Once upon a time, there was girl living in a tiny apartment with her fluffy dog. She was sad, this girl. The man she loved had died, leaving her alone. Her world turned gray, the days blending together. She closed off her heart, determined to never feel it break again. Life became dull. Then, one faithful day, the girl met her new neighbors, changing her life forever. A young boy and his enigma of a butler moved next door, and color slowly returned to the girl's life. The boy became like a brother. He loved the girl's fluffy dog, finding any excuse to come over to play. Eventually, the girl found herself in his manor, her life starting to stabilize.
Now, the butler was a different story. There was something different about him that the girl just couldn't put her finger on. Charming and mysterious, he captured her attention. The days began to slow, each memorable with the man's presence. There was conflict to be sure as the girl refused to admit the flutter in her heart. Then, when disaster struck, she realized how very alone she was without the man. He restored luster to her life, and, so it seemed, she for him.
The two grew closer, dancing lightly around their feelings. Neither wanted to admit to the other that they were in love, too afraid to have their heart broken. Then, without them realizing, the dance ended. The barriers that they had so carefully crafted had come crashing down, and they stood among the rubble, hearts beating as one.
This love was not easy, however, as the girl was being targeted by a monster. A beast in human form, this monster hurt the girl in unspeakable ways and left her with darkness in her heart. This girl also found that she was not who she thought. Memories she held dear fell away, revealing a void she could not fill. The life she knew had been a lie, and, combined with the monster, it began to make her bitter. How could she live her colorful life when there was so much pain?
The girl and the man struggled to find footing with their love. Pain tainted every word, every action. Finally, the man left. Distraught, the girl watched as her world turned back to gray. She realized how much she loved the man, and how desperately she needed him in her life. So, she waited. She waited and waited until the man came back. The man had changed. His doubt and hesitation were gone, and he knew what he had to do. Sweeping the girl away, he took her to another world. Then, among midnight blue roses, he confessed his feelings with a ring. She was everything he could ever want, and the monster be damned.
I paused, my fingers resting just above the keyboard. Sunlight glinted off the ring on my left hand, and I slowly turned it, enthralled by how the light reflected off the blood-red gems. Memories from the field of roses returned to me, and I smiled. A beautiful man asked me to marry him that night with light dancing in his eyes. How could I ever refuse?
Fairytales do exist, but they are never perfect. This is mine. Ours. I hope there never comes a time when you must read this. That means my theory was correct, and my memory has been wiped again. Perhaps even yours, my love. I know it seems silly for me to write this only days after our engagement, but I want you to know that I will always love you.
I am afraid, my love. I am so afraid that I will wake up one morning and not remember who you are. If you are reading this, then that is most likely the case. It is also likely the same for you. It breaks my heart to think of that possibility, but I know this is not the first time my memories have been tampered with.
You may be asking how I could know such a thing when I can hardly remember myself. To be honest, I don't know. This is simply a theory. The pieces of my life from before lay in a binder that you created for me over the span of a month. The most recent pieces are from my sixteenth birthday. I can't recall anything after that date until I woke up in the apartment with Shay. I am 23 as I write this, and I can't see any reason why such a large gap would exist in my memories. If my mind was erased once, would I not wake up at sixteen? With that logic, and the conflicting false memories, I can only assume that there have been numerous memory wipes from when I was sixteen to now. Foolishly, I never left myself anything to help me remember who I am. Though, maybe I did and simply haven't found it yet.
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that this letter is just in case one or both of us loses our memories. I am determined to keep us together, and not even Kane will stop me. Though, I suppose if I am already writing this, I should at least address the elephant in the room.
I am going to die, but not from old age. You promised to keep me safe from Kane, but I am enough of a realist to face the truth. He will find me, and he will kill me. There is nothing in the world you can do to stop it. I'm not okay with this by any means, but I would rather face my death with dignity. My goal is not to survive, but to take him with me. He will never have that unlimited power. I will make sure of it. As for you, I want to make a request: Live. Move on and live your life after I'm gone. Find someone else who makes you happy, and forget about me. I know it will be hard, but please consider it the dying wish of the woman you love. You've made my life so bright, and I don't want to darken yours with my death.
