This is probably a one shot unless I receive inspiration lol. This is kind of my beginning. I have been writing for a while but have not published anything on this site before. Please be kind and honest in reviews. Thank you.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that has to do with The O.C. In fact, I don't own much of anything. Other than this storyline. And this laptop…

DEAR YOU, LOVE ME CHAPTER 1

There was a constant pull coming from her subconscious as she sat there wondering what to do. How could she choose between two such extremes? Of course, the worst of the two being more of an addiction than anything.

"This is not who I was meant to be." She whispered softly as she shuffled the rocks beneath her feet.

She grew up knowing the importance of being in a healthy relationship; or at least being happy without one. Her mother taught her how to be a real woman, and she admired her own ability to "be a man." Yet, for some reason she could not let this go. For some reason the abuse was okay. She wondered if her mother would understand that if she did not go back she would only be searching for a bigger thrill. She would be searching for a harder slap, a heavier punch, a more intense heartbreak. Someone more broken to fix.

She could not figure out the answer to the problem life had given her. She was beginning to see things in a new light as she whispered again.

"If you cannot find the answer to the problem, why not throw away the entire thing?"

She felt as if she was staring God in the face as the train raced towards her. She stood straddling one of the two pieces of metal that would guide "God" straight into her. Feeling oddly grounded in her decision, she suddenly wondered who she really loved more. The girl she had unmatched chemistry with who beat her and was extremely emotionally abusive, or the girl who was constantly saving her from the other girl and herself? Alex decided she loved Marissa and Summer equally. It was easier than deciding.

She looked up at the moon and began to wonder what Summer was up to. Suddenly her phone rang and she stepped off the tracks just as the train was about to take her. It was a text.

Where the hell r u? I know ur not home. I dnt know why I put up with u.

"I stepped off the tracks for that. Fucking seriously?" She slammed her phone shut and threw it against the moving train. She breathed heavily and fell to her knees. She began to cry harder than she ever even thought was possible.

She had always known who she really loved and it sickened her. There was no way she could ever be who she wanted to be, and there was no chance of being with who she loved. They were both too far gone in completely different ways.

There was no hope left to hold onto, and she wished she hadn't moved.