The Other Woman
Summary: T'Pol struggles with her emotions after losing her mother and the discovery of the Kir'shara. The story takes place prior to the start of the episode Daedalus.
Author's Note: I stumbled upon a group of stories from spring 2007. You may have seen this one at some time in the past...
As T'Pol surveyed the equipment transferred to Enterprise during their brief layover in Earth orbit, she could not help but notice the sleek lines and elegant curves possessed by each device. Whoever was responsible for designing the components that would form the sub-quantum teleporter made sure they were not only functional, but also aesthetically appealing.
That fact only made T'Pol's current situation worse.
She felt her jaw clench that much tighter and was certain her nostrils flared slightly while she glared at the inanimate objects arrayed throughout the cargo bay before her.
Shortly after 0300 hours she gave up her futile attempt to sleep. Something drew her to this cargo bay.
Recent events had torn away the last semblance of stability in her life that threatened to spiral out of her grasp. Her attempts at meditation had been unsuccessful for days and the continued failures only further weakened the tenuous control she clung to after her mother's passing.
If anything, her current situation might have even been worse than her darkest days in the Expanse. At least then she always had duties to perform that could provide distraction and... Trellium... for relief. Ironically, she had almost no role to play in the first scientific experiments performed aboard Enterprise since she her resignation from the Vulcan High Command. Doctor Erickson would be conducting the experiments himself with only minimal assistance from the engineering staff.
That meant Tri... Commander Tucker.
She let out a sigh and loosened her tight grip on the railing when she thought of him. He appeared a new man in the 48 hours since leaving Earth. It had been a long, long time since she had witnessed him so happy, so excited about something. He and Captain Archer spent every free moment together. They, for the most part, ignored her and left her to attend the first officer's duties without input, let alone supervision. Whatever previous sadness surrounded Trip was gone as was the distance between he and the Captain that began to build in the months prior to their mission into the Expanse.
After spending so much time with Captain Archer on Vulcan, the respite was welcome... at least partially. There were still times, such as this evening, she would have preferred not to be alone.
She closed her eyes and focused on calming the swirling emotions. She knew suppressing them was not possible, but she had to at least rein them in somewhat before they overwhelmed her. If she were to lose control, she might again do something rash that she would regret the next morning.
Commander Tucker's improved outlook stood in stark contrast to hers and the fact they had not spoken since shortly after her release only made her situation more complicated. Captain Archer contacted her shortly after her release once the treason charge was dropped. He suggested she make a private communication to Tr... Commander Tucker at her earliest convenience.
She did so as soon as she found a communication station with a suitable measure of privacy.
The look on his face when she contacted him was all the justification needed for Archer's suggestion. She felt a warmth in her chest recalling that episode. He looked... worn out... when she first looked into his eyes. Something though seemed to reawaken in him as he stared into hers from many light years away.
She had struggled with her emotions while they gazed upon one another through the view screen. She knew well enough from experience that he would not even attempt to control his. Ambassador Soval's presence at his side created a problem for her. In her emotional state just after her release, if Trip were to start crying, she assumed that an emotional outburst on her part would most likely result. She could not bring herself to allow the Ambassador to witness her weakness. She had let him down far too many times already in her short life. She created an excuse to remove Ambassador Soval from their private conversation. Fortunately the Ambassador complied with her unspoken desire shield him from her flaws.
Somewhat surprisingly Trip had basically maintained his control and they spoke briefly. The conversation was stilted and she could tell his words were filled with as much emotion as hers were.
It was not at all like his display on the transporter pad once he rescued her from... captivity... by the Orions slave merchants. He had embraced her and began stuttering unintelligibly right there in front of Doctor Phlox and Crewman Ricks. Even worse, she returned his embrace and inhaled that... scent... she believed she would never experience again. For a brief instant she forgot who she was and just lived in the moment clutching tightly to her savior. Before her shameful display proceeded further, Doctor Phlox immediately sedated her for surgery to remove the Orion controller device. If the device had not possessed a self defense mechanism requiring she be unconscious during its removal, what little remained of her dignity might have been washed away in a moment of weakness.
She narrowed her eyes as the pain in her temples intensified.
She still struggled to understand why it was so important to her that Commander Tucker know she had not... been alone... with Koss after the wedding. That was a very private... a very intimate... admission to make and not something appropriate to discuss with someone outside the marriage bond. But something drove her to make it clear she was... untouched... by Koss. She almost characterized it as a primal need to reassure him.
On the other hand, it did not require any deep introspection on her part to discern the root cause for her overwhelming desire to return to Enterprise immediately following her mother's death. She needed to experience that same sense of relief she felt on the transporter pad after her rescue, even if only for the briefest of time. Had she been in full control of her faculties, any logical assessment of the situation would have come to the conclusion the ship was no longer in orbit. V'Las would not have attacked the compound with a Starfleet vessel in orbit able to monitor the destruction.
She required an extra day to wrap up her affairs on Vulcan and ensure her mother's house... now her house... was prepared for her extended absence. Upon returning she was initially confused to find only Captain Archer and Ensign Sato waiting at the airlock. Commander Tucker's absence was... inconsistent... with normal protocol. After dismissing the Ensign, Archer informed her Commander Tucker and Lieutenant Reed had been relieved of duty pending a court martial. She felt her head spin when the Captain revealed once they arrived at Earth, Trip would be removed from Enterprise and probably put in prison for disobeying two direct orders from Admiral Gardner not to get involved in Vulcan's internal affairs.
