Control Alt Delete

by nogreateragony78

That Time Travel AU where An 18 year old Ezra Bridger wakes up in his pre-series 14 year old body approximately 3 months after the death of Kanan Jarrus, and tries, less than successfully to ditch both The Ghost and her crew for their own good...

1. Chapter 1-4

Beginning 'again' - if one wanted to call it that, hadn't really been all that complicated for Ezra. It had, in fact, been ridiculously simple, if you looked at it from a certain perspective. Which doesn't of course mean that any of it had been *easy.* Anything but.

There is no easy involved in Ezra Bridger waking up in his tower on that first morning, or ignoring his still throbbing headache while he makes the journey into Capital City in order to wait on the rooftops surrounding the West Side Market for his 'destiny' to make its way into the right part of town.

'Force but they're all so *young,* and they look so kriffing innocent.' He can't help but think it, as he silently maintains his lookout - having already helped out the fruit seller with less of the man's fruit in his own knapsack for his troubles. Not that it really matters all that much at the moment since Ezra's not particularly hungry. His stomach twists uneasily as he waits for Sabine or Zeb to show up, or for Kanan to step out into the middle of the street. Hanging back all the while as he does so: carefully keeping his distance so as not to tempt fate. There's no need to at all for him to make this any more awkward than it already is by rushing things after all. Not when their 'first contact' is due in a little under an hour.

Ezra can, by this point in his life, at least recognize the value of patience.

The broken link in one corner of his mind still throbs insistently. And yes, the remains of the old bond has ached for days now, but somehow its ten times worse this morning because of his present location, and because of the lack of any meaningful distance between he and his former master at the moment. Kanan is a) here b) alive and c) less than thirty feet away at last, for all that he's still a literal a stranger to him. And that part of Ezra's mind that can't reason - that only hurts and is tired of its own pain - can't understand why he can't just reach out and touch. Why he can't just have that which he's so long been denied.

'It will get better with time, it will,' Ezra keeps reminding himself over and over and over. For now, he just needs to endure. To ignore the persistent itch in the back of his mind: that compulsion to fling wide his shielding and cry out for the assistance of his Master. Because this Kanan Jarrus? Is not his own.

Ezra has to remember that. He needs to focus on finishing the job directly in front of him instead. Preferably as quickly and with as few deviations from the first time around as possible so that when it's time to depart The Ghost the break will be swift and hopefully relatively clean. He needs, in short, to end this particular part of their story by building a stronger, different sort of beginning for all of them instead...

It's almost time for him to begin.

Jump off the rooftops -check. Irritate Zeb with a jaunty little wave- check. Meet Sabine, race on the speeders, encounter Kanan, snark at Kanan, jump the median. Check Check Check Check Check.

None of this is particularly exhilarating: it's just history circling back around in a seemingly endless, ironic Mobius strip. Still, it's also comforting in a strange sort way that Ezra can't quite put into words.

Minutes later when Kanan finally, *finally* invites Ezra on board from the Ghost's boarding ramp for the very first time, Ezra has to remind himself to hang back a little and make it look like he's actually considering the other man's offer for awhile before he and the box are finally skyborne. And then- for a little while, at least - Ezra gets one last chance to be back home again.

It's weird - being back in the Ghost's vents again and actually fitting into them comfortably instead of having to constantly duck, curl up or otherwise watch his head. His introductory talk with Hera is oddly bemusing and also maybe just a little bit strange because she seems so young just like the rest of them do right now. She's still so energetic and impassioned, so unhindered by the weight of Kanan's loss as compared to how she'd been before the morning that Ezra'd woken up in this place with no real explanation as to how he'd gotten here.

It's nice to see that much spark back behind Hera's green eyes again after so much struggle and suffering, and even nicer still for Ezra to think that this time around his foster mother might actually manage to hold on to that smile a whole lot longer, if Ezra can just manage to keep on playing his own cards right.

Seeing Tarkin Town again - as well as speaking with its residents an additional time before they all head out in pursuit of the lead that Kanan and Hera inevitably get from Vizago - makes something ache tightly in Ezra's chest for a moment. It's a little like someone's decided to punch him right in the center of his sternum.

Even as it does so though, time marches on - calling out the next steps in this dance to all of them. And even if Ezra could hit the pause button at this point he is pretty sure thay he wouldn't really want to stop the music for fear of ever finding the courage to start it all going again.

When they finally dock with the vessel that they have been looking for a day and a half later, Kanan and the others enter the ship to try and locate the Wookies and rescue them, while Hera and Ezra sit for awhile in mostly comfortable quiet. The Twi'lek pilot watches him out of the corner of her eye, posing occasional questions. A few of which Ezra answers very calmly and the greater number which he deflects instead by asking Hera technical questions about the Ghost after giving brief non answers. Since he knows full well after all, that the Lady loves to brag about her ship.

When Hera finally sends him in after the others just a few minutes after that, the inevitably of Zeb's coming betrayal doesn't taste ashy in Ezra mouth in quite the way that it had the first time around. If anything it's almost funny, as well as a little difficult for him to actually time. Because Ezra has to fight off his own defensive instincts this time around in order to make sure that it actually happens. He has to make sure that he doesn't instinctively fight Kallus when the other man grabs him.

Kriff, Ezra even knows this time around, thanks to the battered (stolen) chronometer wrapped around his wrist at the moment exactly how much longer he's actually got to get things in place before the others mount their inevitable 'rescue operation.' The weirdest thing about all of it is honestly having to deal with Alexsandr again. The DIG Agent had been fairly intimidating to Ezra the first time around, but now he is just the guy Ezra used to spend every other Friday night on Yavin 4 playing cut-throat Sabaac with, and so his attempts to unsettle Ezra aren't nearly as effective.

Honestly, right now it all feels king of like Ezra's trapped in some kind of poorly scripted play at the moment...predictable if not quite boring. Everything feel much less dangerous than laughably easy. All that he really has to do once he's free from his cell and he's retrieved his backpack and the helmet is wait for the notification of an incoming vessel approaching the ship again in order to divert several units of stormtroopers away from the proper dock port and then yup, there's the Ghost crew again - showing up with their guns all but literally blazing.

Minutes after that Ezra's on his second round of 'home again, home again.' Trying hard not to get too comfortable with the sensation of warmth and security that the halls of The Ghost tend to bring him. Even as he tracks the rest of the crew back to where Hera's sitting in the cockpit and shares the rest of the information with the others that they are going to need to know in order to save the Wookies. Like before, the issue is barely even a real decision for any of them once he does so. The Wookies are prisoners right now after all, and they are their only hope at continued life via liberation.

Kanan looks at Ezra after that though, far more closely and thoughtfully then he had in any of the hours beforehand, and what's more the older Jedi cocks his head slightly to one side and then his mind reaches out, brushing whisper-soft against Ezra's outermost layers of shielding, as if trying to make sense both of what he does and doesn't find at the contact.

Ezra for his own part deliberately drops his chin then, so that his hair hides the majority of his features, fighting the impulse as he does so to either stiffen up or to mentally slap back at the gesture. Then he takes an extra moment or two to carefully triple layer his own personal shielding. Which guaranteed that Kanan will find nothing but stubborn opaqueness no matter how hard the older Jedi pushes. While all the while the broken bond pushes against the barriers that Ezra's erecting in his mind all the while almost as if he's got the psychic equivalent of an abscess starting. The strategy won't work forever, Ezra knows to hide what he actually is, but it'll at least do for the meantime.

'None of this matters – it can't matter.' Ezra repeats to himself once more, over and over and over. They are on the right path now. Ezra knows that they are because this is the one where, if he's just willing to knuckle up and make the necessary personal sacrifices, then all of the rest of them will hopefully get to live out the rest of their lives in the end.

For now Ezra just has to man the kriff up. He has to keep his focus and not lose his will to do this - because in not too much longer now he'll be able to go back to his tower and The Ghost and her crew will leave Lothal and then they'll all just...they'll all just get back to the lives that they are actually *supposed* to be living.

Ezra has to *endure.* That's really all that he has to do right now. He has to grit his teeth and bear the discomfort for a few more hours and then this last job will finally be finished up and all this torture will be over with. He'll be able to ease The pain of the excision via distance. The prize for seeing this all through is more than worth the cost. Ezra does believe that. Truly he does. They will all be better off. Kriff, he can see the proof of that every karking time that he sees Hera smile over at Kanan.

After they finally finish up their rescue of the Wookie prisoners, though - when Kanan reaches out in order to squeeze Ezra's shoulder in the way he had the first time around - Ezra can't prevent himself from deliberately stepping sideways away from the contact instead, unable to bear the thought of allowing himself even that little bit of contact. He's in real danger right now of breaking down completely if he lets his resolve falter even just a little. Besides, Ezra can't take the risk that Kanan will get any real read of the turmoil currently building beneath his shielding, and so instead he locks down his emotions completely and lets the ice wrap around his heart, slowly numbing the grief which is trying to dig its way into his insides.

The choice causes a brief, intense burst of concern and disappointment from Kanan, as well as no small amount of what appears to be very genuine confusion from the older man, who blinks at him hard in reaction. Ezra for his own part just keeps his eyes locked in front of them and forces himself to pretend that he hasn't noticed.

'Do not engage, Bridger. Keep your eyes fixed firmly on the prize. This is what you want and more importantly this is what they need if they are all going to survive this. Do. Not. Engage. Not if you can possibly help it. You can not afford to do so if things are going to keep moving in their proper direction.'

Instead, Ezra draws in another deep breath and forces himself to look down and take in all the lives that they'd just saved instead, memorizing both their names and their individual faces. These Wookies are Ezra's legacy now, and their futures - just as much as those of the Ghost Crew's - are worth any discomfort that Ezra's felt so far, or might still have to feel in the days still to come. Kark just Kittwar's life alone would have been worth it.

After the Wookies board their own ship and depart, though Ezra waits impatiently for Zeb's inevitable wisecracks to start up again. They don't though - or at least they don't as quickly as Ezra remembers it happening during the last time around, and so for lack of any better method of handling the ongoing torture of waiting, Ezra finally raises the subject of returning to Capital City himself, allowing a small relieved snort of weariness to escape from between his lips when Hera assures him that yes, they're currently plugging in the coordinates for Lothal, even as Zeb finally lets his previous wisecrack about Ezra not seeing the Specters again if they happen to see him first actually slip.

The male Lasat looks absolutely miserable even as he says it this time around, though and so Ezra decides at this point that there's really not any real reason to not to show a little pity and offer at least a little bit of comfort. So instead of snapping at Zeb's joke like he had the last time around Ezra actually turns back toward the Lasat and he smiles at him. "Yeah, it's definitely been a wild ride since I first came aboard... and I'm honestly glad Kanan invited me. I mean, after all who knows what would have happened to those prisoners if he hadn't done so as it turns out. The universe works in some very strange ways sometimes I think. But now it really is time for me to go home again, Zeb. Because I have responsibilities and commitments back in in Capital City right now, and I really can't afford keep neglecting them."

Ezra's not lying when he says it either. He's honestly relieved that they're finished up with all of this. It is time for Ezra Bridger to finally bury the hatchet with his old life after all And then for him to see about finally (never) returning home again.

Ezra ideally, would have found it best if that were simply it. If he and the rest of the Ghost Crew's parting of ways could have been kept as impersonal and as unemotional as possible. Both because Ezra's too tired at the moment to handle anything more dramatic than that and because, quite frankly speaking, he's well aware by now that Kanan's studying him nearly constantly, puzzling, and trying to figure out what exactly it is that he is missing so Ezra really wants to limit any further interaction between himself and the rest of the Specter Crew if he can possibly help it. He's going to have to get off of the Older Jedi's radar in particular just as quickly as he can possibly manage it once they all return to Lothal he knows, just as soon as he can also pickpocket the fare amount needed and drum up some decent fake ID to help him get off of the planet.

And in the meantime, Ezra needs to give Hera, Kanan and the others absolutely no good reason not to leave the planet themselves as expeditiously as they possibly can. Which is why Ezra very quietly returns the Holocron to where he found it in Kanan's room after using the Star map located within it to help him find Rex's current home planet. As well as why Ezra leaves Kanan's saber clipped to the older man's belt even after the older Jedi seems to all but dare him to try and swipe it. Ezra is not an idiot after all - he knows Kanan well enough by now to guess that he's still being judged on his reaction both to it and to Kanan's now acknowledged Jedi presence. His response to both things is and continues to remain complete and total apparent disinterest.

Before he disembarks the ship though, Ezra does do his best to remember his manners: taking care to thank Hera warmly for both the rescue from the ship as well as for his eventual ride home to Lothal though he is very careful in the midst of all of that not mention his full name, his actual age or the tower in which he lives to any of the Specters before he finally makes his escape.

Then Ezra leaves The Ghost, without fanfare or any of his previous time-stream's bitterness or sniping. Probably because at the moment some part of him is aware of the looks on both Sabine and Hera's faces and of Zeb's increasingly uneasy body language. He doesn't even bother to wait around for any kind of official send-off either. Instead, he just shoulders his day-pack and flees pretty much the moment that Hera touches down - because there are concerns growing behind Hera's eyes right now- as well as telling changes in Kanan's body language, and Ezra desperately needs to outrun them both before their silence turns into actual movement. That kept in mind Ezra waits until just after the ship has landed in the fields where he's directed Hera before he all but flat out runs from the vessel with his heart in his throat; striding away from the Ghost without so much as a parting look back over his shoulder as he does so, and thanking the Force profusely that while Sabine and Hera both do call out long distance goodbyes to him from the bottom of the disembarkation ramp, no one else tries to stop Ezra from leaving or otherwise follows along after him.

Then it's done and finished: Ezra did it. He literally, truly *did it.* And it's such a karkng relief in that moment to know that it's all finally done and over with that Ezra doesn't even feel stupid about the short burst of hysterical laughter that swamps him after that reality finally registers. Not even after said laughter eventually turns to tears that stream down hotly over his cheeky for several long, shaky minutes breathless minutes.

After the flood finally stops, Ezra returns to the city, incredibly drained at the moment yes, but still also relieved almost beyond the capacity for words, and stays there just long enough to knick a couple of nice fat wallets near one of the larger the government buildings. After that, he heads back home to his tower with a freshly bought bag of supplies thrown over one of his his shoulders and the full intention of doing nothing once he finally reaches home but burrowing under his blankets and then staying trashed enough over the next couple of days to keep himself from doing anything particularly stupid. (Like, say, watching the Specters from a distance until the Ghost and her crew finally leave Capital City and then hopefully after that, Lothal's orbit.)

