Ch 1- The Proposal

"Hello Jude." Timothy smiled, knocking on her office door as he opened it.

"Oh!" Jude cried, looking up at Timothy. "I'm sorry Monsignor I wasn't expecting ya far…" Jude quickly tried to gather some of the many papers piled on her desk. She'd thought Timothy was coming later in the day and had yet to tidy the office.

"It's alright." He said, closing the office door behind him. "I came for, well what's quite an informal reason."

"Oh?"

"Yes well." He began as he sat down.

Timothy took a deep breath rubbing his palms against his pant's legs, noting they were sweaty. It wasn't often he was nervous like this. He paused for a moment, thinking about how he would explain his very far-fetched request. It was a life-changing thing and Timothy was afraid she'd think he was insane or worse, despicable.

"Jude you are my rare bird, you know of my private hopes and dreams…"

"Rome." She smiled warmly of the dream they shared together.

"Yes. Rome…I trust you Jude, you know that…you are a wonderful, and honest friend and my…my partner."

Jude smiled, blushing a moment when he said she was his partner. Her smile wasn't lost on him, in fact he found it soothing and it gave him the confidence to continue on with both his explanation and his request.

"Jude, I've come here to let you know I." He bit his lip. "Well Jude I'm considering taking my life in a different direction."

"Oh?" She was surprised.

Jude could feel her heart sinking, thinking that he was going to cut her out of his life after all she'd given to him. In many ways, he was her life. She swallowed the lump in her throat as he continued talking.

"You see Jude. I'm a man with two home countries. And do you know what?" She shook her head. "There will never be a Pope from either of them…not in our lifetimes… I love the church but…I feel a calling to go and live a different life now, I-I have for a while."

"W-what?" Jude was overwhelmed, understanding what he was saying finally. "Are ya leavin' the church?"

"Yes." He shook his head. "I-I am."

"What about being a Cardinal isn't…"

He sighed. "I know in my heart of hearts that I would love being a Cardinal."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Jude, there's…there's another side of life I-I'm feeling drawn to. I can't…I can't get it out of my mind and I think its where I'm supposed to be."

"Oh?" She said very little, wanting him to explain himself.

"You see. I'd like to be a family man… Jude."

"Oh…"

Now Jude felt sick. He was the only man she'd ever been able to love and nurture and now here he was, wanting to go away, to leave her in pursuit of the one thing she couldn't give him…the one thing she thought he didn't want. Jude could feel her very soul begin to ache.

"But the thing is I've wasted so much time…and I can't waste anymore not if I want to make this happen…not that my service to God has been a waste. But I've been praying about this new path for a while and I feel it's the right time for me to go."

"Why would you want this?" She asked, almost pleading with him to explain.

"I came to this country for a handful of reasons Jude: the war, the church, the land its self. It's beautiful land. I want to go out and live on the land God made, to enjoy nature, to grow things, and breathe fresh air…"

"Timothy, are ya havin' some kind of midlife…"

"And I want deeply, to share all of that with a woman."

"Oh." She'd kind of gathered that but was very surprised to hear him say it. "Do ya, do ya have a special woman i-in mind Timothy?" She was beyond crushed.

Here she'd loved him and had given him her life and he wanted to leave the church with a woman: he wanted to replace her. Feelings of doubt and pain began to flood Jude's mind and she almost started to cry. Had he been having an affair with someone else all this time she'd been catering to him and worse falling in love with him? Jude sighed realizing that everything in life was truly too good to be true and always would be.

"Well yes." He admitted. Jude's breath caught in her throat and she felt like she couldn't breathe after a moment.

"See Jude I've bought some land, up in Vermont. It's beautiful up there this time of year and I'm going to be leaving first thing Monday morning. There's just one thing."

"I guess is this good-bye Timothy." She said, tearing up. "Will ya visit?"

