Chapter One

Gordo and Lizzie no longer hangout at the Digital Bean as much as they did before.

In middle school, they'd go there almost four times a week to do homework, chat and more importantly, use the computers speedy DSL. The Digital Bean had the perfect atmosphere for kids getting out of school, which made it the hottest spot for tweens. Lizzie and Gordo participated in that; they had spent endless hours there after school, and on the weekends; if they weren't at each other's houses, they'd be at the café. But Lizzie and Gordo weren't alone though. Someone else joined them. Someone else came along to every study group, every chat session and every minute of random web surfing; a dear friend to both Lizzie and Gordo. Sadly, they no longer visit the Digital Bean because of that friend.

On one hot summer weekend, Lizzie and Gordo were looking for a place to go out on a date and out of nowhere, Gordo suggested the Digital Bean. It came as a shock to Lizzie. It'd been four years since they had gone to that café. They never went into that part of town anymore so both were unsure if it still had business.

"Are you sure you want to go there?" Lizzie asked, when the two were sitting on a bench in Hillridge park.

"You don't?" Gordo questioned.

"Of course I do but-"

"Then let's go." Gordo stood up and offered his hand to his girlfriend. Lizzie took it and pulled herself up.

Walking into the Digital Bean was like stepping into a photo album full of old photographs. The memories flooded Gordo and Lizzie. The place hadn't changed at all. Gordo ordered a typical chocolate milkshake, while Lizzie had a friend's favorite: a mango and pineapple smoothie. They chose a small table in the back of the Digital Bean, sitting across from each other.

Gordo and Lizzie didn't speak for awhile and the sounds of the machines whirling, along with the slurping of their drinks weren't enough to over power the painful silence between them. Gordo twirled the straw swimming in his shake. Them not speaking grew annoying and boring. He needed to say something.

"It's nice being back here," Gordo mentioned, looking up at Lizzie. She nodded as she brought the glass cup to her mouth and took a sip of the smoothie.

"We should come here more often," Gordo added. "Like old times."

Lizzie only nodded as she stared down at the table. Gordo sighed at his girlfriend's lack of conversing. He continued to twirl the straw in his half consumed shake, staring into the cup. A wave of emotions must have flooded Lizzie as a result of coming back to the spot and that's why no words came out of her.

"How do you feel about of all this?" Gordo asked. "About being back at this place? About her?"

Lizzie drew out a heavy sigh. He didn't expect her to answer right away or even answer at all. Gordo just hoped, if they talked about their feelings, an answer might surface. An answer that could fix what they were doing; swimming in sheer bitter-sweet memories.

"She was like a sister to me. She still is," Lizzie began. She took another sip of her smoothie, then continued. Gordo sat up straighter and leaned into the table to show he cared.

"In middle school, she said she wasn't going anywhere..."

Gordo slumped back into the chair when he realized Lizzie's point. She didn't need to say anymore, because Gordo knew they were on the same page. Their best friend, Miranda Sánchez left four years ago. She did not stay. She did go somewhere. Miranda didn't keep her promise. Since then, Gordo and Lizzie had no contact from her. No phone calls or letters. Not even an email.

Gordo knew Lizzie and Miranda were so close, but he was one of Miranda's good friends too and he had many questions for himself. Was it his fault that Miranda left? Was it Lizzie's? Maybe it had nothing to do with them at all? Maybe it was all Miranda. Maybe she moved on. It made him insane not having answers, surely with Lizzie too.

"But Gordo, of course you know how I feel. I talk to you about it all the time," Lizzie said. She looked into his grey, blue eyes. Gordo rolled them to the side and locked his jaws in place. He'd been hoping she wouldn't return the question. Gordo had been the one out of the two who hadn't expressed his feelings about Miranda being gone; he didn't know how he felt.

"Lizzie, you were the friend I had a crush on. You were the person I came to for advice, to cheer me up and to make me feel special," Gordo said. "Miranda was the one who shared the same sarcasm as me, who argued with me like brother and sister, who helped me, challenged me. I miss that. I miss that a lot."