He stays in his tower for the next three days - drinking himself into literal unconsciousness as often as he can possibly manage to do so, while all the while, the broken bond screams denials like an endless loop of grief and fury on the inside of his head.

'This really is for the best,' Ezra reminds himself in the early morning of day four, while the Ghost remains parked in a field in the next district over and Ezra's last stolen bottle of liquor lays empty on the floor beside his bed. It kriffing sucks right now yeah, but in the long run this road - this choice that Ezra is making to change what's to come - will still hurt all of them a whole lot kriffing less in the end then the karking alternative.

They *will* leave eventually. Ezra can and he karking *will* just out wait them.

"So, Hera wants you to come and have dinner with us one last time before we all ship off of the planet, Ezra...and so do the rest of us for that matter." The words makes him startle very much like a cat. Ezra is still dealing with enough of a lingering buzz from last night's half of a bottle of whiskey that he actually misses Kanan's presence until the older Jedi literally manages to sneak up on him. Then he gives a tiny yelp of shock, dropping both his tote bag of supplies, and the last of the coins that he was counting out in his hand as he tried to decide how and on what he wanted to spend them. The Brandy bottle that is tucked into the bottom of his bag at the moment breaks with a sharp crack of shattering glass as it impacts with the hard ground - the liquid pouring out and onto the pavement through the thin and light colored fabric.

Ezra looks down at the damp ground for a moment or so and then he rubs a hand across one of his eyebrows before sighing very, verysoftly. "Well Sithspit."

This is bad, and probably horrendously so. Ezra has no money right now for a replacement bottle unless he successfully picks a couple more pockets first. Which honestly? He's feeling too wrecked to even attempt to try at the moment. But he's also going to have nightmares bad enough to literally shatter the world later on tonight if he doesn't resupply sometime before sundown. Which means that later on today, Ezra's going to have to come back into town all over again. Probably with a full-on hangover too. So as he'd just said, Sith Spit.

Kanan, for his own part, just takes one look at Ezra mottled face and total evident lack of motor skills, and then the older Jedi's eyes narrow in a way that the teenager knows all too well but has thankfully not seen aimed in his own particular direction in well over two and a half years now. It's a look that Ezra knows better than most people portends absolutely nothing good about any of their coming conversations.

"You're drunk, Bridger." Kanan's words are a statement, as opposed to a question.

Ezra purses his lips tightly, "Yes. I am, Jarrus. And?" Even a moron should be able to pick up on his unspoken: 'And how exactly is this any of your kriffing business?' Kanan certainly does, judging by the tightening of the older man's lips that results. He simply opts, because he's exactly that kind of judgmental asshole, to simply ignore the fact for the time being. "You're what…fourteen years old? Fifteen? That's a little young to be hitting the cups, at this point Kid. Especially before you've even bothered to as much as stop for breakfast." Even as the older man speaks, Ezra feels Kanan's mind once again reach out toward his own. Though less stealthily this time around, pushing a bit more insistently along the edges of his shielding as if trying to find a way in. Ezra has to remind himself forcefully then not to retaliate by essentially psychically bitch slapping the hell out of him in response.

Instead he deliberately straightens himself up, raises his own eyes to Kanan's and glares for a long, hypercritical moment. "No! Keep your mind to yourself, for kriff's sake, Jarrus. I am not now nor will I ever be a threat to either you yourself or to any of yours. Well at least not unless you force me to be anyway. But you had better believe that I will karking well defend my mind to the death if you force me into doing so. You have not been invited. I have done you no harm. Not to even mention that I was under the impression up until now that we at least both had much better manners than that."

Kanan just looks at Ezra for another long moment, silently working his jaw. Probably because he is either debating or reassessing the present situation, and then finally he just nods his head a little bit, "All right then. Well come on, Bridger. You and I are clearly due a chat at the moment so I guess that I'm buying you some breakfast. Hopefully, something sufficient enough to soak up some of the damage that you're doing to your liver at present. We can either eat at a cafe around here or grab something from one of the stands and bring it back to your tower, if you prefer to do so Ezra. It's your pick."

Ezra had very distinctly not told any of them his last name while he was with them aboard the Ghost - nor had he mentioned where he actually lived. Which means that they have been asking around town about him. They've been actively seeking out intelligence concerning who he exactly is. Well, this is just lovely. And precisely *not* what he had actually wanted. Ezra's lips curl up at the corner just a little bit in toothy frustration, "I'm not really hungry at the moment, Jarrus, so thanks, but no thanks for the offer." Then he turns in order to make his way back out of the increasingly crowded market,

"Kid, that was not a suggestion." Kanan's voice pulls Ezra's head back around at the exact same time that the older man pulls something out of his own satchel, "Here, Ezra, catch." Then Kanan tosses something at him so fast that Ezra grabs for it before he even consciously processes what it is that he's actually catching.

It's Kanan's Holocron, albeit wrapped up in a clean square of cloth in order to hide it from public view. It's practically singing to Ezra as it lies there in his outstretched hands.

Kanan smiles at him then, with a shark brilliant grin. "Just so you know, Ezra the next time you happen to 'stumble across' one of those and get even temporarily 'itchy fingers.' You should probably keep in mind that most of them have a special function built in that records every time that the device is used, as well as by whom. Even if all that you're doing when you access it just looking at a bunch of old Republic Era star maps."

Ezra blinks at that announcement for a moment or two and then Kanan's grin widens even further. "Now come on. Because as I was just, Bridger, you definitely owe me at the very minimum a nice little chat. And I? Am kriffing buying you breakfast."

Chapter 2: Clarity (updated)

Twenty minutes later they're sitting together in a cafe on the other side of town. Ezra's slumped down in the booth with a literal mountain of food on the table in front of him. Mostly because Kanan's own personal order had amounted to the ridiculous - no doubt in retribution for Ezra's earlier and far more spartan request for "Hot Caf. Strong. Go ahead and leave the pot, please. Toast with no butter and no jam. One egg with no other extras, scrambled lightly with cheese. Creamer, sugar and salt as my only condiments currently, please."

His former Master had retaliated against this apparently unacceptable meal choice by ordering them both, well... pretty much everything else on the kriffing menu as well. With special emphasis placed on the greasy and the calorie-laden because apparently, Kanan Jarrus' precisely that much of an jerk when he's feeding a teenager with a hangover. The smell from most of what's on the table is leaving Ezra vaguely nauseous right now. Although he does have to admit that the hash browns aren't looking half bad now that he's a little bit more awake then he was before. Also thankfully at least most if not all of what the older Jedi has ordered can always be boxed for reheating later. Ezra's sure that the others on The Ghost will end up appreciating all the leftovers that Kanan'll have to bring back to the ship with him when they're finally finished with their current discussion.

"As I was telling you earlier, Ezra." Kanan tells him again calmly, shoveling his own forkful of hash-brown and sausage casserole into his mouth and chewing before continuing, "Hera and the rest of us have been talking over the last few days, Kid, and we want you to come join us on the Ghost for dinner either tonight or tomorrow evening if you can make the time for it in your schedule. Hera has an offer to extend to you at the moment that you should seriously consider, Ezra, before the rest of us leave the planet."

"I'm not interested in a job, Jarrus if that's what this is really about." Ezra doesn't look up from his own drink when he starts speaking. "Though you can tell Hera thanks for the offer for me, and let her know that the thought's at least deeply appreciated. I'm just... very obligated to other projects for the time being at present."

Kanan snorts, "To what other 'projects' exactly, Kid? Picking pockets when you're not basically hiding in your abandoned communication tower on the south end of town most of the time doing your damnedest to drink your liver into early destruction? Because I have to say, Ezra, that that whole 'plan' on your part doesn't really strike me as all that enjoyable of a career path as you'd expect for someone with your particular… uhm… shall we call them 'special talents'?"

Ezra raises his eyes from his own mug then, just a little bemused even as he gazes across the table top at his former master. Who's currently half slouched over in his booth, his arms folded dispassionately over his chest, looking just about as pissy and unimpressed right now as Ezra has probably ever had the privilege of personally seeing him.

He takes another long drink from his mug, "Just a little tip here for you, Jarrus... Admitting to stalking someone when you're also actively trying to recruit them? Is generally a *bad* opening gambit. It makes you look desperate. Plus it tends to make your target think that you might be..." he circles his finger in a loop just to the side of one of his temples. "How can i put this? Shall we say just a little bit 'hinky.'"

"Kid, this whole thing is..." Kanan repeats the same gesture. "...A little bit hinky."

"How do you figure?" Ezra snarks back under his breath more then a little acerbically, only to almost instantly regret asking the question.

Kanan just nails him with a sharp, knowing look, "You want an itemized or an alphabetized answer to that one, Kid? Because I've got nothing but time right now if you actually really want to talk about it."

Ezra makes a little snort of derision instead. "Yeah, thanks, but no thanks. Also, Jarrus has anyone ever told you that for someone who comes across as cucumber cool most of the time you apparently also have a real flare for the melodramatic?"

Kanan sighs, uncrossing his arms, and then recrossing them. "I really really, don't." Then the older Jedi comments and then he frowns, leaning forward slightly. "And, you've been told multiple times by now that you can just call me Kanan, Ezra, and you kriffing well know it."

"Thanks but no thanks." The refusal is very, very blunt. Ezra, for his own good – for his own *sanity* - needs at least that much separation between the old Kanan and this new one right now given their sheer similarity. He needs some way to maintain some level of personal distinction between the two of them in his own mind.

There's a long pause, and then Kanan leans forward slightly - his voice low and snippy and impatient. "Okay then, let's just stop pussyfooting around and cut to the heart of the issue instead. Where the kark is your *Master,* Ezra Bridger?"

Ezra chokes on his second bite of egg, nearly aspirating amidst his sudden bout of violent coughing. "Uhm what?!" He finally manages to force out, his eyes wide with shock. A glance downward reveals that yes, his hands have started shaking in reaction. He takes a deliberate second or two then, in order to still them.

Kanan just snorts in reply, and rolls his own eyes heavenward, "In case no one's ever told you as much Kid, there is a very different feeling between trained and entirely natural forms of mental shielding. Especially when you're trained yourself like I happen to be and you're looking at someone with your particular level of...err...natural talent. So again I repeat, Ezra where exactly is your Master these days Kid? Because unsurprisingly, given the past week or so, I'd kind of like to have a chat with him or her."

Ezra raises a brow at that announcement, trying to cover up how hard his own heart is now pumping. "Shouldn't we take this conversation... I don't know, somewhere a little more private, Jarrus?"

"Lead the way, Junior. We can always go back to your tower if you prefer it. We'll do so after you finish eating your breakfast though, Ezra because frankly," Kanan looks him up and down then, "You seem like you've recently skipped a meal or ten lately and it's not a great look for you, Kid. Alcohol is a grain yes, but it's still only one of the food groups. You might want to try and remember that."

"Oh hah hah hah." Ezra sighs and then he shrugs a little bit, "No: for the record I haven't been eating all that much lately, Jarrus. Because my stomach's seriously messed up. Also because in order to do so I have to work regularly. As in either barter out my skill set to someone or failing that, I have to pickpocket. And I've been 'mysteriously occupied during the last week or so for some odd reason, so I'm a little low on resources at the moment."

Kanan scowls. "That gut trouble you've currently got is called a 'hangover,' Kid. And you did it to yourself, so please don't expect me to drum up much sympathy for you at the moment, Ezra. As for your supposed food supply problems, you know karking well that while you were on board The Ghost, you had access to the same pantry as the rest of us did. Hera had to have said as much at some point. Only you don't seem to eat anything that you can't imbibe apparently, Kid."

(No actually, Hera hadn't ever said as much. But then they'd also been fairly distracted while he was on board. And Ezra had been miserable enough during his time aboard The Ghost with the others that he hadn't really cared all that much about eating anything anyway.)

Even as he speaks the words Kanan reaches out and flicks Ezra's forehead with two of his fingers - the physical chastisement quick and clearly totally automatic. It's exactly the kind of unthinking casual touch that the man's always applied to those that he's closest to, but it's also the first time since Ezra woke up in this timeline that he and Kanan have touched at all, much less skin to skin. The broken link in Ezra's head pulses like it's been hit by lightning in response, and Ezra nearly vomits in reaction.

Across from him, meanwhile, Kanan jerks and then swears fairly breathlessly. Judging by the shocked look currently on the older man's face, Ezra's guessing that he's not the only one who just felt at least some of that agonizing sting.

Glaring at him dourly, Ezra reaches out and shoves the older man's arm away, mindful to touch only the fabric of Kanan's shirt even as he does so. "As I just said, Jarrus. Keep your hands to yourself." He grits out again, his eyes watering hard. "My M...the one you were asking me if you could meet earlier. He's *dead,* alright?! He fell in battle almost four months ago now. And it's left me with zero tolerance for anyone else's Banthakriff right now thanks to this ongoing headache."

And just like that... Kanan's whole face changes. His features going from grumpy and judgmental, to well, still grumpy and judgmental but now also underpinned by a thick layer of empathy. He straightens up in his seat, his face suddenly opener than it's been since the day that Ezra first boarded The Ghost. And kark it: Ezra doesn't want the other man sympathetic, much less anything near instinctively protective! That's what Ezra's supposed to have spent so much of his energy over the past few days aggressively *avoiding!*

By the look on the older Jedi's face, though, that karking bell has already been rung - probably for the duration. And now as a result of that single moment of contact everything in Ezra's life is about to get a thousand times harder. He's going to have a fight on his hands now - even after everything that he'd tried to do to avoid it. And yes right now he's feeling more than a little resentful about it.

"Before he died the two of you had a well-established training link, I assume?" Kanan's voice is soft.

Ezra snorts at the question. "Yes, Jarrus. Hence my Karabast migraine."

"Which explains your sudden shift in attitude as well. Well, thank the Little Gods for that much at least. Well come on, then, Kid," Kanan says gruffly rising up from his seat and throwing down enough cred chits to easily cover the meal without even another glance at the food he's apparently leaving behind them. "Forget going back to the tower for now, Erza. We're going directly back to The Ghost instead. Because one, we're definitely continuing this conversation of ours when you're actually feeling better Ezra, and two I have medication on board The Ghost right now that will actually help heal psychic trauma without giving you the inevitable hangover afterward." He reaches down to grasp Ezra by the shirt sleeve then, pulling him up to his feet gently and then towing him along behind him toward the restaurant's main doors. "It's time to get you sober Ezra, and then after that to actually *treat you.*"

It's clear testimony, Ezra thinks then, both the strength of his current headache and his complete lack of survival instincts, that he lets himself be pulled out to Kanan's waiting speeder without any further real struggle or complaint. Even though it essentially means just getting sucked right back into the center of the whirlpool all karking over again.