I love you, Sebastian Michaelis.
Forever yours,
Taylor Rose Pryce
I sat back in my chair, rereading my letter. It was hurried and clunky, but it said what I needed it to. I had no doubt that it would be read, though I feared it would be due to my death. It was inescapable, but that wouldn't stop me from fighting. The best case scenario would mean that I defeated Kane and foiled his plan to eliminate all Supernatural beings. If the opposite came true, it meant that I hadn't been able to take him down with me.
Folding the letter twice, I sealed it in an envelope with the words "Open When I'm Gone" across the front in thick block letters. Now, where to put it? I needed it to be somewhere where my fiancée would not look until I was either dead or memory-wiped. I scanned the room. No, not the vase. He changes the flowers when they start to die. I could put it under the mattress, but it was unlikely he would ever find it. Maybe in the couch? My eyes landed on the binder. Perfect. He had no reason to open it right now, but it would the first place he would go if I lost my memories or died. I guaranteed it. I slid it between the front cover and first page, making sure it wasn't sticking out. There. Now, I could go find where my fiancée had gone off to.
As I searched the manor, I noticed that it was oddly quiet. Nali's boisterous laughter was unnaturally absent, as was the sound of a TV or computer. There were no hurried footsteps from the raven-haired Witch or soft chanting from the giggly Mage. Not even the new maids were scurrying about. The cook wasn't in the kitchen, nor my lovely fiancée. Ciel's study was also empty, which surprised me more than the silent house. He and Damion were almost always in here as the young boy managed his company. The snowy-haired Prince would sit in a chair off to the side sipping tea while offering advice. I checked the dining hall, wondering if everyone was eating an early lunch. Empty. The sun room? Empty. The many sitting/living rooms? Empty. Desperate, I checked every bedroom in the house, occupied or not. Nali's was cluttered with armor stands and weapons. Two practice swords were leaning against the bedframe, one with a crack from hilt to tip. In our most recent lesson, she had swung just a tiny bit too had and almost broke my sword in half.
Alex's room was a disaster. Clothes were scattered about the room, covering large piles of colorful books. There was a literal pile of make-up bags in one corners, and her vanity was overflowing with brushes, make-up, and hair ties. Blankets puddled onto the floor beside her bed, pillows everywhere. Honestly, she could be in here and I would never know.
Lacey's room was neat and organized. Trunks of plants and potions were stacked in a corner. Leather-bound tomes filled her bookshelf, most with titles in strange languages or runes. A small workbench sat near the door topped with bottles, bits of metal, and her beautiful ebony wand. Unlike Alex, Lacey could only perform spells with magical items or Artifacts. This seemed like a huge limitation when compared to Elemental Magic as Alex could always cast spells. However, Lacey's magic tended to be more powerful, and she had a much larger library of spells than the Mage. Next to her workbench was a violin resting on a plush cushion in a glass display case. Lacey played beautifully, and everyone would gather in the ballroom to hear her. Though classically trained, she played in a style very similar to Lindsey Stirling. In fact, Nali had told me in confidence that the Witch spent hours watching the artist's videos for inspiration.
Frustrated, I peeked into Ciel's room. Empty. Interestingly enough, there were boxes stacked by the closet that hadn't been there before. Curious, I took a moment to snoop through the boxes. Men's clothing, personal items…oh! I pulled a silver circlet from underneath a bath towel. The seamless metal was etched with runes similar to those in Lacey's books. It was heavy in my hands, and I wondered how Damion could ever wear such a thing. Slipping it back into place, I went to check the ballroom.
The doors to the grand staircase were locked, but I could clearly hear voices. So, this was where everyone had gone. I pressed my ear to the door, but it was too muffled to make out anything. What were they doing in there? Huffing, I knocked on the door. The room fell silent. A sweet voice within said something and an argument ensued. I recognized Nali's loud voice, but even she was speaking too soft for me to hear. Angry voices continued for a few minutes, and I knocked again.
