This is a song fic. The song is Stupid by Sarah McLachlan. I do not own the song or the t.v show. Enjoy. Thanks to my beta the grammar has been checked. The parts with stars * by them are Andy's thoughts during the song
Stupid.
That is how definitely how I feel right now. I should have never let myself lose control like that. I should have never left my house. So now here I am, walking home, alone. Thinking to myself how big of a mistake I just made. Sam is really going to hate me now. How could he not? I walked out on him.
I am so stupid. I should have just stayed home tonight. Should have just cried until exhaustion pulled my body into sleep. Work is going to be horrible; everything is going to be tense between Sam and me. His friendship is something I cannot lose, though.
When I arrive home, I walk straight to my bedroom and fall into bed. Tormented by the silence, I turn the radio on, hoping the music can keep my mind off of Sam. The look of pain and loss on his face haunts me every time I close my eyes. I know that sleep is not going to come easily to me tonight. A song that I haven't heard before comes on the radio, and it snaps my mind straight to the one and only, Sam Swarek.
Night lift up the shades
Let in the brilliant light of morning
But steady there now
For I am weak and starving for mercy
Sleep has left me alone
To carry the weight of unraveling where we went wrong
It's all I can do to hang on
To keep me from falling
Into old familiar shoes
How stupid could I be?
A simpleton could see
That you're no good for me
But you're the only one I see
*I know that you are good for me, but for some reason my mind has told me you are not. Yes, Sam Swarek is the only one I see. I thought Luke and I had something, but after what just happened at Sam's, I have come to realize that I can't continue on with Luke.
Love has made me a fool
It set me on fire and watched as I floundered
Unable to speak
Except to cry out and wait for your answer
But you come around in your time
Speaking of fabulous places
Create an oasis
Dries up as soon as you're gone
You leave me here burning
In this desert without you
*I see myself turning to you for all my needs. I call out to you silently, and you seem to answer me. You seem to know exactly when I need you the most. Even when I say I am fine, you can tell that I am not.
How stupid could I be?
A simpleton could see
That you're no good for me
But you're the only one I see
Everything changes
Everything falls apart
Can't stop to feel myself losing control
But deep in my senses I know
How stupid could I be?
A simpleton could see
That you're no good for me
But you're the only one I see
My mind is racing now; I see that you are the one I want. I hope that I can fix what I broke tonight. With my heart hammering in my chest and my hands shaking, I pick up the phone and dial your familiar number. Three rings, and your voice floats through the line to me.
"What the hell do you want McNally?" you ask harshly.
I guess I should have seen that coming, but still it hurts me to hear the anger in your voice.
"Well, umm, I was wondering if we could talk." I ask you.
"So, now you want to talk, McNally?" I hear coming from the other end.
"Please Sam, I am sorry. I really want to take back all that happened. Not because I regret it, but because I want the ending to be different next time. That is if you will ever consider a next time. I know you probably hate me now, and that's okay if you do." I tell him this in a rushed voice.
"Fine McNally, I am going to come over and we are going to talk about this. We will see where it goes from there," he says, hanging up before I can respond.
I am so stupid, so stupid for walking out on him. So stupid for not seeing how much he means to me.
The End