Ambassador Soval informed her he had been aboard Enterprise when the Commander and Lieutenant were relieved of duty and confined to quarters. He seemed reticent to admit the Vulcan government had no intention of intervening on Commander Tucker's behalf. The Ambassador did not have a ready answer when she questioned him about the irony that Commander Tucker's interference in Vulcan affairs not only prevented a war but also delayed V'Las' actions long enough to allow the Kir'shara to be found and T'Pau, now minister, to gain control of the government yet that same Vulcan government would do nothing in return because it refused to interfere with an internal Starfleet matter.
She was attempting to comprehend the hypocrisy in her people's behavior through meditative reflection when Captain Archer suggested she not visit Tr... Commander Tucker's quarters.
Archer made it clear the best thing she could do for him was to avoid his quarters until they reached Earth. It did not take long the next day for T'Pol to hear the rumors among some of the engineering crew that Soval had been in control Trip during his stay on the ship. They blamed both his and Reed's situation on the Vulcans and one even mentioned a mind meld. She was astonished to learn somehow knowledge of mind melds had leaked to the Humans. She refused to believe Captain Archer would have shared that information knowing how much of a closely guarded secret the practice was. But she could find no other explanation for how the engineering crew learned of the practice. It was something so private... so forbidden... a topic she had not even shared the knowledge of its existence with Trip.
With her mother dead and Commander Tucker headed to prison and with little to occupy her mind, T'Pol turned to the Kir'shara–the real Kir'shara–not the document called the Kir'shara she studied until she was a young adult that now appeared to be nothing more than a political perversion of Surak's teachings. So much of what she had been taught was a lie. She was forced to question everything she once "knew" as a result of the discovery. Word reached her that all of Vulcan was wracked by the same revelation. The very foundations on which Vulcan society, her society, rested were now in question.
She felt the heat rise in her neck and the tips of her ears warm as she recalled learning the change in Commander Tucker's status. She had been so focused on her study that she only became aware of the dropped charges from Doctor Phlox during her physical exam. Captain Archer shared no further information beyond simply stating that as soon as they arrived in Earth orbit, charges were dropped against both Commander Tucker and Lieutenant Reed and they were returned to duty. She verified no formal reprimand even appeared in their records. Archer considered the matter settled and would not discuss it any further.
She had been unable to learn anything from Commander Tucker either. Trip spent every moment working in engineering or in private with Captain Archer. There were no duty related tasks that required her presence in main engineering nor did any personnel reason present itself to justify visiting his quarters at night. He also found no reason to come to the bridge or to approach her in the mess hall. She was helpless to do anything but track his movement through the ship.
As a result, they had not spoken since that brief communication just after her release from the detention center on Vulcan.
T'Pol returned her attention to the equipment before her. The very equipment that captured... and held... Commander Tucker's attention since leaving Earth. And Captain Archer's. The two had virtually ignored her since the announcement they would support Doctor Erickson's experiments in sub-quantum teleportation. She was unable to even oversee the equipment delivery alongside Commander Tucker as Captain Archer filled that role himself and left her to man the bridge. It brought back memories of how the two behaved just after she first arrived aboard the ship.
She clenched her jaw again in an attempt to control the emotions threatening to overwhelm her. Jealousy was the most difficult one for her to master, as it was for most Vulcans. But humiliation at being jealous of inanimate objects combined with her fruitless meditation sessions was even more powerful... even more frightening.
She heard the railing before her begin to rattle and strain. She observed the white knuckles on her shaking hands with a sense of detachment. It was as if she no longer controlled their actions. They appeared to be trying in vain to rip the railing from its attachment points.
Suddenly a wailing, high-pitched scream reverberated through the cargo bay. When the sound stopped, she found herself out of breath. Her throat felt slightly dry as she swallowed hard and attempted to find her center once again. The fact that she was alone made the source of the sound painfully obvious.
The demons swirling in her head seemed to calm for the time being. She released the railing and moved toward the exit in order to return to her quarters. She held her hands out and flexed her fingers back and forth, unclenching and clenching her fists. Apparently she had been holding onto the guard railing so long and so tightly that her fingers almost seemed frozen in that position. She had to force her fingers to straighten out.
As she walked back toward her quarters, she considered her situation. She was losing control. If only she could restrict her interactions... with... other crew members... to duty related tasks she might have a chance at restoring the emotional control so critical to the Vulcan way of life. Since their return from Vulcan after her marriage, Commander Tucker seemed willing to cooperate with the choice she now faced. It was rare for the two to interact outside of any duty related responsibilities and prior to their recent trip to Vulcan, he avoided sharing meals with her and Captain Archer in the Captain's mess. He even stopped coming to movie night and eventually so had she.
First though, she would have to relearn what the Vulcan way of life actually was. It appeared whatever she once knew of it had all been a lie.
This was something she would have to learn before she could move on. Maybe sometime in the future she could... pursue other interests... but not until she understood who she was.
The End