Lawrence, Kansas 22 years ago
"Come 'ere, Dean. Let's say goodnight to Sammi and then we'll get you in bed."
"Okay, Mama." Dean yawns and then smiles the sweetest smile I have ever seen. He grabs my hand and tugs me towards the crib. "Goodnight, Sammi. See you in the morning!" He leans over the side of the crib and kisses his baby sister goodnight.
It always amazes me how much he loves her. While other kids his age got bored after the initial wonderment of becoming an older sibling, Dean became Sammi's bodyguard, protector, and hero. Determined to teach her all that he knows, earlier that day, Dean had tried to teach her to sing. He was patient, but after a while of her babbling, he became confused. "Why won't she sing, Mama?" It took me a while to explain to him that it would be a while until she could. Sammi is still too little to actually do anything, but it is clear that they are going to be close.
"Hey, Dean!"
"Daddy!" my oldest child squeals as he runs to his father, my husband, and the love of my life, John.
John swings him up into his arms and gives him a big hug. "So, Dean, do 'ya think Sammi's big enough to toss around a football, yet?" John teases, referencing the earlier situation.
Dean sighs. "No, Daddy! He's too little!" He had just gotten this wisdom earlier today and is a little frustrated that John would even suggest such a thing. But, being the sweetie he is, he smiles to show that he forgives his dad, silly though he is.
"Oh, of course! How could I forget?" John ruffles the hair on Dean's head. "Well, kiddo, let's get you to bed. Give your mother a kiss." Both of my boys kissed me. Dean rests his head on John's shoulder and closes his eyes.
"You got him?" I mouth to my husband. "I think I'm gonna turn in early."
Although I love my children, they were quite a handful at times. It's a relief to be able to hand off some responsibilities, like Dean's bedtime, to John.
John nods, draws me in for a quick kiss, and then leaves the nursery. I turn off the lights, go into our bedroom, and tuck myself in. I smile. I close my eyes, already beginning to drift away, happy and content in the moment...
. . .SPN.
After tucking Dean in, I went downstairs with the intent of watching the game and drinking a beer before I would go upstairs to Mary. I must have fallen asleep. The glow from the TV makes the shadows even darker. I look at the clock. It is midnight.
"Wah! Wah!" I hear from the monitor.
I suddenly remember what had woke me. Poor Sam. She normally sleeps through the night. Why is she crying? Slightly worried, I pull myself up from the couch, turn off the TV, and begin the trek upstairs to comfort my baby.
When I get there, I am relieved to see that Mary is already standing over the bed and Sam has stopped crying.
"Do you need an-"
"Shhh..." Mary says, shooing me away.
Relieved that she is there, I whisper, "Okay... If need me, I'm going to bed." I turn and trudge sleepily to our room.
I lay down and close my eyes. The bed is so warm. Feeling the heat radiating from Mary, I reach over and wrap my arms around her waist. Oh, God. I love her so much...
Sam.
I rush out of the room and into the nursery. The woman, definitely not Mary, is still here. She holds Sam.
She puts Sam down. She turns around.
"Who the hell are you? Stay away from my daughter!" I yell.
Silent, she smiles.
Then, all at once, I am in horrible pain... and fear... and then... Nothing.
. . . SPN.
"John?"
I look around. He's not here. He must have fallen asleep downstairs... But still, I could have sworn that I had just felt-
"Ahhhhhhh!" John screams.
"John? John!" I run out of our room and follow the noise into the nursery. No one is there. Panic strikes as I ran to the crib. Sammi's still there. I look around. The scream came from here, I just know it. Where is he? I look back at my daughter, brushing her face. She's awake, alert, and surprisingly calm. My hand touches something wet. Wait, what is that? Is that blood? It is. I study Sammi... It's not coming from her. But where? I look up.
John, eyes wide and chest bloodied. John, a look of fear and terror on his face. John, on fire. John... John.
"John!" I scream.
The ceiling is ablaze.
"Mom!" Dean cries out.
I come back to reality. My motherly instincts kick in and I grab Sammi. Giving her to Dean, I say "Take your sister outside! Hurry! I'll be there in a minute!" I watch Dean run with his sister. When I am determined that they will be safe, I look back at my husband. I sob. There is nothing for me to do. I look for the last time at the love of my life and I run out of the house, to my children. No sense in leaving my children without either parent.
. . .SPN.
The fire is out. My babies are safe. I curse. I cry. I scream. I hold my children.
I was so determined to leave this life! I wanted my family to be safe!
I thought I could leave. I thought I could keep my children from living this life. I was wrong. I can't.
But...
But...
I will never let my children get hurt again. I will keep them safe. I will get revenge for my husband... For John.
I will not stop until every black (or yellow) eyed SOB is dead.