Hello Everyone. It is I, Galaxyishigh. I just wanted to say that this little piece of writing is something I've spent a good two months working on, more so than any of my other fics have taken to write. It's based on a few of my own experiences, thoughts, and feelings. Reminder that if you are having suicidal thoughts to contact the national suicidal prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255.
Starflight stared at a cave wall, looking into the darkness that surrounded him. His talons were resting on the table underneath it. The Nightwing had been staring for about, maybe four hours now? That's what it felt like to him. Still, he kept staring, unmoving, before giving a huff and taking off his bandages. He ran a talon down his scarred face, getting a good mental picture at the damage. Rough, course flesh transitioning into hard smooth scales. Starflight sighed, and left the bandages on the floor. He turned, letting his scars feel the warm air of the small shack he often came to clear his thoughts. He could feel the heat of the single torch hanging from a rope, barely illuminating the room and giving a soft orange glow in the black. He grabbed it and pushed it, letting it swing as he imagined the dark and dusty room. Remaining still for a few seconds, he felt it hit him in the face, and cringed in pain.
"Shit!" He muttered, grasping at his face and collapsing on the Nightwing pushed himself back to standing position despite the pain, and once again felt the torch hit his face. He hissed in response, grabbing it and keeping his talons on it until it remained still once more, swaying only held his face again, panting. He gave a small whimper, thinking about how Fatespeaker was going to scold him for this. Either that or she'll go into an overprotective state, the Nightwing reasoned. He scolded himself.
"Just go find some bandages and hide the new wound. She won't notice, she won't be bothered, I won't be bothered. End of incident." Starflight thought. The Nightwing had decided the minute he came up with the plan to follow through with it, thinking it the best course of action. Starflight poked and prodded his way to the door and out into the wilderness, hiking his way back to Jade Mountain he finally arrived, he adjusted his posture, trying to appear less slouched over and depressed and more confident, carefree and at least generally happy that he's not dead. The Nightwing felt blood drip down his skull and cursed internally.
Ignoring it for now, Starflight made his way to the medical bay area of Jade Mountain Academy making sure not to run into anyone on the way, Though, now that he thought about it they were probably avoiding him because of the scars. Finally arriving in the small room, he found a few bandages and begun wrapping them around his head, sitting down for better balance. Around and around, he wrapped the bandages lopsided, barely holding on. He grabbed around the back of his neck, trying to find the end of the bandages to tie them. The bandages began loosening more even though he pulled harder. The harder the Nightwing pulled, the looser they seemed. Starflight growled and ripped the bandages away, making an audible rip noise. Starflight growled before transition into a heavy sigh. The dragon gave it one last try and managed to tie the ends, keeping the bandages on, however loose they still were.
Starflight stood up and walked back to the library, breathing in the dense air of the hallways. A talon raked one of the walls as the Nightwing continued on, probably leaving an indent. He had memorized the hallways at this point, using his talon as just a marker. He imagined the hallways as he walked. Dark brown walls lit by torches clouded his imagination, constricting tighter and twisting, making Starflight feel dizzy. Still, he continued slowly walking to the library. The dragon felt the wall give way to an open space and he walked into the door. Fatespeaker looked up from a scroll and stared at him.
"Hey Starflight." Fatespeaker said happily when he entered. Starflight heard the words of his wife and faked a smile.
"Hey honey. I'm back from taking my nap." He chuckled and walked over to her. The Nightwing felt her talon touch his cheek, and he leaned in to kiss her.
Kiss they did. Starflight felt her lips touch his and for a moment he felt relieved. Fatespeaker pulled back for a minute and asked the blind dragon in front of her a question he hoped she wouldn't.
"How was your day?" She asked innocently. Starflight grimaced internally, but didn't let it show.
"Good." The Nightwing replied to her simply. Fatespeaker raised an eyebrow playfully.
"Just, good?" Starflight let out a small sigh.
"Yeah. Just good honey." He fake smiled again and turned around to face her.
"Starflight, why are you're bandages so lopsided?" She questioned him. When Starflight remained silent, Fatespeaker sighed. "Did you try to do it yourself? Let me fix it." The female Nightwing walked up to her mate and began trying to fix it. Starflight passively brushed her talon away with an:
"It's fine, stop worrying about it." She moved her talon to fix it again and starflight brushed it away repeatedly in response. "I said it's fine, Fate, stop worrying." Fatespeaker looked up at him.
"But it's lops-" The blind Nightwing cut her off, biting down his annoyance with a sigh.
"Fate, it's fine if it's lopsided."
"But it looks ugly." Starflight stayed silent for a moment before exhaling.
"Fine. fine, just, get it done quickly please. I'm tired." Fatespeaker walked up and undid the bindings and stared at a splotch of blood.
"Starflight, where did this blood come from?" Starflight kept his head low and murmured:
"It's nothing." Fatespeaker took her talons and turned his head towards her.
"Starflight, what happened. Did you fall?" The Nightwing shook his head.
"I bumped into something is all. Nothing to worry about." Starflight waved a talon in dismissal, turning his head once more. Fatespeaker let out a light sigh and grabbed some water to clean the wound fully. She wet an empty scroll and crumpled it up, before wiping in and around the flesh. Starfligh squirmed every so often as she cleaned, finding the whole experience a bit uncomfortable. Afterwards, Fatespeaker wrapped the bandages around him neatly and tied of the end.
