Monk's latest agony had several sources. Some months ago, Natalie had come to him and told him that she was pregnant.
"What? How? No, Natalie, you're on birth control pills." He suddenly remembered Julie was also in the room. "Uh, I mean...Tic Tacs."
At that, Natalie glared at Monk. "Yes, Mr. Monk, Tic Tacs. So when Julie accidentally threw my pills away, she actually did replace them with Tic Tacs, thinking that's what they were." Natalie regretted the harsh lie, but knew Monk would try to fire her for what she'd done if she didn't try to guilt him into letting her keep her job. In reality, Natalie guessed, quality control at the pill factory was just on vacation one day.
Monk was aghast. "Oh, Natalie, jeez, I'm sorry, please, if there's anything I can do..."
"It's Ambrose's."
Monk blinked. Monk blinked again.
"...What's Ambrose's?"
"...My baby, Mr. Monk. We had sex and he knocked me up."
And thus began the first of Monk's bouts of shrieking as he fled from the room at the thought of Natalie, his brother Ambrose, and sex all rolled into one.
XXXX
A few months later (after several intense therapy sessions with Dr. Kroeger), Monk was again a regular visitor at casa Teeger. Ambrose had not moved in (naturally, insisting that his and Adrian's father Jack Monk wouldn't be able to find them again, as well as his severe agoraphobia), and he and Natalie had decided to remain friends.
On one night, Natalie decided to reveal something equally earth-shattering to Monk's battered psyche.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Monk, but I've broken a promise I made to you before, me and Julie."
A quizzical expression appeared on Monk's face. "What promise..." Dawning horror appeared on his face. "No."
"Yes, Mr. Monk. Julie and I have become nudists." And with that, Natalie and Julie began stripping off in front of Monk.
Monk again fled the house, shrieking at the top of his lungs.
XXXX
"I think Natalie is trying to kill me," Monk confided to Dr. Kroeger the next week.
Dr. Kroeger remained silent for a moment, evaluating the statement. "Adrian, we've talked about this before. There's nothing wrong with the naked human body, and Natalie getting pregnant certainly wasn't something to be upset over, no matter who the father is. You should be happy for Natalie that she's making her own choices."
"But she's forcing Julie into a life of perversion!" Monk pointed out.
"Adrian, how old is Julie now? Didn't you tell me she was 18?" Monk grimly nodded. "Alright, she's a legal adult now, she's entitled to behave how she likes, within the confines of the law." Monk opened his mouth, but Dr. Kroeger cut him off. "And Adrian, myself and Captain Stottlemeyer have already explained to you that it is not a crime to be in a state of undress within your own home or in specially designated public areas." Monk frowned and leaned back.
"I think you're working with Natalie," Monk concluded.
Dr. Kroeger sighed. He was glad, at least, that Monk was putting his son through college (in both a financial and inspirational manner).
XXXX
So, Monk eventually managed to get used to Natalie and Julie's frequent nudity (though he always kept his gaze skyward as often as possible, resulting in him stumbling in the Teeger household frequently). One day, though, he began shrieking and wouldn't stop.
His eyes were affixed to Natalie's breasts, grown larger from the pregnancy. She had begun lactating. Three of Monk's greatest fears -- nudity, milk, and human reproduction -- were at ground zero of his social life. Natalie was trying to shout at him over his screams, but to no avail. Monk couldn't even bear to run this time, his trauma so deep.
Finally, a mercy from God (as Natalie took it), Monk fainted.
XXXX
Monk awoke in his own bed. Standing around him, with mixed looks of concern and annoyance, were Natalie, Stottlemeyer, and Dr. Kroeger.
"Oh, Natalie, I had the most terrible dream. You were a pregnant lactating nudist..." He looked down at her protruding belly. He blinked once, twice.
He began shrieking again. Dr. Kroeger came forward instantly, syringe in hand. As Monk felt the prick in his neck, he began to complain that he didn't like meds, but everything was so slow...
XXXX
After a solid week of counseling (granted after the combined begging of Natalie and Stottlemeyer), Monk was finally able to cope with Natalie's new condition. His recovery was helped along, ironically enough, by a visit from Harold Crenshaw.
Monk answered the door after returning home one day to find an enraged Harold on the other side.
"What did you do to Dr. Kroeger?" Harold demanded.
"What do you mean what did I do? Are you sure it wasn't something you did, Harold?" Monk fired back.
"Dr. Kroeger cancelled all my appointments this week, and I found out that he booked you for a whole week! How did you brainwash him, mister master detective?"
A cruel smile came to Monk's face. "Actually, Harold, Dr. Kroeger told me that he was thinking about attending to me full-time from now on. He said that he prefers the way I arrange the magazines in his office. He told me to tell you to...move on."
Harold's face, which had already been an impressive shade of red, moved up the spectrum to head-popping purple. He raised his fists in fury, then let his arms drop in defeat as he screamed out in frustration. "Damn you to hell, Adrian!" Harold shouted as he turned to leave. "You're lying and I'll find out! I'll send him an email!"
"Nice try, Harold, but Dr. Kroeger doesn't have email!" Monk jeered back. He was answered with the slamming of the door.