day, Sarah, but I've failed...I love you, Sarah.
March 16th
I just realized. It's my fault. I was the one that got captured. Sarah, you only did it to save me. You uploaded the intersect to save me. I'm sorry Sarah. Sorry for runing everything for you. I love you, Sarah.
April 20th
I feel like a piece of me is missing...
May 17th
Today is our one year anniversary. I had something awesome planned for her...but...I don't know now. I just...I just miss her a lot. I haven't seen her in 4 months. No matter where I look, I can't find her. It's as if she doesn't want to be found. But...I love you Sarah. Happy Anniversary, wherever you are.
She stood in the room facing the window, reading and re-reading the diary enteries. Her eyes pooled with tears, because she could see how selfless he was, always thinking about others as opposed to himself. She could also see how much pain and distress he was in.
Suddenly, she heard a muffled gasp coming from the door of the room. She swivelled around, and saw him standing in the doorway.
'Sarah?' He breathed.
'Chuck?'
You set it again, my heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark
And I'm in love and I'm terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only life.
When he said her name, she felt a spark ignite in her that set her heart into motion. Though she didn't have any memories to account for it, she realized that her feelings for him had never changed. It was love; so familiar, yet so foreign. She also realized that what they had was overwhelmingly speical, but at the same time, it made her overwhelmingly terrified. She was scared that she would mess it up for herself.
When he saw her, his heart skipped a beat. He'd attempted to go to work, but he found that he couldn't focus at all. His mind was thinking about a woman, the woman who was standing right before his eyes now. Sarah.
His heart ached when he saw her tear stricken face. She turned away as she tried to wipe the tears away with the sleave of her shirt, but failed. Slowly and hesitantly, he walked up to her, took her by her shoulders and turned her back to face him. When she didn't resist, he took the pad of his thumb and ran it over the tears on her face, wiping them away.
She put her arms around him, buried her head into his chest and began sobbing uncontrollably into his shirt. She didn't know what made her do so, but it felt like the right thing to do. He held her tightly in his arms as a tear ran down his cheek.
Sarah knew there was something she needed to fix. But whether she succeded or not, it didn't affect the decision she'd made for her future. Memories or not, she knew that Chuck was the guy - her home.
And this could be good
It's already better than that
And nothing's worse than knowing
You're holding back
I could be all that you needed
If you let me try...
'Sarah, please don't leave.'
'Chuck...there's something I have to fix. But I promise. Once it's over, I – I'll be back.'
'Can you at least stay for lunch?'
It was the best lunch they'd both had in 4 months. They ate in silence, cherishing each other's presence.
You set it again, my heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows
Burning in the dark
Sarah flew to DC to speak to Beckman. Beckman agreed to support her in the quest of the interesct glasses; after all, the CIA owed her after all she'd done for the country. It took a while, and it required Sarah going a couple of missions, but eventually, it was done. It was complete. It was time for Sarah to return home to Chuck. She brought the intersect glasses back with her.
For the first time and the last time
In my only
I only said it 'cause I mean it
Oh, I only mean 'cause it's true,
Oh, So don't you doubt what I've been dreaming,
'Cause it fills me up and holds me close
Whenever I'm without you
Two months went by without any news from Sarah. Chuck was worried. He'd begun working from home, waiting for her return. He rarely left the apartment; he couldn't even be bothered to change out of his pajamas. He wanted to be there when she came back. He thought of her everyday – how she was doing, when she would be back...
He knew that this was hard on her. Am I being too selfish, wanting her to stay with me when she barely even knows me? He sat at his desk, staring at a photo of him and Sarah on his desktop.
It was about 4:00 in the afternoon when he heard someone outside the door. Abandoning what he was doing, he immediately rushed to the door and flung it open. And there she was. She kept her promise. She was back, save a little beaten up, ragged and worn out. She had a few cuts on her arms and face and a mild sprained ankle.
He had to fight the urge to kiss her on the lips. As much as he wanted to, he knew that she wasn't ready.
He stepped aside to grant her access into the apartment. She slowly hobbled in. Seeing her hobble, he have her his hand and helped her over to the sofas. He pulled up a chair so he could face her.
As he sat down, he smiled. 'You're back.'
'I am.' Sarah said softly. She looked down at her hands in her lap as she fiddled with her fingers. She was never good at expressing her emotions. 'I – I just want you to know – that – that I missed you.'
He smiled even brighter as he put his hands over hers. It calmed her.
'And – ' She continued. ' – I – I know I don't really know you that well yet, but I feel something in my heart. There's something that draws me to you...and-and it feels good.' She looked up at his face. 'But I'm terrified, Chuck. I'm terrified that I'll do something wrong or that something will go wrong.' A tear rolled down her cheek. Her breath hitched, which stopped her from continuing further.
'It's okay Sarah. Trust me. I'll always have your back.' He picked up her hand and examined the cuts on her arm. As he ran his finger lightly over a cut on her arm, she flinched. 'Does it hurt?'
She nodded. 'Okay. Let's get you cleaned up and I'll make us both some dinner, alright?'