Lizzie nodded, looked down for a second, then brought her eyes back to his. "But do you miss her?" Lizzie's eyebrows curved down and her eyes grew soft. Gordo pressed his lips together and furrowed his own eyebrows.

"Just as much as you do Lizzie. Believe me," Gordo answered firmly.

Lizzie half smiled. "That's good to hear because I was starting to think you didn't care. I mean you never talk about it."

Gordo poked at the straw. "Yeah well just because I don't talk about stuff doesn't mean I don't care. I mean you're my girlfriend Lizzie, you should know by now."

"I know, sorry. It's just, if Miranda found out you never talked about her, she'd be upset." Lizzie covered half of her face with her hand and looked away; Gordo perked in the chair.

"What do you mean?"

Lizzie looked back at him and shook her head. She started slipping out of her chair while grabbing the empty glass. "I don't know. Never mind," she said, standing up. "Come let's go hangout and watch movies at mine and Kate's apartment."

Gordo nodded and followed Lizzie, where they handed the busboy their empty glasses. Then out the Digital Bean they went and into Lizzie's car to her apartment she moved into with Kate Sanders. At the age of eighteen, Lizzie begged her parents to move out, but Jo wanted her to stay for at least another year or two. After some time going back and forth, Jo and Sam came to a decision she could move to an apartment in Hill Ridge with Kate and still be close by the McGuire's.

Gordo's parents were total opposite of Jo and Sam. They encouraged him to move out and learn to be independent at seventeen, even with half a semester of senior year to complete. But Gordo didn't feel ready, so he moved out after Graduation since he'd be going to college and living the dorms. Now at nineteen, he was used to the independence.

Lizzie drove them to the apartment in her used convertible with the top down. As they cruised down the California roads, Gordo's curly hair blew around in his face. His hair had been long since high school and everybody around him kept pestering him to cut it, but Gordo, he kept it that way for a reason.

In eighth grade, Miranda told Gordo she liked his fro and never wanted him to cut it. Since she left them, he'd been keeping it long for her. Even though she wasn't around to see it, having his hair the way she liked it held a memory of her; a memory he never wanted to forget.

"Kate must be out," Lizzie said when they got to the apartment and walked inside. Gordo plopped on the couch as Lizzie went to the kitchen. She opened the fridge and asked Gordo if he wanted anything to eat, but he shook his head. Lizzie walked to the couch and settled close to her boyfriend; she put her head on his shoulder and Gordo tilted his head on top of her's.

"Lizzie, do you ever wonder if it was your fault Miranda left us?" Gordo asked.

"No of course not. I love Miranda and I know it was nothing personal." Lizzie lifted her head and sat up straight.

"Why? Do you?" she asked. Gordo shrugged, not looking at his girlfriend.

"Gordo!" Lizzie said with her mouth hung open. "It's not your fault!"

Gordo sunk his head onto the back of the couch. He sighed and folded his hands on his lap, then cleared his throat.

"A day before Miranda left for Mexico and before our class trip to Rome, I told Miranda that I liked you. I came to her for advice on what to do. She told me she was happy I finally admitted it, but then Miranda slammed her locker, grabbed her things and left. I never saw her again. She didn't say goodbye."

Lizzie touched his hands. "I'm sorry Gordo. She did say goodbye to me."

"Yeah well after Rome, Miranda never came back. I must have done something."

"You don't know that Gordo."

"Lizzie," Gordo turned to face her. "The last thing Miranda did when I saw her was get angry at me for some reason and then leave without saying goodbye."

"Okay, but how come you've never told me about that before? Don't you think that'd be a good thing for me to know?"

Gordo sunk back onto the couch, closed his eyes and sighed. "Can we just watch a movie or something? I'll pick."

Lizzie stood up. "No I will. You always get to pick."