"Come on, guys. You're starting to freak me out."
The door cracked open and Nali's head poked out. Her bright smile faltered when I crossed my arms over my chest.
"So. Whatcha hiding?"
Glancing over her shoulder, Nail stepped out of the room and closed the door behind her. The noise in the room resumed, though it seemed almost panicked now. Okay, they were definitely hiding something.
"My lady, why don't we return to your room and find you something to wear?"
I looked down.
"What's wrong with this?"
Nali took my hand and pulled me away, acting like she hadn't heard me.
"I think that new dress you bought would be perfect," she said thoughtfully as she dragged me.
Sighing, I let her take me back to my room. There was not enough force in the world to break the Amazon's grip, and I would much rather walk behind her than be hauled over her shoulder. It was humiliating on the few occasions Sebastian did it, but something about Nali carrying me around like a sack of potatoes was worse. Maybe it had something to do with her stopping in the middle of the hall to chat with someone while I struggled pointlessly.
"You don't plan on telling me what's going on, are you?"
She closed my door with a smile.
"Of course not!"
Yep. That's what I expected.
Nali stared at the clothes hanging in my closet with a slight frown while I sat on the bed. I was more than a little irritated that everyone was hiding something from me, but it ebbed away as the Amazon uncomfortably shifted through the dresses in my closet. This was clearly a distraction to keep me from the ballroom, but Nali still wanted to do her job well. However, fashion was foreign concept to her, stemming from the belief that clothing should suit a purpose rather than an aesthetic. I was of a similar mindset, though I was more about clothing being comfortable rather than useful.
There was a sharp rap, and we looked up as my gorgeous fiancée stuck his head in.
"Nali, you are needed in the ballroom. I will handle it from here."
Shoulder slumped with relief, Nali bolted from the room. Sebastian chuckled as he closed the door behind her.
"I'm afraid Nali is a bit out of her element," he mused.
I rolled my eyes as he studied the contents of my closet, tapping a finger against his cheek.
"And you aren't?"
He examined a few dresses with a smirk.
"I would be a poor fiancée if I couldn't do something as simple as this."
While Sebastian debated between a shimmery blue evening gown and a short hunter green one, I turned my back to him and stripped. The Demon only raised an eyebrow when I glared at him over my shoulder.
"Darling, you do realize I've seen you in much less," he chuckled, holding up the blue dress.
"It's too glittery. The other one is too short," I said with a huff. "But I guess I can deal with the blue one."
"It astounds me how difficult you can be when it comes to clothing," he teased, laying the dress out on the bed.
I playfully threw my shirt at him, acting offended.
"I'm just particular!"
The Demon snickered from inside the closet, catching the shirt with one hand. With a growl, I snatched the dress off the bed and stepped into it. There was nothing wrong with knowing what I liked! Besides, that wasn't the issue right now.
"What's going on in the ballroom?"
He didn't answer, choosing to give me a closed-eyed smile as he handed me a pair of black heels. Honestly, I don't know why I wasted my breath. If I couldn't get it out of Nali, the one person who couldn't keep a secret to save her life, why would asking him be any different?
Stubbornly, I poked Sebastian's side.
"C'mon. I just want to know what I'm walking into."
A stray hair was brushed from my face.
"It would ruin the surprise, my love."
I made a face.
"Fine."
Smiling brilliantly, he held out his arm. I looped my arm through his and off we went to the locked doors of the ballroom. There were quite a few more voices than before, none of which I recognized. My eyes narrowed at the sound of music, and I glared at Sebastian.
"Who the hell is in there?"
He tsked.
"You need to watch your tongue," he chided sternly. "Mind yourself."
Oh, that was not comforting.
Sebastian rapped lightly on the door. A maid opened the door with a bow, and we were led down the hallway. The voices grew louder, and it was clear that more than the household was here. My stomach started to churn. Who were these people? Why the hell were they here? I glanced at up my fiancée, but his face was unreadable. Taking a deep breath, I focused on putting one foot in front of the other. I could do this. Whatever this was.
