Chapter 1: What They Don't See
Mike wasn't actually sure he'd ever seen Anders this pale, or this quiet before. Anders had always been pale, sure, but usually there was some color to him, and usually he was talking or at least moving. Anders had never been one to just be still- it was no shock that Anders, who loved to talk, and had always been charismatic, had become Bragi. But now, Mike found himself sitting in a chair in a hospital, listening to the beeping of machines and Anders breathe heavily, the only noise either of them had made for an hour except for when Mike had called Ty and Anders almost an hour ago. He'd waited until Anders had been in a room, which had taken a few of hours, as they had also cleaned him up a bit and gotten him settled. Ty and Axl didn't need to see the complete mess that had been Anders five hours ago.
The other two would be there soon. Ty had been asleep, and Axl had complained of car trouble- Mike made a mental note to find some contest to win a car for Axl because really it was getting riddiculous- but he assumed they'd be there soon. They had to be. Olaf was unreachable- and Mike didn't even want to think of why.
Mike still couldn't believe Anders. His normally cautious- cowardly, even- brother- had thrown himself directly in the way of a flaming arrow that wouldn't have landed him in the hospital, except for Anders had managed to fall down several flights of stairs on impact, and had broken several ribs, fractured his arm in more than one place, gotten a concussion, and cracked his head slightly. He'd also been burned even more than just an arrow would have when his jacket caught fire, and had been bruised and banged up.
Anders had saved his life from Colin without even a second thought. The doctors had said that if Mike had been shot, he might not have lived as the arrow might've pierced his heart. and Anders hadn't even been with Mike- Anders had known that Colin was planning this and saved him without even thinking.
All things considered, Mike had learned a lot tonight- he'd learned that Colin wasn't half bad at archery, and that Anders could do a perfect aerial cartwheel- which had impressed Mike more than anything else he'd seen in a long time. He'd learned that Anders, at the very least, cared whether he lived or died, and he'd learnt what burning flesh smelt like. and he'd also learned that he never wanted to smell it again.
and now, here he was, sitting in a chair next to his younger brother's hospital bed, with no clue whether he'd actually live or die. He was stable, but the doctors had said that he could get worse in the next 24 hours, and that they had to be careful for pneumonia and other illnesses. He'd never wanted to see Anders hurt, not like this, and it scared him to see Anders so fragile. Perhaps, the biggest thing he'd learned- and probably always known, was that he really did love Anders.
Mike looked up as Axl and Ty both hurried into the room, Ty's face going pale and Axl freezing mid step as they caught sight of Anders. "Shit," Axl mumbled finally, running his fingers through his hair.
"Colin did this?" Ty asked, hurrying to sit down next to Mike. When Mike nodded in affirmative, Ty's shoulders slumped. "Fuck. This is bad."
"I know," Mike said, sighing heavily.
"Has he woken up?" Ty asked.
"Not since he passed out. He's in a lot of pain, though."
Anders chest was bare, with , and his arm was in a cast. His other arm, where the arrow had hit, with wrapped in bandages, and gauze covered other burns, as the doctors had been unable to wrap his chest due to his broken ribs. He had a couple stitches in his head, but the doctors said those should heal in no time. A large, raised, purple bump had appeared on his forehead, and Mike didn't envy the headache Anders would have when he woke up. Purple bruises dotted Anders' side, and Mike suddenly found himself wishing that Ty was still Hodr and could simply help Anders feel better until Anders was released from the hospital and Michele could get near him with yggdrasil to heal him. She'd already tried, 30 minutes ago, and had been turned away.
"What exactly happened?" Axl asked, biting his lip.
"I'm not even sure. I was walking to my car, and I had parked on top of the parking building because I couldn't find a spot anywhere else, and I see Colin standing there when I get to the top, and he's got a bow, and an arrow, and they're on fire," Mike said softly, biting his lip. "and then all of a sudden, the elevator dings and Anders runs out of it, and knocks me aside and takes the arrow," Mike said softly.
