Heritage
Blake lay in her bed reading like she always did. It was harder to spend her days reading like she had in the past due to her team and friends. So much had changed in these past months since she had enrolled and gotten accepted to the Huntsman Academy known as Beacon.
Usually her Saturdays would be filled by her team leader coming up with some eccentric activity that was obligatory for the entire team. But instead of spending the precious time she had on reading something new, she revisited her favourite book and a classic, The Man With Two Souls. The last time she read the book had been at the beginning of their semester only a few months ago, she still loved it as much as then.
Why was it that she loved the book so much? She wasn't completely sure but the theory she currently held was that it was because of the similarities she could see between herself and the protagonists. The main character suffered from an internal conflict that was rooted in the fact that he had two souls, two souls that constantly were in conflict with each other over control of his body. Whenever one soul held dominance over the body, the other would be forced into hiding. A part of the person that would always be forced to hide from the rest of the world and prevented him from ever truly being himself.
She knew it wasn't exactly like her situation but she couldn't help that she saw herself in him. She, like him, had a part that was forced to stay in the shadows, hidden. A part of her that could never be allowed to show or it would ultimately harm her. A part of her that she loved and hated at the same time. Despite this it always gave her a strange emotional reaction reading the book. It was a warm feeling that made her feel less lonely. Even though the character was purely fictional, she felt that atleast someone else out there suffered from something similar and would have understood her.
Having just finished a chapter she decided to check up on her teammates. Her gaze quickly glanced over Ruby and Weiss. Weiss sitting on her bed trying to convince Ruby that eating cookies through her nose really wasn't that good of an idea, Blake chuckled quietly. But her eyes had already moved on towards the target she was looking for. Two feet covered by yellow socks hanging over the edge of the top bunk.
Despite knowing they would be there, she still wanted to confirm it. She could hear her partner laughing at the antics of their teammates before her eyes even reached the socks. A laughter that had come to fill her with a strong mix of emotions everytime it reached her ears. The sweet sound of her laughter, every small tonal difference being picked up by her sensitive ears despite being covered by her trademark black ribbon.
She scolded herself for going down that line of thought again. Her emotions were already hard to control. Instead she tried to go back to reading which would hopefully allow her to avoid this. But as she soon realized, it didn't help. Instead of making progress she found herself staring at the text, repeating the same sentence over and over. Her ability to comprehend what was written had vanished.
From above she could hear the sweet voice of her partner. She didn't care what was being said but let her sensitive ears make out the subtle tonal differences that were so familiar by now. It was such a gentle, beautiful and warm sound. Yet it made her hurt so much more everytime she heard it. She should be happy, safe and surrounded by friends, but it only hurt so much more. At times she could even long for that tormenting pain of loneliness, atleast that couldn't hurt her more than it did.
Her team was so different from everyone in her past. They were trusting, they cared for her and were there for her in a way she never thought anyone could. Then there was her partner.
What was there to say about her partner? To an outward onlooker, the most obvious trait would be her body. It filled every stereotypical and cultural norms ideal of beauty except for her muscles. But those muscles only made her all the more attractive, especially her abs. But to Blake it wasn't the muscles that attracted her. It was her personality.
The way she cared for her younger half-sister was admirable, it showed how
great her capacity to care for the people she loved was. Her capacity to stand up for people in need and her brutal honesty and burning personality could melt anyone's barriers. Except perhaps Blake's own.
The only way to describe the emotions she were feeling was by using the description generally used to describe romance. She hated how romance was portrayed in most works, especially the massproduced trashy romance novels for the general consumer. But sometimes there was that odd book with a plot of romance that just felt so good and amazing. It was truly impossible to describe that feeling of warmth, rightness and pure, burning desire to be able to love someone in a way like that.
But the fact remained that like the books she read, romance in such a way was just impossible to live out in real life. That was, if she even got past the first problem which was herself. She wanted that close emotional and intimate bond described in those books but fiction wasn't reality. Even if Yang did sway the same way as her, there was still the issue of her heritage.