By the time Kanan half leads, half drags Ezra back to where Hera's currently parking The Ghost - not far from where they dropped him off a few days ago, actually - Ezra's headache has grown so debilitating that he's swaying whenever he tries to stand upright. His vision keeps blurring in and out - forcing him to temporarily lean his forehead against Kanan's broad back while the two of them share the speeder in order to help him maintain his own balance. He's exhausted and nauseous and frankly ready to pass out again for several hours at the moment - and so he doesn't notice Hera or Sabine at first when they come down to greet them off of the boarding ramp.

"Ezra!" Hera says delighted.

"Hey, Bridger." Sabine nods at him.

"I'm not staying." He informs them probably just a little bit too quickly. "We're just getting something from inside of Kanan's room and then I'm going to be headed back home to my tower again."

Kanan mutters something under his breath then that sounds suspiciously like, "Yeah. Uh huh, Kid. We'll karking see about that." Then he leads Ezra up the ramp and into the heart of the ship, giving out orders even before they reach the inner storage bay. "Okay, Sabine, I need you to grab me some extra blankets and a sheet or two out of the upstairs linen closet, and then please go down to the thermostats and make sure that the heat's turned all the way up in the Medbay. Hera, if you want to help out in the meantime then Ezra here needs to be prepped for an IV bolus just as soon as humanly possible. Regular drip to gravity IV, please. Give him Lactated Ringers if we have any on hand and if not then just go with standard normal saline and get some electrolyte replacement drink into him as quickly as he can manage it. Oh - and Hera, he'll also need the highest dose of IM morphine that's safely allotted for someone that's currently in his weight category."

Hera's eyes widen in alarm in reaction to that announcement, "Kanan, what in the ..." She turns toward Ezra again, more assessingly this time, noting the younger man's unfocused gaze even as she steps forward and gently lifts his chin in order to inspect his pupils. "Did he take some kind of blow to the head while the two of you were out there this morning?

"No, Hera. " Kanan assures her. "It's nothing new, or particularly life-threatening at least for the moment. But Ezra is still in a great deal of pain right now and he's going to need a full course of IV Amalyn just as soon as we can possibly arrange to get it into him. I've got plenty in storage right now up in my room. I'm going to go dig out a vial right now and then I'll be back to set up the bolus."

"Amalyn?" Sabine is clearly confused by this particular bit of news, but Hera's jaw drops in response. She looks first at Kanan and than back at Ezra, and then at Kanan again as her eyes first narrow then go wide in recognition and then in sharp, empathetic concern as she turns worried eyes back on Ezra again.

Sith spit. Forced Damned Karking Sith Spit. This is literally the last thing that he that needs to be dealing with in the galaxy. Because now Hera is reaching out as well. Taking Ezra by the arm with a sharp nod toward Kanan and a jerk of her head toward the older man's quarters. "Go. I've got him for now. Come on, kiddo." She murmurs gently, "Let's get you upstairs and into Medlab and then get that drip in and running, okay?" Her face is literally rictus with regret. "I only wish we'd known about ...about all of this before you ever left the ship, Kiddo. You wouldn't have had to suffer for so long like this without any help like you did."

"What is Amalyn?" Sabine repeats the question again, as they all start to move down the corridor toward the ladder that will eventually lead them upstairs into the heart of the ship. Ezra sighs, and answers Sabine's question before either Hera or Kanan can. Because even if he doesn't know for certain how the drug in question functions he can at least take a couple karking good guesses. "It's a neuro-inhibitor, Sabine. A drug that's used to treat psychic damage when it's found in telepaths and empaths. It helps to numb and heal the damage cause by psychic overload or traumatically broken psi-links."

And just like that, Sabine seems to get the greater context as well. Her eyes go wide as dinner plates, her jaw literally gapes open. "Wait a minute. You mean that…you're a...like Kanan?"

"Yes he is, Sabine."

"No, I'm not Wren." Kanan and Ezra answer the question as one with Ezra ironically, choosing to be the one who takes the negative. "I used to be a Padawan awhile ago, yes. But my Master is dead now and now, and I'm back to being just a better than average pick-pocket again."

Kanan's jaw twitches hard at those words, like he wants to protest Ezra's statement instinctively, but he doesn't. Instead, the Older Jedi looks to the Ghost's Twi'lek pilot yet again. "Like I just said, Hera – take him up and over to Medbay, please. He desperately needs re-hydration and to get his pain levels down low enough in the meantime that he actually starts showing some regular interest in food again. I just need to go find what's left of my stash of vials in storage in my room. I'll be upstairs to help set up just as soon as I possibly can."

And then Kanan's stalking off through the corridors of the ship in the direction of his room without even looking at, much less speaking to Ezra again. Who finds himself essentially dragged along by Hera toward sickbay at as fast a pace as he can currently manage it. The Green skinned Twi'lek glances over at him as they walk, her lips quirking up a little wryly, "Well, this was anything but expected Ezra. Not that I mind at all that you came. Still, the last time that Kanan and I talked he told me that he was just going out to try and track you down this morning in order to let you know that I wanted to talk to you about something if you had time to join us one of these nights for supper…"

"I don't need or want a job thank you, Syndulla." Ezra tells her very bluntly, the denial by now practically automatic. "I have other commitments right now that take precedence over anything else. Thanks for the offer though - and for the eggs and the toast that went along with it. They were both deeply appreciated. I just... Well, for one thing, I only contract out my services on a temporary basis, Hera when I actually work with other people at all. And for a second, I certainly don't work with anyone...or for anyone who's been blatantly stalking me before they ask."

"You'd be a great fit for the crew of The Ghost, Ezra - and the work is very, very rewarding as you already know..." Hera's very clearly just processing the first section of Ezra word right now. She frowns as the second part of his statement finally registers. "We really move around too much for normal contract work to be practical, Ezra though I'm almost certain that the two of us could reach some kind of mutually beneficial arrangement if you wanted to try coming on board for a couple of months on a trial basis..." Hera pauses then, and then shakes her head as if to clear it. "Wait...wait a minute ...did you just say that you don't work for people who *stalk you,* Ezra?!*"

"Yes I did, Hera." Ezra says calmly, crossing his arms defensively in front of him.

"But none of us have been..."

"Banthakriff." Ezra shoots back then, politely but bluntly cutting her off, "I very very distinctly remember not telling any of you my full name. Much less where I lived in Capital City before we all parted ways. Yet Kanan still not only managed not only to track me down in the East Side Market this morning like he had my daily schedule he also made it abundantly clear that he knows both where I live and what exactly I've been doing ever since we all first got back on planet a few days ago. It's all just a little but too intense for my comfort levels right now bluntly speaking."

Sabine is right behind them in the hallway and her voice is very calm as she speaks up. "Your full name and address are basic knowledge, Ezra, for anyone who's ever worked a job with you or paid you to work one for them. You also have a clearly recognizable ID just in general, thanks to both your apparent age and your very specific skill set. We didn't have to follow you anywhere to find anything out about you, Ezra. We just made a couple of info requests backed by a little cash at a couple of the local cantinas here in town claiming that we were interested in adding you on as crew if you were interested. And since we have a good rep ourselves several people were more than happy to help us find you! " The Mandalorian frowns a little at him a little then, "And Karabast, I know that you're a...well you know, and with that comes keeping secrets, Ezra. Still, when and why exactly did you become so inherently paranoid and suspicious?"

"Oh." And okay yeah, maybe put that bluntly Ezra does sound a little unreasonably self-defensive right now. "Okay fair enough, then." He puts his hands both up in the air in a gesture of mock surrender. "My previous accusations about you all stalking me are mostly retracted. But I'm still not looking for work, you guys. It's nothing personal, as I've said the offer is flattering. I'm just unavailable to sign on as crew for anyone at the moment."

Sabine snorts yet again, "Because you're what? Fully committed to getting your professional degree in petty crime by your age of majority instead, Ezra? That's a real rewarding line of work there, Hot Shot, when you've got better offers now then just skulking around in the shadows for the rest of your life." And okay yes, that accusation definitely stings, he admits. In large part because once upon a time Ezra would've likely thought pretty much the same thing in Sabine's position. He does his best to shrug his shoulders in response in the here and now, feigning nonchalance before replying.

"Wow. We'll talk more about your apparent judgmental streak later, Wren. When I have less of a headache and you're a little less up on your moral high horse about the general state of the galaxy. Since, you know, I very much doubt that you were ever forced into learning a less than wholesome trade craft in order to make sure that you could eat regularly back when you were only about seven. I don't give a kriff what you think about my current life choices right now Sabine Wren, when you no real context at all from which to fairly judge them."

"Okay that's enough right now, you two." Hera interrupts again before the conversation can grow more heated, "Ezra has a point, Sabine, as much as I don't like to say it. We don't know enough about how his life up until now has been to see things from his particular perspective. That much acknowledged, Ezra, you or Kanan never answered my earlier question. What happened to you two out there this morning to make Kanan drag you back here so quickly?" Hera keys open the door to medbay then, gesturing to the table for Ezra to sit down and then she starts digging around in the cupboards until she finds a medkit and starts laying out IV infusion supplies. "Because by the sound of it, Mr 'Just Slap a Band-Aid On It, And Walk It Off' went from buying you breakfast to dragging you back here and ordering me to give you a dose of our highest tier of narcotics, Ezra... in a little under what - twenty-five minutes, maybe?"

Ezra rolls his eyes. "It was about half that much time, but yes Hera. Pretty much."

"Well then believe me, Ezra, that's definitely a new personal record for Kanan. And I'd really like to understand what it is that actually happened."

The door to Medbay opens then, just as Hera finishes asking the question, allowing Kanan to both hear the query itself and to witness Ezra's carefully benign shrug of his shoulders in response. "We were just talking okay? And then Jarrus reached out and flicked me right on my forehead - like the jerk that he apparently is. At which point he got to find out first hand from the contact that I have a truly wicked migraine at the moment. At that point, Hera," Ezra shrugs, "I just assume that he got empathetic."

"Kid what you have is not a migraine. It's a badly broken and poorly healed likely force willed training link." Kanan shoots back, holding up a small vial in his hand, checking it's dosing instructions against the backdrop of the main light. "One that, for the record, feels like it's still literally newly severed even though you say that the break's more than three months old, now. Which means that it's not healing the way that it should and isn't going to without help because your mind has spent every day since the break first happened constantly picking at and otherwise irritating the bond site."

"I haven't been doing anything to it!" Ezra growls at him in protest, even as Hera rolls up his right sleeve and searches for a vein in order to slide the small intravenous catheter in. The sound she makes in response is distinctly sympathetic, but it doesn't really make Ezra feel any better "Or at least, I haven't done anything on purpose, anyway. Kark Jarrus, do you think that I want to walk around feeling this awful?! I've shielded the area as best as I can ever since he first died and that's it."

"I didn't say that you were doing it on purpose, Ezra." Kanan's tone is gentle when he replies. "It's basically the equivalent of psychic phantom pain, Kid. It's not something anyone wants to do, but it's something that people with psychic talents sometimes need help actually stopping. Particularly after particularly traumatic bond severings. Which is why..." He waggles the vial of golden colored drug in his right hand, "You're going to let me give you this, in a couple of minutes, Ezra, and then you're going to pass out for a few hours Kid, with the help of some morphine while this drug works on convincing your mind to give it an actual rest. And after that, when you wake up again, if the pain is at more tolerable levels and you're willing to let me help you even further, then I can also help you mop up some of the residual damage via some Force Assisted Healing. Well, assuming that you're willing to let me in through your shielding to do so with joint meditation anyway. If not, Ezra," Kanan grunts very softly then, noting the younger man's tightly clenching fists just at the suggestion. "I can also just try and verbally walk you through a guided meditation you can on your own as an alternative...since I do know that it's probably not the easiest idea to let anyone else in your head at the moment."

"How …how long exactly will this Amalyn actually knock me out for? And does it have to be taken in conjunction with the narcotics in order for the other drug to do its job effectively?" Ezra asks after a moment.

Hera blinks at that, looking over at her lover before shrugging. "I'm really not sure, Ezra...Kanan's the expert on this particular drug not me. Wait are you actually saying you don't want something additional to help you in terms of pain control?" The Twi'lek pilot clearly doesn't think that that makes any sense at all.

Ezra just shrugs, "I'm saying I'm not sure that it's worth it to take any additional drugs if the Amalyn is going to knock me out or do its work fairly quickly. I haven't had narcotics all that often, Hera but I do know that they generally make me non-aggressively loopy when I do take them. As in prone to mild hallucinations, nonsense babbling, and on some occasions actual sleepwalking."

Hera frowns deeply at that, "Were these meds that you were taking from a clinic, Ezra? Or were they ones that you just bought off the street instead? Because I'm not judging, really I'm not, but if it's the later Ezra, then the issue may just have been the quality of the medication in question. Those kinds of reactions to Morphine are actually extremely rare, at least in my own past experience."

"The later, Hera." Ezra answers, "I dislocated my shoulder falling off of a building back when I was around twelve or so. I was able to get it back into place and then slinged up with the help of a friend who owed me a favor or two, but I didn't exactly have the money on hand for things like clinic fees at the time. I can't say for certain what actually caused the reaction, just that it's not something I have any desire to repeat if I can possibly help it."

"And you're absolutely sure, Ezra that the morphine you took before made you *both* sleepwalk and hallucinate?"

"The later for sure, Hera. I couldn't carry a baby loth-wolf up and into my tower even if I did know where one of their dens were hidden. Not to mention trying would be suicidal. So one of those keeping me company while I healed up from the injury had to be something seriously wrong with my brain. As for the former?" Ezra just shrugs his shoulders, "I just know that fell asleep in my bed after taking another dose of the same meds in question and then I woke up halfway to town with my sling still in place but no boots on my feet and no memory of anything that happened in between. Which is why," Ezra shrugs, "If it can possibly be avoided, Hera, narcotics or other mood altering substances like that are probably a no go for me right now."

Hera looks prepared to nod at that, but Kanan, of course, is having exactly none of Ezra current argument. "Oh, of course they are, Mr 'I was so buzzed when we ran into each other at the market this morning that I literally jumped like a scalded Loth-Cat and dropped my newest bottle of Brandy and broke it.' Because intoxicants are 'bad' for you, Ezra, clearly."

Hera scowls at that information, lifting her eyes to look at Ezra again as she finishes taping the last bit of the IV tubing to his arm. "Is that true, Ezra? When Kanan found you, you'd been drinking?"