We stopped so suddenly that I almost fell. Startled, I realized we were near the staircase. Sebastian straightened his jacket before looping arms with me again. Was he nervous? He seemed to collect himself for a moment before speaking.
"Are you ready?"
I snorted.
"Do I have a choice?"
"No."
I straightened my shoulders.
"Let's do this."
We stepped into the light of the ballroom, looking down at the crowd from atop the staircase. My stomach did flips as I studied the room. There were indeed more people that the handful that lived in the manor. A significant amount more, roughly the size of the Royal Court. I caught a glimpse of two snowy-haired Demons. No, this was the Royal Court. Demons of the higher echelon of Supernatural society filled the ballroom, sipping from champagne flutes filled with strange swirling liquid. Each was heartbreakingly beautiful, but they made me uneasy. Only a small handful sported ruby eyes like the man beside me, and it was them who noticed me first. While their expressions were calm, there was something less than friendly about their stares. I shuddered, feeling like a rabbit among wolves.
A hush fell over the room as Sebastian led me gracefully down the stairs. At the bottom, an older Demon with snowy hair greeted us.
"Ah, the woman of the hour," he said warmly, kissing my hand.
Speechless, I stared at him like a deer in headlights.
Damion's father was unfazed. Poised and charming, Vincent was everything one expected of the Demon King.
"I am so glad to see you are well."
He addressed Sebastian.
"You can't imagine how relieved I am to know she has found someone who makes her happy. She is like a daughter to me."
My fiancée bowed.
"She is the world to me."
Vincent nodded approvingly and motioned to the ballroom.
"I'm sure there are many people who wish to speak with you, so I will not keep you."
With that, we moved on to speak with Damion. Smirking behind a champagne flute, he followed his father's example and kissed my hand.
"My dear sister, you are so lovely tonight."
Ensuring that no one was in hearing distance, I hissed at him.
"What is this? Why am I here?"
"Why, this is your engagement party!"
"What!? Whose bright idea was it to hide this from me? And why!?"
Damion sipped his drink, trying to look innocent.
"You!? Why would you do this to me?"
The Prince patted my shoulder.
"If I had suggested this party, what would you have said?"
"Uh, no?"
"Exactly. This type of thing is expected from members of the Royal family. Like it or not, as my brother's widow, you are part of it. It would not bode well for you to insult my father and the Royal Court."
His eyes flickered to Sebastian.
"Even if you weren't, your fiancée is a member of the Court."
"Come again?"
If looks could kill, Damion would be roasting on a spit.
"I'm afraid there are more people to introduce my fiancée to. Excuse us."
Sebastian whisked me away from the smirking Prince.
"You're part of the Court?" I squeaked. "As in, the most influential Demons in the Supernatural world?"
"Taylor, please not now."
"But-!"
He stopped, looking over his shoulder with a dark look.
"Taylor. I will not repeat myself."
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I nodded meekly.
"Later?"
"Only if you behave."
So, act like the lady he wished I was. No problem, just let me slap on a smile and act like the arm piece I was. I'll just hide my true self behind this mask you want me to wear so much. Bitter, I smiled sweetly as I was introduced to all the lords and ladies of the court. I resented the fact he wanted he change me. I would never be sophisticated; I was far too brash and uncouth, and honestly, I didn't see a problem with that. Yes, there was a time and place, and I could hold myself in a professional manner when needed. My issue stemmed from the fact that he was trying to mold me into someone else. I wanted to be myself, even if I didn't know who that was.
As afternoon bled into night, I started to tire. There were so many nobles to speak with, each so ungodly perfect. My smile never faltered, though. I was playing my part so Sebastian would tell me the truth. As music began to drift through the hall, I watched pairs of Demons dance gracefully with muted awe. Each had the same elegance I had come to expect from Sebastian, every movement fluid as they twirled about the room. Every so often, I saw a flash of red hair as Nali spun with a noble that reached her shoulders. It was comical to watch, especially with the Amazon leading the waltz. To his credit, the Demon noble danced his part perfectly, but his twitching eyebrow made me snicker. I could faintly hear Alex's soft laughter as I surveyed the room, but she was lost among the crowd. Looking over my shoulder to my fiancée, I contemplated the idea of joining the other couples.
