Carl Stevens Universe
Chapter 1: Loud Vampires
Beginning AN:
This is a sort of crossover involving not really Hellsing itself but a prior badfic of Hellsing I wrote a few years ago called Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals. This is not a badfic like HUC is, where every... fifth or so word is mispelled. You do not have to read HUC to understand this; in fact, a handy recap will be provided. That being said I will try to make the three characters from Hellsing who do appear to actually be as in-character as the plot allows for, since I did categorise this as a Hellsing crossover and not as some miscellaneous genre. But really I think the only reason why I came up with this was the pun at the title.
I do warn that HUC is a little more... explicit than this, for anyone who plans on reading it.
Also I'm not writing Rip's accent. I don't even do that in my badfics. Although in all of them thusfar, Rip had been a character who had a running gag of talking completely clearly...
Anyway this is my first genuine, non-badfic oneshot! ...Er, nevermind. It would be, but I felt it got long enough to deserve a split.
A booted foot kicked-flipped its owner's metal guitar up in the air. One right arm, flying by in a green blur, sent it into a rapid spin. The instrument stayed in the air, rotating, until a left arm swung in and clutched the top of it. The lights sprang on. The speakers were cranked up. The owner of both the foot and both arms smiled.
"Let's turn things up a notch!"
Hellsing Manor was soon flooded with a variety of sounds combining together to form a heavy rock song. The empty stage itself rocked full of it, as the man playing - who would have easily passed as a human if not for the green skin and antennae on his head - strummed to whatever impulse he felt.
As he enjoyed himself in the middle of the day, his music reached two chambers deep within the mansion's basement. While the occupant of one stayed in the open luxury room to herself, nodding in appreciation at the alternative music style, the occupant of the other had shut herself in a coffin. She didn't need this anymore - the trio since building better living conditions for themselves as vampires, but it was the best way to shut off the sound of that loud racket.
The one trying to sleep in the coffin clasped her hands over her ears, shifting around uncomfterably and bearing bloodshot, open eyes. She expected him to at least tone it down, but he seems to be going as much as he did since he started his new practace "loud run" three days ago. And it's been like this for all three days. To the extent that she thought about sleeping at nights like she used to, only to remember seconds after thinking it that he used to do this at night too. And still does.
Bunking with her other co-worker was another option. She at least had a chamber deeper in the manor than her own. Though just because it was an option doesn't mean it was a good one, after all she-
The music briefly stopped. She sighed in relief.
The man with a guitar had stopped himself at the sight of the fake stage growing out several steel figures from the audience. He grinned.
"Alright! Freestyle's over, now it's time for training!"
He shifted his musical instrument perpendicular to one target and strummed it, this time shooting out spinning spirals of color-changing air. This hit the target, as intended, and colors splashed outward from the standee as they faded. The blow cut the metal clean in half.
He continued, jump-flipping through the air as more sonic blasts flew across the stage, some slicing the fake-enemies in half; some tearing through the targets and leaving a clean hole in them, annihalating what they cut through and continuing their flight until they "splashed" away on a prop behind them. And all of the sounds from both the strums and the impacts echoed through as well, finally reaching the almost-sleeping coffin rester. Whose eyes shot right open upon hearing the first note.
"That's it!" She cried, kicking the door to her coffin out. "I need to talk to Rip!"
"Of course I can join your music making! It's not like I have anything to do!" With one hand holding a cell phone, she looked at her other hand, currently re-tuning a musket. She shrugged and tossed it to the side, then turned to look at a corner of the room filled with a number of colorful colectables. "Oh. Reorganizing my room again is one of them but-"
Someone knocked on the door. Well, desperately slapping her hand on it was a more appropriate term. "Riiiip!" She cried in desperation.
"Hang on sweetie, it's Seras. Let me- no. I do not think she wants to join us- no. Or do that either. Carl, she sounds distressed, let me handle it." She hung up, then turned to the door, "You know you can just float through the walls now Seras!"
The blonde woman did as told, looking irritated as she glided through the doorway. "The last time I went in here without knocking you were making a familiar do a nude painting of yourself."
"So Seras," she seemed to ignore the comment, "What's wrong with Carl?"
"Rip, I didn't tell you we were talking about Carl!"
"It has to be!" Rip lifted her musket over her pajama-clad shoulders, "We have no other overlapping interests. I don't even think we by ourselves passed that Bechdel Test nonsense yet!"
"Listen, you're... better at getting him to listen to you than I am. Could you get him to change his music schedule?"
"You can't change the time of victory, Victoria!" She laughed, looking up as though she was watching Carl through the ceiling. She probably was. "But you can get a soundproof coffin! Or better, a soundproof room!"
"Do you know how expensive the material is? For that much space?"
"Money's not an issue for heroes."
"It is when we haven't fought anything in months!"
Rip darted over to Seras in a quick navy blur, suddenly appearing face to face with her (or at least it would be, if not for the slight height difference) and putting a hand on her shoulder. "Maybe it's because we need to move, oh that is great you finally agree with me!"
"But..."
"Did you forget? Now that the United Kingdom got superior supernatural forces, we're no longer needed! We became backup! Hellsing is old news here, Seras, we need to move the line somewhere else!"
"Like where?"
"Hm..." Rip took one hand off her gun and placed it on her chin, "Well, you won't like this idea but I want a place with high crime rates, so that's what I've been looking for while you played around. Some place that has quick access to danger. You see, it was never the heroism part of heroism that I liked, it was the excuse to be..."
Whipping out her gun, she shot right down the hall and with the tip a few inches away from Seras's face. The bullet zipped its way up the complex in an azure light, before there was a sound of metal breaking. Carl could be heard from even this chamber, shouting "Aw, what?"
"Ruthless." She finished.
Carl himself melted through the top of the room not long after, sticking upside-down to the ceiling and appearing to stand on it.
"So, breaking one of my targets caught my attention... what do you want?"
"There it is again." Pearl continued looking out in the distance. "That sound. And there's another air wave."
"Hey guys," Steven said, walking to his fellow Gems, "What are you looking at?"
"Oh, just something way out there." Amethyst replied, "It's heading towards our house!"
"Wh-what? Why aren't you going after it?"
"Whatever it is, it's moving too fast." Pearl added. "We're trying to come up with something-"
It ramped up, shooting right into the air and flipping several times. By this point, a blaring theme could be heard from the mysterious item. One figure fell off of this and landed face-first becides the Gems: It was a green man, definitely holding a muscular build, with features similar to that of someone familiar... someone well known...
This man was dressed in a pair of dark green combat jeans with appropriate black boots. However, his top was instead decked out with a simple, thick black T-shirt. The most curious aspect about this man was the pair of antennae sprouting out from his head, bearing a shade a few tones yellower than his skin. He stood himself up and held out a hand, to which all four Gems backed from as though he was some kind of zombie.
