I had a hell of a time getting this to go up on fanfiction. It would show up in my fics and everything but it would not show up in the RENT section. Well, I finally figured it out. I think it was due to my dirty words...I seem to use them a lot. So, if this seems a little down rated, I apologize. I usually have a dirtier mouth...

Well this is going to be my last fic for a long time. It took me forever to type. I broke my arm on Saturday. This is the sixth bone I've ever broken (not counting fingers, toes, ribs, or the time I cracked my skull open and had to wear a helmet for 6 months). I'm very accident prone...

Enjoy

Everyone has a story, even the people that you hate. They all have reasons for their actions, not excuses just reasons.

I never graduated High School. I dropped out to work and help my mom out with the bills in the eighth grade. Do you know how hard it is to get a job without a high school diploma or a GED?

Well, I dropped out and started doing yard work for some guy. He lived alone and was fairly young. He had a really busy and well paying job and he needed a kid to mow his lawn, rake his leaves, shovel his driveway, and do whatever else needed to be done outside his house. He paid really well and I enjoyed doing the work. It gave me time to clear my head and think without being barged in on by one of my baby sisters.

Then one day I was painting the shutters on his house and he happened home. He invited me inside to get a drink, it was really hot out so I decided something cold to drink wouldn't be too bad.

I sat on a stool at his counter quietly sipping my lemonade out of a cup that probably costed more than my house.

He offered to show me his house and I complied, my mama always told me to never refuse a nice gesture.

He took me into his bedroom and shut and locked the door, of course I was scared and confused, but he was bigger and probably stronger than me.

He took a strand of my long dark hair and tucked it behind my ear telling me that I had beautiful hair.

He led me over to the bed and laid me down slowly taking off my clothes…

The rest you can probably figure out by yourself.

I tried to tell my mama but she wouldn't listen and I had to keep going over there to do his yard work for him.

Each time he was home he offered me a cold drink and for some reason each time I accepted. I don't know if it was out of fear or love, you kind of get a strange and painful connection with someone that takes advantage of you so much.

Two years later at the age of 15 I packed my bags and left. I headed from my small shitty house in Rhode Island to the big city, the only place that I had ever wanted to live.

When I first got there, I was homeless and sleeping in Thompson Square Park. Then one day I met the guy that would change my life forever.

His name was Charlie and he was 23 at the time, he was a drug dealer. He offered me to stay in his apartment with him; I accepted his offer (New York is cold).

He taught me everything that I now know. How to grow stuff, how to make stuff, how to measure stuff, how to sell stuff, how to find the right people to buy your stuff.

Soon, I was out working different streets for him. He gave me the dealer name that I went by until the day that I quit, The Man. I didn't have to pay for rent or food; he told me that my service to him was enough.

I never actually did the drugs. I just sold them. I was too afraid of what might happen to me if I did, I didn't want to end up like the people that I saw everyday.

Five years down the road Charlie died, he got hit by a taxi. I continued living in his apartment and selling to his costumers.

By then I was hooked, hooked on getting people hooked.

Customers came and went, at first I didn't like the idea that I was killing people and ripping families apart, but when your hungry enough or cold enough you'll do almost anything.

Then I broke the worst rule to break in drug dealing, I fell in love with a client. Her name was Jana. She was beautiful, she had long light brown hair and light blue breathtaking eyes.

I couldn't help myself and after awhile we started having sex. No we didn't have a real relationship, we just had sex. I knew she was just using me for the drugs but at the time I didn't care.

After about five months of us having unprotected sex she got pregnant.

I believed her when she told me that the baby was mine. She moved into my apartment with me and we continued our sexual relationship, nothing more.

I continued selling drugs and she stopped using drugs, for the baby's sake.

On October 12 my son was born. He was (and still is) beautiful. The moment I saw him for the first time I knew there was no denying he was my son. He looked just like my brother and me when we were babies.

We named him Dantae Ramiro Alvarez.

It came as a shock to me how easily I slipped into the role of fatherhood. I loved my son very much and enjoyed every moment I was with him.

Jana picked up her destructive habits again and I kept selling.

Then one day when Dantae was 6 months old she up and left. When I went to bed that night she was there and when I got up in the morning she was gone.

All she left was a note it said:

Ramiro-

Thank you for giving me shelter and love. Thank you for helping me bring a beautiful baby into this world, but I can't do this. I am not ready or willing to be a mother yet, but you are a great father. I am going back home to live with my aunt and cousin. I'm sorry I can't tell you where that is. Make sure Dantae knows that I love him.

Maybe someday we will meet again,

Jana

I threw the note to the ground and ran into my son's room. My heart leapt when I saw the small dark eyed boy lying in his crib curiously eating at his toes.

I decided I was going to do anything that I could to keep my small family together.

Two years later is when I first met April. She was sitting alone on a park bench. I could spot potential customers from miles away. I walked up to her and handed her a bag of white powder.

"First hits free." I told her just like Charlie had taught me and walked away.

From that day on she was a promising customer. She came every other day and sometimes came with a shorthaired blonde guy that didn't talk much.

Dantae started nursery school that same year. He was a smart boy and he caught on quickly. He knew his alphabet in English and Spanish.(A/N: Sadly I have no life and I can say the alphabet in Spanish...backwords)

Then one week April stopped coming, I feared the worst, but as always I didn't think about.

Until, the blonde guy came by and told me that April had died and he was giving up the drugs.

I flipped out on him and started to beat the shit out of him.

What the hell was I supposed to do?

That's two clients gone, all I could think about the whole time was Dantae.

Well some black guy got in on the fight and shoved me aside telling me to stay away from this guy, whose name I found out was Roger.

I did what he told me to and never went near Roger. I tried to respect people's wishes but sometimes it just pissed me off.

A year later is when I met Mimi, she also was beautiful. She made me think of Jana.

She of course too became a steady client. When I almost lost her to that Roger guy, I became even more pissed off.

He wasn't about to take another client from me.

She kept coming back to me but in the end she was gone for good.

I kept the drug dealing thing going for about 4 more years. By that time Dantae was 8 and he was curious as to what I did for a living. Of course I couldn't tell him that his daddy, the man he looks up to, kills people and ruins lives.

Then one night everything changed. I was at a bar scouting out new customers when I ran into that Roger guy again.

I decided to apologize to him for beating the crap out of him.

He kindly accepted my apology and informed me that him and Mimi were getting married and he was at his bachelor party.

I congratulated him and we started to talk.

That's when I learned just how messed up I made his life.

He got AIDS from the tainted needles that held the drug that I supplied. AIDS made April kill herself. April killing herself changed Roger forever.

But through it all he thanked me because he would have never met Mimi if it hadn't been for me.

That's probably the most messed up Thank You I've ever received in my life.

I decided that night that if I tried hard enough I could find a job and stop my destruction.

I sold the rest of my stashes and got a job sweeping up hair at the local barbershop and bartending at night.

Now, I'm looking to find something to do with my life that will make up for all the bad things I've done.

My choosing to raise my son alone was the best decision I have ever made.

I did everything for my son. He is my life.

I sold drugs for him. I reeled in innocent people for him. I ruined lives for him.

I stopped for him.

I hope you enjoyed it.

Reviews please.

If you'd like you can check out my other stories they are all ONESHOTS.