Sebastian was engrossed in a conversation with another crimson-eyed Demon. From the sounds of it, he and the blonde woman were close friends. I bit my lip, debating whether I should interrupt their conversation. On one hand, I really wanted my beautiful fiancée to sweep me onto the dancefloor with his signature smirk. On the other was how increasingly uncomfortable I was being in this room of predators. Feeling trapped, I quickly made my decision and slipped out of the room as the pair continued to swap stories. As I disappeared into the adjacent sitting room, I glanced over my shoulder. That blonde demon was everything I wasn't. Beautiful, graceful, perfect. How did someone like me stand a chance against someone like her? Shaking my head, I let the door close behind me. Demon eyes watched me with disinterest as I scurried into the hallway. I needed a break.
There was nobody in the library. Relieved, I kicked off my shoes and found my favorite window seat overlooking the garden. In all the months I had been staying at the manor, I had only recently learned that this room existed. I'm surprised I hadn't explored the house when I first got here, but I guess I just never got the chance. Tucking my feet beneath me, I grabbed the worn leather-bound book and opened it to my bookmark. Amidst the ceiling-high bookcases, I lost myself in the story of a warrior princess. I had left off right before she had entered the cave where the dragon slept, and was excited to read about the ensuing battle.
I meant to only read a few pages, but I found that an hour had passed when I looked to the clock. Panicked, I left my book on the window seat and hunted down my shoes. I prayed Sebastian hadn't noticed I was gone yet. He hadn't magically appeared beside me, so I was hoping that was a good sign. Sprinting down the halls, I caught sight of my fiancée exiting the ballroom. Frowning, I saw him poke his head into the sitting room. Not finding me, he covered his face with a hand and sighed. He stayed like that as I approached, tapping his foot.
"Hey. You okay?"
His eyes snapped open.
"Where the hell did you go?"
"Uh…bathroom?"
Yeah. He didn't believe that.
"Why must you do things like this?" he growled. "You know damn well who's in there."
I crossed my arms stubbornly.
"I was tired. Meeting with Demon nobles is exhausting."
His expression softened.
"Are you in pain?"
I shrugged.
"No more than normal." I cut him off before he could speak. "Look, I'm here. Let's just go back and continue this party."
"It's already ending. We need to send off our guests."
Oh, joy. I forced myself to smile.
"Shall we?"
The send-off was just as bad as the introductions. I smiled and laughed politely as Sebastian spoke to each Demon noble. My absence had been noted, but my fiancée made it seem like I had excused myself due to feeling ill. He was partially right. Question after question was asked about me like I wasn't there. Was I still human? Did the Demon King give his blessing? When was the wedding going to be? Would I be wearing white or black? Would he be willing to share me? How good was I in bed? Did he plan on having children? That question made me visibly flinch. Sebastian skillfully deflected this question, but it stung just a little more each time it was asked. Kane had done far too much damage to me in the Viridi Silva for me to be healed. Allison's voice returned to me, breaking the tragic news. It was possible to repair what he had done to me, but it would require the assistance of an Angel. Unfortunately, I had no idea where to look for, much less convince, one to help me.
Vincent was the last guest to leave. Mossy eyes bright, he clasped my shoulders with both hands.
"You are still my daughter," he said seriously. "If you need anything, let me know,"
I gave him a small smile.
"I will. Thank you."
After he bid us both farewell, his son rejoined us, glass still in hand.
"It went rather smoothly, I think," he noted.
