It's not Something you can Control

Oh shit. Why did this have to happen? Why him? Couldn't it have been anyone else? Even Beat would have been better. And that IS desperate.

Trust Shiki, my sort-of girlfriend, to have to decorate her house with loads of Christmas decorations. Alright, I had to admit they looked nice. But I was dead set against one decoration. Mistletoe. Because I knew something like this would happen. And now I was stuck. With him.

Joshua was smirking at me, the same smirk he had when he shot me. Yes, Joshua killed me. I have never forgiven him, but I still trust him. I trust my killer. Because he was once my partner in Shibuya's game, the game for dead people, their last chance to come back to life. And I hadn't known it at the time but I was working with, not only my killer, but the conductor of the whole game. And here I was. With him. Under my now most hated thing in the world.

That smug smile never once left his face as he stared at me. Those deep mauve eyes staring into my own ocean blue. That did it. Looking down at my feet, I had to blush. I heard a small chuckle escape his lips and I looked up to meet his gaze. But I hadn't bet on him being that close. His expression suddenly turned serious. His breath tickled my cheek as he whispered "Why do you hate me so much Neku?" It was all I could do to not hit him there and then as I growled back "Why do you think?" There it was. The smile was back. His fingers ran across my cheek. "Oh I don't know. Feel like sharing?" I opened my mouth to tell him to go fuck himself, when his lips were on mine.

His… wonderfully soft lips. I hated it, I hated him, but somehow I couldn't pull myself away. His tongue slowly ran against my bottom lip and before I could stop myself, I had eagerly opened my mouth. Oh god. He tasted so delicious. I moaned into his mouth and felt him grin against my lips. The conscious part of my mind was screaming at me to pull away and punch him. But at the moment my lust was in control. My lust for…Joshua. I hated every second but I also loved it. The softness of his lips, the warmth of his mouth, the wetness of his tongue, that sweet, sweet taste… I almost complained when he finally pulled away.

His eyes bored into mine again, so strongly I had to look away. I looked at the others. It was something to do while I decided where it would hurt most when I hit him. Rhyme looked slightly confused and she looked like she was holding back giggles. Beat had such an absurd look of shock on his face I nearly burst out laughing. But Shiki. I took one look at her and had to look away. She had tears running down her beautiful face. Just the sight of deep sadness in her eyes nearly made me cry as well.

"Shiki…" I started but she wiped the tears from her face and cut me off.

"I put the mistletoe up as a bit of a joke, you know? Just to see the look on your faces if it was really awkward. But I never expected for you to get caught with Joshua, Neku. And I definitely didn't expect you to…" Her voice broke. "…like it." she finished and two more tears rolled out of her eyes.

I threw a look of pure hatred at Joshua before I went up to Shiki and hugged her tightly while she cried on my shoulder.

"Well. This has been fun, but I'd better go now." said Joshua.

"Yeah, you'd better." I said through my teeth. "At least if you wanna keep both of 'em."

"Don't pretend it's my fault Neku. I wasn't the one to put mistletoe everywhere. If it's anyone's fault, it's Shiki's."

Shiki looked up from my shoulder and said "Piss off Joshua."

I smiled. You tell him, Shiki.

With a final wave, Joshua went out the door.

"You feeling better now?" I asked Shiki. She nodded. "Better now he's gone!"

I chuckled. Then I sighed and moved my face to her ear. "You know I never meant to hurt you Shiki. I never wanted to kiss him, he made a move on me. But when he got started…" I shuddered. "…I hated it. It was just lust. And I don't think it was meant for him. I think the one I really wanted was you." I sighed again and confessed what I had wanted to say ever since I had seen Shiki in her own body instead of Eri's. "I love you."

She looked up at me, her big brown eyes wide. "What?"

"I said I love you. I love you Shiki Misaki."

She didn't say anything. Instead she moved her arms up from my waist to around my neck and pressed her lips against mine. Her lips were softer than Joshua and when she opened her mouth, she tasted different to him. Not quite as sweet but still delicious. While my lips were still on hers, I heard Beat say something but I was too lost in the moment to care what. However Shiki pulled away and laughed. I looked from one to the other.

"What's so funny?"

Beat rolled his eyes. "I suppose you must have been too busy snogging Shiki, but I said, 'Aren't you supposed to kiss only one person at a party?"

I laughed and replied "Not if the first one goes home!" Then I spun Shiki round and pressed my lips to hers once more.

I enjoy dating Shiki. She's amazing and beautiful, I really love her. But sometimes I get a different urge. Maybe it's just because he's the Composer. But Joshua really is irresistible…