The teenager deliberately says nothing in reply. Hera reaches out and shakes him by the shoulders, admittedly gently in reaction, "Ezra… you're only fourteen years old! That's way too karking young for you to be..."

Ezra just cuts her off then, glaring over his shoulder at Kanan instead. "Liquor's nothing like narcotics for me, Jarrus. I respond to the two very, very differently. I'm not lying to you guys here all right?. I'm just disclosing pertinent information to people who claim that they want to medically treat me. Letting them know of some potentially dangerous side effects that they need to watch out for if they want to give me morphine."

"Well then it's good that this time around the meds in question actually come from a reputable dispensary Ezra, and that there'll be plenty of people around to keep on an eye out if you try and go wandering off, isn't it?" Kanan shoots back calmly, "Because we both know how much pain you're in right now, Ezra. And this really is the most effective way that I know of how to treat it. I assure you Kid, that any side affects that you might experience will still suck way less than the hangover you've got coming to you right now after three days of almost nonstop drinking, Ezra if we don't do this instead."

"Three days?!" Hera hisses out breathless. "As in you haven't been sober since the day that we first dropped you off?! Ezra...!"

He cuts her off yet again, "It's not a habit, Hera, okay? I've just been ...well basically triaging this ongoing headache the past few days. Alcohol is a lot more accessible for me than other prescription medications. Kark, the truth of the matter Hera, is that I don't even like alcohol - it tastes kriffin awful! But after two or three days of ongoing insomnia I've got to try and do something. "

"Well, we're about to give you will definitely knock you out Ezra- which it looks like you need honestly. How much have you actually even slept in the past few days even with the help of the alcohol? Six hours a night? Four? Less than that?"

"Somewhere closer to two or three hours a night, Hera - and I've also been taking mini naps when this headache actually lets me,"

"Nine hours in three days?! How on earth are you even vaguely functional at present?" Hera looks abjectly horrified. "Look, Ezra the morphine will do far more for you than alcohol will by far and it'll do so without further damaging your liver in the process - it works its way out through the kidneys among other things. So if we're done with this ridiculous argument now …" She crosses her arms and glares at him stubbornly then, wearing the look of a woman fully used to being obeyed, both in life just in general as well as on her ship.

Ezra sighs deeply, "Fine." And then he holds back out his arm to her in order to let her finish attaching the bag of fluids to the IV tubing. "But don't say that I didn't warn you, Hera if I start talking about flying loth-wolves or something in the next few hours."

To be fair, Ezra admits, that's actually the last thing he's worried might come out of his mouth at the moment. But he's pretty sure he's tired enough right now to actually hold his tongue at least once until he falls asleep just once.

Twenty minutes later, Ezra is in fact asleep on the Medbay cot. Or so near to it anyway that he's no longer even vaguely functionally coherent, his face soft and slack with relief even as Hera tucks yet another blanket around his too thin body and then motions for Kanan to follow her out into the galley, leaving Ezra behind in the meantime under the supervision of a watchful, if clearly brooding Sabine.

"So...?" She murmurs quietly, reaching up into the cupboard in the galley in order to pull out the makings of a snack.

"So...?" Kanan responds.

"What exactly happened out there this morning, Kanan?"

"He was a pain in my ass?" Kanan replies back very, very dryly.

Hera's look is less than impressed with that particular summary. "Seriously, Kanan, spill it. Details, please. Talk to me here."

"I'm deadly serious, Hera." Kanan leans back against the nearest wall then, exhaling out a massive sigh. "Not only was he still tipsy when I found him this morning, Ezra also made it his personal mission in life to piss me off as much as humanly possible, Hera. For no justifiable reason that I can currently see. I told him that you wanted him to come and join us for dinner on ship? He immediately blew me off. I offered to take him out for breakfast instead? He refused that offer too. All while packing back away a literal pittance of food supplies that I just have to assume at the moment were his weekly rations after he spent most of the money that he had from pick-pocketing the other day on a bottle of Brandy instead! I ignored his refusal and dragged him into a cafe anyway, hoping to maybe sober him up and maybe have a semi-reasonable conversation with him afterward. And once we were there, Hera, he ordered one egg, dry toast, and I kid you not, here - an entire pot of caff! Which he then all but literally inhaled all while complaining the whole time that his stomach has been bothering him for literal days now. I was seriously tempted to give him a pain in the ass all of his own, Hera halfway through the entire conversation."

Hera snorts softly, "And then what - he finally sobered up and decided to tell you about his master, Kanan?"

Kanan snorts right back, "Not willingly. No, Hera. He wasn't kidding about me flicking him on the forehead. The backwash that I got off of that second or two of contact was..." The older Jedi shakes his head, wincing. "Let's just say that his head's not exactly pretty at the moment, Hera. He was in so much pain that he nearly lost his breakfast. I'm honestly still trying to figure out how he was even cognizant when I first found him this morning at all. Much less how he spent as much time as he actually did with us on the Ghost with that bad of a bond break active and still managed to stay completely off of my radar for as long as he actually did."

Hera frowns slightly at this bit of news, "Then you're absolutely sure that you're right at present both about the severity of his psychic damage and about how much he's apparently been drinking since we first dropped him off to cope with it?"

"Yes, I'm sure, Hera. Kriff - he didn't even bother to deny the latter fact. He honestly seems to think that's it's nobody's business but his own. To be fair, Hera, I get the feeling that for quite a while now his own life has essentially been no one's but Ezra's to manage. That acknowledged, the kid is clearly spiraling fast - and the booze isn't even really causing the crash so much as it's just conveniently speeding things along. Though honestly…" Kanan's words trail off abruptly then, his lips twisting into a confused little frown.

"Honestly what?" Hera presses him softly.

Kanan sighs, shrugging, "You know, I almost feel as if we also have a little bit of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde going on somewhere in the whole situation as well. Because there was the Ezra that we all saw on board the Ghost during our previous mission, Hera, and then there's...well...*this kid.* And I'm having real trouble right now, reconciling the two of them as actually the same kriffing person."

Hera nods a little in response to that, "I'll say this much, Kanan, the old Ezra certainly didn't act this combative while he was on board The Ghost before. He was mostly just really watchful and quiet. Seemed kind of sad and withdrawn, but I didn't really try to push him too hard to figure out what actually made him tick. Now I kind of wish that I had. Because seriously - what in the Kriff is really going on here, Kanan?"

Kanan sighs a little shrugging. "You ask me as if I somehow know, Hera. Like I already said, I kind of feel as if we had Dr Jekyll with us on The Ghost during the entirety of our first job. And now suddenly we're stuck with Mr Hyde instead, and I have no kriffing idea at all Hera, what in the Force so violently flipped that poor kid's switch. I mean yeah, I guess that this kind of reversal would have made more sense if Ezra was trying to get himself hired on as crew when we first met him and then he didn't get the offer he wanted. But Sith, Hera! He didn't even give you a chance to make that kind of suggestion. Nor did he try and scavenge any of the food packs out of the galley before he left. Even when he was barely eating at meal times with the rest of us during the mission! I mean yes, Ezra seemed a little antisocial at first when he came aboard, maybe... He didn't actively try and engage with us much at all- well except when he was busy aggravating Zeb anyway..."

"But he was still a good kid for the most part, Kanan, if you actually managed to get him to open up even a little bit, Kanan." Hera interjects..

"Yes. Or that's what you and Sabine have both claimed anyway. Remember, you're the ones who have managed to spend the most time with him thus far. Though not for any lack of trying on my own part. I'll say that much. I tell you Hera, I all but dangled my light-saber in the kid's face before he left the ship his last day aboard. He clearly knew both who and what I actually am…but even now he...he just ..."

"He just doesn't seem to care, Kanan. Doesn't seem to want to like or to trust anyone." Hera fills in the thought for him. "Or at least he's doing a a good job of pretending that he doesn't anyway."

"Yes." Kanan agrees after another moment, his brow deeply furrowed, "Which makes no sense at all, Hera. I mean he just lost his master recently...he admitted that much himself. And we know from talking to people at the Cantina that no one knows what became of his folks in terms of how long they've been gone now. You'd think under the circumstances that Ezra'd be practically jumping at the chance of meeting someone else from The Temple at this point. Or kriff, even just another force sensitive. He certainly had no trouble at all making friends with those Wookies we rescued even though he didn't even speak their language initially. But as far as the rest of us are concerned, Hera, I seriously get the feeling that Ezra'd be genuinely happier right now if all of us in Specter Crew just pretended that he never even existed. "

Hera shrugs her shoulders in helpless reply. "Well, He's clearly got his own code and personal history at work at the moment, Kanan, and it's been a crazy couple of days, you have to admit that much at least. Who knows what his relationship with his master was really like before the other man died? And it's not as if he really knows any of us from Adam yet, now does he? Not to even mention what happened with him and Zeb initially. Either that or...I don't know, Kanan, maybe Ezra's just not as committed to the Jedi's path as you were at around the same age because of how much he's already lost or because he's had so much less exposure to it?"

"I guess that it's possible. But Hera, if that's really the case then there should have been no reason in kriff for Ezra to choose to speak up like he actually did when he told us what he'd learned about where they were actually taking the Wookies. It wasn't even his mission up until that point, but no matter what else I can gather from the past week or so, I do know this much at least for sure... Helping them absolutely mattered to Ezra, Hera. He read as extremely protective of the kid in particular. Almost as if Kittwar was...I don't know, family? An echo of Ezra himself? Something like that."

Hera frowns, "Kanan…What if anything did Ezra actually say about his parents in your presence? Or anyone else that he's been living with for that matter? His master?"

"Not a voluntary word, Hera. As I've already said Hera. How about you?"

"Nothing, Kanan. Every time I even tried to broach the topic of where he actually came from or who his family might be he instantly backed off and then changed the subject as fast as he could possibly manage."

"So he definitely didn't cop to ever suffering from any kind of abuse or abandonment then - at least not willingly anyway?"

"Kanan, he didn't cop to anything, period. The kid had one of the most stubborn cases of lockjaw about his past that I've ever heard of or seen. Kriff, he didn't even voluntarily give us his last name at first, remember?" Hera sighs then, rubbing at the base of first one and then the other of her lek. A clear sign, Kanan knows, of building tension headache. "He's worked really hard - too hard, almost Kanan - at staying just underneath everyone's proverbial radar. He say's that he's not a Jedi anymore but I seriously have to wonder right now what that term even actually means for him…"

"Oh he's still Jedi, Hera." Kanan gruffs out, "If we're going with the whole 'walks like a duck, talks like a duck...' definition of the term anyway."

"Stealing and the drinking are not exactly all that Jedi-like behavior, Love." Hera points out to Kanan then softly.

Kanan's look is distinctly wry - something close to amused when he replies. "Hera what exactly do you think that *we* technically do most of the time for a living?"

"True…" Hera allows after a moment, "And alcohol is hardly a stranger in most cultures to mourning…though kriff, Kanan, but he's way too young for his apparent level of drinking."

The older man shrugs, "I don't think he's particularly inclined to agree with you, Hera. Still basically, to sum things up again: we know that Ezra's still at least as much Jedi right now as he isn't behavior wise, but whether because of the broken link or some other connected trauma we don't really know about yet, he's in the middle of hitting his personal bottom at the moment and - lucky me - giving me personally endless amounts of both sarcasm and grief literally all the way down. Well when he's also not, you know, messing with Imperials, rescuing us from ISF traps or sharing vital mission intelligence with us even after he's been abandoned,. As I just said, Hera, there is a distinct Jekyll and Hyde theme playing in the background right now whenever this kid is involved, and for the record, I really, really don't like it."

Hera looks thoughtful then, "Do you think he's picking new allegiances maybe, right now Kanan? Testing his old vs his new life philosophies or something like that?"

"Not quite. Though you're closer there than anywhere we've gotten so far, Hera. It more like he's..." Kanan frowns, "Hera, I think that he's already got conflicting priorities at work in his head at the moment, and the war that they're all locked in is literally scorching the earth to ash in that poor kid's head even as we speak."

"So then what do you think we should do about all of this, Love?" Hera rubs at the back of her neck, her face deeply troubled. "Because forgive me Kanan, if I'm not feeling particularly thrilled about the idea of just letting him back out into the big bad world all on his own again. Especially when he's acting like an oncoming one-man speeder wreck. It's only a matter of time before someone local or otherwise comes after him again, Kanan, and the both of us know it."

"For now, Hera?" Kanan just shrugs, "I say we should keep him mostly doped off of his rocks for the next twelve to seventy-two hours, feed him up whenever he wakes and then see if we end up with Hyde or Jekyl when we attempt to restart an actual conversation with him again in another day or so. We may very well find out that we'll get the old Ezra back after the psychic damage is treated properly. There's at least a small chance that'll happen."

"And if the attitude's not just his headache and the alcohol, Kanan?" Hera queries softly. "What the kriff do you think we should do if this snarkier, more self-destructive version of Ezra is, in fact, the real kid we have to deal with now who also knows who and what all of us actually are?"

"Then I want to know how and why exactly we got stuck with the other version of him during our first trip out on The Ghost, Hera. Because there's no way in karking hell if that's really the case, that such a different guise on Ezra's part wasn't very, very deliberate." Kanan snorts softly even as he pours himself a mug of blue milk and drinks it down in four quick swallows. "Seriously Hera... at this point, literally nothing about this kid isn't reading as somehow completely out of synch to me." He puts down the mug on the table with a low thunk. "I swear, Hera every time I even look at the kid right now, unless he's already asleep Ezra literally makes my brain start to itch."

Hera snorts in reply to that. "Yeah, and I can't imagine why that possibly is, Kanan Jarrus." Kanan scowls at her a little then. Hera merely snorts again. "Since clearly, the two of you have nothing in common. Not. a. single. karking. thing."

"I was never that bad after Depa died." Kanan mutters more than a little bit defensively in reaction.

Hera actually sputters in reply to that comment. "Yes, Love, I'm sure that the people who helped you in the wake of Order 66 would say the same thing if you asked them."

And kriff it, now Kanan's starting to wonder if he actually owes Janus Kasmir a case of whiskey or something.

But then he sobers. "I'm serious, Hera. I was never that bad off, at least not really anyway Or more precisely, I was never really in this kind of danger myself in terms of the roads that I had available to choose from. Because if Hyde's actually the real Ezra, Hera, then the kid's's probably going to be dead in a little under a year or so. And no - I'm not exaggerating when I say that either. It's just a matter of time, really, and whether he dies from some kind of chemical overdose or if he just ends up lipping off to the worst possible person when he's either too tired or too disinterested in his own survival to adequately defend himself afterward. He'll suicide by Underworld basically, Hera.

