Author's note: I haven't been around for a long time. Crazy life. Moved to the uk, started studying, so I had to spent my time doing other stuff. Buuuut, I have returned - I know you've been waiting for it! - and I have rewritten my very first story I have ever posted here. More chapters will follow. This time, I'm cerial!

WARNING: The story you're about to read can contain sexuality, depending on how far the story has developed when you're reading this, and language that some may find offensive. If you're not cool with that, then I advise you to let this story be unread.

Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious in any way, nor the characters that star in the series. Also, I want to add that my native language isn't English. Therefore I apologize for the mistakes in spelling and grammar. Please, help me improve, and point out my mistakes.

I stumble through the hallways of Hollywood Arts, nauseous, a huge headache coming up. It doesn't stop me, though. I don't allow my feet to rest. My legs drag me to the nearest bathroom. I press my hand against the door, open it, and I enter the bathroom. But, as soon as I enter, I can feel there's something wrong, terribly wrong. Upon seeing Robbie in that very same restroom, I realize my mistake. In my current state I didn't check the sign on the door, before opening it.

Ashamed and embarrassed, with a huge loss of dignity, I shuffle out of the restroom - mumbling soft apologies that will most likely remain unheard by Robbie's ears -, and walk in through the door on the opposite side. Finally I allow my feet some rest. I stand in front of the mirror, and after splashing some water in my face, to relax a little, and maybe try to wake up from this nightmare - Bummer. The realitycheck proves to me this situation is far from a nightmare - , I take a long look at myself.

Curious and confused brown eyes glance at me from the mirror. A brunette, with a slightly tanned skin. It takes me some time to realize that I'm looking at my own reflection. I don't recognize myself anymore. It feels like I'm watching myself in third-person. I can't control my actions anymore. Someone seems to be controlling me from a distance, pressing random buttons, to make me do whatever that person wishes. And I'm not liking it!

I'm supposed to be in class right now, performing a play with Jade, Beck and Cat, but that's the reason I ran out. We rehearsed this play a million times, and I know each word every player says. I know every action, every intonation. I was secure about the play, so nerves aren't the reason I ran out. It's all so confusing, I think, as I once again splash some water in my face, but I'm still not waking up!

I somehow want to wash away the chaos and unclutter my cluttered mind, to make everything clear. But, what happened in that classroom, can't be made clear. I can't explain my actions, the feelings I had. It doesn't matter how hard I try to push the thoughts to the background, to wipe that specific moment from my harddrive, the memories push back with a great strength, and I'm forced to think about what happened. I'm forced to recollect and perceive everything over and over again, down to the smallest and most insignificant details.

It all just started like a normal lesson - as far as lessons at HA could be considered 'normal', of course - and Sikowitz had given us an assignment for this lesson. The assignment was to make a play, with a lot of action. I joined forces with Cat, Beck and Jade. Other groups had performed their play already, before it was finally our turn.

I was excited, because it was my time to shine. I knew every line by heart. I was confident about the role I had taken on. We were completely relaxed, as Sikowitz announced we would be the next group performing their play. Calmly, still laughing about some random remark Cat had made a minute ago - I believe it was about peanutbutter and little pieces of metal, but don't pin me down on it. I don't listen to Cat all the time! - , we hopped on the little stage in front of the classroom. Relaxed, rehearsing my lines inside of my head, I glanced at the faces of the students, curiously watching us as we set up some attributes for the story.

Sikowitz saw we were ready to perform, and he got up from his seat, leaving his coconut for what it was for a second, and coughed to get the attention. He urged the class to be quiet. ''Respect the artists that are about to perform." People kept chatting. So, more urgent this time, raising the volume of his voice. "Be quiet." Silence, at last. "Cat, Jade, Beck and Tori, you can begin whenever you feel like it. Though, do it quick, because I don't have all day.'' Everyone's attention was directed at the stage, and we started our play.

It was about a school for agressive kids. Jade played her role perfectly, though, I doubted she was actually aware that she was playing a role. Beck looked convincing, as the badass bikerboy he was trying to be, and even Cat, quaint as she was in real life, acted really serious and convincing, as the teacher of that school. I played a sweet girl, at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Everything went perfect, exactly as planned. A lot of fightingscenes looked actually real. Though, the fightingscene between me and Jade went catastrophic. No one got hurt, though. It wasn't the 'playfight-story rerun', nor did she hit me intentionally or otherwise. It was something far more complicated.

I spoke my last line before the fighting would start, and as soon as the words had left my mouth, Jade moved her head closer to me, just as planned, threatening to kill me. But, when I was supposed to hit her in the face, I was frozen on the spot. It wasn't because of the threatening behavior, the sharkish grin, or because I forgot what to do. It was something else. Something that was least expected.

When Jade came so close, I could do nothing else than stare into those eyes, and I inhaled. A strong scent, probably Jade's perfume, or her natural scent penetrated my nostrils and my eyes shifted to her lips.

Suddenly I felt such an enormous, pressuring urge to wrap my arms around her body and press my lips on her cherryred lips. It was an urge I had not felt before, and it startled me. My body was already starting to give in to this pressuring feeling, as it leant in for the kiss. Jade looked at me like I had become insane, and immediately my feet dragged me out of the classroom.

I passed Sikowitz on my way, and I quickly said, replying to his question, which was: where are you going? "I don't feel well." Then I burst through the door and after - what would later probably be a funny story - I ran into the wrong restroom I ended up here, where I am now. Confused, because I don't know what's happening to me.

I eventually decide the best idea is to get back to class, with some kind of lie to explain why I ran out. They most likely had finished the play without me, because, as an important man had once said: the show must go on!

As I make my way back to the classroom, my mind works at full speed. A million thoughts cross my mind at the same time. Some are completely irrelevant, but most of them are excuses, to explain why I did what I did. The easiest thing to do seems to just tell I got sick, but now I'm all better. I think I can make that sound convincing. As I re-enter the classroom, every pair of eyes suddenly curiously glances at the door.

One person isn't looking, though. Jade just stays focused on the blackboard, on which nothing is written. She's probably angry with me, for walking out on them - the anger is completely justified -, while we performed the play, which probably forced them to improvise. After a second glance I now also see that I haven't drawn Cat's attention either. The redhead plays with an invisible object, softly giggling as she seems to drop it, and bends over to pick it up again. The girl is mildly autistic, I know that. You don't have to be a doctor to see that.

My gaze shifts to Sikowitz, and this happens at exactly the right moment, because only moments later he starts talking. "Tori. It wasn't nice of you to just leave your classmates."

I want to interrupt him, tell him I got sick, but he shakes his head, and continues. "No, no, no. Even when you get sick in the middle of a performance, you have to continue. There isn't one moment an actor or actress should leave her role. The only time he or she does that, is after performing. I have to fail you for this exercise, but I'm willing to give you one more chance. It'll be a new assignment, but before I explain, I want you to pick one actor or actress, who you will play with. Go ahead, say a name."

I am relieved to get another assignment. My grades really aren't that good, so another positive mark wouldn't hurt. I look around, studying the faces, thinking about who I want to play with. My heart has made up its mind already, but I refuse to listen.

I can pick Robbie, I think, but I immediately scratch him off my mental list. I like Robbie, but his puppet is just too weird. André, perhaps. I turn my face to him, but I cross him off as well. He's good at playing the piano, and, everything else that involves music, but acting? Nah. Then I will pick Cat or Beck.

After another twenty seconds of thinking, I decide to go for Beck - am I really going to infuriate Jade twice on one day? -, and I turn my head to Sikowitz again. He can see I've made up my mind, so he starts speaking again. "Don't keep us waiting any longer, miss Vega. Tell us who it's going to be." I smile, nodding as I part my lips, and say the name of the person I want to perform with.

"Jade."

Jade? My mind wonders if I just really said that, but it's clear I did. The word still seems to echo through the room, and Jade is staring at me, probably wondering what I just did. Both her eyebrows are arrowed, a sign she either has no idea what's happening, or she's really angry. I think it's a combination of both.

She probably wonders why I chose her, a question I'm asking myself right now as well. But, she also still holds a grudge against me. She can't stand me, and by choosing her, I did something horrible.

It's like I want to go swim in lava, like I want to swim with sharks, after washing myself in blood. Like, like.. I can't quite think of other fitting metaphors, but I know what I just did is stupidly deranged.

Sikowitz is the first to respond to this surprising twist. He is startled, baffled, yet he replies, his voice not revealing any other emotion but his everlasting enthusiasm. The rest of the class still seems to be baffled, but I calmly turn my head to look at the teacher, while he explains the assignment. Jade does the same. Apparently she is willing to really do this with and for me, I think, as I focus on Sikowitz completely now. Just in time, because he begins to talk immediately.

"That's.. surprising, but okay. Jade, Tori, your assignment will be to write and perform a scene, in which you.. kiss! I want you to perform the scene in one week from now. Good luck! Now, lets continue with what we were doing. I will explain you the word.."

But my mind drifts off. I glance at Jade for a moment, but she doesn't look as shocked as I am. She just has that grin spread across her face, as she now turns her face in my direction. Finally her true feelings come out, as she seems to realize what this means. It's a late, but tremendous response. She gets up from her seat, shaking her head.

Suddenly she starts yelling, the words directed at Sikowitz. "Are you out of your mind?! I'm not kissing Vega!"

Maybe Seikowitz had expected this outburst, or he just quickly anticipates to this reaction. He looks at Jade calmly and shrugs. "You won't? That's too bad... for your grade." With those last, ominous words he draws her attention.

I know Jade's grades aren't high. It isn't because she's a bad actress, but because she refuses to study for actual tests. Performances all go well, but when she has to write or put in some effort to actually study the material for a test, she just can't, or rather, won't.

Sikowitz uses this to his advantage. "I don't think I told this already, but this assignment will count twice for your final grade. And, Jade, I really think you can use a positive grade, counting twice, am I right?" It's a rhetorical question everyone, including Jade, knows the answer to. "So, will you do the scene with Tori?" He inquires again.

Jade sits down again, looking at me for a moment, before she puts up her fake sweet voice and replies. "It's my pleasure." Her voice is sweet, but her words are just drenched in sarcasm. She says something after that, probably a creative, negative comment, but the words get lost in the sound of the ringing bell.

Several minutes later we're all sitting around a table, outside, everyone enjoying the lunch they have, as if nothing just happened! Am I the only one who realizes this is really bad, or am I just the only one who cares?

I glance at the people around the table. Why would they care? I'm the one who has to go lips-to-lips with Jade, not them! I expect compassion from André, at least, jealousy from Robbie, because I know he would kill to be Jade right now. Even the remarks from Cat, about pink dinosaurs, or if fish have noses, would cheer me up right now.

But everyone remains silent, as if they just saw a corpse. As if they had just been to a funeral. The funeral will follow shortly, though. Who am I kidding? Jade is going to bury me so deep there won't ever be a funeral! I can't stand this silence, because it forces me to think about things I'd rather forget about right now!

So, I decide to make it my job to break this silence. I think about a subject, and upon seeing the empty chair next to Beck I know what to talk about. "Where's Jade?" I try to make it sound like genuine interest, not true concern.

Beck glances at the empty seat, as if he now suddenly notices Jade is indeed not there. I doubt it. Jade is really.. active and talkative when she's around. He looks back at me and replies, shrugging. "She left after Sikowitz' lesson. I think she doesn't really like the assignment." His words are too weak to express how she probably feels about this assignment. She hates it, more than she hates ducks, bras that hook in the front and the word 'panties' combined. She would probably like any assignment better than this one.

For a second I feel compassion. I'm sorry for pulling her through this with me. Beck continues, but I can't focus. My thoughts are elsewhere. To be a little more specific, they are at the moment I inhaled Jade's scent and got into a state of mind that could easily land me in one of the many madhouses in this area.

The bell rings. It penetrates my deep thoughts, and I realize it's time to get back to the class. I keep a low-profile during the following lessons. I can't really focus on anything, I reply with weird answers, and I'm not really helping the group thinking of a cool play we can perform on Friday. I'm not even chosen to perform, which I usually always am, but people can most likely see that my vessel is there, but my mental self is somewhere else.

The bell rings again, this time to let people know they survived another day at school. I pack my bag, dump some books in my locker, and then quickly get to my car. The moment I start the car, the engine roaring to life, I feel something vibrating in the pocket of my pants. I reach for my cellphone, knowing I just got a text, and I read it.

"Meet me at my house after school. We need to talk." Gee, I wonder who sent this...