I was still pissed with him for hiding this from me, but I was too exhausted to yell at him. Instead, I took off my shoes and padded out of the ballroom. Sebastian trailed after me, his hands clasped behind his back. We walked down the hallway in silence. There was a thoughtful expression on his face as we passed by the empty study of his master. I wasn't surprised that Ciel had gone to bed. His low ranking among Demons made this party inaccessible to me, and I know that I wouldn't have wanted to watch the person I love flirting with hopeful marriage candidates. I only hoped he knew that this game Damion was forced to play meant nothing. There was only one Demon he had his eye, and that Demon did not wear sky-high heels. The thought of Ciel in a pair did make me snicker on the inside.
"I suppose I should explain what the Prince revealed to you."
I paused to look at him, shoes in hand. I had nearly forgotten about my fiancée's promise. However, while I was curious about his position in the Court, tonight had completely drained me and I wanted nothing more than to collapse on my bed.
"To be honest, I'm too tired tonight. Let's talk about it tomorrow."
He looked at me for a moment before nodding.
"Very well. Would you like me to carry you?"
I shook my head.
"Tempting, but no. I'll be fine."
We continued walking in silence. The party had left me with a mix of emotions. I was angry with Damion for planning and hiding it from me when he knew full well I hated dealing with the Royal Court. I was frustrated with Sebastian. He wanted me to act with the grace and sophistication of a lady, but failed to understand that I didn't want that. The ladies of the court were poised and refined, but their charm was fake. Ambition and sin shined in their eyes, each word or action strategically used to cement their place in the Court. Most of my life had been fake. Why would I want to continue living a lie? There was also sorrow mixed in. Nine out of ten people asked Sebastian if we would be having children. He wanted children; that was obvious enough from how he answered. However, I would not conceive again until I hunted down an Angel and forced them to heal me. No one in the Court needed to know that, as I'm sure they would recommend making me into a slave or something. The only one who wouldn't was Vincent, but his Court was already questioning his fatherly feelings towards me. It was a sign of weakness to them to care for a human, and Vincent was not discreet about me.
My mood did not escape my fiancée as we entered the suite. I could feel his eyes drilling into the back of my skull as I shrugged out of my dress. Hands appeared at my back to unclasp my bra, his warm breath in my ear.
"My love, I know there is something bothering you."
Black, lacy fabric was tossed to the side as I retrieved my night clothes. I know he hated my tank top and shorts combo. It was modest and not even the slightest bit sexy, unlike the silk lingerie Alex offered to let me borrow. Her sapphire eyes had gleamed mischievously when she tried handing me the box, teasing that it would have the Demon wrapped around my finger. I vehemently refused it, far too shy to wear something so skimpy. I think that only amused her more. Still, there was a part of me that wanted to wear just to see the look on my fiancée's face…
"Taylor."
His voice was firm.
"I'm just tired," I insisted, "You're reading too much into it."
He didn't even look remotely convinced.
"Even if you did leave the party because you were tired, I am not so foolish as to believe that it was the only reason."
"No, it wasn't," I said carefully, "I was also overwhelmed by the ungodly amount of Demons in one spot."
His arms snaked around my waist, pulling me against his chest.
"And?"
God, he wasn't going to let this go, was he?
"Look, I'm not a social person. I don't like large gatherings with people I don't know, and I'm not even close to being graceful or charming enough to be interacting with the Royal Court. Do I care? Not really. Do you? Most definitely." I felt him stiffen. "This little surprise party of Damion's has worn both me and my patience thin. I just want to go to bed."
I couldn't see his face, but I was pretty sure I struck a nerve. If he was a member of the Royal Court, it was essential for him to keep up appearances. His every move had to be carefully calculated to form ties that would ensure his spot or help him rise from a lower position. While I was human, I was currently like family to Vincent, making me favorable in the eyes of the Court despite their personal feelings towards humans. Sebastian looked much better with me by his side, but not if it seemed like he couldn't control me. I wasn't a Demon, after all. How hard could it be to keep the weak little human in check?
"Taylor, you don't understand the position I'm in."
I sighed.
"No, I don't. You chose to keep that hidden from me. From my standpoint, you're desperately trying to improve your standing with the Court by giving the illusion that you tamed me into a lady."