The twi'lek pilot makes a pained little sound at that particular prediction, "And if he's actually more Dr Jekyll instead of Hyde Kanan?"

"And he's left all on his own? Then he'll eventually end up suiciding 'by cause,' Hera. Even if he does sober up first and pull his head out of his rear for at least a little while. Maybe he won't go out as soon or as stupidly as he would have in the first case...but he'll go out there again like he did with us the other Hera, trying to play the hero for somebody and I'll bet you almost anything that he'll find a noble fight to burn himself out on just as soon as he possibly can."

"Sacrifice for what you believe in can be genuinely noble, you know, Kanan." Hera points out to him then, very, very softly.

Kanan shoots her an unimpressed look in reply to that, "Not when you're not even an adult yet, Hera. " He informs her bluntly, "And not when you're less focused on advancing your supposed 'ethical agenda' than you are on just stopping the pain that you associate with just being alive. Don't ever over glamorize the reality of being either a martyr or a zealot, Hera. Not for Ezra, not for kriffing anyone. Not when you know just as well as I do at this point how many of the actual people involved in those kind of situations are actually just hopeless, radicalized young adults or even worse yet, depressed or manipulated children."

Hera closes her eyes tightly in response, her face deeply pained and then she nods. Then she opens them up again. "You really think things are that bad where Ezra's concerned right now?" She asks him straight out, "That he's really going to come down to something like that?"

Kanan shrugs, "I think that I probably need more information Hera, before any of us can safely assume anything short of the fact that Ezra's a clear risk to all of our securities at the moment. That admitted, Hera, we're in serious denial if we really think he's concerned enough about his own, much less anyone else's safety."

Hera winces. "He's eventually going to be tracked back here to Capital city by the ISF isn't he?"

"I all but guarantee it, yes, Hera. There were camera's everywhere on planet during that escape."

"And will Ezra be able to avoid the ISF, Kanan if they try and hunt him here on the planet?"

"Indefinitely? Probably not, Hera." Kanan shrugs "Yes, this is his home territory - so he has that particular home court advantage, but there's also the question of whether or not, when The Empire finally tracks him back to Lothol, they'll just put a hefty bounty out for his head or do something more aggressive like start twisting the arms of various people in the city's underbelly trying to find him. Either, if it happens, will permanently change Ezra's relationship with his existent community forever, Hera."

"And do you think he actually realizes that just yet?"

"Possibly." Kanan shrugs, "I wouldn't put anything past him right now. He could know, Hera or he could not know. He could know and not really know that he knows. Kriff- he could know and be counting on it, depending on what kind of future he's actually courting for himself right now. Ever hear of Suicide by Stormtrooper, Hera? It'd certainly fit his modus operandus after how other Bucket-heads were the ones who took away the only blood family that he once had. And Sith Spit..." Kanan curses softly rubbing the back of his own neck. "This all just keeps getting more and more complicated and potentially tragic the longer and longer that I let myself stop and actually think about it."

Hera tilts her head a little to one side, studying him quietly. Then her lips quirk up, acknowledging. "This kid has really gotten under your skin, hasn't he, Kanan?"

Kanan just makes a helpless little shrug, "What can I say, Hera. It makes no sense at all, but yeah. Because ever since Ezra first pulled away from my touch after we rescued those Wookies and then literally fled off of the ship the moment that you landed on planet like it was *on karking fire,* Hera, my instincts have been all but screaming at me to go out there after him.

"And what is the Force saying about Ezra at the moment, Kanan?" she asks him, very quietly.

"The Force says that the kid is 'mine,''" Kanan responds very bluntly. "And that I should go out there and haul his ass home again. Which is both ridiculous and more than a little stupid. Because after all he's far, far too old to be mine biologically, even if I had somehow had a kid that I didn't know about before now. Which leaves me with the more metaphorical application of the term 'mine' from a strictly Jedi perspective..." Kanan gives her a wry look. "Which is even more insane frankly, then assuming that there's an actual biological connection between the two of us somehow. Because even if I were qualified enough to take on an actual Padawan at this point in our lives Hera - which I'm most definitely not- the last thing on Lothal that that kid wants right now is anything at all to do with me in specific."

Hera raises an eyebrow in reply that, crossing her arms in front of her and quirking her lips slightly as she regards her lover. "Are you really so sure about that, Kanan Jarrus?"

He blinks at her a long moment. "Yeah, I am, Hera. At least reasonably so, anyway. Ezra hasn't exactly been subtle about it, Hera. Like, at all."

"Yeah well you might want to rethink that particular assumption there, Dearest. Because the last time I checked, Love, the opposite of 'want' isn't 'hate' Kanan - it's apathy. It certainly isn't mountains worth of sarcastic dialogue or other sorts of juvenile attention seeking behavior like the kind he's shoveling at you at the moment."

Hera lips quirk up a little as she watches Kanan's eyebrows pull closer together in reaction to that observation, considering this new viewpoint. "Look at it this way, Love, whether he's Dr Jekyll, Mr Hyde or both at present, Ezra is pretty much failing in any of his incarnations to not care when you're anywhere within his current orbit. You're literally the only thing that he really seems to look at Kanan, whenever you're in the room with him right now. Don't get so bamboozled by his puppet show right now Love, that you forget that he's the one who's currently actually tied up with all the kriffing strings."

Hera pokes his chest with her fingertip then. "Or to put this another way entirely, Kanan Jarrus: when it's you, Ezra and the Force all making your opinions known about the same particular subject, then who's the one that the smart Jedi should be listening to first? Because I'm pretty kriffing sure, Kanan, that it's actually not 'Mr Terminally Snarky and fourteen who may or may not have a serious drinking problem at the moment.'"

"Karabast." Kanan mutters then, closing his eyes, looking just short of outright abashed. "Look - go ahead and come get me in another three hours when Ezra needs another round of redosing, Hera. Until then, I think that I'm gonna be in my room for awhile. Because quite clearly I need to go and spend some more time karking meditating."

Chapter 3: Interlude (updated)

When Ezra wakes up next, his head hurts much, much less. Though it is, he's sad to realize, really no less muzzy and generally useless than it had been, at least for the time being anyway.

He reminds himself that not all improvements in life come about instantly. He needs to be patient.

At least for now, he admits, the broken psi-link in his head is only intermittently throbbing. And if he lays there with his eyes closed and stretches out with the Force, just the tiniest bit, then Ezra can actually feel Kanan' s latent psychic presence at this distance. Oh, Ezra still can't actually touch the older man's mind directly, mind you. He's certainly not stupid enough to try risking anything like that right now, but he can, for lack of a better description, feel his former master's normal psychic exhalations for now. And the regular pattern of that subtle flow of energy is almost indescribably relieving.

Kanan Jarrus is alive. His Master is now once again within a sort of sight. Even if Ezra is also deliberately keeping the older man out of any sort of physical reach for now. He figures that with some time, he'll even get used to - may even learn to like- living in the same world as Kanan Jarrus at a distance...

"Welcome back Kid. We've been waiting on you. Y' hungry?" A gruff male voice on one side of his bed makes Ezra startle so badly that he nearly hits his head on the overhead light. He turns his head slowly then and finds one Garazeb Orrelios sitting beside him in a chair, peeling several yogan out of their thick skins very carefully. The Lasat's face lacks any of its previous irritation. There is no anger, no sarcasm, no lingering malice. There is just, Force Damn him to hell, a gentle and knowing kind of sympathy.

"Kill me." Ezra mutters under his breath after another moment or so. "Like seriously. Just... kill me." Because, yes, Zeb is occasionally hot-tempered, and Ezra knows better than almost anyone else in the karking galaxy where his particular buttons are located. But he also knows that there is literally no bottom to Zeb's potential pool of empathy when the older male Lasat is faced by real suffering. And if his former roommate has recently discovered from Sabine and Hera that that 'annoying bratty kid' who's been yanking his fur repeatedly ever since he first came aboard The Ghost is actually just a former Jedi Padawan who has very recently lost his own entire family, well then Garazeb Orellios, who already feels guilty about what happened back on the Star Destroyer, is going to make "becoming Ezra's close friend and confidant" his personal honor-bound duty. Forever.

So kill Ezra right now. Seriously. Just karking kill him.

"As far as reactions to food offers go, Bridger." Sabine speaks from somewhere behind him, "That request seems a tad bit extreme to me. I mean, Zeb got the fruit out of your own karking satchel, Ezra. So we just assumed that you'd like them."

Ezra groans very softly and then rubs at his his eyes with one of his hands, "How long exactly have I been asleep now?"

"Almost nine hours." Sabine informs him even as she comes over and injects something from a pre-measured syringe into the port of Ezra's IV bag yet again without even a single moment of pause or other explanation.

"Hey!" He protests loudly at the sight, "What in the Force are you doing?!"

"The standard protocol for Amalyn treatment for injuries like yours Ezra, is one dose via drip IV every four hours for an absolute minimum of forty-two doses." Sabine informs him, calmly. "That was dose number three. Which means - judging by how fast it hit you last time anyway -that you currently have," She checks her chronometer "…approximately 5-10 more minutes before you start feeling the callback into the Land of Nod again. So if you want more than a couple of Yogan to eat, Ezra - or for Zeb to take you to the bathroom as well - then you better speak up fast instead of just lying there and whining."

"Where are Kanan and Hera?" He asks after another moment or so. He hadn't expected to wake up like this and find them both gone. It's unsettling really, for reasons that Ezra can't really explain outside of the instinctive knowledge that this can not and will not be a 'good thing.'

"They went out to the market Ezra, in order to trade for more morphine in case you end up needing it. And then they went over to your tower to see if they could break in through your current security measures..." Sabine informs yet him again.

"They what?!"

The Mandalorian just shrugs in response to his incredulity, "To be fair, Ezra Hera just wanted to get you some clean clothes - assuming that you have any more available, anyway. And you weren't exactly waking up to provide access codes that could help with that at the time that they were leaving."

This is ridiculous - Ezra's current clothing is fine, it's not even that dirty right now.

They...they're going out to his tower, kark it. How good are they really, at breaking into places without Sabine or him there to assist at this particular point in their lives? Ezra doesn't really remember. And now that he's thinking about it even more, what exactly has he left lying out at home that might cause problems if they do manage to get inside his place? Some empty liquor bottles most certainly. Kriff. He'll be hearing about that later from Hera, that's for sure. His datapad - which is locked thank Force, because Ezra's been taking notes to make sure he that doesn't forget anything vital. He's been compiling a collection of cliff notes for the future ever since he first woke up in this time stream basically.

"Is this a kidnapping?" Ezra mutters after another moment, "Because I have to say that this is starting to feel a lot like a kidnapping."

"S'not that bad of an idea, Kid.." Zeb observes, than looks over at Sabine with a wry quirked up smile. "We should really point that option out to Hera when she gets back on ship later. I mean he's at least fairly floppy right now and generally compliant and all that. It'd likely go off a whole lot less messy."

"Yeah but he's so drugged right now…" Sabine shrugs, "I kind of prefer my youth abductions to be at least a little bit challenging."

"I hate you both." Ezra informs her then. His words are already starting to slur under the effects of all the medication. Like kriff he has ten more minutes right now. He'll be lucky if he even has seven. Thank goodness he's been too dehydrated lately to really need a bathroom just yet. "I have in fact actually hated both of you since the day that we first met."

"That might be more impressive of a statement, Kid if you'd known either of us for longer that slightly over a week now." Zeb informs him very, very dryly.

"You are both horrible people," He mutters darkly, reaching out to snatch a piece of yogun, and shoving it into his mouth and chewing, then doing the same to the chunk of instant meal bar that Zeb breaks off in small pieces and presses to his mouth one by one. The Lasat's long fingers carefully brushing off the crumbs that get stuck on Ezra's cheeks almost tenderly. Sabine meanwhile brings a cup with a straw over, bending the later down to his lips.

"Don't worry about it Bridger," She informs him dryly, "We're professionals, remember? Which means we're good enough at our jobs that if we'd really set out to kidnap you, Ezra, you'd've been off-planet long before you ever knew that was our actual intention."

Ezra reply to that is a string of garbled if clearly foul Mandalorian curse words. Zeb only chuckles, whistling softly under his breath. Then he leans forward a little bit winking conspiratorially at the younger man even as he whispers. "Tip for you Bridger, don't ever let Hera hear that kind of talk coming out of your mouth when they get back on the ship, if you know what's good for you. Or you're going to end up with a mouth full of soap for your troubles."

Ezra gives him the finger in reply as he takes his final bite of meal bar, his eyelids already heavily drooping.

"When I wake up again," he mumbles, "I am so knocking out whichever one of you is on guard at the time and busting myself out of this karking ship. And after that, I am probably fleeing the kriffing city."

"Mmmhm. Duly noted, Bridger. I'll be sure pass on that information to Kanan for you." Sabine informs him with a dark grin, "I'm sure that he has restraints around here somewhere." She tells him faux sweetly. "We wouldn't want you to fall out of bed, after all, not until after we've properly 'stalked' and killed you, I mean."

Ezra lifts his middle finger toward the universe in general in reply to that, hearing the guffaw of Zeb's responding laughter, and that's honestly the last thing he really remembers before lights go out again.

Chapter 4: Patience (updated)

'So how'd it go you guys?" Kanan asks, heading for the Medbay the minute that he and Hera re-enter the ship, the frowning twi'lek pilot nodding to him silently for a moment or so before heading toward the fresher with what little they'd been able to find for Ezra of usable clothing. He knows that she's going upstairs righ now to put a load of much needed laundry immediately in.

"Well, he woke and we fed, watered and dosed him about three and a quarter hours ago now, Kanan." Sabine informs him simply. "Ezra's vitals have been steadily improving ever since you first left. His heart rate's much steadier than it was when he first came on board The Ghost and his blood pressure's finally staying down instead of constantly falling and spiking like it was before. I held off on giving him any more narcotics though at his own request this time around though. I figured I'd let you make the call next time whether to fight him on the subject or not since you know his actual pain levels more accurately than I do right now, Kanan, and since you also said during his last round of dosing that this time around is the point in time by which the Amalyn should really be starting to help improve some of his psychic symptoms."

Kanan nods at that in understanding, and keeps right on walking, "Has he talked much in his sleep or mentioned anything noteworthy while he was awake that we should know about, Sabine?"