Chuck walked to the bathroom and returned with a first aid kit. He carefully cleaned out the cuts Sarah had on her arm and head, and wrapped her ankle. She marvelled at his gentleness - no one had ever been so gentle with her before. And his touch – it was so soothing.
After Chuck finished cleaning up her cuts and bruises, he set off to make dinner. Sarah sat on the sofa, having been told by Chuck to stay put. She sat in silence, contemplating how and when to break the news to Chuck. But soon, she could no longer think clearly because of the tiredness that clouded over her. She felt her eyelids drooping down involuntarily.
When Chuck finished preparing dinner, he walked over to the Sarah to tell her that everything was ready. But when he reached the couch, he found that Sarah had fallen asleep, using the armrest of the sofa as her pillow. Wanting her to be more comfortable, he decided to move her to a bed. He picked her up in his arms, he brought her into their room. He set her down on the bed, took off her shoes and covered her with a blanket. He planted a soft kiss on her forehead, then pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed. He found himself staring at her sleeping form, trying to contain the immense love he had for her. He wanted so badly to hold her close, hold her tight, and tell her that everything was going to be alright.
A few hours later, Chuck heard Sarah whimpering in her sleep. He knew she has having one of those nightmares.
'Sarah. Sarah.' He shook her awake. She looked around in bewilderment, trying to figure out where she was. He could see things registering in her head.
'Are you okay?'
She shook her head. 'No.'
'Do you want to talk about it?'
She shook her head again. 'No.'
'Okay. Well you must be thirsty. I'll go get you some water.'
Sarah could only stare at Chuck as he walked out of the room and to the kitchen. How did he know that she was thirsty?
When he returned with the water, Sarah was sitting up with her back against the backboard of the bed, and her knees curled up to her chin. She felt cold, despite the blanket that was wrapped around her.
Chuck handed Sarah the cup of water, and Sarah graciously took it and drank it all down in one go. When she finished, he took the cup from her and set it down on the dresser.
'Do you want to change into something more comfortable?'
He looked back and could see Sarah nodding. 'Yes.'
'Okay.' He opened the top drawer and pulled out a shirt and a pair of boy shorts. He also grabbed a new set of pajamas himself. He walked over to the bed and handed her the pajamas he'd picked out for her.
'You can change here. I'll just go change in the bathroom.'
This time he left the room, he closed the door. She let out a short sigh. She couldn't believe she'd found such an amazing man.
She quickly stripped off the clothes she was wearing and put on the shirt and shorts Chuck had given her. They were a lot more comfortable. She then returned to her position under the blanket again, and awaited his return
He was taking an awfully long time. Changing didn't take long, but he had to set up the guest room for himself. He figured Sarah would probably want a bed to herself, seeing as it is kind of awkward sleeping with someone that you don't know at all. The bedsheets were easy to find, but the pillows and blankets weren't so easy to find. Sarah would have known where they were.
Eventually, he gave up, and just decided to take a pillow and blanket from their room when he went to say goodnight to Sarah.
He walked up to the door, and knocked on it. 'May I come in?' He asked.
'Yes.'
He opened the door and walked in. He saw that Sarah was in the same position she was in when he left the room, but she'd changed into her pajamas. She smiled.
'Hey.'
'Hey. I'm just going to go grab a pillow and a blanket. I figured you'd want your own bed, so I've set up the guest room for myself.'
She watched as he made his way across the room to the closet and picked out a pillow and a blanket.
As he passed the bed the other way holding a pillow and a blanket in one arm, she reached out and grabbed his arm. He turned towards her, gave her a smile, and sat down on the edge of the bed, with the pillow and the blanket in tow.
He set the pillow and blanket on the chair beside the bed. 'You okay?'
'Chuck...' She hesitated, not knowing how to ask. 'Can you stay with me?' She looked up at him, then looked back down at the bed. 'I'm scared.' She whispered.
She let go of his arm as she scooted over on the bed. Chuck, instead of responding verbally, simply followed her lead, and laid down on the bed beside her, slipping himself under the covers. Sarah lay down as well, and Chuck reached out a hand to flip the lights off.
For a while, they lay in silence, both staring at the ceiling. Then, Sarah turned sideways to face Chuck. She watched him, his chest rising and falling to the rhythm of his breathing. Although she hadn't spent much time with Chuck at all since the incident, lying here, looking at the man she'd fallen in love with twice, it all felt so right.
And after a while he turned to face her, wanting to watch her sleep, only to find a pair of baby blue orbs staring at him. She gave him a soft smile. He inched closer as he reached his arm over her shoulder. 'May I?'
She nodded.
He gently pulled her close and closed the gap between them. She settled herself into the nook of his neck. She felt a sense of comfort and safety – something she hadn't felt in a long time. I guess this is what being in love feels like.
Just before she drifed off to sleep, she heard him whisper something. 'I love you Sarah.'
You set it again my heart's in motion,
Every word feels like a shooting star,
Watching the shadows
Burning in the dark
And I'm in love and I'm terrified
For the first time and the last time
In my only life.
