TITLE: The Truth Between (1/1)
AUTHOR: Karen "Powrhug" Wood
E-MAIL: powrhug@sky.net
RATING: PG-13 for mature content and questionable language
CATEGORY: short drama, Bosco POV
SPOILERS: Third Watch season three episode "Superheroes Pt. 2."
NOTES: Written on 3/4/02. This came to me after watching Bosco watch the rookie fall apart in the locker room.
SUMMARY: Bosco's thoughts about how he feels.
ARCHIVE: Sure, if you want it just take it...but let me know where so I can come visit!
Anyone I've said okay to before doesn't need to ask.
DISCLAIMER: The usual. I don't own Bosco or Third Watch or any of the characters
portrayed on the show, they are the property of the producers/creators/writers. I'm just writing my thoughts down and sharing. Without profiting of course.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There's a difference ya know? Between feeling and feeling for.
And that's not psychobabble bullshit either. That's a simple. Basic. Truth. One I've learned.
Sure I feel for people, I mean who the hell doesn't? I feel for Faith and my Mom and yeah even Mikey...you know like when bad things happen to them. I feel sorry for them. Sure. And when something good happens to them? Good for them. I mean that.
But feel? Naw. I don't feel. Not anymore anyway.
There was a time when I did. I mean goddamn, I'm human ya know?
But that's gone.
I'm not sure when it happened though. Maybe it's been happening for awhile. Slowly fading away?
A little here, a little there. A lot more other times. It all adds up after awhile. Until all you have is this hole. This big space of nothin.
No forget that. I know when it started. It doesn't take a degree to know that. It was with my Dad. When he'd talk me into letting him in so that he could beat on Ma. That's when it all started. That's when I started to let the feelings go.
Hell, who knows. Maybe if I'd kept that window shut, if I hadn't let him in. Maybe I'd still feel something. Maybe that hole would be filled with feelings. Or at least it wouldn't be so damn big and empty anyway.
And no, I'm not blaming him. Not really. I've seen good come from bad. And I've sure as hell seen bad come from good. We all have our own load of crap to deal with in life. And we all make decisions. Choices. Maybe mine was letting go. So I didn't *have* to feel anymore.
That kid? That rookie? I saw him today. Stripping off his uniform. Throwing it all way. Crying. And I just sat there. Staring at him. And deep down I hoped that he held onto that. I hoped that he wasn't throwing pieces of himself away with the uniform.
Faith? She doesn't understand. She keeps asking me if I'm okay. She keeps asking me how I feel.
And I always ask her, "Well how the fuck should I feel?"
And she thinks I'm being a smartass or an asshole. When I really just want to know. Cause if she could tell me....then maybe I'd know.
Just how am I supposed to feel?
-End-
AUTHOR: Karen "Powrhug" Wood
E-MAIL: powrhug@sky.net
RATING: PG-13 for mature content and questionable language
CATEGORY: short drama, Bosco POV
SPOILERS: Third Watch season three episode "Superheroes Pt. 2."
NOTES: Written on 3/4/02. This came to me after watching Bosco watch the rookie fall apart in the locker room.
SUMMARY: Bosco's thoughts about how he feels.
ARCHIVE: Sure, if you want it just take it...but let me know where so I can come visit!
Anyone I've said okay to before doesn't need to ask.
DISCLAIMER: The usual. I don't own Bosco or Third Watch or any of the characters
portrayed on the show, they are the property of the producers/creators/writers. I'm just writing my thoughts down and sharing. Without profiting of course.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There's a difference ya know? Between feeling and feeling for.
And that's not psychobabble bullshit either. That's a simple. Basic. Truth. One I've learned.
Sure I feel for people, I mean who the hell doesn't? I feel for Faith and my Mom and yeah even Mikey...you know like when bad things happen to them. I feel sorry for them. Sure. And when something good happens to them? Good for them. I mean that.
But feel? Naw. I don't feel. Not anymore anyway.
There was a time when I did. I mean goddamn, I'm human ya know?
But that's gone.
I'm not sure when it happened though. Maybe it's been happening for awhile. Slowly fading away?
A little here, a little there. A lot more other times. It all adds up after awhile. Until all you have is this hole. This big space of nothin.
No forget that. I know when it started. It doesn't take a degree to know that. It was with my Dad. When he'd talk me into letting him in so that he could beat on Ma. That's when it all started. That's when I started to let the feelings go.
Hell, who knows. Maybe if I'd kept that window shut, if I hadn't let him in. Maybe I'd still feel something. Maybe that hole would be filled with feelings. Or at least it wouldn't be so damn big and empty anyway.
And no, I'm not blaming him. Not really. I've seen good come from bad. And I've sure as hell seen bad come from good. We all have our own load of crap to deal with in life. And we all make decisions. Choices. Maybe mine was letting go. So I didn't *have* to feel anymore.
That kid? That rookie? I saw him today. Stripping off his uniform. Throwing it all way. Crying. And I just sat there. Staring at him. And deep down I hoped that he held onto that. I hoped that he wasn't throwing pieces of himself away with the uniform.
Faith? She doesn't understand. She keeps asking me if I'm okay. She keeps asking me how I feel.
And I always ask her, "Well how the fuck should I feel?"
And she thinks I'm being a smartass or an asshole. When I really just want to know. Cause if she could tell me....then maybe I'd know.
Just how am I supposed to feel?
-End-