"Other than threatening to knock us out next time that he woke up? Which was a joke –" Sabine hastens to add in response to Kanan's raised eyebrow, "We were all making some pretty lowbrow quips about kidnapping when he woke up last time, Kanan." She shrugs a little bit, "He babbled quite a bit at one point for about half an hour, Kanan, in what I'm guessing is either Lothalian or his native equivalent first language. Our names were all involved in there a couple of times, yes, but I can't even begin to tell you how or why. He just seemed a little agitated while it was happening- not really angry or upset." Sabine frowns softly. "Other than that, you're just plain out of luck, Kanan. The meds had him far too deeply under during most of your absence for Zeb or I to do anything but monitor his vitals. So you and Hera both really think that this Kid was formerly somebody's Padawan, then?"

"It's about a 99 percent certainty, at this point, yes, Sabine."

"Huh. Small world then." She rubs at her nose tiredly, "I mean of all the robberies that he could have forced his way into in the entire kriffing galaxy he had to bust his way into ours. It's almost funny. Lucky us. And he seemed like such a good kid too, at first, at least initially. "

"He 'seemed' like a good kid." Kanan glances down and to the side, raising an inquisitive eyebrow as he stresses the second word's sudden switch over to past tense. "Is that you officially changing your opinion about Ezra's suitability for life aboard the Ghost, Sabine? Because I thought that you were still on Hera's side concerning most if not all of this."

"Oh I still am, Kanan. At least for the most part, anyway. It's just that...well... look, I understand that he's not exactly happy to be here right now. But he also clearly has some kind of ongoing sobriety problem. Not to mention that I also can't help but notice that whenever he wakes up right now," She shakes her head, "Ezra's displaying a very clear basic personality shift." She whistles softly through her teeth, rolling her eyes and then shaking her head just a little bemused. "And not necessarily for the better either, Kanan. Sure Ezra was awkward as kriff before, as well as kind of reclusive, though maybe the better word would have been 'shy.' Now though, he's become deliberately abrasive and, uhm, rather pointedly earthy? Is that the best way for me to put it? Or is it more accurate for me to just call him as salty as kriff? "

Kanan snorts aloud, rolling his own eyes before replying. So then it's not just him who is being blessed with that side of Ezra Bridger's personality any longer. That actually makes him feel vaguely better. It's not entirely tied to Kanan's Jedi persona then, which would have been more complicated for them to deal with, as well as more fundamentally revealing. "Wait - let me guess, Sabine, did he resort to scathing sarcasm, whip out his gift for persistent verbal baiting or did he just go straight to 'Yes I'm a loth-rath and I can swear like one too' on what feels like literally every other breath?"

Sabine chuckles, "A bit of all three, actually, if I'm honest, Kanan. He also outright accused me and Zeb - mostly sarcastically, or so I hope anyway - of literally kidnapping him as well." She shoots the older Jedi a sideways look, "Speaking of which, Kanan, while we're on the subject of that particular option, ..."

Kanan sighs deeply. He and Hera have already had a variation of this particular discussion at least twice within the last twelve hours or so– the most recent of those times being on their way home from the Kid's tower. It had been a long and grump inducing ride. "No Sabine, we are not, no matter how much you and Hera both seem to like the idea right now, just abducting the kid off of his home planet. That is known as 'bad manners. Also technically, Sabine, that would *be* known as actual kidnapping.'"

Sabine snorts softly, "That would be known as 'whole group survivability,' right now, Kanan. Which no one ever said looks particularly pretty. Especially not when you have our kinds of lives or our kinds of secrets. Look, you're the one who said that for it to work right this Amalyn treatment that Ezra's undergoing is going to take some time right? And that even after it's done, he also is going to need help with the psychic side of repairing his shielding. Not to even mention that Ezra'll need to be tittered down off of the meds once he is actually feeling better so that his symptoms don't just all start right back up again."

"Yes. And. Sabine?" Kanan is already regretting asking the heavily loaded question,

Sabine just shrugs absolutely unapologetically in response before continuing. "And if he needs the treatment right now in order to get better than he needs the treatment, Kanan. And we're go to make sure that Ezra's getting it, just like we promised him that he would. It's not our fault though, if during the course of said treatment we have to take a couple of jobs off of the planet in order to help pay our bills. It's not like we won't get around to coming back to Lothol, Kanan. Eventually."

Kanan stops then and folds his arms across his chest, looking down at the Mandalorian teenager very sternly, "That ethical swamp you just waded into there is full of some mighty big near-crocs, Sabine. That tactic on our part would likely burn all bridges of trust between us and Ezra that might actually exist."

Sabine just shrugs again, "Is doing that any more unethical than any of the other alternatives available to us at present, Kanan? I mean the kid is what - fourteen, fifteen years old tops? He may well be even younger than that too. Not only that, Kanan but he's also recently lost his primary guardian. And said guardian was notably also a Jedi: whether Ezra actually considers himself to be one or not anymore is essentially irrelevant to this particular situation. He's still just a force sensitive kid with severe psychic damage and no other apparent family or friends around to help him heal, or run or hide right now if we all just up and wash our hands of him. Which, come on let's be honest here, Kanan, none of us were ever going to be able to stomach doing. Especially not after the way that Ezra interceded like he did for those Wookies even after everything that happened. He made our business his, Kanan, when he decided to shoulder our cause and temporarily make it his own to help those Wookies, and so right now whether he actually claims to want it or not, Ezra is basically *owed* a certain degree of our protection."

"Sabine…" Kanan sighs in reply to that comment and then he tries to think of a way to tell the Mandalorian that she's actually preaching to the choir, well for the most part at least. The teenager isn't done speaking though. She crosses her arms and just looks at him hard for a couple of lingering moments before she finally starts speaking once again.

"You've said it yourself now repeatedly, Kanan: the kid is spiraling. Between his psychic injuries right now and his budding alcohol problem he's apparently got going at the moment, Ezra's not exactly a glowing example of either mental or emotional competency at the moment. Not to even mention that I've never in all my karking life seen someone so primed to bolt more often or for stupider reasons. What Ezra claims that he wants or he needs from us right now is hardly reliable right now Kanan, much less in anyone else's better interests."

Kanan is actually very inclined to agree with Sabine on all of that. Not that he's going to say so outright just yet. He's still too busy at the moment thinking back over what little they'd just found while they were visiting Ezra's tower earlier today and then methodically adding it into the working model of Ezra Bridger that he's got inside of his own head at present.

And frankly Kanan Jarrus is both confused and angry on a lot of levels right now; both by Ezra's apparent personal contradictions as well as by some of the flat-out immoral and infuriating things that they've discovered about the past decade or so of the kid's life, thanks to he and Hera's ongoing talks with several people around town and their eventual trip out to Ezra home. Where Kanan'd been absolutely horrified to discover that - well as far as he and Hera can tell anyway - Ezra's previous status as another Jedi's Padawan had evidently done *absolutely nothing* to lessen the kid's overall childhood struggle with both ongoing poverty and neglect.

They'd found nothing in Ezra's home that indicated that it had ever been inhabited by anyone other than just Ezra himself. There had been no books, few if any toys, no educational materials that weren't also obviously and usually horribly out of date cast-offs. No signs of provision being granted to Ezra in terms of food, or healthcare or even basic clothing. Force, there hadn't even been any personal mementos of Ezra and his master or Ezra and his parents that they had been able to find. Well unless of course whatever Ezra little that had managed to hang onto of those type of things were so small and so treasured that the Kid physically carried them around with him on his person at all times, anyway. Which Kanan supposes is possible if also highly unlikely in his own opinion.

There had been nothing else though. Absolutely, literally, *nothing* in the entirety of that kriffing tower that indicated that Ezra's life had ever consisted of anything but both frequent hunger and unrelenting isolation since his parents were first taken away from him. Well, excepting of course whatever spats of hours his former master must have occasionally granted to the kid for the necessary training that would have been required in order to teach Ezra whatever Force skills he clearly had at present. Otherwise, the kid had clearly been left completely and utterly alone in terms of maintaining his own daily survival, despite his clearly less than vaunted Padawan status.

All of which has been a distinctly bitter pill for the older Jedi to actually swallow - both in terms of the tower itself, and all it's resulting other implications. And as for Kanan? Well Kanan Jarrus is starting to think profoundly less than well of the Kid's previous mentor right now. Because yes, Kanan knows, there is the necessary teaching of the philosophy of non-attachment to every Jedi student as a part of their ongoing training. But there is also actual over-the-top 'non-attachment' as used by a sociopathic asshole who Kanan doesn't even *have a kriffing name for* that he can demean, as the supposed justification for deliberate and clearly ongoing child neglect.

And all this had been done to an orphaned child with whom the fallen Jedi in question had shared a karking Force-willed training link...In the wake of him traumatically losing both his parents at a young age. Kanan honestly kind of wishes at this point in time that said master was still alive just so that he could have the pleasure of punching him right in the kisser. Because kriff, if with all this new information as some kind of a base, Kanan isn't finally starting to get at least a little bit of an idea of how and why Ezra Bridger actually ticks. Not to even mention what may in fact, be driving the kid and his ongoing actions at present.

Kanan *understands now* why for a couple of days at the very beginning at least the teenager might have seemed to be one kind of person while he first initially met all of them on the Ghost. Only for Ezra to then morph rapidly back into someone completely different once Ezra had finall ybeen forced to return to his grimmer day to day existence afterward back here on the planet.

It's also odd -and more than a little bit bittersweet really - for Kanan to finally realize that whether the kid had been a former Padawan to a full-fledged Jedi master or not before they first met him, Kanan, Hera and the rest of the Ghost crew may still represent a serious upswing in terms of the rest of Ezra's ongoing childhood and adolescence. If they can only get Ezra to trust them all first. Even just a little bit.

But then that's really the rub right now isn't it? Ezra doesn't want to trust them - or even want them outright - at least as far as he's willing to admit to at the moment anyway. Does he...is the Kid really operating under the assumption at this point in his life that him not having a Master anymore actually *increases* his chances of surviving to adulthood? Is that why he's currently trying so hard to escape all of them - and Kanan most especially? Because he'd actually taken all of their measures already and they just hadn't realized at the time that that was what in fact Ezra was actually doing?

Had Ezra's first few days on The Ghost really been just one giant test of sorts of who they all were as people essentially? And if so, what exactly had he really been attempting to determine? Because if that was the case then Sith hells, but as far as Kanan can see at least, they are all probably completely kriffed at the moment.

After all, if that had been the boy's real motivations when he's jumped right into the middle of their robbery, then what had Ezra Bridger encountered as a result but the actual Specter Crew in all their muddled imperfect glory? He'd encountered a crew of people that had chased him around town while making threats on his life over the unknown contents of an unknown crate, and then who'd offered him sanctuary on their ship when it really mattered most...but only at the price of taking his prize away in supposed payment. He'd met a group of cranky strangers who yes, had arguably been ready to risk their lives for complete strangers, yes - but who had also swiftly abandoned Ezra himself to the enemy, *after* the boy had first risked his own life in order to rescue all of *them.* And Sith hells, with all that kept in mind, Kanan's starting to wonder whether *Erza Bridger* isn't the one who's actually facing a Jekyll and Hyde sort of conundrum at the moment. Because after all the crew of the Ghost had probably confused Ezra every bit as badly before he'd finally fled the ship as he is now currently confusing all of them.

After all, though Ezra's own eyes this entire ongoing recruitment drive of theirs has to seem just short of outright cruel, really. Because after all, even if he did want to join their number at one point in time, by now Ezra Bridger's got almost no reason to think that he can trust any of them anymore, does he?

And if that's really the problem, right now, well then Force but this whole situation just became a thousand times more difficult. Because truthfully the only way that the poor Kid's ever going to become truly familiar with who they are as people at this point is for Ezra to deliberately spend an extended period of time aboard The Ghost with all of them, both one on one and as well as in a unit. While they're all also aware of the fact that Ezra is, in fact, deliberately taking his measure of them. All of which will almost inevitably require one of three things to happen first 1) Ezra'll have to board the Ghost willing again- which is highly unlikely at this point, given everything that's already happened or 2) they'll have to stay for weeks or even months here on Lothol slowly building up more layers of trust with Ezra over time. Which is almost certainly fiscally insupportable at the moment, or 3) Hera and Sabine are actually right, at least in this particular case - and they'll have to essentially *kidnap* the karking kid away from the only home and level of security that he's got right now. Preferably sooner rather later, Kanan knows, while he can still justify such an aggressive action both to himself and Ezra somewhere down the line by pointing out both the current threat that they're all under as well as Ezra's overall level of current personal incompetence when Kanan first consents to doing it.

Force has Kanan really reach the point in his life now where literally kidnapping a traumatized Force Sensitive Teenager in such a way is actually at the top of his list of 'available and wise parenting decisions?'

Yes. He acknowledges more than a little grimly. Yes it appears that it actually is.

Kanan's tenure as a Master might very well have to start with a round of still *more* traumatizing reluctant child abduction. And Force but Kanan will karking hate that if it's really the case- more than words can probably say. And Ezra? Kriff, Kanan thinks, because if they take that particular path as the only one available to them at the moment then the teenager in question is going to literally karking hate them. And the sad thing is, Kanan knows, that they'll all at least partly deserve it too, after how things have actually played out. Not to even mention he knows, that depending on how damaged Ezra's ability to trust actually is such and act might quite possibly doom everything that they could hope to build together even before they have a real chance to begin.

Kanan draws in a deep breath at that specific thought in particular and then he closes his eye, begging the universe as a whole for some kind of miraculous insight, for a clearer perspective on how to handle everything. After all if this is supposed to be, as Kanan becoming more and more convinced, the will of the Force itself, than how in kark is Kanan actually supposed to fix this? How is this kid who's supposed to be 'his' - as crazy as that sounds -ever going to end up becoming anything other than a miserable, resentful prisoner who just waits on board the Ghost for the day that he can finally flee both the ship all of their unwelcome presences...quite probably permanently?

He inhales another deep breath. Exhales. The inhales again. Then he turns back to the oldest of the mantras that his master had taught him. There is emotion yet there is peace. There is ignorance, yet there is knowledge. There is... Kanan remembers abruptly, from one of his few junior Padawan level lectures at Temple, more minutes at the start of any crisis for first-responders to respond in wise ways than most stressed out people probably realize at the beginning.

