Hey its jam!!!!!!!! Ill let you in on a secret…. Northern Ireland rocks!! (just to state "tantasic is a self tan cream"). One shot.

Disclaimer: I defiantly do not own the twilight saga or its characters this is purely for the amusement (hopefully) of chalk and cheese and jam's readers.

Ps. This first ever ever ever fanfic! Hope you like it!!

Tantastic (under cover tanning agent)

I got up and started my daily routine of dragging myself out of my burgundy and white quilted, but unnecessary bed. I found my way to one of the many bathrooms in the house, dew to my adopted mother's passion for designing.

Oh, and I better state before we begin that ALL of my family think I'm crazy just because I still take my human routine seriously! They never shut up! It's all "Rosalie why are you still brushing your teeth, you don't eat! Or, "What's the point you are not human!!" blah blah blah…stupid Edward.

I was a bit more down than most mornings, because my idiotic other half had ruined my favourite pair of Marc Jacobs with the straps!!! Just because Emmett is not as careful as the rest of us hunting!! Swinging the grizzly about like a baseball bat and then its all…."opps sorry Rose, to bad about the shoes!! Moron grrrrrrrrhh……

First thing first, moisturizer. I squeezed the pea sized amount onto my finger tips…. although my routine was cut short by an eruption of houls and laughter from downstairs

It was a horrific sight ……1st there was my big sister Alice curled up on the sofa laughing her head off,…. every body seemed to be the same way, her partner Jasper. Was flat out on the floor laughing, a book beside him, prior to the outburst was supposedly being read. Even my well mannered controlled brother Edward was laughing so hard, if he could cry the tears would me rolling down his cheeks…..

But there was something wrong with the picture before me. Then I saw it, an Emmett shape dent in the wall and my husband sitting under it on the floor, his booming laugh echoing of the walls! Right! "I've had enough of this family!" whatever immature occasion had them in fits would have to wait till later, I had a human morning to fake.

I stormed upstairs and continued moisturizing.

" great another day in the loony bin" I muttered to myself as I found slippers and followed the corridor to the bathroom and stood facing the mirror….

WHAT THE HECK!

I AM ORANGE!

CATPILLAR CRAP ON A CRACKER!

HE WILL DIE!!!

I stood there shocked. My whole beautiful vampire face was orange! Apparently it's hilarious to put tantastic in my face cream! Forehead to neck was tangerine!

I stumped my way to the bedroom, I was just simply fuming. I had to get revenge soon.

I pulled the biggest mirror of my gorgeous slider walk in wardrobe of its hinges, as a weapon…" oh Emmett my teddy bear can you come here for a second baby?, I heard a sweet mumbled response of "coming"

" by the time I'am done with him he wil need all the kings horses and all the kings men, to stick my twit of a partner together again" I whispered under my breath.

Knock knock…..

Revenge is sweet.