Rays of sunshine crept in through the curtain-less window and fell on the couple's intertwined bodies. Throughout the night, they'd both shifted positions, so now Chuck was spooning Sarah, with Sarah holding onto Chuck's hand. It was just like Barstow.
Chuck woke up first. He lay quietly, cherishing this moment and not wanting to wake Sarah up. He could feel Sarah subconsciously playing with his fingers in her sleep.
He felt his stomach grumble – or more like roar, as it was probably loud enough to wake up everyone in the complex. Sarah definitely heard it, as he could feel her shifting as she began to stir. They both hadn't had dinner last night.
Sarah was awake, but she didn't want to open her eyes yet. She could feel Chuck's hand under hers. She toyed with his fingers. She loved how big, warm and comforting his hand was.
She finally opened her eyes when she felt Chuck shift behind her. She turned to face him, and found a pair of chocolate brown eyes staring at her, holding love, hope and trust.
'Morning Sarah.'
'Morning Chuck.'
Their faces were precariously close, so close they could feel each other's breath on their faces. But Sarah felt that she wasn't ready, so she moved away and placed her head on Chuck's chest. They basked in the warmth for a while, before Sarah began talking.
'Chuck?'
'Hmm?'
'I found a pair of intersect glasses.' She turned her head up to look at his face. His face lit up.
'Really?'
'And Beckman helped me upload an intersect removal programme onto it.'
She slid out of his arms and hobbled out to the living room to retrieve the glasses out of her bag. When she returned, she found Chuck sitting cross-legged on the bed. She sat down across from him. She could tell he was thinking about something.
'Is this why you had to leave?'
Sarah nodded.
'Are you saying that by removing the intersect, you will be able to remember everything? He continued.
'Well...yes. Supposedly.'
Chuck stared at the glasses in Sarah's hand for a while.
'But what if it doesn't work? What happens to us then?' He asked.
'Then...' Sarah paused for a while 'Then we work it out from there.' She finally said.
She prepared herself to put them on. 'Ready Chuck?'
'Ready if you are'
Sarah raised the glasses up to her face. Before she put them on, Chuck reached out and put his hand on her arm to delay her for a moment. 'Sarah, whatever happens, please remember that I love you.'
She smiled. He then let go and gave her permission to continue.
The glasses activated the moment Sarah put them on. There was a light whizzing sound, and Sarah sat still the entire time. The whole process took about 2 minutes.
It was a long and agonizing 2 minutes for Chuck. He stared at Sarah the whole time, hoping that it would work, and that he would get his wife back.
After what seemed like an eternity to Chuck, the whizzing sound finally began to die down. As it came to a stop, Chuck tensed.
He watched as Sarah reached up to her face and took the glasses off. He watched as she tried to make sense of everything.
She closed her eyes as she felt everything coming back to her. Those early days. Paris. The proposal. The wedding. The house. Everything.
And as she felt everything coming back to her, she watched as the shadows burned in the dark – all the bad things that had happened over the course of this past half a year. They all seemed insignificant now in comparison to all the joyous memories she could remember.
When she finally opened her eyes, she saw that Chuck was no longer sitting across from her on the bed, but rather standing up, pacing in front of the bed.
'Chuck.'
His head turned immediately. 'Sarah! Did it – did it..'
Chuck didn't get the chance to finish his sentence, because before he knew it, Sarah had stood up as well and locked her lips onto his. They engaged in a long, loving and passionate kiss, as if they hadn't seen each other in years. It was true, to an extent, for a couple of moments ago, it was still Chuck Bartowski and Sarah Walker, with an undefined relationship. But now, it was Chuck Bartowski and Sarah Bartowski, husband and wife
Sarah wrapped her arms around Chuck's neck, and Chuck wrapped his arms around her mid-section. As they broke for air, they rested their foreheads on each other.
Sarah could see the huge smile on Chuck's face.
'Yes Chuck, it worked.'
They engaged in another heated kiss, which resulted with them falling onto the bed. They lay facing each other, hands intertwined.
'Chuck, I was terrified...'
He looked at her with question in his eyes.
'I was terrified because I was head over heals in love with a guy I barely knew.' She paused. 'But I had no doubts about him. I knew that he would stick with me, through thick and thin, and care for me, no matter how I felt for him. I also knew that whatever the outcome of this would be, I would have stuck with him...because...he's the only guy I've ever fallen in love with...and not once...but twice.'
Chuck's heart melted at those words. He himself was lost for words. All he could do now was to show her how he felt. As he pulled her close whist making sure not to hurt any of her cuts or her sprained ankle, he prepared himself for a day of intense 'workouts' to make up for the lost time.
He was happy with where they were now. They both were. This whole ordeal – it'd been a test of faith and trust; and they'd both passed with flying colours. And now, if anything were to happen, they knew that they'd be okay. Because no matter what life hands them, they would forever be two people, two lovers, forever intertwined, with no beginning or end...
A/N: Please review to tell me whether you liked it or not (: Reviews are always encouraging...they help me improve and tell me whether or not I should keep writing.
Thanks,
theINTERSECT (: