Before Emma Swan and her family finally leave the Underworld, Snow wants to have dinner with the entire family, dead or alive. Everyone agrees, but Emma agrees more reluctantly than the others.

The Underworld has the Jolly Roger, and Killian and Emma decided to stay onboard until they can finally leave for their Storybrooke. On the day of the dinner, however, Killian walked in to find Emma lying in bed, covering her forehead with a hand and coughing. Killian rushed over in concern and brushed her forehead. "Love, are you ill?"

Emma only nodded and coughed. Killian sighed, "I presume you cannot go to your mother's dinner then?"

Emma coughed again, "I guess not."

Killian conceded but added, "I do have one more question, Love," and after Emma nodded in consent, Killian continued, "Why do you not want to go to your family event, Love?"

Emma frowned and cursed, "Dammit! How did you know?" Killian raised his eyebrows and smiled. "Open book, remember? When your mother asked us all for a family gathering, I noticed your discomfort." Emma gave out an exasperated sigh. "Also, Swan, your forehead is too warm. If you really were that ill, you would be in a much worse condition." Emma widened her eyes and touched her own forehead and cursed. "Swan, what did you do?"

Emma groaned but answered, "I boiled some water for a little bit and put a towel in the water. Then I went to bed and left the towel on my forehead until you came."

Killian nodded and asked, "Now, can you answer my original question? Why do you not want to see your family?"

Emma sucked in another breath and shouted her answer in that single breath "Snow wants to invite the entire family, but my family is completely complicated!" Killian nodded, "I see, but they are still your family. This will be your last chance to see all of your family members."

Emma shook her head. "No, you don't 'see' anything! Every time I need to save the town, I swear I find out I have another family member! I bet you that before we leave, we're going to find that I am somehow related to fucking Hades!"

Killian chuckled. "Your family cannot be that complicated, can it?"

Emma raised both her eyebrows. "Really? All right, then. If I can convince you that my family is too strange, I get to get out of the dinner, and you have to help me."

Killian grinned, liking the challenge already. "All right, Swan."

Emma sucked in a deep breath. "Okay, then let's start off with Snow's crap."

"You categorized your family's complications?"

Emma raised her eyebrows again and stated, "I told you my family is complicated" and started her explanation, "You already know that my parents are actually Snow White and Prince Charming, and that's weird already. But it gets weirder than that. Regina's mother, Cora, had a thing with my grandfather and literally almost married him. If that's not weird enough for you, she made Regina marry my grandfather, whose death Regina is responsible for. Regina, the Evil Queen, is Snow's stepmother, so I guess that makes her my step grandmother? And since she adopted Henry, she is also my son's mother. Not only that, but Zelena, the Wicked Witch, turned out to be Regina's half sister, so I guess she's my step great aunt. Not only that, but Zelena pretended to be Robin Hood's wife who Regina originally killed but Zelena killed instead to take her place. Zelena gave birth to Robin Hood's daughter, making Robin Hood's girlfriend his daughter's aunt. And his daughter is now my step...aunt? I don't even know anymore since this family is too fucked up."

Killian blinks but could not say anything before Emma raised a finger, effectively stopping him. "Now, onto David's crap."

"David had a twin brother, who was sold to King George by his father. After his brother, Prince James, died, David took his place. So David went from 'David' to 'James' and back to 'David.'"

Killian raised an eyebrow, "His story is at least not as complicated as your mother's." Emma smirked, "I'm giving you a less complicated story before the really complicated one, especially since this one includes you."

"Me?" Killian asked with both eyebrows raised this time.

Emma answered, "Yes, now onto Neal's crap."

"As you know, Neal left me in jail for his fucking crimes after impregnating me. Neal turned out to be Baelfire, Rumplestiltskin's fucking son. Baelfire's mother, Milah, left her husband, Rumplestiltskin for you, Captain Hook, the guy I'm seeing now! Anyways, Rumplestiltskin killed Neal's mother and chopped your hand off, making you live for over two hundred years, so you can get your revenge. As if it can't get any weirder than that, Peter Pan turned out to be Rumplestiltskin's father, Peter Pan as in the guy who got Neal's fiancé to kidnap my son, so he can have his fucking heart."

Killian only blinked, having nothing to say, and stood up and walked to make a phone call. "Yes, Mary Margaret? I don't believe Emma or I can make it to your party. Emma is feeling rather ill right now, and I need to take care of her."

I tried.

Anyways, please tell me what you think whether or not you like it. :)

Edit: I added Zelena's and Robin Hood's mess after I read your guys' reviews. I honestly planned to write it, but I was tired and a little forgetful when I wrote this. Let me just say that their mess was difficult to add because they are way too complicated. Also, thank you so much for reviewing/favoriting/following! I actually got more reviews than I expected. I'm glad you guys found this mess funny. :)

PS I'm planning on writing another funny fanfic sometime this week, hopefully later today or tomorrow! It should be a lot shorter though.