He releases a sigh-lonesome. The team has already dispersed to their homes for rest. Toshiko and Owen left at the same time, her a friendly smile and him being ignorant (typical Owen). He suspected it was that "date" Tosh wanted. Then Gwen second, busily chattering away with her fiancé, but had waved all the same. And Jack is "apprehending" a troublesome Weevil downtown.
Where is Ianto? Shifting through his newspapers and day-old magazines two hours before midnight. Not to confuse this slightly depressive mood with the receptionist's desire to be a center of attention. No, Ianto only wishes the rest of the team-or someone-would recognize him and truly notice him. His talents are limited and almost completely confined to the duties of cleaning and providing food along with drinks. It is a subordinate state of affairs that leaves him feeling more like the Torchwood's personal maid then a fellow team member.
Jack had taken an especially inquisitive interest in him since Lisa- his lips twitches at the mention of her name. But of lately his Captain has seemed withdrawn and almost... avoiding him. Of course, being with Torchwood doesn't exactly leave time for small talk and relaxing, but opportune moments are provided. And during moments like those Jack usually corralled him into a kiss, which would lead to "file reviewing and other things" in his office. If not that then a handsome Harkness smile or grin-broad, strong, approachable, and definitely sexy. Other times he'll catch Jack just gazing longingly or thoughtfully at him.
Damn, how he loves that man! The burst of admittance sends Ianto's cheeks a lust red. All the same he smiles because if it weren't love it wouldn't make the stomach flip, cheeks burn, and heart skip beats. It wouldn't make him feel so absurdly happy he could scream with joy and giggle with glee. And it definitely wouldn't make him feel fear so deeply and truly he would wonder how previous frights could ever compare.
Now, Ianto feels afraid. Yes, that's how he would explain. What else could it be? He is afraid he'll loose Jack like he lost Lisa. Only... unlike Lisa he will see the Captain every day and know somehow he wasn't good enough for him.
The thought burns a hole in his heart.
With a reproachful sigh he closes the magazine he was delving in. At the same moment the door flooshes open. The receptionist nearly suffers a minor heart attack, relaxing when he sees it's only Jack. His Captain looks tired and annoyed; a fair amount of blood splashes stain his long sleeve button-up beneath his open jacket honestly suggesting the chase went less then successfully. "Jack," he says, feeling concern even though he knows his boss can somehow... not die.
"Ianto," the Captain replies with a brief, halfhearted smile. Halfhearted?
The Welshman obediently clicks the button for the door nonetheless. Harkness disappears inside without so much as another word, not asking why he stayed and not bothering to explain the Weevil pursuit.
For a good while, Ianto stands behind the check out counter feeling at a loss. He stares at his hands. Half of him wants to leave, but half of him wants to stay. He wants to know what's gotten into Jack lately, understand if it's his own fault.
In the end, he stays. Unanswered questions would leave him twisting in his sheets at his flat, and he would feel guilty about just leaving without so much as another word to his boss. So go down and say something? He stares at the hidden door, feeling butterflies starting to flutter. Goddamn his nerves. What would he say to Jack anyway?
Maybe Owen was right about him being part-time shag… What if Jack would only tell him that when he confined his concerns about their relationship's whereabouts? Suddenly leaving seems a tad more appealing. Ianto sighs: the right course of action is always hard, but the wrong is always easy. Sitting here, worrying himself drunk will only scare him off, so the Welshman does what he is afraid to do: he opens Torchwood's concealed door.
At first he walks with strides, then those wither to hesitant steps, and by the time he reaches the next security door he's stopped. He groans at the intense butterflies plaguing his insides. This is almost as bad as following the team into the field! Mentally counting down from three, he slips through the next door on two. His eyes search the hub frantically as a nervous breakdown throws itself upon him. But there's no one there of course. Jack is probably in his office. Ianto reprimands himself for being so pathetic. And walks up the metal stairs. The rattling noise they groan out seems to spell the hub with din absurdly loud. He swallows hard as he approaches the next set that leads up to Jack's office.
Any other time this would have been a pleasant direction to go in and a warm smile would be basking his face with friendliness. Now, he only feels deep unsettling feeling. But isn't that always how deep confessions and important, personal questions feel? Maybe for the gutsy blokes, but he's only Ianto… Ianto, the "tea boy". Ianto, Jack's part time shag. Ianto, the "where's the coffee?" guy.
"Ianto?" The Welshman very nearly trips over his feet.
"J-Jack," he manages, looking up to see his Captain leaning against his door's casing and watching him. He immediately wonders how long he's been watching. Those striking Columbia blue eyes seem to peer into his soul and glimpse his inner turmoil. "Something wrong?" the Captain asks. The Welshman clears his throat awkwardly, feeling his voice might croak and ultimately fail him. "No. Nothing's wrong." Jack looks at him very curiously, but shrugs after a moment. When he turns to enter his office and leave Ianto again, the latter speaks up. "Actually… actually there is something wrong," he says uneasily. His eyes avoid Jack's for what seems a long spell. He hadn't thought out what he would say, and his mind scrambles for the right words.
Damnit! It feels so suddenly and utterly hopeless. He looks up when Jack sighs, thinking he'd ruined his only chance. "There's something I need to tell you, or rather should explain," his Captain starts. The Welshman stares at him in wonder before he realizes the American is waiting for him to consent, and he nods.
Jack gestures with his hand for Ianto to follow, and they walk into his office. For a brief second the Welshman wonders if this is just going to be a quick shag, but Jack doesn't look like he's in that naughty mood. He sits at his desk's chair, but Ianto remains near the doorway with his hands threaded through one another. "What did you want to tell me?" he asks when the silence feels like it draws on for too long. "Us," Jack admits. "Well more about some from me, but it affects us." Ianto swallows hard and does his best not look nervous.
"Is it why you've been ignoring me?" Jack smirks at the comment, which pleases the receptionist—at least he's in a good mood.
"Yeah."
He suddenly looks into Ianto's eyes with something new and it takes the Welshman a moment to place it: anxiety and hesitation. Since when did Jack hold back? He had always been so forth upfront and lacking of shyness. Ianto begins flipping his thumbs over one another like he does when nervous. Jack laughs awkwardly, a noise that sounds almost forced. "I don't know why this is so hard," he admits. "Look, Ianto…"
Ianto's mind immediately begins jumping hoops and doing backflips into assumptions. Is this the end? Is Jack abandoning him? Was Owen actually right? Did Jack even know how important he was to him?
"I think I love you." The Welsh full well knows gaping is impolite, but manners withdraw from him. His eyes widen and reality suddenly seems to have swung a wide birth. Is he hallucinating now because of over exposure to stress and worry? "It was a little hard to see at first, being as… well, I just didn't think to look and when I did… it felt pretty obvious," Jack goes on. "You're my everything."
"I-I don't believe it," he manages.
"Why not?" Jack looks confused. "I just told you why."
"No," Ianto's lips pull into a silly smile of relief. "I can't believe you feel that way, too." His cheeks burn crimson mercilessly at Harkness' sudden and large grin. "I always knew something sounded perfect about 'I love' and 'Ianto'," the Captain says.
Author's Note: Wrote this while I was watching Torchwood. Love that show! It's like Doctor Who, but with some M/M. XD Didn't want to finish it after getting a spoiler that Ianto dies, though. -_- Just a short drabble, but I wanted to write something special about these two. For Cherryninja. ^_^
Review, maybe?