"Goooood mornin' neighbors!" He said as he pressed a button on a remote, turning off the music blaring from what he dropped from, "The name's Carl Stevens! Hope ya' enjoyed the track. That was Mute City from Super Smash Bros. Melee."
"It's noon." Garnet, the first to exit her zombie-defense stance, claimed.
"It is?" He looked upward. The object he fell from was still up in the air, flipping, but that wasn't what he was focused at. It was instead the sun, now just beginning its daily descent. "Shoot. I gotta lay off the heavy stuff."
The speedy object itself had dropped, revealing itself to be a motorcycle with two more on it. The driver was a woman with lengthy, flowing navy blue hair reaching far down her pale self growing from a freckled, bispectacled face, long past a very developed bust, and extending past her feet. She wore a dark purple dress suit, and had a silver pendant around her neck resembling Carl's face.
The second, another woman clinging for dear life onto the motorcycle, stood in contrast. Her bright yellow hair was only barely shoulder-length and as such it did not really cover her more casual outfit. She was definitely more colored in compared to the tall pale one, and definitely scared out of her wits, blue eyes trembling alongside the rest of her body.
"I am Rip Van Winkle." The first said in a rather heavy German accent, "Carl's girlfriend and in this case driver. And that," she pointed to the one still clinging onto the ride, "Is Seras Victoria. His other girlfriend. We're part of a group known as Hellsing and we have our brave and loyal soldiers carrying some more of our belonings in."
Pearl took more steps back, while Amethyst began snickering at them.
"So... are you good or...?" Steven managed to utter.
"Aw yeah we're heroes man! The three of us are red-vampire-blood-bearing forces of righteousness!" Carl said, jumping foreward and slidding on his knees. He proceeded to strum the air with his eyes shut, before looking down to see his instrument missing. "Oh, right. Being carried over."
"The town already has heroes," Pearl waved a hand in an attempt to dismiss them, "But if you want to help save huma-"
"Eh no offense but you probably have nothing on London security." Carl said. "Back when we were underground and large we worked hand-in-hand to eliminate the supernatural-"
"Ah yes, an interesting story." Rip interrupted Carl's interruption. "One with a variety of characters and backstories and-"
"You're right," Carl continued the cycle of cutoffs, "And let's let Seras tell them that story."
Rip glared at him.
"What, babycakes? We have guests."
"You are the guests if anything." Pearl stated.
"Let's not drive them to sleep with your runon sentences and stuff." Carl said, seemingly ignoring the slender Gem.
Seras got off of the bike and weakly walked into the crowd. "Alright, alright:
"So there was this powerful vampire named Alucard, and his boss and master was a woman by the name of Sir Integra Fai-"
"See, full names is Rip's stuff. Keep it short." Carl said, using hand guestures to hammer in his point.
"-By the name of Integra. One night Alucard turned me - I was a cop at the time - into a vampire after going on a mission to kill of another force. Soon we got into a fight with this 'Millennium;' they sent two hitmen after us, and while we killed one of them they both wiped out our guards. Here's where Carl comes in; he was the newly elected leader of a mercenary team that Integra had to hire as new guards. Meanwhile, the surviving hitman killed Alucard, and on the same night Millennium sent an army with Rip, a former lieutenant, as one of the heads. Rip, Carl, and I got into a... negotiation and she turned her life for the better after that. We fought off the rest of the organization, Integra got killed on the way, and after Carl disagreed with all of the secret-keeping incidents, we decided to make ourselves public. The end."
"No, then we got bored of London and now we've moved here. The end." Carl finished. "Also Rip and I are both vampires too and I am a winning rockstar from Mars."
"SKREEE!"
A number of blank white arms, tree branches, and tentacles slid over the entire temple, extending for a seemingly enless amount of time before finally reaching over and revealing them to be attatched to a vague human-looking figure. This figure held no features on its equally white face bar a mass of messy black hair, and its head stuck down in a column leading to the rest of itself.
The thing lashed one of its thousands of tentacles at the group of seven, both teams just barely managing to dodge. The Gems quickly got into position afterwards, staring down the beast.
"This must have snuck up on us while we were looking at you!" Pearl called, glancing at Hellsing to confirm what she was talking about. Carl shrugged.
"What can I say? I must be irresistable. Anyway, is this one of the kinds of things you fight daily 'cus if it is I can dig i-"
The same tentacle that clashed on the ground had lifted itself up, wrapping around the Martian and lifting him up. "I just wish I had my guitar right now!" He yelled from the skies.
"D- don't worry Carl!" Amethyst called, trying her best not to laugh at him as she summoned her whip, "Just let us handle this! Steven, you should get to safety."
"Where?"
She took this as an oppertunity to let a few laughs loose, disguising it as part of the fight and not at the newcomers. "I don't know, Seras and Rip are vampires, they should find-"
"Not Rip." Pearl said.
"-A safe spot."
Five more tentacles slashed the air in front of them, only for one of them to get lasso'd by the purple whip. The weapon's owner swung herself on the massive creature and began running up the limb, using her whip to break off the pseudo-arm. A number of branches grew in its place, starting with two seperate stumps.
"It can regenerate." Garnet noted.
The branch-base soon shook violently as it was bombarded by explosives from Seras's cannons, making the Gem slip up in the middle of jumping to the head-equivillent. Loosing ballance, she began to plunge back to the palm of the temple's statue, before finding her hand grabbed by Garnet. The redder of the two was in the middle of a leap on her own, getting the two in reasonable distance from the 'main' limb.
"Okay, I know this! We need to attack its head!" She told her larger teammate, who nodded.
Garnet punched off a branch-figure (which was soon replaced by a split of two arms) and looked at what Amethyst noted. She then, after brief hesitation, looked back down at the temple, finding Seras still bolting the parts closest to her with explosives (anything cut off getting replaced in the tentacle, branch, arm cycle) and Rip aiming a musket at the beast. Pearl was currently struggling with an arm, while Carl and Steven were nowhere to be found.
Soon the three warriors were united, after a spear to the arm ridded it and replaced it with a pair of tentacles.
"I heard what you said," Pearl commented, "That's a bad idea. What if the head splits too? We don't know how this thing wor-"
Before finishing her sentence, the three were swiped up and entangled in an exceptionally large branch segment, pondering if it was a good idea to break off some of the tips. The creature let out another cry.
"Okay, new plan!" Pearl shouted. "Garnet, you need to-"
She interrupted herself upon seeing a bright azure light originating from where the Hellsing women were at, zig-zagging through the air. It landed square on the monster's head and briefly rested there before puncturing itself right on the would-be-forehead. The spot where its mouth would be seemingly ripped open as it let out a final, slightly louder, scream before the entire beast puffed away in smoke. All that it left in its place was a white gem, which dropped to the sand along with the colorful trio.
