I do not own any of the characters, lyrics or citations.
Fear:
Noun: An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
And the tears come streaming down your face,
When you lose something you can't replace.
When you love someone, but it goes to waste,
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones.
And I will try to fix you
"Cato, CATO!" I wake to the sound of his voice screeching in my head. Chocked I sit bold up and pant. I am covered in sweat. As I blink I see his suffering under my eyelids. Him twitching and turning in agony, his green eyes not glowing but drowning in tears. They glisten as the tears drops and lands in my hand. I have him, I caught him, he's in my arms but I can't save him. I cannot save him. My eyes hurt, from the sight, from the sun and from the crying of yesterday. But no more crying, I have to be strong, I have to win, I have to get them back for hurting him. They have to suffer as he suffered.
As I walk down to the lake I watch the world come alive around me, as I gently rub the last bit of his scream in my mind away. My hand brush the scar above my left eyebrow, the scar which never was intended for me but I gladly accepted for him… For him.
"Cato, I recon you look better with that scar. Now we kinda match" His dark hair forming a wave across his forehead only just covering up the scar from his past. The lightning shaped scar which was placed so cruelly by an infamous traitor of the century before."Hey, what's with the frown? Come on, the scar is not that bad." He smiles in a way that tells me he wants me to smile back, but I don't. I refuse. "Then just sit here and frown" he shakes his head as he rises from his chair, and crosses the grass walking straight to the Cornucopia. His lightweight jacket catches the sunlight and he reminds me of fire. Being on fire. The girl on fire.
The water on my hands and body is ice cold; the temperature will surely go up during the day. But I don't have time for bathing later, later I have to hunt. Not animals, humans. The birds flock around me, flying from tree to tree as I take of my clothes and place it carefully on a rock, I don't want the water to catch my clothes. To get it wet or worse take it in the current. The combination of the cold water and the burning sun sends shivers down my spine; it makes every little hair on my body rise. I try to shake of the memory of Harry dead in my arms by thinking of Glimmer. Glimmer. She did indeed sparkle, with the blonde hair, the big green eyes and the bleached white teeth. Did she know? Did she know about him and me? What had she heard in the middle of the night? She couldn't have known, or else she wouldn't have acted all love-struck towards both me and him. Or was that just a game, to get us to protect her?
"From District 1 Harry Potter with a score of… 9." My heart skips a beat as the picture of a dark haired boy with the number 9 next to it lands on the screen. His glasses shows in the head shot of him on screen. I wonder why they didn't do a photo with him without the glasses? Why would they want to cover up those brilliant green eyes? The eyes which could camouflage him in the meadows, the grass, maybe even the mossy rocks. The brilliant green, the emerald green, the Harry Potter green. I'm lost in thought even as Glimmer and Clove passes the screen, lost in his green eyes. Did he notice me in the training center? Did he see me watching? Did the boy who lived notice the boy who killed? Well I'm not the boy who killed yet, but soon I will be. And my target, the fire, the girl on fire. "My hair does not look very nice in this shot!" I blurt out "how will the sponsors like me if I don't look great here?" Then a huge 10 blinks on screen, and I turn from complaining to excitement. 'T E N, beat that girl on fire' I think as I pass a smile around between my mentors. The other tributes show up on screen and so far I, Clove and Thresh are the tributes with the highest scores. Then it's loverboy and his 8 and finally it's her. In a flash Katniss Everdeen is on screen, her brown hair in a braid as usual and that cold look on her face. I wonder how she can act this cool, she might even be cooler than me? And that's saying something. "and finally from district 12 Katniss Everdeen with a score of…" District 12 what it must be like being from a district where everything is less? They just seem to like that saying 'less is more', I laugh at my own joke so hard I nearly fall of the couch when "with a score of 11. N" happens. "What? Eleven? Her?" I throw the glass on the table at the wall. "If she wants fire, I WILL GIVE HER FIRE!"
I lie with my head above the water looking at the sky, the birds interrupting the perfect blue in a swaying diving way. I think of what it will be like when I go home. Will the parents be alright with me winning or will they be disgusted by the fact that their only son turned gay in the games? I try not to think too much about this, because what does it matter anyway, being gay, if I can't be it with the one I love? The bitter taste of tears reach my mouth as I burry my face in my hands, for the first time I show feelings in the arena. Well show feelings where they are visible. Yesterday I buried myself in the sleeping bag I took from Harry to tease him, but he never even saw that I took it, he was gone long before that.
The sun burns my skin in a way I've never experienced before, like a fire catching my skin and ripping it of in little bits and pieces. If I have to keep going today, I will need to find shelter just for an hour or so. I desperately need to get some proper sleep. I walk straight back to the Cornucopia not even turning my head the slightest as I hear her running behind me screaming
"Cato, hey Cato wait up". Clove is gaining speed and following in my trace. She's reached my side before I reach the Cornucopia. "Why won't you wait for me Cato? I called your name!" she tries to block my way by running in front of me with her back turned on the Cornucopia. "Cato, please?"
I stop "What do you want? Huh Clove? What is it that you want me to say or do?" I shield my face from the sun by blocking it with my hand. "What could I possibly say to you that would make anything better?"
She holds out her hand. There I see it, the crest. The Gryffindor crest. His crest. "He wanted me to give this to you if he was to die before you… He said you would understand, that you would need it"
The crest falls into my hand as she drops it there. It's so tiny, shimmering red and flashing that lion. Harry's lion. "I have to win, Clove. I have to win for him" I turn the crest slowly in my hand. The pin on the back pricks my finger. Ouch, a small drop of blood hits the ground. I turn the crest once more in my hand before I place it on the left side of my shirt. The red ink that spells Gryffindor shines neatly in the sun looks like fire. Is fire. "Gryffindor is for the people brave of heart, Cato. Remember that and be brave" Harry's voice whispers in my head.