"Jude." He began, reaching across the table and grabbing her chin, raising her eyes to meet his gaze. She wanted to pull away but did not. "Jude I've waited and wondered about this a long time…and I don't want to have to waste more time looking for a mate. I'd like for you come with me to Vermont and be my wife."

"W-what?" She asked, tears rolling down her cheeks now.

"I know it must sound so strange to you…the man who wanted more than anything to become Pope… but you see Jude. You make me dinner, and you care for me…and those things they fill me with such joy, and love…and lust."

Jude looked up at him again when he said lust. "Timothy are ya sure that…"

"You're my rare bird and my best friend. You try to hide it, but I know you love me, and don't want me to walk out that door with out you, that's right, isn't it?"

She nodded, admitting her feelings with one swift, simple motion and he continued.

"You see, I started planning this with you in mind. I realized there's no one I could do this with but my rare bird…I love her and if I left her behind I'd regret it for the rest of my life."

"Timothy a-are ya…"

"I'm asking you to leave the church and become my wife. It's a big thing…you don't have to answer right away Jude."

She was overwhelmed and didn't know what to say.

"Timothy…do ya want children?" She considered quickly. She was shocked by the suddenness of all this and suspicious as well. There was so much to say, but she felt she must discuss this with him first.

"Yes I do!" He smiled and her heart sunk. "Think about it, we would have lovely children, you and I." She hung her head low, continuing to sob. "Jude I have to admit that I…I've been thinking about it."

"Then ya should find someone else, Timothy."

"Oh…would you not want…"

He was surprised. He'd always thought she'd be wonderful with children and when he started wanting some of his own, he'd been unable to imagine any Mother for them but her. It was part of what had brought him to this decision in the first place. He found that he was wholly captivated by the idea of having a son with her eyes or a daughter with her smile. And after a while of thinking about them…and thinking about her in a litany of other ways he didn't want to consider while he was standing helpless before her, begging her to want him…well it just didn't seem right to be a priest anymore.

"I want children more than anything in the world, and I would love to have them with you. But I can't have any Timothy…I'm sterile."

She put her head down, never expecting that after all these years and her time as a nun, she would get a painful marriage proposal like this that hinged on her being able to bare a child. She still wanted desperately to have children and had never been able to break herself of her desire for them. Jude sighed as she started to sob.

"Oh…" He paused, devastated by this news. "Oh my Jude it's alright. In that case, we will just be a very lovely couple." He smiled. He didn't really know how he felt about going childless but he knew having Jude met the world to him. "And perhaps someday a child will come into our life in a different way."

"Ya-ya'd still want me?" She asked, surprised. He smiled and came around to the side of her desk.

"Yes." He laughed, getting down on one knee. She gasped and covered her mouth with her hand still unable to believe this was happening.

"Timothy we…we're not havin' an affair, we haven't dated….we never even kissed and yar asking me ta give everything up and marry you!"

"You are ideal for me Jude. What you don't know is that I think about you day and night." She was perplexed to hear him say this. "You love me and I love you….we've just been hiding it, even from each other for the longest time."

Jude nodded again, in acknowledgment. His words summarized the way she felt for him, and she could barely believe he might feel similarly.

"So if you'll do me the honor. Come away with me for the rest of our days, be my wife and be happy with me. It's a big decision, I know. It's going to uproot my whole life and yours should you come but…I know it'll be a happy life and there's no one else I'd rather share it with."

"Oh yes Timothy." She said, wiping her tears. "Yes, yes I'll marry you."

Jude was about to ask if he was sure once again; after all, they'd never even kissed. Instead, Timothy leaned down over her before she could speak pressing his lips to hers, his tongue urging her to open her mouth. She gasped as they kissed, wrapping her arms around his neck and very suddenly her mind dismissed all her qualms and questions about his very sudden proposal and she just melted into his mouth.

Timothy was being very sincere about his feelings for Jude, his wish to live in the country and his desire to become a Father. What Jude didn't realize was that her husband to be had some very concerning ulterior motives.