They stood from the sand, dusting themselves off and watching as Seras and Rip leaped over to them. Rip in particular flipped a number of times while she was in the air.
"What just happened?" Amethyst asked the pair. Rip grinned in response.
"I just saved your lives. You may have noticed a bright blue object before this thing expired, well, that was actually a bullet, and it was enchanted by me so that I could get it to work under my control. You were right, the head was its weak point."
Pearl grunted. "You know that if it wasn't for your trigger-happy Seras then Amethyst could have struck its head by itself, right?"
Rip laughed. "But still, it's good that one of us is competant! Oh, PS, compared to me and Carl, Seras is not the trigger happy one."
The last part prompted the crash-landed three to look around.
"Say," Amethyst finally brought up, "Where is Steven?"
"Right here!" Carl's voice was heard from not too far. The group of five turned in its direction.
The Gems in the group gasped as they saw Steven huddled up with Carl, both visibly shaking in fear. Pearl went to the pair and gave a light tap on the greener person's forehead.
"The monster's gone." She said, rather flatly. "You can let go of Steven. Now."
He didn't listen (nether did Steven himself, based on his lack of doing anything that aknowledged that he heard her), and in fact stayed doing the same shiver until he noticed something from the corner of his eye. After turning in the direction, Pearl followed his gaze and the rest of both teams ran over as well. Seven vaguely human looking creatures, each differently colored and bearing sprouts from the tops of their heads linking up to flowers, were carrying a large, black electric guitar. Accompanying them and carrying it as well was something that looked vastly different; its tan face looked like that of a frog, and its red back had white spots on it. This too had a flower and a sprout, the only thing linking it with the other odd beings.
"Stay back Steven! And get away from that... Carl guy!"
"Hey, hey, easy!" Carl said, finally standing up. "They're on our side!"
"Aw, they're adorable!" Amethyst added.
"Ah, yes, but here's the shocking part: They're also our soldiers, and our new guards after the team I was briefly elected on died in Rip's invasion. Say hello to the Pikmin, Ms- uh... I don't believe you've ever introduced yourselves!"
"Garnet." She stated.
"I'm Pearl, that's Steven, and that..."
Amethyst finally fell on her back, cracking up at the oddball plant-animal hybrids carrying the instrument.
"YOUR SOLDIERS?" She managed to breathe out in her fit of laughter, "YOU ARE KIDDING. YOU ARE NOT TELLING THE TRUTH. DO THEY EVEN KNOW HOW TO FIGHT? THEY DON'T LOOK LIKE IT. BUT I CAN'T TELL IF THAT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE TOO STUPID OR TOO INNOCENT."
"...Is Amethyst." Pearl finished. "We are the Crystal Gems and we protect all of humanity."
"Right, and I introduced myself," Carl said, "but let me show you my incredibly diverse little group right here. We call the type with a nose a red Pikmin, the one with ears yellow, the one with gills blue, the fat one over there is a purple Pikmin, the tiny one with red eyes is a white Pikmin, standard theme... then we have the rock Pikmin. Not gray Pikmin, rock Pikmin. And the pink kind over there is called winged Pikmin. And finally those guys are Bulbmin. Please note that these eight races are only the tip of the iceberg. I'd love to show you their abilities and stuff, but..."
He stood up, yanking the guitar from the being's hands (aside from the Bulbmin, which had been carrying it with its face).
"I'm a little light on cash and really wanna get more. Well, light by hero standards-"
Amethyst's laughter magnified.
"-So... Rip just took down that thing over there. Where's my pay?"
Pearl and Steven exchanged glances, while Amethyst only laughed even harder.
"You'll have to..." the first began. "Um..."
"Noooo problem, I'll pull a few strings. You say you protect humanity in general? Well, we've made it our job to only protect where we're living right now. Speaking of which... I don't believe we established our new manor yet..."
He casually walked off with his guitar slung over his shoulder, getting Seras and Rip to follow him. "...All it takes is a few Pikmin. We found out after seeing how well they rebuilt the manor after Rip's invasion."
Amethyst was crying with laughter at this point.
Seras finally slept peacefully in her new soundproof coffin - hoping to upgrade that to a room in short time. Carl could strum out the most blaring of riffs, and Rip could be loudly recieting her new vocal musical compositions in her siren-esque voice, and it didn't matter to her.
It did, however, matter to the rest of Beach City. Especially when Carl kept going into the night as part of his near-restlessness, long after Rip herself retreated from their pseudo-concerts.
His music was finally broken for the first time since he started by a knock on the front door, audioble thanks to his enhanced vampire hearing. After his music dulled down, he could hear the angry mob's cries. Carl sighed.
"Up! That's for me..."
He floated to the front door and casually swung it open to find pretty much every inhabitant of the city standing outside, clearly voicing conserns.
"Jeez, what is this, Springfield from the Simpsons?" He said.
Steven - who based on the position of his hands seemed to be the designated door knocker - spoke first. "We want you to turn your music DOWN! It's waking everybody up!"
Carl put his hands up front in defense. "Fellas, fellas, please! Our new manor is nowhere near your houses-"
"And that shows how loud it is!" Lars shot from the crowd.
"But- well- we're heroes, you know! Hey though, in the daytime-"
"But it's night!"
"It is?" He glanced up at the starry sky. "Shoot. I gotta lay off the heavy stuff."
"WHAT? How do you not know what time it is? What do you drink?"
He turned over to Lars at his lattest comment and replied, "Tiger's blood."
"You are unbelievable, you know that? You guy might be better at the 'protect humanity' gig than Steven over there but you're so much of a wreck when you're not being a hero that I-"
Steven spoke up again. "Are you really even heroes? Heroes protect people, not annoy them!"
"Sorry kid," Carl pointed a thumb to himself, "But this guy has to play his music wherever he goes."
"Then pick up another, less loud hobby like books or leave!"
"After I saved your life?" He chuckled. "Good luck convincing anyone that matters that I'm a bad person. Especially since I think your mayor Dewey is sleeping quite soundly in his new soundproofed bedroom... same goes for just about anyone with power. We sacrified soundproofing both of my girlfriends' rooms in favor of giving that material to the guys with the power. Oh, also, books aren't exactly my best friends."
Amethyst stepped foreward, "No, really, is there any way we can find a new place to send you? What if we pick a random city and move our teleporter over there so most of the monsters you can fight-"
"I know you're joking, but that's still a bad idea. I like it here. It's got a nice view of the ocean, a bunch of places to hang out, and an extra dimensional portal or two! The only thing that will kick me out is if you either became a terrible city or beat me in a challenging challenge. And again, I already covered bringing the authorities into this, so that only leaves me gettin' outta here by choise."
