To The Losers
By Becky P
Story Index/Navigational Array/Email Me
Disclaimer: Well... I'd like them, but I don't own them... The version of "Here's To The Losers" that I have is from James Darren's "This One's From The Heart"
"A hologram..." Chakotay muttered under his breath, taking a large swig of his beer. "I don't believe it, I *really* don't..."
Tom thumped his beer mug onto the bar, sending the alcohol splattering over the other men, who were too deep in their own sorrows to notice. "Aw, B'Elanna, why'd you keep arguin' wiv mee?" Tom whined uselessly to himself, as B'Elanna was not in the room.
"At least she didn't kiss a hologram," Chakotay mumbled, his words starting to slur already. Tom thumped Chakotay on the back in an unusual display of comradeship.
"You're... you're righ', ya know that!" Tom slurred, waving his drink aimlessly in the air. "Why d'we bovver? They only break ya heart in th'end..."
"Hologram..."
Neelix stumbled over to them and plonked himself down on a barstool. "Beer..." he moaned to the pretty holographic waitress on duty in Sandrine's. "Gotta have a drink..."
"Whasup?" Tom managed to get out, resting most of his upper body on the bar.
"She doesn't love me!" Neelix cried.
"Who?" Chakotay asked, knocking back the rest of his beer then ordering another one.
"Kes," Neelix explained matter-of-factly.
"Kes... left... a lon' time ahgo..." Paris mumbled. "Oh, B'Elanna... you shhoo evil..."
The waitress returned and Neelix snatched the tankard and downed half of it in one gulp. "Ah... uh..." he groaned. "Oh, Keshssie..."
Chakotay managed to lift his head a little as the holodeck doors swept open to reveal a stumbling Joe Carey, who had either twisted his ankle pretty badly or was already drunk. Had Chakotay been able to utilise any of his diminished mental powers, he would have opted for the latter.
"Whasupp Carry?" Chakotay slurred, raising his mug to him in greeting. He swore as half of his pint ended up over the floor.
Carey pulled himself onto a barstool with difficulty and swiped the remainder of Neelix's beer, downing it in one large gulp. "Sham... she chucked me owt..."
Neelix draped an over-friendly arm around Joe Carey. "My Keshssie'sh gone..." he slurred.
Carey started crying into his, formerly Neelix's, empty mug. "Ah gawd, whad I do Sham?" he sobbed. "Aw why?"
"A hologram..."
"Whassup Ch'tay?" Carey managed to ask.
"My Kaffy's going owt wi'a hologram..." he moaned.
"No' good..." Carey slurred before falling off his chair.
Neelix looked down and laughed, causing him to lose his balance and fall off too. His guffaws echoed throughout the empty pub.
Paris and Chakotay glanced at one another and silently agreed. In unison, they gave up trying to keep their balance, and fell off their stools too. Soon all four men were rolling on the floor in hysterics.
"Again..." Neelix sighed, and clambered back up, only to launch himself off once he got up there. His muffled "oof!" as he landed prompted fresh laughter from the other three officers.
The doors opened again, and they heard Ensign Kim's plaintive voice calling, "Tom! Tom, where are you?"
Tom stifled his laughter for a moment. "Harry! Come hav' a drink... 'oof'!"
Carey and Neelix laughed again, but Chakotay started sobbing. "It'sh not fair..." he cried helplessly. "Why Mik- Myck- Michael? Why no' me?"
"There, there, Chakotay," Paris tried to console him, but ultimately ended up in tears himself. "B'Elanna!"
Harry had a bottle of whiskey and had already started to down the contents as he came over to the four men sitting on the floor.
"It'snotfairTomwhydoesn'tSevenlovemeIloveheritsnotfairChakotaycanyouorderhertogooutonadatewith me?" Harry whined to the assembled group. "IwantanotherpiptoocansomeoneasktheCaptainificanhaveone?"
Chakotay's tears renewed at the mention of his one true love. "Kaffrin! I looove you!" he screamed. "Don't kissh Mykal!"
Harry stared bleary eyed. "Whass he on 'bout?" he mumbled, gulping down some more whiskey.
"Musshic..." Tom gasped. With effort he ordered, "Computerrr, muuusic... anyfing..."
A catchy tune started.
"Here's to those who love not wisely, no not wisely, but too well!
To the girl who sighs with envy, when she hears that wedding bell.
To the guy who'd throw a party, if he knew someone to call -
Here's to the losers, bless them all!"
Tom started thumping the floor along with the beat, and Harry lay back on the floor accidentally knocking over his whiskey bottle and producing a curse bad enough to get him locked up in the brig.
"Hey Tom, Dick and Harry, comin' out of the rain,
Those torches you carry must be drowned in champagne!"
"Thass my naame!" Tom pointed out to anyone who hadn't noticed yet. "And Harrysh!"
"An' mine?" Chakotay asked with interest. "A shong for me and Kaffy?"
Tom hugged the Commander. "Shorry, jus' me an' Harry at th' moment..."
Neelix sat up, noticing with delight how the walls seemed to spin around him. Whoever had programmed this program must have had fun. "I fink we ne- we need a toasht!" he hiccuped, picking up a glass that fallen to the floor in the general melee. The other guys grabbed a glass each, and raised them.
"To the loshers...!" Carey yelled.
"Aye!" the other men yelled, and passed out.