"and how did you get away?" Ty asked, looking both upset and impressed.
"Anders fell down the stairs, and he was kind of yelling in pain, and writhing a bit, and trying to put himself out, but his jacket was on fire. I ran after him, and I guess Colin kind of knew he'd never be able to come after me, not when I was expecting it."
"Am I going to have to call a Folkmoot? Axl asked.
"That's kind of your call, but yeah, I think it would a good idea.," Mike said, shaking his head as a doctor, a tall, blonde woman who gave Mike a funny feeling in his stomach, entered the room. "Is there anything new," he asked as the doctor checked Anders' vitals.
The doctor looked over at him and nodded. "We just got all the initial tests that were run when he was brought in back., but we found some other things that concern us," she said, injecting something into the I.V.
"What do you mean?" Ty asked, looking concerned.
"Well, when we took some samples to see if his lung was punctured, checking for internal damage and stuff, we noticed signs of kidney failure, as well as an unusually high alchohol level, Is your brother a heavy drinker?"
"The other day, he mixed vodka into his jam," Axl said thoughtfully. "and he made vodka jello too," he said.
"I had that, it was kind of good actually-" Ty said before shaking his head. "Yeah, Anders could be classified as a heavy drinker," he told the doctor. "Especially in recent months," he said thoughtfully. Since Gaia had become Idunn and Anders had become a pariah.
"We'll have to run some tests, but I'd like to have each of you tested, just in case he needs a new kidney."
"We'd uh- actually like to try some, er- religious healing methods before he gets sliced open,," Mike said, thinking back to Michele,, "but run the tests, of course."
"Are you sure? The grace of god doesn't always work, and if he worsens, it might be too late," the doctor advised.. Mike looked over at Axl, who was giving the doctor a rather confused look, and Ty, who didn't seem to be bothered at all.
"We're actually pagan," Ty said. Technically, he reasoned, this was true- Ty was, after all, pagan, and if Mike, Axl and Anders suddenly stopped being gods, they would be too. The doctor's eyes widened and she nodded, smiling slightly.
"I thought I got a funny feeling from you," she said, looking at Mike and then at Axl. "Which are you?"
"Wait, you're a goddess?" Axl asked, his eyes widening.
"I am.. Eir, Goddess of healing, or the Green Goddess," she said, "and you three are?"
"Ullr," Mike said. "Anders is Bragi," he added, gesturing to Anders.
"I was Hodr-but I'm mortal now," Ty said, and shrugged. Eir raised an eyebrow, but then turned expectantly to Axl,
"and you? or are you not yet 21?"
"I'm 23," Axl informed her. "I'm Odin."
She bowed at him, ignoring Axl's protests. "My lord Odin.," she said, as Axl hissed at her that it wasn't needed.
"If you're the goddess of healing, shouldn't you be able to heal Anders?" Ty asked, looking confused.
"I wish. I don't have the power to heal people- just the earth," Eir said. "I wish I could. But you seem to know a way he can be healed," she said, curiously, eyeing Mike.
"my girlfriend, Michele, has a branch from yggdrasil. She's already healed Anders once- saved him from death, in fact," Mike explained. "She tried to bring it in, but someone caught her and she was removed from the premises."
Eir looked impressed. "A branch of yggdrasil- that's impressive," she said, and then looked down at Anders. "So, I'm guessing from the third degree burns and the fact that he was on fire less than five hours ago, he crossed Colin.?"
"No. Colin was after me. You know him?" Mike asked, curious.
"He's my cousin," Eir sighed. "He's such a wanker," she added, with an eyeroll before looking down at Anders. "I hope he wakes up soon, but I better go check on my other patients. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask- Ask for Doctor Kate Lofgren," she said, turning to head for the door.
She stopped at the door as Anders groaned. "See? He should be up soon. Call for a nurse if he needs any more pain meds, but I just gave him some that should hold him over for a while, I hope," she said. "I know I can't heal him, but let him know he does have the goddess of healing on his side. It might help."