There was a long pause.
"Where do you think I stand in the Court?" he finally asked, sounding amused.
"I don't know. Earl? Lord? Maybe you don't even have a title."
Another pause followed. This time it was broken by a chuckle as my fiancée spun me to face him.
"Do you really think so low of me?" he asked, giving me his best wounded look, "I should be insulted."
I ignored his teasing.
"So, what, you're a little higher on the food chain? A Baron? Viscount?"
"Duke, actually."
Oh. Well, that was…unexpected. My gorgeous fiancée was literally one step below Damion and his father. That was fine. Yep! There was no need to worry how my behavior impacted him, not at all. It wasn't like he was immensely powerful, and struggling to control a human would severely damage his reputation. God, no wonder he was furious when I vanished.
"Well, um, I suppose I might understand now."
Sebastian sobered.
"I know this hasn't been easy for you, but my status requires you to be submissive and obedient when in the presence of the Court or other Demons. I'm not telling you to change, but you must play your part whenever needed."
"You would prefer it if I did, though," I added bitterly.
He looked like he had been slapped.
"Is that what you think?"
I stared at him sullenly.
Exasperated, he moved so that we were eye level.
"Why?"
I huffed.
"You tell me I need to behave or insist on teaching me how to be a lady. What am I supposed to think?"
He was quiet, searching my eyes for something he wasn't finding.
"I don't want to change when I don't even know who I am!" I blurted out.
Understanding dawned on my fiancée's face.
"You're afraid."
He mulled over the idea in his head, stroking his chin.
"You think if you change in even the slightest way, you may not be able to recover the rest of your memories."
I flinched.
"So, I'm right. That's why you've been so difficult."
Defeated, I flopped face-down on the bed. He had hit the nail on the head. I was afraid of losing the person I had been, even if that girl was a stranger to me. The bed shifted under my fiancée's weight and I felt his hand on my back.
"I wish you would talk to me when something is troubling you."
"My fears are stupid," I muttered into my pillow.
"Not to you. They sit in the back of your mind, needling at you until you lash out."
I rolled over.
"What else am I supposed to do? Everyone is stressed out about Kane, and I already feel like a burden because of him. Why would I go around and bother people with something so minuscule?"
I threw an arm over my eyes.
"I have so much on my plate, and I don't have a fucking clue where I'm supposed to start. Should I throw myself into digging up the last bit of my memories so that I might remember who I am? How about learning to conduct myself as the bride-to-be of a Duke in the Demonic Royal Court? What about stopping Kane? He is the biggest threat right now, but I can still hardly hold a sword. That's not even including college, swordsmanship training, or working. Ciel may have a fully functional staff, but I still have to hold up my end of the bargain!"
Sighing, I sat up and looked at the clock. Oh, god! It was almost one in the morning, and I had class at eight! Groaning, I fell back onto my pillows. I was going to be miserable tomorrow. Sebastian rose, stripping off his jacket. I raised an eyebrow when his dress shirt followed.
"Don't you have to check on Ciel?"
Sebastian tossed the remainder of his clothing onto a chair.
"I'm sure he will manage without me for one night."
I was astonished. As Ciel's butler, he spent every night helping the young boy get ready for bed. He rarely slept with me, even though we shared a room. It was odd, but I wasn't complaining; I slept better with him next to me anyway.
I snuggled against him when he joined me under the blankets, listening to his steady heartbeat with his arms wrapped around me. Long fingers toyed with strands of my hair as he hummed softly. I couldn't place the tune, but it sounded familiar. A kiss to the back of my head made my heat swell. What had I done to deserve such a wonderful creature? I could be moody and difficult, but this man chose to remain with me. He wanted me to be safe and happy, and went out of his way to do so. My mind wandered to the letter within my binder. I never wanted him to open it. He didn't deserve the pain that would accompany its words, and I half-considered burning it. Reminding myself that it had a purpose, be it an unpleasant one, I drifted off, sinking into the abyss of dreamless sleep.