In all honesty, this wasn't the first time it hurt, and it wouldn't be the last. She also knew that there was nothing she could do about it. The decision to keep her distance from the rest of her team hadn't worked. Originally the plan was to keep them out of her life as much as possible to prevent any potential pain if they ever found out. Despite this, they managed to force themselves through her barriers, especially her partner, and became her best and closest friends. She couldn't imagine a life without them anymore and that scared her. It scared her worse than Adam, worse than her parents, worse than even all those humans in her life that had thrown slurs at her. Nothing could predict how they would react once they learned the truth about her.
It hurt, it hurt her so badly to know that she had to hide things about herself from them. If they knew, they would never be able to treat her like this again. Even if they accepted her, they would still change the way they looked at her. But keeping it hidden would also only make the reveal so much more painful both to her and them. In a sense she betrayed their trust by keeping it from them and that only made it so much worse. They had found it in their hearts to trust her, sure they kept secrets from her about themselves but they didn't have to hide a part of who they were.
Blake knew the pain wouldn't go away anytime soon, reassuring herself that the choice she made was logical didn't help either. Even if it was for a good cause it only made the pain worse. In all honesty, she couldn't help that she hated herself for it all. She had run her entire life, and yet she kept the avenues of escape open. Because deep down regardless of how much she wanted to trust her friends, she couldn't let herself be hurt again. Everytime she had relied upon someone else too deeply, everytime she had left herself vulnerable to them out of trust, she had ultimately been hurt.
It all came down to those damned ears, her heritage. The one distinguishing factor that made her different from everyone else she lived with. Regardless of what anyone who could read her thoughts would think, she was proud of her heritage. It was a part of who she was, a part she loved and ultimately a part she had to hide if she wanted a normal life.
But sometimes despite her activism, despite her convictions and standing up for others like her. That dark thought would emerge, that hatred. It was a feeling she could never have told Adam, her parents or anyone that knew her. But deep down.. sometimes.. she hated being born a faunus.
She winced slightly knowing how angry Adam would have been if he had heard her talk like that.
Growing up she had seen discrimination on the news, the talk about a fight for equal rights and she hadn't understood why it was necessary. Wasn't the only difference that some people where born with animal features and others weren't?
She had been so horribly naive but in a sweet way. Her dream remained though. She wanted equality, she wanted to be able to live proudly and open without being seen as less. But in reality she sometimes doubted if it would ever be possible in a world made by and for humans.
Why would the fact that she was a faunus make her any less of a person?
It took a lot of her willpower to prevent herself from snarling in anger. Instead she pulled the book a bit higher over her face to hide the emotions that become more apparent from her internal struggles.
Maybe she could tell her partner about her heritage, her "dark secret"? And maybe Yang could even accept her for what she was. Maybe it wouldn't even impact their relationship that hard? Blake knew that their close friendship was mutual. Yang acted different towards her than she did with Ruby and Weiss.
Then however her fears could also prove true. Yang's reaction could be negative. It could irreversibly change their relationship or even worse. She could feel betrayed, grow hateful and maybe even start throwing insults and avoid her like so many other humans had done in her past. The very real fear of losing the yellow tiger that was her partner because of what she was would be too much..
As long as the bow remained on her head she would be treated as an individual, for who she was and not what she was. It was imperative to keep it there and prevent anyone from ever learning the truth about her heritage. She already knew that the very moment her bow left her head, revealing her pair of beautiful black ears, her world would change. It would begin with the slurs and insults and then develop into bullying. But worst of all would be her team's reaction.
It was hard to describe how much they meant to her, but in a sense they had become her family since she had no one else left. She hadn't seen her parents since the day she yelled at them and accused them of cowardice, leaving them for the White Fang. The day she lost the right to call herself their daughter. She regretted it all now, if she could go back and change it she would but it wouldn't be surprising if they didn't want anything to do with her. Eventually she would have to face them again but now was not that time.
Then there was Adam. To say that their relationship was complex would have been an understatement. She vividly remembered Sienna's flaming speech about how they would need to do more to get the equality and the respect they deserved. The cheering crowd of councillors supporting her and her ultimatum aimed at Blake's father, the High Leader at the time.
Tiredly he had told everyone to calm down before announcing his response. It was obvious to him that his methods were unwanted and instead of causing an internal divide that would ultimately harm the White Fang, he decided to step down. Sienna was shortly afterwards elected the new high leader with overwhelming support from the council.
Adam as her mentor at the time had often reminded her how important it would be to end the status quo and take up arms for their cause. His speeches had managed to even convince her, a fact that she was still ashamed of. She had respected her father's choices and methods to achieve equality but Adam and Sienna showed that they hadn't been enough. Or so she had thought.
That is why when her father resigned and left the council chamber she rushed after him and her mother, scolding them and angrily accusing them of cowardice. They had tried reasoning with her but she was too blinded out of anger and spite to listen. In the end she ran, spending the night at Ilia's place, crying herself to sleep but unable to return home.
The years that followed she would come to view Ilia and Adam as her family, following them around the world and carrying out missions against anti-faunus speciest and raids against companies abusing faunus labour. At first their organizations attacks and the newfound fear by humans for the White Fang made her proud, they were finally respected as equals by society. She hadn't realized the fact that they weren't respected, but feared.
Adam would tell her during this time that he loved her and wanted to be with her, personally she hadn't felt the same way towards him but still agreed to a relationship because she was uncertain. Adam meant too much back then to her too just dismiss, she still regretted to this day that she had agreed to that, yes she had never slept with him but the onesidedness would only hurt him and give him false hopes.
It wasn't long afterwards their robberies and assaults stopped working. Then the accidents started happening, every mission Adam went on started having people killed. He excused himself by saying that it was unintentional and crossfire casualities, however after months of accidents he finally said that just attacks weren't enough. The White Fang started to kill.
Blake was at first conflicted by this but Ilia had helped her keep faith that it was necessary, until the train raid.
Adam had casually remarked that they would kill the innocent crew of the train, workers for the SDC that only did their jobs, having their own family and friends to care about. Blake refused and couldn't support mindless killings. She had detached the cable to the cart Adam was on and left him behind, deserting and then faking her way into Beacon after some months of wandering around aimlessly.
Her original intent towards joining Beacon was to take an unremarkable job as a huntress, living out her life in loneliness but atleast being some help to innocents. She knew it wouldn't weigh up to her sins, nothing ever would, nothing could ever bring them back, but atleast it would allow others a chance at life.
The choice of partner was something she had planned out beforehand, she would try and find someone like her, an introvert that could work together with her and held no demands for social interaction. The idea of growing close to anyone, ever again scared her.
When the blonde, lilac eyed girl had walked up to her that evening in the ball room dragging her sister along behind her, cheerfully waving at her and yelling to the entire room a hello she had been annoyed. She wanted nothing more than to read in peace and not have to deal with anyone but the blonde wouldn't leave her alone.
Eventually she would resign herself to the fact that she wouldn't get anymore reading done and had introduced herself, the blonde, now known as Yang introduced herself and her sister Ruby. The first thing Blake noticed was how Yang practically shined with light, her optimistic and extroverted nature held such a stark contrast to her own brooding darkness that it was frightening her.
Since her childhood she had always found it easier to understand herself and the world through books than others. Cats and other animals had also always been easier for her to interact with than humans but that didn't make her desire social contact anyless. Instead she focused on the relationships she had, opening up to her friends but only those who grew close to her. Which was potentially one of the reasons she kept being hurt.
She had repeatedly tried to get the two girls to leave her alone but nothing had worked in the end, she had wanted to return to her book but it didn't work. In the end Ruby would be the one to break the ice when she asked Blake about the book and told her about her own interest in reading and the naive goals she held for becoming an huntress. Blake really did admire her goals but they where honestly too childish and naive to survive an encounter with the real world, she tried to tell her this in a careful way but didn't want to crush her dreams.
Regardless of all that had happened, once they left her she couldn't stop thinking about Yang. About the way she seemed to care and look out for people and her general kindness that radiated in a way unlike anyone she had ever met before.
The following day when their initiation started she would stumble upon Yang by chance when hearing her voice calling out for Ruby. She followed her for a while until the blonde had encountered a pair of Ursae, at first she thought of intervening but then decided to watch for a while instead. Two Ursae were a considerable threat but she wasn't doubting Yang's combat ability considering that she had made it into Beacon, then with Ruby being there, maybe it wasn't very high demands afterall?
After a single strand of hair had been cut off by the Ursae, Blake had been witness to the most intense and ridiculous bout of anger ever. Yang had easily smashed the first Ursae into oblivion, her eyes burning crimson red and her hair floating as if held by magic. Before she could slay the other Ursae, Blake had intervened, she had made her choice.
Blake could never have anticipated the effect Yang would have on her life and how much would come to change because of her choice. Yang became a bridge for Blake into the rest of her team, she would open up so much more than she had planned and got dragged along when she would have preferred to stay behind. Yang burnt down her carefully constructed barriers with her radiance and beaming personality.
It hadn't taken long for her to realize her desire for a closer relationship with her partner. It wasn't for sexual nor even really romantic feelings that made her crave for the closeness, although she had to admit to herself that she felt attraction towards her partner in both of those ways. No, the main reason for wanting a closer relationship was to have someone she could trust, someone she could talk to and feel fully accepted with. Someone who would always trust and care for her, but it was a bit too much to ask in reality. Yang shouldn't have to be burdened with her problems and insecurities.
Yes, she couldn't tell Yang. She would never tell her.
It would be better to stay like this, right? To allow herself atleast a semblance of feeling normal around others. Maybe in the future they would find out but at least she could stay like this in the present right? They didn't need to know for now.
Her mind rushed as all of the conflicting thoughts and anxiety built up within her. She felt her fears wash over her, the idea of losing the light in her life too much to bear. Maybe she should instead try and give up their relationship, prevent the pain before it happened? She could always try and go back into isolation, atleast it never betrayed her trust.
She felt sick of herself for using Yang like she did to gain happiness. Regardless it would all just hurt her, everything always hurt her in the end. Maybe Yang would accept her but then what? Maybe she didn't sway the same way and unlikely but still possible was the fact that maybe she would hate her for being interested in women aswell as men.
A pain had grown in her throat, tears formed in her eyes and unconciously she had turned towards the wall, having pulled her legs up trying to make herself as small as possible. Being so consumed with her own thoughts she hadn't noticed that the conversation in the room had stopped and there was no sound coming from her teammates.
What caused her to finally come back to reality was the fact that she had started crying. Fear grabbed hold of her body as she did everything in her power trying to make the crying stop and frantically using her arm to try and remove the tears from her face. Suddenly she felt a light touch on her shoulder but she refused to turn around, she couldn't let her teammates see her face, there would be questions, worry, concern and it would just hurt more.
"Blake" A familiar voice said with concern.
Blake couldn't resist turning around now, she wanted to atleast see her partners face one last time before it all was ruined. She saw the lilac eyes that were so familiar but instead of joy or anger they were now filled with concern. It felt like a stab in her chest to see her partner worry about her and now the tears started slowly coming again.
"Blake, you are crying! Why didn't you say something, what is wrong?" Her blonde partner now even more worried said. Every word felt like the stab was repeated, every stab making the pain worse.
"W-where did Weiss and Ruby go?" She asked weakly trying to atleast delay the inevitable and calm herself down a bit.
"They left like 10 minutes ago, Ruby had some weird idea again and Weiss had to follow and check so that she didn't burn something down. But no, I won't let you change the subject Blake. I can see something is both painful and wrong, tell me, please, I am here for you." Yang replied. Her partner followed up by attempting to pull Blake towards her for a hug but she recoiled, pushing herself away from Yang.