What was it that he'd said to Hera himself just earlier today? That they don't know yet who exactly they are actually dealing with just yet, where Ezra is truly concerned. Not until after they treat the worst of his psychic damage anyway, and then try to talk to him again. Things probably aren't as cut and dry, or as black and white right now as they are probably imagining that they are at present. It may well be, Kanan acknowledges the more that he lets himself actually think about it, that they're all actually over blowing this whole damn situation. Ezra, for all his piss and vinegar right now, is still in incredible pain. And yes, the kid's acting extraordinarily self-defensive around them right now, but that's just because of what they've taught him up. Because the way they've acted, since the six of them first met. Ezra may, in fact, still wake up far closer to his Jekyll variant than to his Hyde one in another few days, once his pain levels have normalized again. And maybe, just maybe if that happens then there's an actual chance that they can at least try and start again.

After all Ezra Bridger may in fact be capable of actually bending. May be the kind of kid who won't arbitrarily force Kanan into actually considering the ethical implications of something like Padawan-napping. The teenager may prove reasonable once he's finally out of pain and may well...basically just listen to reason... and have the capacity within himself to forgive. Because yes, Kanan's seen that side Erza Bridger before. All of them have for that matter. They have all met the Ezra Bridger who can put aside his personal grudges in the face of other people's greater need. The kid who can and will be the great Jedi Knight that Kanan can already sense rising up just beneath his surface if he's just given even half of an actual chance to grow into him.

But Kanan's not going to find that Ezra is he? None of them will for that matter - the one who was once a beacon of light and who could all too easily become one again, if they're not willing to at least grant him the opportunity to try to be him. Sometimes everyone needs someone else to remember what it that they're actually capable of becoming if they are just granted a little time and faith in the process.

So Kanan opens his eyes up again and he looks down at Sabine with a wry sort of smile, pulling that single truth around him like a warm cloak, and letting it calm him for the moment even as he answers. "No. We're not kidnapping crewmen, Sabine. No matter how much simpler that you or Hera think it might be to do so. Because we're not to the point yet that it's actually necessary. We still have a few better options that we need to try first."

Sabine raises a single eyebrow to that claim, "Those options being?"

Kanan's smile is wry but also absolutely genuine. "Simple. We wait a little longer, Sabine. We show some karking patience as well ass some gentleness. And while we wait, we have a little faith. We believe."

"Believe what exactly, Kanan?" Sabine asks genuinely curious.

Kanan shrugs and then he smiles a little, "We believe that the past speaks for itself, Sabine - and that the Ezra Bridger who stole the crate from us in the markets the other day isn't as real or as powerful as the Ezra Bridger who helped us rescue the Wookie prisoners not long after, even after all of us had abandoned him first. We woo that Ezra Bridger onto Specter crew, Sabine, instead of just press-ganging his darker variant instead."

Chapter 5: Bargaining Part One (Updated)

"Tell me again why I'm actually letting you do this?" Ezra grumbles good-naturedly, sitting upright for the time being on the Medbay's exam table. "Because I seem to remember that when you first said that had something that could help with this headache, I essentially consented to taking a one-time dose of a single medication. Not to an ongoing course of multiple infusions that yes are helping me with the pain - because I will at least give that much - but also leave me feeling like a limp karking fish the exact *hour and a half* of every day that I'm not actively sleeping."

Kanan snorts softly in response to that particular complaint, passing Ezra over a loaded down dinner tray as he does so. The boy has thankfully opted for actual food this time around rather than just a meal bar followed by an IV chaser of yet more fluids. Which Kanan is choosing to take as a sign of real improvement under the current circumstances. It's nice to see that the kid's genuine interest in food is finally returning. Nearly as good as seeing his complete and utter lack of any other alcoholic withdrawal symptoms. Ezra apparently hadn't been lying earlier about his infrequent use of hard spirits.

Still, Kanan can't stop from smirking to himself just a little bit before he replies, "Hey, it's not my fault if you didn't read the fine print at the beginning of all of this. How's your head feeling at the moment, Kid? I know that you just said that it's getting better yeah - but by how much exactly? You should be feeling significantly closer to your old self by this point in the time, and if you're not, then that's a clear sign that we should probably step up your current dose of medication."

Ezra shrugs, seemingly noncommittal even as he replies."Well, right now it sort of feels as if my brain is being semi-regularly splashed by small amounts of sulfuric acid, as opposed to just being of straight up submerged in a pool of it and melted away on an ongoing basis. So…thanks I guess, for at least that much actual progress?"

Okay yeah - they are definitely going to need to jack up the kid's dosage by a couple of more levels then. It's not entirely surprising, Kanan knows, given Ezra's power level. Though also wow, he thinks to himself a little bit wryly, that had actually sounded a kriff of a lot like a genuine Bridger-Style compliment: one part approval and two parts acerbic if witty sarcasm.

Ezra for his own part, starts nibbling cautiously on the edge of one of his waffles. "I do know just for the record, Jarrus that what you and Hera are doing for me isn't cheap. Not in terms of either the time or the literal resources that you're currently expending, and I'll also admit that do I owe you guys a couple pro-bono reciprocal loans of my skill set if they can help you in fair payment..."

Kanan perks up a little in reply to that particular announcement. "Does that mean that you've actually changed your mind about...?"

Ezra shakes his head a little stubbornly. "I'm still not looking for a long-term job ...as I've already told you at least a dozen or more times. That said, I might be willing to consider collaborating with or letting you guys contract me out as needed while you're all still here in the system. On a case by case basis only Jarrus, until I think that I've fairly paid off my existent debt."

'Yeah but the point of actual 'help,' Kid,' Kanan can't help but think to himself more than a little bit wryly, 'Is that you're generally not expected to have pay for it afterward unless that's agreed upon beforehand.' Not that Kanan Jarrus suspects that Ezra Bridger's really all that familiar with that particular concept at this point in his life. The street is at its very core an ongoing barter system after all, and nobody in their right mind who hopes to live there long, much less peacefully, ever loses track of either what they owe or what's owed to them in return.

That fact kept very firmly in the front of his mind, the older Jedi considers his own words carefully for a minute before finally shrugging his shoulders and just going with his gut instead. "Look, if you're genuinely comfortable with the idea of working with all of us occasionally, then yes I'm more than happy to bring up the possibility of you doing so with Hera, Ezra. But only if you understand right off the bat that you won't be doing so because of our doing this," he gestures at the bag of hanging IV meds. "Instead of just in exchange for a limited cut of any profits that we might earn during any job that you happen to work with us. I can't...*I won't* take payment for your use of the Amalyn, Ezra, when my offering it to you in the first place comes down to me showing a little basic human kindness and karking compassion. I've been where you are right now, after my own master died at around your own age, and I still get sick to my stomach just remembering the experience. Broken psi links are awful, Ezra. They'll wear you down to absolutely nothing and then leave you exhausted to the literal point of tears, if you're not really careful about it. I know, because I have been exactly there myself, before I finally got a hold of some of the drug that you're currently taking. Psychic trauma sucks, Ezra and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Not even my worst enemy in most situations."

That admission earns Kanan a small wry smile, sad but also absolutely genuine. "All right then." Ezra murmurs, ducking his chin down nearly to his chest. "Bygones then, at least in terms of your sharing your medication. With my sincere appreciation for your generosity, Jarrus. But I still owe you guys for my basic room and board while I'm staying on board The Ghost. Even if that just amounts to my doing scutt-work like minor repairs or other basic maintenance."

Kanan snorts. "Oh, don't worry about that, Ezra - I'm quite certain that Hera can find you some basic chores around the ship that you can do once you're feeling a little less floppy. It's not often after all that we actually have someone small enough on board to perform repair and maintenance work from inside the vent systems. If nothing else Kid, then all of our allergies will certainly appreciate the fruits of your labor."

"Yeah, well exploit my scrawniness now while you still can," Ezra mutters more than a little bit wryly. He looks past Kanan then, his eyes going strangely troubled and distant and the older Jedi frowns. 'Wait - does ...is the kid actually not a fan of small spaces?' It hadn't really seemed like any kind of issue for the teenager at any point before now. Or is their discussion at present completely unconnected to whatever else is knocking around at the moment inside the boy's head?

Ezra speaks up moments later, his words neatly answering Kanan's former question.

"Seriously Jarrus, before the next round of this stuff almost inevitably knocks me flat, I want you to level with me here. How many more doses of this medication am I going to need to take in order to get healed up to a reasonable level? And do I necessarily need to be dosed every time via IV? Because if not, then there's really no reason for me to stay here underfoot just twiddling my thumbs and holding back you guys' own ability to work in the meantime, if I can just go back to my tower and take the drug myself via an injection whenever there's the need."

Kanan shakes his head, "Sorry but it really doesn't work that way with Amalyn, Ezra. You'll need to keep a drip running constantly while you're infusing this medication, Ezra, just like we've had you hooked up to over these last three days, or you can get to much of the drug all at once, which can seriously endanger your breathing." Kanan cracks open another can of juice then and hands it over to Ezra with a small shrug, "Not to even mention the face that Amalyn at therapeutic doses tends to leave most people far too woozy to take it completely unsupervised. So what's wrong, Kid? Are the accommodations here on The Ghost right now really wearing so thin for you already? I mean you're far enough away from team quarters at the moment that you shouldn't even be getting tortured like all the rest of us get to be at night by Zeb's intermittent bouts of snoring."

"It's not that." Ezra mutters smirking just slightly, "Well, not really anyway. It's just...well a man's home is his castle, Kanan. I miss my tower. Not to mention my privacy."

As if the kid's even awake enough right now to really have the time to truly miss it. Though Kanan supposes to be absolutely fair, that from Ezra's perspective every time that the younger Jedi has been awake lately he's had to contend with nearly constant interaction. "Yeah well, everyone has to go out on pilgrimage occasionally if only to deal with some of life's nastier dragons. Look, Ezra: we can always try and give you a little more space to yourself when you're actually awake if you want us to - or we can hold off your doses by an hour or so to give you more actual time awake, if you think that that'll help. Though in the meantime we've hopefully been at least reasonably tolerable company?"

"You're fine, Jarrus." Ezra allows with a slight upward twitch of his lips. "And Hera's mostly decent company most of the time- even if she tends to hover a lot more than is strictly necessary. I could certainly do with less of both Sabine and Zeb semi-regularly threatening to abduct me, though."

Kanan responds to that complaint with a sharp snort of laughter. "Just consider it their own particular version of affection, Ezra. It was you who started that particular joke, remember - they're just running with it, at least for the time being."

"What I'll consider it, Jarrus, is proof that half your karking crew is crazy."

"Language Ezra." Kanan says for the third time in as many hours, surprisingly patient. Maybe because he's finally realized that Ezra's penchant for swearing seems to come out most often when they're alone together. Which Kanan's taking as a sort of a compliment for now, if only because he also suspects than an Ezra Bridger who's not carefully filtering his words sentence by sentence is also an Ezra Bridger who's most off-kilter and honest emotionally speaking.

Ezra tilts his head and looks at him a little bit curiously, "Why do you even give a kriff how I talk, in the first place?"

It's a fair question, Kanan knows, still... "I don't on my own behalf, honestly, Ezra, but Hera does and that kind of thing becomes habit very quickly. As we like to say around here: Hera's rules on Hera's ship. Seriously Kid...scrub your epithets, especially when you're on board, or be prepared to get your mouth washed out with soap by a grumpy Twi'lek if she ever catches you talking like this. Our Captain gets a little maniacal sometimes for better or worse about what is or isn't allowed on board her 'baby' ..."

"So then it's actually three-quarters of you that are insane then, and not fifty percent. Duly noted." Ezra rolls his eyes. "Look, how long in total do you think that it's gonna take for this treatment to actually finish? Don't think that I didn't notice how you never actually answered my original question."

"Ideally, once we find your proper treatment dosage Ezra - which I honestly think is probably one or two levels higher than it as at the moment- you'll need to be on the drug for between seven to ten days. Usually with a bolus of Amalyn every four hours, though later if things improve rapidly enough then we may try switching you over to every six or every eight instead. We'll keep on upping the dose until the pain currently associated with your previous link break is either completely gone or has faded enough that it can be silenced with the semi regular use of simple anti-inflammatories. After that? Well then it's generally recommended that you titter yourself back down off of the final maximum dosage over the process of the next several weeks in order to avoid re-irritating the area again as it finally finishes up healing. I'm guessing that the whole process will probably take you about a month or a month and a half at the very, very longest."

Ezra grunts softly in response to that small flood of information, then chews on his bottom lip for a moment or two, "Look, I can give you seven to ten days initially here on the ship, Jarrus . But after that, I'm going to have to get back out there again to start to working my regular 'business' while the weather's still good and the markets are still packed with visiting tourists, or eating well is going to start looking very iffy this coming winter. If the IV port has got to stay in during all of that time, then I guess that I can always flush it several times a day with normal saline in order to help keep it open, cover it up when I'm out there and then meet you guys at some kind of prearranged location in order to get my daily infusion. You and Hera can simply pick where I'll do any traveling back and that's forth necessary between the Ghost, my Tower and wherever I'm working during the daytime in order to make sure that that happens."

"Ezra..." Kanan hedges uneasily, anything but thrilled by the newly suggested arrangement. Because after all the meds still make Ezra incredibly drowsy on even his very best of days, and the streets are no place for someone with an active IV port - especially not when they're in Ezra's particular line of work at the moment. Even with it carefully covered whenever he's out there, there's still a heightened risk of the teenager ending up with a serious site infection if his bandages get wet or dirty. To say nothing about what might happen if anyone in the city's local underbelly happens to catch sight of it...

The boy just crosses his arms over his chest in reply though, and looks over at Kanan through eyes that are far too old for a kid of barely fourteen years old. "Take the deal or leave it, Jarrus. Or else you're going to get your initial seven to ten days for treatment and then I'll just opt out of the tittering down phase completely and let the healing wrap up naturally instead. Like I said earlier, Kanan I'm an active, growing boy, and believe it or not even loth-rats need occasional feeding."

The kid is slipping and using Kanan first name rather than his last more and more often the past few dys, though the Jedi's wise enough not to mention the fact aloud. Kanan sighs and then he nods his head reluctantly, before speaking up again a little gruffly in order to hide his concern. "...Has anyone ever told you that you're as stubborn as a bantha sometimes when you've already decided that you're right, Kid?"

"It has been rumored occasionally, yes, Jarrus. " Ezra answers back, his lips squirming up just sightly on one side, his voice deliberately somber. "Though generally speaking, Kanan, I don't like to listen to idle gossip."

Kanan's own lips twitch upward instinctively in reply to that.