"We'll make sure he knows," Mike said, as Axl finally slipped into the third chair in the room, on Ander's other side. She shut the door, and Mike sighed softly. "He's going to be in a world of pain when he wakes up."
"Maybe Kate will help us get Michele in here with yggdrasil," Axl suggested, looking hopeful, watching as Anders' hand twitched. "He looks like crap."
"Well what do you expect," Ty responded, fixing the corner of Anders' blanket. "He just reenacted the scene from Lord of the Rings when Denethor died."
All three brothers winced slightly, and then Axl sighed. "Yeah, but I mean- he looks like he hasn't slept in a while either. and he's pale. He doesn't look...well."
"He's been mostly sitting at home with only alcohol for company," Mike said with a shrug. "Of course he doesn't."
"It's more than that," Axl said, looking thoughtful. "It's-more serious.."
"Well yeah, Axl, he's covered in bruises, plasters and scratches. Of course he looks more serious," Mike said.
"He's not going to be able to live alone for a while, is he?" Ty questioned.
"I don't think so. We'll figure something out," Mike decided. as Anders groaned again. Anders eyes fluttered open, and he glared at Mike for a second before blinking around the room. "Welcome back to the land of the living," Mike said dryly.
"Living? Fuck," Anders groaned hoarsely.. Axl and Ty exchanged worried glances. "I thought I would die.."
"If you thought you would die, why did you save Mike? Colin would have missed him." Ty asked quietly, eyeing his brother.
Anders was quiet, his eyes hardly staying open still. The blond was lost in thought, or maybe he was just trying to sleepily decide for himself exactly why he had done it.. After a good minute or so, Anders cleared his throat a little bit, and, not looking up at Ty, explained. "People would miss Mike if he died. No one would miss me. I thought if I took his place, you three could go on living a happy life, and maybe think about me sometimes. Mike has people who love him. I don't. All anyone wants me for is Bragi," he said, the last part almost silent, as if he didn't want to admit it.
All three brothers looked at each other for a second, each one trying to figure out how to deny it. But no one could deny it. They never needed Anders for himself, just for his ability to persuade people. But they had never realised it hurt Anders.
"Anders, we do love you," Axl protested.
"I would miss you," Ty added, truthfully. "Dawn would miss you too," he added.
"You wouldn't though, you'd get over it" Anders said, his voice cracking. Axl moved to get the cup of ice chips from the table, and offered one to Anders, who opened his mouth so Axl could drop it in, since his arms were bandaged up. "and I just thought, I guess I thought that if I saved Mike, you would all have something good to remember me by, and I'd stop hurting my family. and I wouldn't be alone anymore. and I guess- I wanted to die but I was afraid to do it myself. Because I would die alone. and the idea scares me. But if I died saving Mike- I'd be with someone."
The other looked at each other. Had things gone that far? Anders voice was cracking and he looked close to tears, his eyes welling up. None of them could even remember the last time they'd actually seen Anders cry- he normally kept everything so closed in. For the god of poetry, Anders was terrible at actually revealing anything much. He wasn't a poet pouring his feelings out on paper.
"Anders..." Ty began slowly, but Axl finished his sentence for him, voicing what they all were thinking.
"You should have said something."
"I tried. I told you that I was afraid, and tried to remind you that I have feelings," Anders slurred his words slightly. "But no one understood. I couldn't help the thing with Gaia. I didn't want to do it. She didn't want to do it. We had no choice. It was all Bragi and Idunn, and I had never hated myself as much as I did when I opened the door for her. and I've hated myself ever since."
Anders sighed heavily. "and no matter what I do, you all hate me. I save us from god hunters, and everyone praises Stacey for finding them but not me for getting them off our asses. I mean, sure, I created an accident cult around Michele, but she's a goddess, she would have gotten used to it. and I took care of that too. But you all just want Bragi. You don't want Anders. Nevermind the fact that my partner was brutally murdered, and I'm dealing with that, and then trying to sort out everything with Gaia,. and then my own brother almost kills me and I'm told I should apologize to him."