"There! All done!" She said, getting up. Starflight let out a quiet sigh, before getting up as well.
"I think I'm going to go get something to eat." Fatespeaker turned to him, smiling.
"That sounds nice, want me to join? I'm quite hungry myself." Starflight, despite wanting to be alone currently, bit back a frown and fake smiled towards her.
"Sure. Let's go then." He sharply turned on his heels and walked to the prey center. Fatespeaker followed behind him, but Starflight made sure there was some sense of distance. The male Nightwing walked into the doorframe of the prey center, not aware of a few of the stares directed towards his presence. Fatespeaker walked in slightly after and glared at the kids staring, before helping Starflight make his way to the sheep. Carrying one back and sitting down to eat it, Starflight was greeted by Clay.
"Oh, hey Starflight." Clay said, his speech was muffled by the sheep leg in his mouth. Fatespeaker sat down next to starflight and cracked the sheep's neck for him. Starflight thanked her half heartedly and began digging in to the bland, slight iron tasting meat, spitting out fur that clung to it like a parasite. A few minutes later, Starflight felt his appetite disappear, as well as his energy. He set the sheep down.
"Done already?" Clay asked. Starflight pushed the sheep over to him.
"Yeah, I ate a big breakfast, not really all that hungry." Starflight explained to the Mudwing. Fatespeaker looked at the Nightwing.
"That's not true, you barely ate this morning too." Starflight dropped his head ever so slightly.
"I'm just not hungry." The Nightwing re-explained. Clay didn't question all that further and took the mangled sheep on the table, digging in. Fatespeaker handed Starflight another sheep anyway.
"You need to eat, Starflight." Starflight made no motion of his eyebrows or mouth to retort. After a few minutes of contemplation, the Nightwing took the sheep and ate tiny, barely noticeable bites. He swallowed the shreds and spent the next thirty minutes eating that one sheep. He threw away the fur and bones and got up to walk away.
"Where are you going, Starflight?" Fatespeaker asked. Starflight stopped.
"I just want to read." He then continued onwards. The Nightwing sharply turned into the library, feeling around to make sure he didn't trip or run into something or someone. The dragon sat down in a corner and just stared, looking off into the distance. What was he looking for? Something to do? He didn't feel like reading, he just wanted to get away from the dragons that were making him feel uncomfortable, asking the questions he didn't want to answer. Starflight sighed.
He felt like shit. A lump in his throat making it hard to swallow his own spit. The constant distant glare his eye muscles were keeping him in. The silent twitching of the corners of his mouth that lead into an almost frown, but Starflight managed to keep himself in a neutral, bored expression. Why was everyone ignoring him? It's been days and no one had talked to him besides Fatespeaker, Clay today, and a few students who needed to check out a scroll. He felt so alone. Starflight felt so alone but he didn't want to say anything and worry the only dragon that seemed to care about him. So he kept his mouth shut. For her. He kept his mouth shut, for her. Starflight didn't have the energy to sigh anymore so he just let out an inhale and exhale.
He couldn't keep doing this. It was too much. Why was he such scorn on everyone's existence? Was it how he talked? He just kept wondering in his head why he was so alone. So lonely. He leaned into the thought of what he could do again. He could make everyone happy. Fatespeaker wouldn't have to put up with the needless interests in scrolls he had. Even he stopped reading them. He found no joy in it anymore. He didn't find joy in much of anything anymore, Starflight thought. Except Fatespeaker. Which is why he was contemplating it. She would be happier, he thought. She would be happier.
The Nightwing had decided. Starflight got up, took one last longing look into the nothingness of his vision, and walked to his thinking shack. Starflight walked.
Starflight pushed open the door, making sure the torch was put out. The Nightwing closed the door behind him and locked it. Starflight breathed deeply, before walking in front of the wall again, feeling the table in front of himself. Starflight grabbed the object he had made a few days ago. A few days go. Funny, it had been years in the making but only just now did The Nightwing have the guts to do it.
Starflight moved a wooden platform in the center of the room and tied the noose on a hook at the top. The Nightwing moved his head inside. This was it. No more bothering. Dragons would be happy. They would feel free-er. And so would Starflight. The emptiness he felt. Gone. The loneliness. prepared to move the form out of the way when a knock interrupted his thoughts
"Starflight, you in there?" Fatespeakers voice came from behind the door. Of course. Starflight mentally sighed. Another knock. And another.
"Starflight, please say something." Starflgiht said nothing. "Starflight I'm...I'm worried. Are you feeling okay?" Nothing. Starflight stayed deeply in thought. Tempted to just leave her in the dark and push the platform.
And exasperated "Yes?" quickly ended that thought. Fatespeaker made a barely audible "Oh thank the moons." Starflight made no discernable noise.
"Starflight, can I come in?" Starflight almost immediately said no. She shouldn't be here in the first place, was she following him?
"...Give me...one, second." He said and pushed the platform some more. He was almost there.
"Starflight, is something wrong? You've been so distant lately, and you haven't been eating, and-" Starflight felt himself growing annoyed. Couldn't she see that he was trying to make her life better?
"Starflight, I love you… Please, open the door." She pleaded.
"...I love you too." Starflight carefully took off the noose and hid it, he took the platform off to the side and turned it over. Lastly, he grabbed the door handle and stopped for a moment. It'd just have to wait. He pushed open the door and faced Fatespeaker with a fake smile.
"Hey honey. I was just taking a nap."
Thank you for reading.