"You could almost pass for a Hogwarts student now" Clove smiles at me. "Maybe a Slytherin though, Gryffindor isn't your style." She blinks, turns on heel and walks straight to the Cornucopia. Her short-ish brown hair falls lightly on her shoulders. Clove, the girl I always considered my little sister. Why would Harry give this to Clove? Clove, the girl with the knives. I stop for a while and look at the direction of the water, as the blue glistening water lessens my sight. I see him. It's like a boyish figure is walking towards me. He stops a few feet from me and smiles. The green eyes sparkle in the sun as he leans towards me and places a soft kiss on my lips. I try to swallow every inch of the kiss as the vision slowly fades away. As I open my eyes I find myself standing on the strip of grass alone. He's not here, he never was. "Just be brave"
I enter the Cornucopia where I find a mat and sleeping bag already rolled out. On top of it there has been placed an apple and few nuts. "Eat it and then go to sleep, you need it"
"But we don't have much left" I'm startled by Clove's suggestion.
"Just shut up and eat will you? Both of us need it, but by the looks of you – you need it the most!" Clove pushes me in the direction of the sleeping bag. When I've finished the little food we have left, she tugs me in. It's so cozy having her stroke my hair and tend to the scars on my back. As I dose off I feel her lips finding my forehead and I hear a soft "goodnight" as I drift off.
"Cato, Cato, CATO!" I feel Clove shaking me as I slowly open my eyes. "Cato, get up will you?" Clove smiles and pulls of my sleeping bag. It's only then I realize she has stripped me almost completely naked while I was asleep, only leaving my boxers on. "CLOVE, DID YOU HAVE TO TAKE MY CLOTHES OF?" I shout at her. She laughs and shakes her head "Relax silly, I only did because you were sweating so badly I thought you might catch a fever" You can't catch a fever by sweating I think as she throws my clothes at me. But then again I don't think Clove had ever had a fever, so how would she know how to catch one? I let her off the hook, after all she was only trying to be nice. Or well, trying to take care of me.
As I get up and walk out of the Cornucopia I feel the heat on my skin. As I predicted the temperature has gone up, gone a lot up. I shield my eyes from the sun as I look to the sky. BOOM. The canon went of. Another tribute is gone. Which one I wonder? It's only me, clove, girl on fire, loverly and thresh left. Then I hear the announcement. Two tributes can win if they are from the same district. I know what this means. My 'little sister' will be depending on me. I look over my shoulder and see her standing by the Cornucopia. She is ready to face this together. And I am glad. Just the thought of having to kill her tears me apart. I'M NOT a soft person, but killing Clove would be like killing family. Well, it would be like killing family if I knew what having a family would be like. Sure, I have a mother and a father, even a real sister and brother but imagine having a family who only focuses on one thing: the eternal glory you get after killing 23 children. I am mostly evil, but being put in these games made me realise a lot of things. At least someone showed me what real love is.
There he is. Beautiful. In a red vintage flannel shirt. If I didn't know better I would say he looked like an 80's musical. How could this person who had nothing smile so much? Everyone he had ever loved or knew was dead. The were killed in the war. The terrible war. But there he was, the biggest smiler of all the tributes combined. Well, it's not like it was that hard. Seeing as the field contained people like me, Clove, Glimmer and the fire girl. Everywhere he went; a smile on his face, every time he talked; a smile on his face. A smile all the time. And it shot me in the heart. "Hello, my name is Harry. You're Cato right?" His eyes smiled even more than his face, although it seamed impossible. "Yes. You are from district 1?" Without hesitation his smile turned into a smirk "Yes, I hear we would be good allies" Allies, he wants me for an ally. I shoot him a confused and shocked look and I know by his answer that it comes of as cold. I think of a plan or a way for him to understand that I didn't mean to come of as cold. But I can't say a word. I'm mesmerised by him. The uncontrollable black hair with parts sticking up everywhere and his bright green eyes. How could anyone with eyes like a Slytherin be so kind and brave? "Well, Cato if you change your mind" He smiles, turns around and starts walking of. I have to do something or I will lose the boy who lived forever. "Wait Harry" I shout desperately and so loudly that all the tributes hear my voice. I have never called out someones name before. I have never had the need for that. Everyone always came to me. Now the tables had turned, I needed to come to him. Clove sends me a concerned look and I just wave my head for her to stop looking. She does. The fire girl shoots me an unpleasant look, not that I want to but I shoot her one back. And suddenly I find myself in half a staring competition with a girl I seriously dislike. "What Cato?" Harry have been standing in front of me for quite a while, watching my competition with Katniss. I break it of. "Cato? Are you lost?!" I look up to see him still standing there. He is perfect I think to myself. How I would wish I could create a perfect world for him. Where he didn't have to lose everyone he knew. Where he didn't have to see the country he loved and fought for, be destroyed. "Earth to Cato!" I snap out of it. "Sorry, I just had to... I ... Well..." "Weeeeeell?" He looks curiously at me. "Well I changed my mind" I stutter. "You would make a perfect ally" It comes out of my mouth before I can catch it. Did I really just say that? Mentally I'm flipping out, but in real life I am suddenly calm and collected. I need the boy who lived. "Well..." He leans in on me. So close that I can almost taste his breath. I close my eyes as he whispers in my ear "I will look forward to being your ally" He pulls away from me slowly so I can see his bright iris. He blinks at me, gently brushing my hand and walks away. I stand there totally in ave. I am in love with the green eyed boy and I cannot do anything to change it.