She went to a shelve full of DVDs while Gordo lightened up and laughed. As she chose a movie, he shifted on the couch because the cushions were out of place. He stood up to straighten them, but when he lifted one up, he saw something wedged in between the cushions; a small black book a little bigger than Gordo's hand. The cover had no words so he knew it wasn't a novel. He pulled it out if the couch, guessing it was Lizzie's and it fell between the cushions by accident. But when Gordo inspected it closer, he saw something etched in the corner of the book.

"Miranda Sanchez?" he gasped quietly. "How long has this been there?"

"What?" Lizzie came back with two movies. Gordo whipped his head around, stuffing the small book in his jacket pocket.

"Nothing." He looked up at Lizzie and smiled innocently.

"Okay..." Lizzie eyed him, sitting down. She held up two movie options. "Which one?"

Gordo pointed to the one on the left and Lizzie popped it in the DVD player. They watched movies until ten at night before Lizzie drove Gordo to his apartment. He went inside and kicked off his sneakers, pulled his jacket it off and tossed it on his bed. Then he remembered the book. He reached for the jacket and took the book out.

With his back leaning against the headboard, Gordo held the book, rubbing his thumb across the etched lettering in the corner. He stared intently at the possession belonging to Miranda and after arguments with his conscience, he opened the cover slowly. It felt strange holding a book that belonged to Miranda and also wrong, but there was a feeling inside of him telling him he should find out what was inside. Gordo took a deep breath when he saw words in Miranda's handwriting. It was a journal. Her journal. Gordo was about to delve into Miranda's mind.

October 5th, 2002

The Sadie Hawkins dance is coming up soon. Lizzie will probably ask Ethan if Kate doesn't get to him first. I on the other hand have no idea who I'll ask. No guy probably wants to go out with boring Miranda Sanchez. I guess I'll be going alone. How sad. I guess there is someone I'd like to ask, but I can one hundred percent guarantee they won't go with me.

October 7th, 2002

Turns out, Ethan sees Lizzie as just a friend. She's not going to the dance with him. She's not even going to the dance at all. I got excited because it would be just me and Gordo. But when I asked him, why don't we go, we're friends? Gordo told me, "But we don't like each other like that." I should have known better.

Gordo finished reading the first page and it sparked a clear memory of that time. He remembered the eighth grade Sadie Hawkins dance well. He helped Lizzie find out what Ethan liked so she could be the perfect person for him, but Gordo ended up having no date for the dance and so did Miranda.

"Hey Gordo," Miranda got his attention at lunchtime. The two of them sat alone while Lizzie talked to Ethan. "Why don't we go to the dance?"

"Me and you?" Gordo raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah, we can go together."

Gordo grabbed his milk carton and looked at Miranda's smiling face. "But we don't like each other like that," he said.

Miranda frowned. "We can go as friends."

"I guess so," Gordo realized. Usually the three of them go to dances together, he thought of going with Lizzie at times, but never Miranda for some reason. Maybe because at Hillridge junior high, going to a dance with someone meant you were an item. Just ask Kate Sanders. If he went with Miranda, people would be talking. Not that it was a bad thing; Miranda was a wonderful person. She was pretty, well dressed, funny and fun to be around. But Gordo always had a crush on Lizzie for a long time, while Miranda's been like his sister.

"You know what," Miranda stood up and slung her book bag around her shoulder. She shook her head a bunch of times. "Forget it." Miranda left without taking her tray. Gordo watched her, wondering what he did wrong and why she left all of a sudden.

Gordo snapped out of the memory after he recalled Miranda getting upset and leaving. Funny, it was just like when Gordo came to her for advice about Lizzie; she got upset, then left and Gordo never her saw her again.

"How depressing," Gordo spoke to himself. "The last thing she said to me was that she was happy for me. Now she isn't even here to see me with Lizzie."

Gordo slid onto his pillow and turned to his side; Miranda's journal lay next to him. He slept without a shower, brushing his teeth, or changing out of his khakis and button up. He fell asleep with Miranda's written words being the last thing to cross his mind.

Note: Even though I ship Miranda and Gordo, he's with Lizzie in this story. It focuses on Gordo's FRIENDSHIP with Miranda. Hope you liked the first chapter. Loved to know what you thought.