"I vote terrible city!" Amethyst cried, sticking a hand up. Pearl, on the other hand, focused on a different part of the sentence.
"Challenging challenge?"
"Yep. And not just any random chump; I want all four of you Gem fellas to come at us, and you four only."
"What is the challenge?"
"Any game you'd like, as long as it ends with 'ball.' Basketball, baseball, football - the American kind, the other kind is 'soccer' and don't you forget it-"
"What about paintball?" Steven asked.
Carl looked dumbfounded for a second, before snapping his fingers. "Great thinking out of the box kid! Challenge accepted!"
"But I didn't mean to pick- I was just asking! I never even played paintball before!"
"You saying you wanna back out? Oh, right, I shoulda said this before, if you lose the challenging challenge, you have to move out."
"What? That's absurd." Pearl stepped in front of the male Gem. "We are not leaving our temple for any reason."
Carl grinned. "I'm sure a Pikmin infestation would be a pretty good reason." He saw her about to speak, and cut her off. "Up! Reminder! The authorities are on my side. I give them cool stuff. What do you give them?"
She narrowed her eyes at him. "Saved lives."
"Pfft, we do that, only with style. Like Rip did with your's earlier today. Now are you in it or not? And by the way, I'm only accepting paintball as the challenging challenge now. So either we both stay here, or we're playing that specific game. One or the other. Pick one."
Pearl exhaled in defeat. "Where did you get the soundproof-"
She felt a hand on her shoulder. Looking to her side, she found Garnet.
"Why back down when we know we will win?"
"Yeah, she makes a point," Amethyst tossed in, "This guy can't even tell time. How do we know he can handle a paintball gun? Steven?"
"Well... yeah! We can fight off carrots, right guys?"
"Wait!" Carl shouted. "Before Pearl says yes and seals the deal, I wanna say three things. This will be a paintball game that goes by almost no rules except 'Touch paint and you're out,' this will be a best two out of three, and always expect the unexpected."
The final Crystal Gem to put a word on accepting shot a glare in Carl's direction. "If it's the easiest way to make you leave..."
"Great! First match's in three days at noon, second's three more days, third's in three days after that. Meet me by my house, over at the woods. And as an added bonus, I won't play my music in any day in between, except for the days with paintball matches and that's only if I win."
"If you could stop playing at any time convenient then you wouldn't be a problem here!"
"Sorry, but that's not my decision. It's my music's."
"Uh, Pearl, are you sure his loud guitar is the only thing wrong with him?" Amethyst asked.
All armed with long-range rifles capable of firing explosive globs of tyrian-purple paint, the Gems lined up in front of the manor bordering a seemingly endless forest.
"Carl!" Steven shouted, "It's a few minutes before noon! Where are you!"
"Over here!" He called from a spot off to the side of the house, of which the team calmly followed over. Carl was sitting, leaning back casually, with Seras and Rip standing by his sides.
"Alright. For convenience to see who got legit hits and who was just victim of friendly fire, I think we shoulda had different colored paint. Our's is green. Well, really an ugly green-blue mix, thanks to Seras over here making a mixup. Seriously toots. Next time leave Rip to the paint stu- Anyway, what's your color, a wimpy pink?"
They exchanged looks.
"Ah. I guess it is. Well, I guess now's the only time to find out, 'cuz I won't be anywhere near that stuff."
He clapped before continuing. "Anyway, you're probably thinkin,' 'Why is there only three of them and four of us?' Well, you know how I said to always expect the unexpected? Rip, bring out teammate number four!"
Grinning, Rip stretched out an arm that soon turned into a mass of red mist holding giant eyes. Out of this haze spawned a large, black, solid coffin. Rip's arm quickly shrunk back to its normal state as she began unlocking it, with more of the red mist-like material leaking out as she unhooked each latch.
Finally, the box swung open. The inside started out with simple, soft white lining, however its other end was another plane of the haze, with even more eyes staring back out at the jewel-themed warriors. Out of this second fog stepped a figure, clad in a heavy dark green overcoat with a matching hat (bearing the same skull symbol as his sleeves, no less).
"Ladies," Rip said, giving an aknowledging glance to Steven while guesturing at the summoned man, "I'd like you to meet Hans Gunsche. Former Captain of the Millennium before an untimely death at the hands of one of Carl's now deceased allies. But we were friends. So I found his body, ate it, and he became the only familiar in our group to date that willingly works for us and is not just a mindless puppet of a former enemy."
"Are- are you sure he's not a mindless puppet?" Steven said.
Hans responded by glancing at him, bright red eyes shining past a darkened face and through short, dull gray hair.
"Sorry," Rip said while doing what the Gems figured was retreating the coffin back into her arm, "He's not much of a talker."
"Well now that you've met the new guy," Carl said before loudly clapping and shooting his palms up, "Let the games begin!"
The Gems silently marched around the woods, eyes scanning in all directions and fingers kept at the ready.
Steven cried out the second something in the bushes rustled, and he fired in the direction of the sound. There was a grunt, and out crawled Carl, a huge pink stain contrasting his dark outfit on the side.
"Dang!" The Martian said, "I'm done for already?"
Steven, Pearl, and Amethyst broke into laughter.
"We have nothing to worry about oh my gosh!" The latter managed to say in the middle of her particular laugh.
More rustling, followed by a voice.
"Sh! Seras! I think I hear them!"
That was definitely Rip's. All four of her rivals aimed right at the spot with the rustling and took a respective shot, hearing what sounded like Seras wailing. Rip popped out, disgruntled, with Hellsing's other woman joining shortly after. The latter had pink dripping from one side of her hair.
"Half." Rip said. "We let half of our forces die within the first hour- no, minute. Lucky for you Captain is a better in stealth and-"
She dodged just as the Gems began shooting once again, dissapearing into a blur and answering with cackling laughter on her own. Carl and Seras exchanged glances.
"Well, this is embarassing." The green one said. "Wanna go back to the manor and party after the headcount at the end?"
Seras shrugged. "Sure."
Everyone in the scene soon left. The Gems all fled out straight ahead, leaving Carl and Seras to akwardly trail out with their heads hung down in shame.
The first group's run was soon halted once Rip swung herself from the trees, feet hanging from a branch. She held out what seemed like a modified musket at them.
"Surprise!" The midnight-haired woman cried, before point-blank sniping the technical front of the line, Garnet. While she was hit, she made no reaction to the new teal splat of paint. She didn't even flinch.
She did, however, smirk shortly after, as Pearl leaped up ahead from behind the red Gem and shot right at the huntress's face, hitting her at such force that it broke the branch she was hanging on and sent her flying backward. Rip tumbled around the grass before getting up, jabbing her paint-musket in the ground in anger.
