Like a good majority of my stuff, please don't take this seriously. This is just something I sent to my friend on tumblr, so also expect it to be a bit choppy due to character limits from that site.
Homestuck is © Andrew Hussie
John yelped as Dave shoved the long and slender object up into the unknown depths of his ass. The young Strider boy shushed his companion as he pushed it up even further. He began thrusting it back and forth, each time causing John to whimper in pain. A few minutes later, he pulled the object out and then handed it to John to see. John sniffed it, and then eagerly took a large bite. "This cucumber is delicious!" he told Dave. He nodded and proceeded to do this several more times with other vegetables. Soon the many vegetables were placed onto the table, and both John and Dave started chopping them up and adding them to the large salad bowl in the center of the table. When they were finished they carried it out onto the dining room table just as their guests were beginning to arrive with the other courses for their meal. "I'm glad you all could make it," Dave said, "The salad we made tonight is extra special"
Everyone had gathered around the table and began to eat. "Wow! This salad is delicious!" Jade exclaimed. Sollux took a bite "What did you put in it? It tastes kinda nutty." Dave smiled and leaned back in his chair, "Nothing much, I just shoved everything up into John's ass." The entire party suddenly went quiet and everyone looked at their food. "YOU DUMBASS! THAT'S WHAT ERIDAN AND I DID WITH OUR FUCKING TURKEY TOO!" The entire party shrugged and continued eating without care. By the end of the night everyone was full of ass-salad, ass-turkey, and whatever other food that was brought that had also probably been shoved in someone's orifices. Eventually people were growing board, but that soon stopped when Jade noticed Jaspersprite sitting at the far end of the table. First she let out a growl, then a bark, and the next thing everyone knew Jade was on the table, howling out death threats at the cat ghost creature. The foul language made Equius sweat.
In order to calm everyone down, Karkat started yelling obscenities back at Jade. Eventually they started fighting, to no one's surprise. Eridan suddenly stood up, grabbed a turkey bone, and whacked Karkat in the back of the head. "Calm your tits man!" Everyone stared, and then suddenly a fistfight broke out around the whole table! Kanaya punched Equius in the face, Terezi smacked Tavros with her cane, and everyone else was punching everyone else. Davesprite hid in the closet.
Doc Scratch watched all of this commotion from his room and suddenly got a brilliant idea. He went into his back room and produced a large box, and then a few seconds later he sent the box right into the middle of the fist fight. Rose was the first one to notice the box, and after carefully looking inside she pulled out one of the strange objects. "What's this?" she asked before pushing the button. The object started to vibrate in her hands, and a sinister smile began to form. "Tag! You're it!" Rose jammed the vibrator right into Vriska's ass. The spider bitch squealed before grabbing another vibrator from the box and following suit. Soon after everyone was playing this strange game of tag, but that quickly changed when Feferi gave a loud, feral moan as Nanasprite shoved the vibrator a little too far between her legs. The crowd stopped, looked at Fef, and then at their own vibrators. Then all hell broke loose.
Davesprite peeked out of the closet a few minutes later. His jaw dropped as he saw everyone, and he means EVERYONE, fucking in one huge cumguzzling ogry that had started on the dining room table and then spilled out onto the surrounding floor. He stared out in horror. Nepeta was hoarding the vibrator box, and Sollux was trying to design some kind of rube goldberg machine using the vibrators, dinnerware, food, and everyone's bodyparts to make some kind of sex machine!
When Davesprite finally emerged from the closet everyone stopped their rampant humping and looked at him. "This has got to stop!" He pulled the sword from his chest and pointed at the group, then he lunged forward and sliced through ALL of the vibrators. With the spell broken, or just the disappointment of not having any more vibrators to use finally hitting them, everyone just got up and left, still naked .Davesprite looked to the sky and flipped the bird, then left holding the box. Sometime later Doc Scratch was sitting in his chair when he heard a knock at his door. As he opened it, a large box few straight at him, hitting him in the face and knocking him backwards a good ten feet. Davesprite stood in the doorway, glaring down at the orb-headed man who now lay on the ground in front of him. "How did you manage to find me?" he asked. Davespride pointed behind him. Doc Scratch gasped at who he saw. "You! Why would you let him do this to me?" Andrew Hussie walked out from behind Davesprite and high-fived his orange companion. "It's because I'm Andrew Motherfucking Hussie, yo." The two of them then ran through the house and jumped through a window, falling down the cliff face. A cloud of thousands of Tinkerbulls caught them and whisked them away into the sunset. Hussie/Davesprite then landed in front of a sleezy L.A. bar, got shitfaced, and proceeded to steal the Declaration of Independence from Betty Crocker's army. THE END