Yang had been the first one able to hug Blake in years without her running away, she had grown used to it and even looked forward to being hugged by her at times but now she didn't deserve them anymore. She never had. These thoughts were however instantly crushed when she saw the sadness that flashed in Yang's eyes and the increased worry they held.
Blake started trying to move around Yang and leave her bed hoping to run away but her blonde partner reacted quickly and grabbed hold of her shoulders gently but still with strength and determination felt in the grip.
"Blake, I am your friend and your partner, I don't like forcing myself onto people and if this is a personal matter that is fine but please, talk to me. I can't let you run off like this, especially when its so painfully obvious that you are hurting. Yang told her, looking directly into her eyes. She couldn't run away but no words were said either. For several minutes she sat like this, looking to the side, hoping to avoid her partners lilac eyes and the worry they held. She felt guilty for making Yang worry but as she couldn't run away there wasn't that much she could do about it.
"I-i care about you too Yang, but there is... there is something about me that could ruin our friendship and make you look down on me.. and I can't risk destroying that, I want you to still see me as I am.." She finally whispered slowly, looking down at her legs.
"It doesn't matter Blake. Regardless I will always accept you for who you are and it won't affect our friendship" Yang said
"Yes but..."
"No, it doesn't matter..-"
"I am a faunus..." Blake replied and immediately pushed Yang who had let her guard down away. Blake sprung out of the bed and started running towards the door, her mind flooding with thoughts. She had been so tired of hiding it, in a sense it was relieving but mostly she felt regret. She had done it, she had ruined her relationship with her best friend and nothing would be same anymore. Why hadn't she just kept her damn mouth shut? Now she could never speak to Yang normally again, was it worth that, and what about the White Fang, how would she take that her partner was a terrorist?
She was almost at the door when her feet gave away and her body jerked forward falling onto the floor. Something had grabbed her just above her right foot and caused her to fall, barely catching herself with her arms. Glancing behind her she noticed Yang whom held onto her leg with determination, frantically she started trying to drag herself towards the door but to no avail as the yellow beast was stronger and larger than her. Ultimately she gave up and laid down her face, facing the floor and started to sob gently.
To her surprise however Yang pulled her up from the floor and embraced her.
"Blake, did you really think the fact that you have some animal trait would ruin our friendship? I care about you, and that is the only thing that really matters. It doesn't matter if you are human or faunus, it isn't what defines you, only you can define yourself. I will always accept you regardless of that, please remember that, okay? And that is the reason you wear that bow, isn't it?" Yang said as she gently stroked the back of Blake's hair.
Embracing her partner like this felt so warm and comforting, the tears were still gently running down her cheeks but for once she finally felt like herself, she felt complete. Nothing in the world at that moment could compete with the closeness she felt towards her partner. She nodded slightly to answer Yang's question.
Blake lost track of time as they stood there, embracing each other for what felt like an eternity. As she stopped crying after a while she used her arm to dry the tears still lingering on her face and moved back slightly. Yang was giving her a small smile that made her heart beat a little bit faster.
"Yang.. I am sorry, for not telling you earlier. I-i was just so scared that you wouldn't accept this part of me. Right now you are probably the one who matters the most to me in this world and the idea of you h-hating me..." Blake said before being cut short.
"Blake, I will never hate you, I won't tell Weiss and Ruby as that is ultimately up to you but I will always be here to listen to you when you need me. Never forget that." Yang told Blake with a serious but gentle face.
"Thanks Yang.." Blake said as they started towards each other for another embrace.
Then the door flew open and the couple rapidly distanced themselves from each other.
An angry Weiss had appeared followed by a whimpering Ruby coming in a small distance behind her.
"You, utterly complete dolt! Whatever made you think that..." Weiss scolded their team leader over something completely and insanely absurd that probably only Ruby could come up with. Blake had quickly lost track of what was being said as a small smile had formed on her lips as she glanced over at Yang who cast a similar glance towards her. She was finally happy over the fact that her partner and friend now incredibly knew the truth of who she really was.