""I never asked for an apology," Axl said, wrinkling his eyebrows. He would have liked one, sure, but Anders wasn't wrong about the whole almost killing him thing.
"I may have- it was when you were spiraling," Mike defended himself. "But I probably should have been more sensitive."
"I guess we just- all kind of are so used to dealing with you being a dick, that we do it by default now," Ty said. "But we shouldn't, because you have been changing."
"and you have done a lot for us, even before you stopped being such a dick," Axl said thoughtful. "I mean, I'd be in prison if not for you."
"I'd be dead, or hurt," Mike said. "I'd be the one in the hospital bed."
"I'd still be Hodr, because you wouldn't have brought yggdrasil back."
"We'd actually all be dead," Axl said thoughtful. "Because I would have died back when I had that viral infection, and then you all would have as well," he reasoned.
"We do need you, Anders. Even if we don't admit it," Ty assured him. "We wouldn't know what to do without you.."
Anders focused on Ty for a moment, and then on his other brothers. "Promise?" He said quietly, sounding for just a moment like was a small child, and looking the part with wide eyes and his bottom lip stuck out. All three of his brothers nodded, and they all fell into silence.
Just when Mike thoUght that Anders was probably asleep again, Anders spoke up. "Why hasn't Michele done her stick routine on me? I hurt everywhere."
"They wouldn't let her," Mike assured him. "But once you get out, she'll be able to fix you up."
"Good," Anders said. "What are we doing about Colin?" He asked, his voice groggy.
"I'm going to call a Folkmoot or something," Axl said. "Maybe I'll ban him from New Zealand."
"Ban him from using his powers or trying to murder people, and make sure you add in a part about having people killed as well. I can see him trying that to get around you," Ty suggested.
"I like that," Axl said thoughtfully. "I know he's crazy and an attempted murderer- a really murderer if mum counts, and I'm the only one of us he hasn't tried to kill now, but I don't like the idea of being responsible for him dying, you know?"
"It would be more torture for him to be unable to use his powers," Anders said tiredly.
"Hey," Ty said suddenly, looking worried. "Who's going to tell Anders about his kidney failure?"
Anders sat straight up, crying out "WHAT?," followed by a cry as pain shot through his ribs.
"Don't worry about it," Mike said quickly, helping Anders lay back again. "Michele will fix it. your doctor thinks it's from heavy drinking, which means your liver is probably shot too. Either that, or somehow when Axl threw you, it injured your kidney. Blood loss or something. Maybe basically dying can do that to a person. I don't know, I'm not a medical professional. It could just a thing that happened without a real catalyst. But it will be fixed. But you've got to take care of yourself," he added sternly.
Anders half shrugged, closing his eyes. "You talk too much, Mikkel. I'm going to dream of all the horrible deaths that Colin could die now," he said, snuggling into his pillows. Mike chuckled, pulling Anders' blanket up again.
"You have fun with that," he said, rolling his eyes.
Anders opened his eyes again. "But, can you all promise me one thing?"
"Sure," Axl said, shifting in his chair.
"Please don't leave me?" Anders said, his voice quiet, and broken, sounding exactly like the four year old who had asked his big brother not to leave him one night while their parents were having a particularly violent fight.
If the sound of Mike's heart shattering was as noticeable as he thought it was as all three brothers assured the fourth that they wouldn't leave, Axl and Ty didn't say anything.
AN: So, this was supposed to be a quick thing, and then it ended up turning into a 2 chapter piece as my muses decided that they needed to hurt Anders as badly as they could. I did stop them from breaking his hip, though. The second chapter is going to deal with wrapping things up, hopefully with a nice bow.
But yeah, this is my first real piece for the TAJ fandom on it's own, and I kind of don't know how I got the characters. Luckily, I have the excuse of them all being tired/scared/upset or drugged.
Eir is a personal favorite goddess of mine in mythology, and Emily, who knows a lot more than I do, helped me figure it all out. She and I kind of talked through this to figure out what her power would be and stuff.