"Okay, you got me! But all that's left is the Captain! He is an excellent fighter you know! Back on the Millennium, he was considered their trump card! The huntress may go down, but the wolf is still roaming the forest, and sometimes the canines can be more deadly than a man! You better-"
"Would you shut up?" Amethyst interrupted.
Rip replied by putting her gun over her shoulders and marching off in a huff. Garnet calmly walked out herself.
Amethyst sighed. "Pearl, you were right. Staying in a straight line was a great idea."
She gave a slight nod. "Yeah but... we still lost someone."
A low growl was heard somewhere in the middle of the thickness; nobody was sure what direction it came from.
"That must be the Captain." Pearl continued, "Amethyst, search the tree tops. Steven, stay with me."
As the purple one bolted up and off, another roar was heard. This one closer. And seemingly more agressive. And somehow less dog-like.
"S-Steven..."
"Relax Pearl. We only know that Rip... thinks he's powerful. And... well, if Rip can be trusted, then she wouldn't be 'dead' right?"
A cloud of mist tore through the leaves, bearing itself in the shape of a large canine head. One eye shone a bright, blinding red, the other being duller but by no means less malicious. Rows of sharp teeth opened widely, capable of and appearing to be ready to swallow all four of the proud warriors. The smoke soon retracted back to the familiar shape of the man in green, who quickly drew out a lengthy sort of gun and shot the pair with green. Both hits were right on their hearts.
The man himself felt something hit the side of his face, and looked to see a cackling Amethyst leaping from the treetops, bombarding him with shots as she ran closer. The Captain showed no reaction to this becide turning towards her. And smirking.
Still being shot, Hans closed his eyes and dropped his weapon, holding his hands up. As the number of pink splats on him increased, he clapped once before calmly walking out of the woods.
Amethyst did not stop until she ran out of ammo.
"See that? That's how annoying you guys are!" She cried.
"Impossible." Carl said.
"Um, yeah, I shot him." Amethyst re-assured. "You say he's used to being in heavy combat. Maybe all of that training kinda wimped him out when it comes to a game where one hit kills you? And I guess all that waiting around while London cops took out your baddies just kinda let you go... soft."
"No, I refuse to believe it." He held out his hands as though he were trying to stop a car, "I may have seen my elimination with my own eyes and I still can't believe it! Much less something I haven't even seen!"
"Are you really that arrogant? I told you before, I don't have a drop of paint on me! What, do I have to take off my clothes to prove that to you?"
Carl sighed. "No. Come on Hellsing, let's get outta here. We still have rounds two and three."
Speaking of taking off clothes, Carl was curled up in a running shower naked, sobbing with his face burried into his knees. Not even remotely within the same range as the same decibel as his music, but it was still a concern of Rip and Seras. The blonde spoke first.
"Uh... Carl...?" She said, "C-C-Carl, why are you crying?"
He finally lifted his head up. "It's that match, Seras! That stupid match! It made me realize just how much everyone outside of London hates me!"
"Well, you- you see-"
"And it's not just me either, it's you! Everybody except London hates you too!"
She moved back.
"T-That's simply not true Carl! I'm sorry to say that you're the one who-"
"Nah, you're livin' in denial." He suddenly sprung up to his feet. "Ya' see, you and Rip both have this thing called guilt by association. See, watch, try to go back outside. In the town. See how they like you. Go watch a movie or somethin'. You'll see what I mean."
Rip nodded. "With pleasure."
The pair of women walked to the entrance to the large, indoor theater, both carrying grins (each showing different personas) and face masks. They swiftly put them on just before getting there.
"Two-a tickets, please." Rip said under the guise of a certain green-hatted plumber. "For Blind Dagger."
"It's a me, Mario?" Seras called.
The man behind the stand lowered his newspaper to look at them with an unamused glare.
"You're not Rip Van Winkle and Seras Victoria, are you?" His question barely had more curiosity than a statement.
"Who?" Rip said, lowering her mask in a vain attempt to look convincing. Her Italian accent dropped. "We're just two very energetic Mario fans. Very. Who happened to want to watch a new action-comedy film."
Seras began, "It's a compromise. She wanted this surreal horror film, and I wanted something that I could understand-"
"Yeah, look," the man behind the glass put his paper down completely. "We banned Hellsing from this theater. And as part of the ban, anyone who wants to come in has to show an ID. And, uh, their face."
Both of the heroines seemed to stop moving completely for a second. Following this, they removed their masks, Rip practically throwing her's.
"See Seras, Carl was right! We are unwelcomed in this new society! Come on, let's go!"
Rip practically dragged her away by the arm (Seras muttering "But... it's just one theater"), before freezing once she heard Amethyst's laughter from around the corner. The blue-haired huntress and her teammate turned around to find her running up to the stand. She sneezed right on the glass, withdrawing some money from her pockets and wiping her nose with the bills as she flashed a grin at the Hellsing women.
"One ticket for Remake: The Sequel. And do it fast, low-life! I have an entire species I need to protect, I don't deserve long waits!"
For what seemed like the first time to Rip and Seras, the man behind the ticket counter smiled. "Oh, you're one of the Crystal Gems right? Sure thing! In fact," He examed the cash and took out a pencil, pushing the bills he thought were the most snot-covered back to her. "I'm giving you a discount, just for today!"
Seras and Rip could only gasp as the payment was made and they found the ticket being waved in their faces.
"See?" Amethyst said. "You're that bad."
"F-f-for..." Rip stuttered, "Just for playing music?"
"Um, Rip," Seras began shaking, "You're still holding my arm, and your grip is starting to hurt..."
Fire burned up behind her blue eyes as Amethyst walked inside, and as Seras had stated she began gripping the blonde tighter.
"NO!" She screamed, causing the man behind the counter to roll his eyes and hold the newspaper back up. "That crosses the line! I will not stand to get bested by a slob like that!"
"Well- Well... Rip, what can we do about it?"
"Practacing. Starting today, I'm gonna force Carl to participate in one-on-one matches with me. Three times a day."
"What about me?" Seras said, continuing to struggle from Rip's grasp as she began using her free hand to push back against her.
"You and Captain can- oh, sorry," she freed the cop's arm, "You and Captain can join if you want, but I want Carl for two reasons. One: Sticking to paintball was his moronic idea. And two: You can't play paintball by yourself."
"CARL!" Rip shouted as she threw the curtain open. He turned a green face over to her direction, before quickly fidgiting in a panic and reaching for a towel.
"Hey there, Rip. Seras." He then nodded at the reason why he got a towel as he said the reason's title. "Captain. How was the movie?"
"You were right, Beach City hates us. But that will change! All it takes is to get rid of these Gems, then they will see ourselves in our own glory!"
"Yeah, that's if we win."
"We will! As long as you join Seras, Captain and I in thrice a day practace runs!"
"Er...-"
"Seras and Captain volunteered, but for you it's not optional without putting the life of your guitar on ri-"
"Yeah babe, if there's a plan - any plan - to get us to number one, I'll take it!"
"Great! These are all free-for-alls, first match starts in an hour. Hope to see you there, or else-"
"Yeah, yeah, smashy-smashy the guitary-tary. Look Rip, you don't need to convince me. I'll follow what you say to the letter. ...Well, as long as it works."
"And if it doesn't?"
Carl laughed. "I'll come up with some form of payback. 'Only reason I haven't yet is because I have faith in you."
Just like the time three days ago, the Gems had been lined up, equiped, with their own guns.
"Hey Hellsing, we came." Amethyst said upon getting a glimpse of all four of them either standing or sitting with their heads hung down (well, Carl was the only one who sat) "Are you gonna surrender?"
They slowly raised their heads, all of them bar Captain wearing sly grins.
"Everyone deserves a second chance. This is our's. And the next match will be your's. Garunteed."
He tried to make himself look intimidating by standing up in the slowest manner possible. After he was at the point where his legs were straightened, he clapped to start off the second round.
"Let the games begin!"
All four members of Hellsing darted off in different directions right after the announcement, at bullet speed.
"Hello? Uhhhh hello?" Carl said, practically limping through the middle of the woods. "I'm minin' for gems here! Heh heh... Are there any?"
"Ohhhh yes there iiiis..." He heard Amethyst's voice through the bushes.
"Make that twooooo..." Steven taunted from another direction.
"Really now? How do I know you're not using some recording?"
They both jumped out, making no hesitation to fire point-blank at him. He continued grinning as he was getting hit, his assailants closing in to add to the paint on his dumb green combat pants and his now looking-uncanny eyes and slipping through those weird lines going down from his head to his feet- wait.
Amethyst found out first, stopping Steven when they were in arm's reach. A silent purple hand pointing up made him realize what she noticed; thin black strings were going up from his head, now easier to see with some of the paint having splashed on it. Trailing up, they found Carl - the real Carl - holding the other end, standing on a branch.
"Don't even bother running away." He said.
"Why not?" Steven croaked, suddenly feeling hit with a wave of dread.
"Well this marionette here is like a self-portrait, a work of art. And there's this one great guy in this one mediocre show I watched once who has this one great catch phrase."
Carl drew out and unfolded an umbrella as the puppet exploded into a mushroom cloud of teal-colored paint. This knocked back both of the Crystal Gems present up to the nearest tree, pushing them with great force as the flood of elimination practically drowned them. After the lake of paint lowered to shallowness as it spread out through the forest, leftover rain (to which Carl combatted by holding out his umbrella the other way) continued falling down in thick globs, adding to the mockery coloring them.
"That art is an explosion!"
Not too far from them, Garnet was on another branch holding her whiter (and currently hyperventalating) companion up from the jade-colored death below.
"Oh my..." Was all Pearl could remark. "Oh my!
"Garnet, if you let go will I be...?"
"Yes. Touch paint and you're out."
"P-p-p-perhaps... we should split up from now on. And on the third game. If there will be a third game and Carl doesn't blow us up too."
"There will be a third game if he does blow us up. If we win, there won't be."
"Oh... oh right." She gave a sigh in relief, as Garnet lifted her up more to seat her on that tree's same limb. Her breath was slowing to a more standard pace. "I almost forgot. We have a second chance. Like they did. And look how they used it."
One of the nearby bushes raised up, revealing it to be Seras simply taking cover under some kind of advanced camouflage dome or something. Pearl and Garnet took no note in that she had a theoretical safe circle as she aimed her gun at the pair and shot several times, thankfully missing each shot. Frustrated, Seras took out a number of knives and threw them so that they formed a row stabbing the ground. Following this, she hopped across the knives until she reached a dry spot, dissappearing into the forest. Pearl, trying to get up from now being on her hands and knees at this point, turned to her last surviving teammate.
"This is insane! How did-"
Garnet clasped a large hand over her mouth. "It's not safe talking here."
She then leaped off in a red blur, first at the safe circle Seras left behind, then around the treetops once more.
It was only after being alone that Rip's following words flew threw the woods. Previously they fell flat, their intentions not carrying much at all. Previously she was a rambling child, too energetic compared to even the rest of her organization. Previously she seemed like a silly little hero wannabe, but it was amazing how now being on her bad side suddenly gave her the ability to make one's blood run cold.
"Silly, silly Pearl. Do you not think that challenging a huntress at a game with guns was a bad idea?"
She barely caught onto the glint her glasses shone from the sunlight (thank goodness this was played at high noon), based on the circle of not-aqua she too had a safety dome. Finding her spectacles just in time, Pearl dodged to where Seras had been as the seagreen blob whizzed past her. Now seeing Rip as a full figure instead of a shadow, Pearl looked in confusion as she tossed her musket aside. It landed in the puppet-bomb's paint.
"You're giving up your gun?"
"Yes."
"But... you missed."
Rip's teeth glowed at her, as though her mouth was made of nothing but bioluminescent fangs.
"I never miss."
Pearl heard some sound; the only direct comparason she could draw from the short window of time was that it would belong to a high-energy weapon. Turning to the source behind her, she had found that the paint had been coated in a bright azure light, zig-zagging around the forest before dive-bombing right into her face.
"Yooooou looooose!" Rip sang. Pearl, now finally joined by Steven and Amethyst (covered head to toe), groaned.
"Well tha-"
Rip had already sped off, laughing behind her, "Nice passing the Bechdel Test nonsense with you though! My only true female companion right now isn't very topical!"
"Alright Ruby- or whatever your name is-" Carl said with mallace, walking foreward in slow and even steps. "You lost. Drop your weapon and I won't shoot you."
Garnet looked around the clearing: Along with Carl, Seras, Captain, and Rip (for those curious, in that order with the next person to the last's left) had formed a faux-square around her.
"There is one thing I want you to know." She said, barely audiable to even the vampires.
Turning her head down, she dropped the gun. Carl replied by doing the same, though Garnet watched as none of his teammates followed in suit. Taking this as a warning sign, she activated her gauntlets.
Carl snapped his fingers, confirming her fears. "Seras."
She raised her huge paint-cannon at her only remaining opponent, just to get a reaction where she dove her fists at the ground, causing a shockwave that briefly swept all four of Hellsing off their feet. Captain was the first to regain his balance, looking over at his adversary in admiration. Carl, the second, had a different emotion entirely.
"That the Crystal Gems will never give up." She finished.
"Okay you wanna be wise?" Carl gripped his gun so hard that it practically broke. "Big mistake! That's it! Hellsing! SHOW NO MERCY ON HER!"
Once again, Garnet had no reply to being shot. In this case it was repeatedly. And with the case of Rip's next gun, several of those times were with the same ball of paint, until she lost control of all the paint in it and had to fire another. Once they were done, Seras and Rip looked over at Carl with concern, seeing as the green man was breathing heavily.
"And that's round two! You knew you were gonna lose, and you still tried to cheat me. I hate that. Reminds me of a guy I once knew back in Mars...
"His life was miserable before I left. Knowing him it still probably is now; I don't know, I don't want a post card from the guy or anything. And I want your life to be miserable too. Change of plans: Third match will be at sunset instead."
He looked around his teammates, and behind him to see the other three Gems observing the scene. "Seeing as you made me mad and Sugilite back there made Rip mad, ticking off vampires must run in your little Chaos Emerald family over there. The only missing link is Seras, but it's only a matter of time before Opal annoys her too. It would be a pleasure to send the Pikmin after you when you lose."
"But the Pigmen are carrot things!" Amethyst remarked. "We can-"
Carl turned to her, deadpan. She froze.
"They're called Pikmin. And if you don't think they're bad, welllll... let me send you a video."
"Mr. Stevens, care to explain your strategy for defeating this... 'Eternity Wraith,' as it calls itself?"
"Sure, reporter-gal. And I want the Crystal Gems to hear this too." Carl's mood has definitely lightened by the time he was in the news report - impressive seeing as only a few hours have passed since the game. "As you can see here, with strategic thinking and the power of numbers, the Pikmin are reducing this ghost reaper thing to nothin' but smoke and air."
A few more minutes of this and Garnet would have thought that she actually needed to manually lift up the jaws of her comrades as they sat watching the local news. Thankfully, Pearl broke the silence.
"Those are the Pikmin?"
"The same carrot things from the day we met?" Amethyst added.
"I- I can't watch the whole thing-"
"You just did! They're finished killing it already!"
"Ughhhh. What else is on? When Carl said he will send us a video, I-"
Amethyst was quick to grab the remote, switching the channels as quickly as she could. Channel one... a man and a teen flying off into the moon on a rocket car. Nope. Channel ten... a quartet of teenagers blasting off to an alien planet to retrieve... what are they talking about, an atom? Seemed adorable, but no because space. Channel six... a girl breaking into some prison cell-like room and turning a critically injured boy into an immortal vampire. Seems like a cute love story, tainted by the green man. Channel five...
"Yo yo yo, wassup everyone! This is Ezekiel Foster Smithy here, AKA Zeksmit, winner of the-"
Finally, the electronic was turned off. Nobody really liked that last particular show, even if there wasn't much in it to connect to Carl or Hellsing. It seemed very bland, took too long, and the main character was obnoxious. Plus during the rare times the Gems decided to glance around at the TV they found networks always advertising it, even though it only lasted three episodes before going on some big hiatus. Actually it wasn't just networks either; billboards, smart phone ads, very eager people with fliers, and even works of literature that had the audacity to shove a blatant reference to it in their words. Hopefully that hiatus will end soon, because the sooner that gets back on the road, the sooner it will end, and the sooner everything will finally stop talking about it.
"Come on, guys!" Steven cheered, "We're given a second chance, we should use it too! This is our time to make a comeback! We just need to come up with an amazing plan! Like- like..."
"Like pack your bags." Amethyst said. "We already lost."
"Well... no... Pearl?"
She shrugged. "Sorry Steven. We may have strength, agility, dexterity, melee weapons, and biological immortality, but they have speed, stealth, and range. That's the kind of fighting they're used to. And paintball is a game that benefits anyone with those factors."
He turned to Garnet.
"Well, that makes it two against two, right Garnet?"
"...It's one against three."
"What! But that ground-punch, and that 'the Crystal Gems will never give up-'"
"A bluff. I thought the Pikmin would be much weaker than..." She guestured at the still-inactive TV. "That."
"Hmph!" He leaped off of the couch, turning to face his sister-figures. "Come on, you guys! Where's the team spirit? Um... something something, always save the day! And if you think we can't, we'll always find a way! You liked that song so much we sang it together once! Remember! Re... Remember?"
"We're more used to fighting monsters, not... Carls and Rips." Pearl said.
"And becides," Amethyst added, "It's not like we can't sneak into the temple in disguise or go into hiding-"
"No! I will not quit to a sleaze like Carl!"
"Did we not get hit by the same bomb?" Amethyst lept by him, as if that would convince him to settle a little. "That almost killed us! He almost killed us over a paintball game! I'm out for the third match."
The following round of silence was quickly broken by a reasurring from Pearl.
"Well, I'm in for the third game, but-"
He stared at them for a few seconds, before turning around and going to the door in a huff.
"Where are you going?" Pearl asked.
"To get some tips from the people in Beach City! At least they don't give up because some vampires and a ghost dog know how to make squares!"
He slammed the door on his way out, leaving the other Gems staring at the doorway, speechless.
Steven opened it again and grabbed his ukulele.
"I... think I'm gonna need some musical inspiration."
He must have darted around for hours, searching for any possible answers or even hints to answers, talking to almost anyone he can find on the subject.
Nothing.
All he had gotten amounted to preaching to the choir. Their music sounded good, but it was too loud at too innapropriate of a time. No advice on how to beat them. No advice on how to find some clever work around. Not even a clue on dealing with the Pikmin.
Steven was on what was probably his fifth lap circling the city. His notes were losing meaning as he strummed aimlessly on his instrument, thinking that a tune will lead him in. Hm... maybe, no... add a little- wait, the note there should be higher-
He tripped, landing himself face-down in the middle of the beach. The sands still holding the heat of the sun, still out yet halfway to the bottom, this might not have burned so badly if it wasn't for the of the Gem's sudden loss at the hands of Carl's bombing. And Hellsing basically besting them in every way.
Steven felt a shadow being cast over him, but when he looked up, the source was at first cloaked in darkness from the sun light behind it.
"Hey." It said. Definitely a man's voice. A middle-aged man. "You're one of those Gems fellas aren't you? And you're in the middle of a fight with those Hellsing punks?"
"A... are you an angel?" Steven asked, getting back up. While he lifted himself, the view was clear now: He was definitely in his fourties, dressed in a simple white shirt and blue jeans. Short brown hair, and glinting square glasses. His appearance was nothing unamusing, but this guy in general was new. Could he...?
"No, but I work with God's gas." He held out a hand. "Hank Hill, assistant manager of Strickland Propane. Now, I came here with my wife and my son a few days ago for- well, it's a long story involvin' an opera singer and ya' wouldn't believe me, but long story short I know how you feel. Exactly."
"What?"
