Rules For England To Live By

by CageslothSchmiiidt

I've seen a few of these around but never saw any for England. I NEED suggestions! My first time writing for a long time and I would appreciate help. May extend into oneshots.

1. Chapter 1

I saw a few of these list and I thought ' why the heck not?'. I haven't seen one of the for England yet.

RULES I AM OBLIGED TO LIVE BY AS FORCED ON ME BY GERMANY (and most other people...)

By England

1) Not allowed to sing " Two world wars and one world cup, doo-dah doo-dah" while in the presence of Germany.

2) Not allowed to bring 1966 world cup up around Germany any more. He doesn't care.

3) Not allowed to booby trap my house against France, even if it is only for my own peace of mind.

4) They don't work any way.

5) Trap-pits in the garden, however....

6) Not allowed to dig trap-pits in my garden, it is stupid and immature.

7) Fill in that trap-pit you dug in the garden, France had to get a cast.

8) Never mind that he was attempting to break into my bloody house at bloody midnight for heaven's sake!

9) The proper response when an ally, like, say, France, is hurt or in trouble, say like, down a trap-pit, is to get them help as soon as possible.

10) The incorrect response to the aforementioned situation is to close the curtains and play Muse at top volumn.

11) Not allowed to point out that the Eiffel Tower looks a bit like a giant phallus. It will backfire horribly.

12) Just because the accepted alternative name for 'author' is 'wordsmith' does not give me the excuse to call politicians 'bollock-smiths'.

13) Not allowed to sing that song about sheep-shagging.

14) Not allowed to teach Peter that song about sheep-shagging.

15) Not even if I'm drunk am I allowed to sing songs about sheep-shagging and similar.

16) Not allowed to get drunk in the proximity of France, Russia, Prussia or any young children.

17) Not allowed to call Wales 'Sheep Boy'.

18) When drunk, I'm not allowed to wear a traffic-cone as a hat.

19) When drunk, I am not allowed to put traffic cones on top of bus stops, even if they do look like wizards afterwards.

20) Am never allowed to sing 'Eskimo Nell'.

21) Should I be handed any forms or questionnaires to fill in, whether it be from a fellow nation or not, I am not to fill them in with inappropriate and facetious answers.

22) Not allowed to take anyone to Blackpool.

23) Not allowed to call Germany a ' camp, Nazi, sunbed stealing, sausage eating kraut'.

24) Not allowed to antagonise Russia.

25) Not allowed to call America a wanker.

26) Not allowed to curse anyone.

27) Not allowed to summon anything to set on other nations.

28) Not allowed to talk to fairies while around the other nations. Apparantly I'm crazy enough already ( They exist, I tell you!).

29) Not allowed to key anyone's car.

30) Shouldn't try and outdrink Russia ( That man is not human.).

Thatttssss all I got. This is my first time writing for APH. I really hope that I got Iggy in character. I may come back with a few more when I think of some, seeing as there is probably more he could do to people like France and stuff...

Help me? Please?