A Tale of two Crazies

By Souldragon12

Guy: HEY!

Me:...with some help form Guy Silverberg.

Guy: Much better.

Me: Now Zelly gets to do the disclaimer!

Zelly: Fine then...They don't own anything that has to do with Zelda, or anything else in the story. Now I have to go fight Okotto and save Jory's ass.

"Mwahahaha! I did it I won!" Zant bragged, prancing around his new castle like a little prick. "I defeated you all without Ganon's help, and it's all thanks to Masky!"

"Shut up you ADHD freak!" Midna told him. She was locked in a cell and had been stripped of all her powers, otherwise Zant's masked ass would've been finished." Once we get outta here, your going

to wish you stayed dead!"

"I second that." Link said. He was trapped in wolf form, only he was a wolf cub now. He had a leash and a collar and was chained to a doghouse with the word 'Fido' written on it.

"You shaddap you sore loser! Your just mad because I found my new cool friend in Deadland, and we returned with magic awesomeness! NOW I'M KING OF THE WORLD! WOOHOOOO!" Zant said pointing at Midna and cheering "And you be quiet Fido, or else you don't get any treats!"

Suddenly everyone's favorite nutjob got hungry. "Hmm, time for the king to start snacking. Servant girl!" he yelled, ringing a bell erratically. "And I am not a nutjob, you damn fanfic writers, right Masky?"

"Yes. You are a suitable host, with much power!" Majora's Mask, which Zant was wearing, instead of his usual ugly-as-hell helmet, responded. "Which is why I haven't dumped you like I did Skull kid."

"I didn't know you two swung that way." Midna commented.

"This coming from a hobknocker who does nothing but ride Fido all day." The mask insulted. "My host is more awesome than you!"

(A/N:*Cough*cough*lyingjackass*cough*)

"Thanks Masky. NOW GET IN HERE ZELDA! I'M HUUUNGGGRYYYY!"

After Zant yelled, the ex-Princess of Hyrule came in, she was changed into an imp form like Midna , and she was wearing a pink maid's outfit.

Needless to say she was embarrassed and angry...Mostly angry

"Someone please kill me...Or the authors...Or Zant." Zelda muttered.

"Quit your griping and get me some butterscotch Octorok, some chu jelly, and fried Redead!"

"Yes Zant..." Zelda muttered.

"Excuuuuuuse me and Masky ex-princess, but I told you to refer to us by our royal titlez."

"And that's titlez With a Z?" Zelda asked.

"Yes. Now do it!" Majora's Mask commanded. "And give Fido some Dog food too!"

"Fine...Yes Totally-Super-Cool-Usurper-King and Grand-Masky-of-Moon-Dropping-Greatness." The Impess of Hyrule said, going away to get the nasty food.

Link barked in disgust. "I swear, once I get back to normal you two are dying again."

"Not with us keeping the Master Sword as our personal emo-cutting knife." Zant said, pulling the blade out and pricking his finger gently. "It cuts sooo good!"

Zelda eventually returned with the platter of icky things and a bowl of doggie kibble.

"Sorry Link." Zelda muttered as she set the bowl by the puppified hero.

"It's fine...But even Lisat didn't get treated this badly." Link said, referencing everyone's favorite Shiekah OC made by SD12.

"Quit whining you! That's my job." Zant said, just barely raising Majora's Mask enough to eat.

About then, a portly, green skinned, red headed, boar faced jester came in, with bad news and even worse breath.

(A/N: It should be painfully obvious which Gerudo I'm embarrassing)

"...Totally-Super-Cool-Usurper-King, you have a guest..." The Gerudo spat, choking on his words.

"Well answer it Ganondorf!"Zant said, cutting himself with the Master Sword like a moron.

"Why not make Zelda do it?" Ganondorf asked.

"Because I hate you more! You lying jerko!" Zant said calmly...For an already psychotic dude wearing Majora's mask. "Besides, you tried to get Masky to leave me..."

It was true, when Zant first rose to power, Ganondorf tried to persuade Majora's Mask to join him and leave Zant. However, 'Masky' seemed to prefer the company of another like minded individual, so Ganondorf was SOL, and beat up.

"Wow...Zant is...Sensitive?" Zelda muttered to her chained friends.

"No, just PMSing." Link told her. "With his temper we're just lucky the moon hasn't gotten an ugly face by now."

In a couple minutes Ganondorf returned with a purple haired, emo-esque villain...and no, he's not Paul from Pokemon.

He was wearing a mask made from wrappings, kind of like Shiek's.

"Ah...A fellow baddie, welcome stranger."

"Hi, so your Zant?" The mysterious being asked.

"Let me see..." Zant twists his body into a pretzel like form before going back to normal. "Yes I am."

"Now why are you here?" Majora's Mask asked, getting to the point.

"Because I was wondering why the moon has begun to drop." The emo stranger asked. "As I recall, you only said Majora's Mask would drop the Moon if someone threatened to take your throne."

"WHAAAT?" Zant asked. Looking outside a window, to see the image of the moon close to the earth, he then removed Majora's Mask from his pale blue mug. "Masky, I thought we had a deal, no moon dropping...Yet."

"I'm not dropping the mo-AAUGH!" M.M. tried to explain when he was hit by a ball of wind, and knocked to the ground.

"M&M!" Zant exclaimed, trying to aid his partner, when he was hit by a different magic blast.

"TO STONE WITH YOU!" The stranger yelled, turning Zant into a statue, he then did the same for Ganondorf.

The stranger then revealed himself as...Vaati the wind mage!

(A/N: He's actually the hero, weird huh?)

"Vaati?" Link questioned, "What the heck are you doing here?"

"Saving you three...and making a cameo." The wind mage then took the Master Sword, and was about to destroy Majora's Mask when it called to him.

The mask teleported to his hand and spoke to him.

"Come now Vaati. Someone as smart as you should see that with me at your side, you could be an even greater ruler than my old host." The mask said, trying to save himself.

"No Vaati! The Mask just wants to use you!" Zelda said. "You have to kill it!"

"Silence whelp! Let the mage decide!" The mask yelled. It's raw power keeping her from acting.

Vaati had two choices, kill a great threat, return it's victims to normal, and be a hero (temporarily), or submit to the mask's promises of power, rule the world, and maybe go insane.

Vaati eventually decided.

"I..."

STOP

Sorry folks, that's all the time we have for this crack fic, we'll let you decide for yourselves what he said.

Who knows, I might even put in a second chapter.

Well, now I have to find the real Vaati, bye!