"Me and my buddies back in Texas had a little paintball match with these punk teenagers. We lost twice, but the third time... we had a little plan."
He jumped up, eyes sparkling stars at those words. "A plan? What is it?"
"Know the enemy. Study them. Find their weaknesses, their behaviors... maybe even knowing their strengths will help. Turn it against them-
"Sorry, I can't stay very long. My son and wife might see you and you'll uh... never be able to leave. They're kinda 'fandoms' of you guys, or whatever the word is. So hurry now, run off and tell this to your co-workers!"
"I will!"
"Really? Well that's great! Ya' know, you sort of remind me of my own son..." He said as Steven began running off back to the temple, "...in a way..."
Steven slammed the door open. "Guys!"
The room was empty. Not finding much to do, he simply sat. And waited.
About an hour later, they finally teleported back into the temple, kicking at a few spare flames on them.
"Sorry, we had to fight a living gas giant planet made of fire." Pearl said, brushing off more flares on her shoulder. "We weren't gone too long, were we?"
"No- er... don't worry, because I got it!" Steven pumped a fist in the air.
"Got... what?"
"The plan!"
"What plan?"
"The plan..." he gave a dramatic pause, "To beat... Carl!"
"Oh yeah, I thought about that too." Amethyst tossed in, "We should use Pearl as bait! Get one or two of them to shoot her, and then BAM! You, Garnet and I - I change my mind, I'm gonna be there for round three - will-"
"Amethyst!" Pearl shouted.
"Yeah, you're right. Steven, you should be bait instea-"
"Amethyst!" This time, everyone bar the offender shouted.
"Okay," Steven finally announced. "The plan is that we spend the next three days studying them. Everything we can learn about them. And we'll use it against them! Oh, and also, it's a little out-there, but..."
Captain looked around the interior of the Big Donut, before looking face to face at Lars. The teen behind the counter gave him a look of disgust as Hans flashed him a paper reading, "Five donuts. They're for Carl."
"Oh boy. If it isn't Hellsing's dog-thing. What are you anyway, a werewolf? A-"
He nodded, causing Lars to grin.
"Oh, I bet you wouldn't like it if I did... this then!"
He drew a fork, and stabbed the air in front of him several times. He laughed. "I used one made of real silver! Come on, you can't really be weak to silver, are you? As if your group isn't impossible to take seriously already!"
Hans snarled at him, just so slightly.
"Lars, don't taunt him." Sadie said, looking at the member of Hellsing. "I think even Carl is good at heart! And this guy doesn't deserve to be blamed for something he doesn't do!"
Captain soon got his order, which he carefully retreated. This did not go unseen by Garnet, who at some point had set herself to the doorway. She found the Captain directly in front of her, thanks to his incredible speed, and the pair stared at eachother before the green-clad man walked off.
Garnet nodded, followed by taking out a notepad and pencil and scribbling a maze.
Seras weakly pushed the door open and walked out of the blood bank, trying not to draw attention to the stares a fourth of the people there were giving her. Wincing at the afternoon sunlight, she retreated to a back alley and quickly drained a blood pack she had been hiding behind her back. Overhead, Amethyst leaped from the rooftop of one of the alley buildings to another and whipped out a notepad and pencil of her own. She checked to see if Seras noticed the jump before writing, to see Rip walking over to her.
"Seras! I keep telling you, you need to get used to your life as a vampire! My, has the old manor invasion really taught you anything? You still don't even like phasing through walls!"
After tapping her chin with the eraser, Amethyst wrote "Seras still doesn't like being a vampire." More taps. "And might be weak to sunlight, like the kind we're all use to."
"Seras! I keep telling you, you need to get used to your life as a vampire! My, has the old manor invasion really taught you anything? You still don't even like phasing through walls!"
After giving the rant to Seras, Rip turned into shadow and slipped through the floor, finally leading to around-the-corner Pearl to lose track.
"Okay... what did you learn..."
She got out a third notepad and began scribbling.
"Rip compares herself to someone from a story. She fears someone who might be the story's villain."
Underneath that, she added another line reading "She repeats the word 'Badguy,' and says it like a last name. Conduct research on that."
Carl looked at the brunette in a green shirt and blue pants down the store's aisle and ran his hand through his hair, studying her. "Hm..." he said to himself, "Maybe.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't help but notice that you got a spectacularly thick novel there. Interesting. You must be the kind of person to invest a lot of time in things. That's to say... I wouldn't pick something similar, of course, I don't like literature that much- but enough about me anything... about you?"
She turned around, adjusting her glasses. "Why yes. You see, back in Texas I was trying to get into my town's local book club, but I couldn't! Now that we're here in a town full of fresh faces, I think I can-"
Oh man. Carl thought. Forgot to get a look at the front first. This woman is old. Llike, 40s old. And talks a lot. Mostly about herself. I'm afraid to ask her name, but I feel like I should... just to get the complete picture. She sounds and looks like a redneck. And- OH MY. What is WITH those huge FEET?
"Yeah, yeah, that's nice. I'm Carl."
"And I'm Peggy Hill, substitute teacher of the year for three years in a row-"
Carl was visibly groaning, holding his head down and resting it in a palm. He pulled out a book on his own and thumbed through it, shaking his head, dropping it, and kicking it just underneath the aisle.
On the end of the hall right where Carl's back was turned to, Steven tried to remain hidden behind the nearby rows, constantly moving his head in and out so that Carl entered and left his view. This went on for some time, until he completely dissapeared as he made his own notes.
"Carl does not care about women that much." He wrote and quietly spoke, tapping his lead on the paper. "Or books!"
"Hey!" Hank's voice sounded from the other side. "What are you doin' with my wife?"
Steven giggled, turning and risking his hiding spot.
This was gonna be good.
Closing AN:
Welp, like I said before this was originally going to be a one-shot, but I'm splitting the chapters because as a whole it was too long. It's not like that would matter by much, though, since unless this goes horribly wrong I should have both chapters out on the same day at near-the same time.
Yes, in spite of being an alien Carl's blood is, in fact, red. It's red in HUC too. And all of his other appearances for that matter.
Appologies if a later episode reveals that the higher ups in Beach City are actually competant.
Also at this rate Carl is a bit more based on how the portrayal of him from HUC went instead of the actual celebrity he was a knock off of. Which is Charlie Sheen. I'm only saying this because it isn't really that obvious at all any more, especially if you don't know about the "tiger's blood" thing.
I want to clairify that each limb of that colossal Slender Man knockoff at the beginning also slowly grows over time, so that they won't become ridiculously short from all the doubling. How it managed to reach that size in the first place... I'll let you decide. And that Slender Man knockoff was a bit of a copy of an earlier idea I had. Specifically, Aranea's Slender Mode transformation in Sweet Jade and Hella John.