A/N-Me and my friend, Cassandra Kellar or Selenemoon117 were talking anime and my yaoi obsession. Somehow we got on dream topics and so this fanfiction is both the work of her and me. She came up with most of the ideas, and I fill up the chapters….mostly because she can't do lemons. Also this is just a bunch of one-shots. They shall have NO sequels. I'll just do different one-shot yaoi pairings in this, and both Cassandra and I will make most of them.

Ed on Crack- has anyone wondered how people act when Ed's on crack?

Ed had no idea why he took it, that damned drug. Maybe it was the pressure…the guilt…maybe even the loneliness. He just couldn't deal with it anymore.

Even though Al already had his body back, and General Bastard had convinced him to stay when Ed had tried to destroy Germany's gate, Ed still felt the cold empty hole that was his soul.

So when a stranger sold the damn crack in the alley, Ed had bought a dose. He never did drugs or even smoked. Like mentioned before, Ed couldn't deal with the pressure anymore.

Ed had taken the crack, and made his way to his office. He had been promoted to General, and Roy was now the new Fuhrer.

As Ed just about reached his office, he started to feel the dizziness affects of the drug…'How could I be stupid enough to take that stupid Crack?' Ed thought to himself.

Shaking his head, he made his way to his desk and flopped down, eyeing the paperwork. He sighed, brought out a pen, but just as he started to write the E in Elric, Hawkeye showed up.

"Morning Ed…are you okay? You seem like you don't feel that well."

Ed smiled softly at her and nodded. "Yeah, just a little dizzy. I didn't really get that much sleep last night. So…is there a particular reason for coming here other than to see my sexy body?" Ed joked.

Riza smiled fondly at the teen she considered her little brother.

"Why else would I come here Edo-kun?" She smirked. "Mustang wants to see you. Something about subordinates being placed in your care."

Ed groaned and stood up a little shakily.

"Ed, are you sure you're alright?" Riza asked concerned. "If you want, I'm sure Roy would let you go home and rest."

Ed shook his head and started off towards Roy's office.

"Naw. Like I said, I'm just a little tired. Seya sexy!"

As Ed's blonde hair disappeared in the crowd of officers, Riza shook her head in wonder. Something was off with the General today…something bad was going on. Maybe Roy would find out what was wrong.

Ed slowly entered Fuhrer Mustang's office, wondering what the bastard wanted.

"Welcome Edward." Came a weird familiar voice. "I've been waiting for you." A click was heard behind Ed as the door locked itself.

'Huh?' Ed thought. He then looked around the room to find…

'OH MY FUCKING GOD! ROY'S ASS HAS A FACE!'

Roy stood with his back facing Ed, his pants and boxers nonexistent. On Roy's butt was what looked like a mouth.

"Edward…you look sexy in a miniskirt." It said, looking Ed up and down.

'WTF?' Ed looked down, only to find that he was wearing nothing but a skintight navy blue miniskirt. 'OMFG! WHY THE HELL AM I WEARING THIS?!'

"Come on Ed." Roy's ass continued. "You know you want to."

Ed arched an eyebrow, cautiously sitting down on the couch, his guard solid as steel.

"Want to what?" Ed asked. His voice cracked a little with fear. He didn't like that Roy's ass was speaking to him.

"Let me blow you."

Ed stood with his eyes as big as saucers in shock as the butt moved towards him, the mouth opening showing teeth and a tongue.

Ed then looked down only to find that his miniskirt was missing. Oh how he missed the hated skirt.

"What. The. Hell. Are. You. Doing. MUSTANG?" Ed screamed. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO YOUR ASS?!"

The butt then chuckled before stopping a few inches away from Ed's body.

"They call me The Terminator." It said in a goofy/serious military monotone as it licked Ed cheek with its tongue.

"Muahahaha! I shall obtain WORLD DOMINATION by getting you to give me an ORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

It bit Ed's penis as Ed screamed, shooting up from the couch he was lying on. Ed wildly looked around the room, only finding Roy's face staring down at him like Ed was crazy.

"Ed…you okay? Riza told me you haven't got any sleep…here, let me get you some pills…" Roy then turned to get the pills, when they all spilled on the floor.

Roy cursed and bended over to pick them up…his ass ending up in Ed's face.

Ed stared at Roy's butt in fear, the dream he had still fresh in his mind. He quickly claps his hands and slammed them against Roy's butt.

"What the HELL FullMetal?!" Roy shouted as his pants transformed into a paper weight.

Ed stared wildly at Roy's faceless butt and shuffed the huge paperweight up Roy's ass.

"UUAHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Ed screamed, flinging up his hands and running from the office, down the halls, and out of Central Headquarters.

Roy stared blankly at the spot where Ed had been a second earlier as Riza walked in.

"Here." She said, a hand covering her eyes as she handed him a pair of pants. "Maybe you should work on how you wake up teenagers, Sir." She said, giving him advice. "They have very weird dreams these days."

A/N- So, how'd you like it? As I said, this is a one-shot, and the next story have a different plot, and perhaps a different pairing…yaoi of course. Remember to give Cassandra credit as well. She gave me the idea and I made it to a story. She'll be helping me in the future as well.

Ja ne!