He takes a couple more minutes then to mull over the situation silently before eventually speaking up again. "Well in that case, we're probably best off to do the dosing in the evenings . You can plan on coming back to wherever Hera's berthing the Ghost when you finally finish up you 'shift' every day and just plan on eating dinner with us right before we finally hang up your daily meds so that you don't end up sick to your stomach afterward." And after that, if Kanan's really, really lucky, Ezra will end up feeling way too tired to have the energy to leave the warm ship and go back to his tower before the next day when he can just head from The Ghost back to markets again.

Ezra snorts very softly, and then tilts his head, "What is with all of you and your apparent obsession with trying to fatten me up like I'm some kind lamb for the slaughter? I swear to Force, Jarrus, every single time that I wake up recently one of you is actively attempting to shove some kind of food in my face. If you keep it up I'm going to develop a complex or something."

Kanan only raises his eyebrow in reaction to the question, letting his gaze drop from Ezra's head down to his toes in a single, all too knowing sweep. The teenager simply glowers back at him in reply, "Do not answer that question, please, by simply glaring at all of me!"

"I'm just saying that…well it should be kind of obvious, Ezra. You're not anyone's definition of overweight, Kid - and I suspect that you already know that. I mean you're pretty small plainly speaking for some halfway to fifteen." Though Ezra is finally starting to put on just a little bit of weight now though, thankfully, Kanan notes just a little bit smugly.

Ezra snorts again in response to that, and then he just shrugs his shoulder helplessly and wrinkles up his nose, "Yeah, well I'm also not as massively underweight right now as you're trying to imply that I am either, Kanan. I just happen to wear clothing that's deliberately a size or two bigger than I am right now in order to add the appearance of greater bulk to my frame. Which I am sure you've already guessed can be very very helpful when you're living on the streets. As shocking as this may be for you to hear this fact Kanan, since you and Zeb are both literal giants, some of us were actually born to one or more parents that were just naturally petite."

"And you really think that you're going to end the same way kid? Miniature sized, I mean?"

Ezra snorts. "You make me sound like I'm a kriffing candy bar, and yes, Jarrus. There's at least a decent possibility. I mean, I very much already have my father's coloring and facial structure, just generally speaking. There are far worse things that could happen to me in the grand view of things then my ending up with my mother's frame and eye color instead. It's a kark of lot easier to crawl through the vent systems when you're not over-sized, for one thing."

Kanan tilts his head to one side for a moment at that particular comment, studying Ezra frankly for another moment or so, "And your former Master, Ezra- what were his views of your more 'streetside' skills, if I might ask?" Had Ezra's possession of said skills somehow influenced the other Jedi's opinion of his Padawan in a particularly negative way and thus influenced the other man's choice to mostly disregard the teenager's day to day upkeep?

Ezra for his own part, merely raises an eyebrow in response to the question, looking almost bemused. "Well, considering that my master operated quite a lot on the 'gray' side of civilized life himself, Kanan? He never complained about what I could do - at least not as far as I'm aware of, anyway. In fact, I'm pretty sure that he found my set of talents pretty karking handy most of the time as often as I used them on missions. I mean, I helped keep the bills paid from day one just like everyone else did on the team."

'Of course Ezra had.' Kanan scowls fiercely when Ezra looks briefly away then, and adds yet another bullet point on his list of 'reasons why I really hate that asshole just on principle.' He also makes a mental note to himself inquire a little bit farther down the road about Ezra's casual referral a moment ago to some kind of 'team.' "And what about your parents, Ezra? What do you think that they would they have thought if they'd knew how you've actually been getting by for all of these years?" Kanan does his very best to be absolutely non-judgemental in the asking - he's seeking information from the teenager after all, not attempting to in any way shame him for the way he's been living.

Ezra just shrugs his shoulders a little bit helplessly, "I ...well, I like to at least hope that if nothing else they'd have been proud of me for surviving all on my own for so many years, Jarrus, after their 'emergency childcare arrangements' fell rather spectacularly through. My parents weren't exactly law-abiding citizen's themselves, remember, Kanan, so there's that too. Albeit for very different kinds of reasons I had. Still, none of us were exactly gleaming example of law and order I mean.'"

Ezra had survived in the years since his folks were taken 'all on his own.' Even though four years of that time he had supposedly been under the protection of an actual kriffing adult. A member of an order who'd sworn themselves to a life of service to the public good, only to utterly fail to provide for the Padawan who'd apparently been literally standing right in front of him. A choice which couldn't be described as anything but blatantly contradictory.

Kanan looks at Ezra for a long moment then, and debates pointing out that exact fact for several long seconds, only to mentally push the thought aside for now in favor of going an entirely different direction instead. "Ezra...where exactly are your parents at this point? Do you even know? And how long has it been since they were first taken from you - at least by your own memory I mean?"

The teen's face goes funny for a long a moment. Not really like Ezra's outright shutting down or anything, more like he's internally debating how exactly to answer the question that Kanan's just asked, before the younger man ultimately shrugs his shoulders, as if deciding that there's nothing to be either gained or lost by him just replying to Kanan's curiosity honestly.

"I guess that you could just say that they're both unwilling guests of 'Imperial Club Med' at the moment, Kanan. The Empire came for them over seven years ago - the same year that I officially turned seven." Ezra shrugs before raising a brow. "Wait - you're actually saying that you didn't know at least that much about what happened to the two of them already? I mean, I was under the impression that you guys had been making inquiries all over town about me and my past after I first disembarked from the ship? And not many people around here can resist the chance to gossip about my folks - especially not to outsiders. They certainly never hesitated to do so regularly in front of me."

Kanan internally winces, and then he shakes his head in the negative. "We were able to find out from Old Jho that your last name is actually Bridger, Ezra. And that your parents were apparently associated with the resistance movement here on Lothal in some way and disappeared into Imperial custody quite a few years ago - presumably because of whatever it was they were up to as a result of those allegiances. No one that we talked to knew exactly when or why exactly it happened though, or how it was that you didn't end up getting caught along with the two of them on the night that they were taken. I have to admit that I'm particularly curious about that last question in particular myself, Ezra. Considering your sheer level of apparent force potential Kid, you were very, very lucky not to get caught up in the same sweep."

Ezra just shrugs his shoulders in reply, "I was *small,*" he finally answers. "My Mom and Dad both told me to run and hide when the troopers knocked at our door, Kanan and I was generally obedient at that age. There were plenty of places in both our house and then later on in our larger neighborhood where I could hide when there was need. The Imperials weren't going to put that much of an effort into chasing me - not when I was only seven years old and had no bounty on my head yet. There just wasn't enough value in doing so as far as they could tell, collaterally.

Kanan sighs very deeply then, reaching out to gently and briefly squeeze him on his shoulder, "...Ezra, I'm sorry."

The younger man just shrugs, "For what Kanan? It's not like it's your fault that any of it happened. You have no more love for the Imperials than my parents did, or than I do for that matter. As for what my parents were ultimately arrested for," Ezra chews at his lip again before continuing, his voice still blunt if increasingly awkward, "Look, have you ever heard of something, Kanan, call The Voices of Freedom? An anti-imperial broadcast that was run underground both here on Lothal and apparently into several other surrounds systems on a regular basis?"

Kanan blinks at this question rapidly for several seconds before eventually nodding his head, "Yes I have, Ezra. It stopped suddenly about... seven to eight years ago now. Wait...wait, Ezra are you actually saying that ...that those people were actually your *parents?*

"Yeah. Ezra's smile is both bittersweet and very, very wry, "They broadcast from directly underneath our living room through most of my early childhood, Kanan. Or at least they did up until the year that I turned seven years old anyway. Then the Empire finally identified and came for them. The storm-troopers dragged my parents out of the house while everyone else in the areas was in town celebrating Empire Day. That was the last time I saw either of them as far as I remember."

Kanan nods at that explanation and then he draws in a deep breath, "And how old were you by the time that your master finally found you after all that had happened, Ezra? I mean how long exactly were you on your own before you two first encountered each other? And did your training start up right away when that finally happened, or did it take him awhile to figure out that you were actually a force sensitive like it initially took me?"

And just like that, Ezra's whole face goes completely blank again.

The boy's mouth and eyes abruptly clap tightly shut at Kanan's sudden barrage of more questions. His jaw twitches tightly, just once, before he finally replies. "Can we just ...not talk about this particular subject anymore for the time being, please, Kanan? You just said that it's almost time for me to have another bolus of the Amalyn, right?"

"As soon as you've eaten and had a chance to use the restroom, yes, Ezra." Kanan truthfully speaking, doesn't really want to let the subject of Ezra's Master drop just yet, but he also knows the posture of someone who is clearly shutting down emotionally. Ezra has actually been pretty decent thus far in terms of the conversations that he's been willing to engage in. The Kid just shared a lot about his parents over the past few minutes with very little prodding. Kanan and Hera can afford to be patient, at least for a little while longer at least, in order to get the rest of their questions answered.

Ezra for his own part yawns very deeply, and then he gestures calmly to his IV Pole. "Then unhook me for the moment please, Jarrus, so that I can go and take a pee. I'm pretty much done here for now, I think, at least in terms of what I'll be eating."

"Are you going to need any assistance with using the bathroom, Ezra?"

Ezra's voice is very dry when he replies to that question. "Yeah, thanks for that, but no. I've been completely toilet trained since I was three, Kanan."

Kanan unhooks the bag from its stand and then he snorts softly before replying. "I'm just saying that you might need to be a little bit careful when you're first standing that's all. You've been laying flat on your back for quite a long time now, and as a result you may end up feeling a little dizzy when you first change positions. The last time that we did anything like this Sabine and Hera basically ended up dragging you to and from the bathroom - well according to Zeb's recounting of it anyway."

Ezra's lips quirk upward again at that particular reminder. "Yeah, well I was a kriff of a lot more drugged at the time then I am now. And what, you're claiming that passed out on the floor isn't the new springtime fashion here on Lothol anymore, Kanan? I'm absolutely crushed, Jarrus."

Kanan rolls his eyes at the sarcasm, only half suppressing a smirk of his own. Yeah, the kid is still definitely snarky ever since he first woke up and then began his scheduled Amalyn dosing in earnest. He's just not ...well, *aggressively* snarky anymore. Instead, Ezra seems to use the tactic more as a means of distraction and diversion than he uses it for anything else. As well as a way for the younger Jedi to showcase his rather quirky sense of humor on occasion. He clearly finds the entire world ironic and regularly enjoys poking occasional fun at various parts of it.

His sarcasm driven conversational habits are really just a subtle form of misdirection, Kanan has finally realized, as well as an ongoing strategy that the teenager employs in order to try and control what he does and doesn't want to have to talk about. It can even be kind of charming most of the time, at least when it's being meted out in small doses. The kid definitely doesn't lack charisma, as much as he's clearly hurting for a lot of other things in his life.

Kanan takes a step backwards then, motioning to the fresher door more than a little bit dryly. "Just don't get blood on the floor while you're in there okay? We already made our regular sacrifices for this year."

It's Ezra's turn to roll his eyes again, though he does seem to at least heed Kanan's advice, for the most part anyway, shifting first to sitting than to standing, with one of his hands braced on the side of the bed as he does so to keep himself from toppling over. Kanan still reaches out almost automatically to brace him when he wobbles just slightly, and the boy flinches just slightly at the contact.

Kanan frowns a little, pulling back his hand as soon as the teenager finds his feet. "You know, you could have just asked us for more pain meds, Ezra if you're still hurting badly enough right that it's literally blurring your focus. We have a more than adequate supply of morphine available right now, there is no reason at all for you to remain in pain needlessly, Kid."

Ezra shrugs, "It's not really all that bad Kanan, it just ...comes and goes now from time to time. It's getting steadily better with every day that passes, I promise. Painkillers tend to leave me feeling loopy as kark, which is why I hate taking them so kriffing much. Not to even mention that when they don't knock me out entirely they tend to make me annoyingly chatty and karking stupid sounding."

"Oh the horrors! Actual human interaction!" Kanan puts a mock terrorized hand against his own chest, which earns him a glare. Albeit one that only lingers for the space of a moment or two. Then the teenager scowls at him good-naturedly, pointing an accusing finger at the other man.

"Don't think for even a moment that I don't know the strategies involved in a good interrogation, Kanan. I am well aware right now that whenever you guys dose me up, you always make sure that someone is sitting with me afterwards, with a voice recorder all but waiting in hand."

And Force, Kanan thinks, but this kid is cynical, if also not entirely wrong in his current assumptions. After all, they have all essentially been data gathering on Ezra from the very first moment that the kid set his feet down on the boarding ramp. He supposes that feeling as if you're under a constant microscope really isn't a pleasant sensation for anyone. Still. "You know..." He muses after another half a second, trailing Ezra across the hall toward the still open door to the fresher, speaking very dryly. "I am starting to think that I may be inclined to find that insinuation on your part more than just a little bit insulting."

"Why?" Ezra snorts, "Because you don't like being called out on your poorly hidden surveillance techniques?"

"Oh no. I'll gladly cop to that one, Ezra. Force at this point in my life it's basically just a survival instinct ...and I'm guessing that if you're completely honest about it that you do the same thing too, even more than I do. No, what I find insulting about that whole insinuation, is the implied suggestion that I actually *need* to drug you in order to effectively data mine the contents of your head! I mean, seriously Bridger, how dare you doubt my interrogation skills so blatantly!"

Ezra outright chortles in response to that statement, surprising Kanan with his bell-like snort of good humor. "You would resent that, Kanan Jarrus, you would!" He parries back, something damn near close to openly affectionately. Then he turns and finally enters the fresher, shutting the door firmly behind him as he finishes up the last of his pre-nap preparations.

"You're a Bantha's ass, Kanan Jarrus, just for the record!" Ezra calls out through the closed door, even as he also turns on the water in the small bathroom sink. And yes, as strange as it is for him to hear the sentiment in this particular context, Kanan thinks that that insult was definitely meant to be taken affectionately. The term had actually been meant as a sort of ironic honorific.

"Takes one to know one kid!" He calls back pretty much automatically, then leans against the wall behind him with a smirky, self-satisfied little grin crawling slowly up his face. Force, but for all that this kid is a total pain in the ass most of the time, he's also continually growing on Kanan and the rest of the Specters both - practically with every passing minute. They haven't even known him for three full weeks yet but regardless Ezra's already filling holes and squeezing into gaps that the rest of them hadn't even realized were even there until after they'd met him.

Every day that Ezra Bridger stays here aboard The Ghost, and continues to interact with the rest of her crew, Kanan Jarrus becomes more and more convinced that here among the Specters is exactly where he actually belongs...where the teenage Jedi is literally meant to be.

Now to just get that particular thought into Ezra's thick skull as well. With a kriffing mallet if that's what's necessary.

***********.