DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to me, although the plot does. They were created by the fantastic Stephanie Meyer.
Author's Note: My first somewhat-lemony humorous story – what will Bella do when her family goes too far? READ AND FIND OUT. Bella's POV
Chapter One – Interruptions
I stroked his perfectly proportioned face, running my smooth thumb over his crystal lips and powdery eyelids. He slowly breathed out, into my mouth. I sighed and he wrapped his stone cold arms around my slim torso, as we interlocked legs, ankles twining together. He rubbed his nose back and forth across the sensitive skin near the inside of my arm. I clutched him closer as he leaned in towards my face, ocher eyes aligned with mine. His lips brushed along the corner of my mouth, and I moaned his name, pressing against him –
"WOOO! Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?" Both Edward and I shot up out of our king-sized bed, him launching himself in front of Emmett, glaring him down as Emmett stood nonchalantly, arms crossed across his buffed up chest. I tumbled out of the air and cracked my rock solid forehead on the mahogany bedside table near the corner of the iron posts. Unfazed, I rolled across the carpet and hopped up beside Edward. No matter. We still had at least three more finished cabinets in the garage… I think.
"EMMETT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?" demanded my rigid husband. Emmet just chuckled, punching Edward across the shoulder. "Hey, it's not my fault you choose to act out your sexual urges in public areas!" I sighed, patting Emmett on the forearm. "Em, we're in a bedroom. OUR bedroom." He looked like he was about to say something, but stopped himself. Edward fumed. "Get…out." "But!" I grabbed Emmett's shoulders and guided him toward the door. I heard Edward clenching his granite fists together behind me, mumbling incoherent curses about his over-intrusive brother. I outwardly groaned, and leaned up on my toes to whisper into my brother's ear. "I know you're…concerned, but if you, erhm, vacate the vicinity, I'll put in a good word for you with Rose."
At this, my giant teddy bear stood up straighter, whirling around and smiling down at me, looking serious for once. "You will? You really mean it?" I laughed melodiously, slapping his hand. "Of course I mean it! You deserve some more time with the one you cherish and desire most, especially at…such times. Now run along and go bother Carlisle." He grinned wildly, literally bouncing out the door with a frenzied rhythm. "THANKS BELLA!" he screamed jubilantly as he hopped down the hall, shaking the whole house. "VAMPIRE HEARING, REMEMBER?" I rolled my eyes, and turned to face my one true love. I let in a little gasp as he appeared right before me, centimeters away from my face.
"That was nice of you. I hadn't thought that you cared so much about Emmett's romantic predicaments. In fact, weren't you on Rosalie's side on this matter?" He had lifted me with one arm and carried us back into our bedroom, slamming the door while kissing my wrists. I smiled sheepishly up at my angel. Rosalie had been seriously annoyed by Emmett when he failed to show up to the wedding for the third time – THEIR wedding of course, an extra big one, to celebrate their 80th anniversary together. And this time, she didn't forgive him. In fact, Rose had been ignoring her husband altogether for about two and a half weeks now, an extremely long period of time for the usually extremely physical couple.
"Well, I had to do SOMETHING to salvage the moment. Besides, I'm sick of hearing Rosie complain about this and that while I only have wonderful things to say about our… flawless relationship." He had finished kissing up my arm, and was tracing his tongue in intricate patterns around the hollow of my icy neck. I noticed he was heading for the bathroom door. "Well, since you had to get your hands dirty cleaning up this mess… why don't you let me clean up my exquisitely beautiful wife," Edward mumbled into my skin. I shuddered, and rubbed up against his chest, letting out a throaty purr. He locked eyes with mine, alighting passion and fire in mine. He practically flew us across the shiny tiles, turning on the shower and slowly and painstakingly undressed me in his arms, lifting my blue sweater and bra over my head as I shrugged out of my jeans. He began to kiss down my throat and to my chest, slowly sucking a line towards my breasts when suddenly –
"WHOAH! Sorry, sorry! Didn't know you guys were in here!" I snapped my head around, hair flipping around towards the doorway. There stood a sheepish Jasper and a stunned Carlisle, frozen in shock at the sight of Edward's mouth on my nipple while I lay there limply, only in my panties. As quick as a lightening flash, steam swirled and I was immediately hidden behind the shower curtain while Edward stood towering over Jasper. I was still numb from having my older brother and father see me in such a compromising state. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" shouted a slightly stunned Edward, shaking Jasper by the shoulders. "GET… OUT!"
But as a seemingly guilt-ridden Carlisle futilely attempted to back away from the room, Jasper gulped in a taste of the violently lustful atmosphere and began to sway back in forth, projecting his feelings to Edward, Carlisle, and me. Edward was suddenly by my side, continuing fervently where he left off while I pushed him against the wall, licking up his stomach. Carlisle began to moan and writhe on the carpet, hugging the air as Jasper began to make out with the doorjamb. The moans and groans and bangs and cries rang out across the house, the town, maybe even the country as I finally noticed a black camcorder stuck high up in the alcoves of the bathroom. I shrieked, pulled away from a very naked Edward, and threw a towel over the screen. But it was too late. Half of my family was already caught on tape.
A/N: CLIFFY! I'll update again soon, so PLEASE x 100,000,000 review me. Thanks!