A/N: Whoo, isn't this a crazy fic? It's obviously AU, and it shouldn't be taken seriously. I don't think any of them, especially Dib, would rob a bank. Well, maybe Gaz would but that's beside the point, really.
Needless to say, this was inspired by "Bank Job" by The Barenaked Ladies. In fact, it's a song fic to that song! Whoa! It's probably different than most songfics, in that it's not romantic or angsty in any way. I think… Well, it wasn't intended to be.
It was something that I wrote while bored, and to get it out of my head.
So, yes, I guess that's it. Enjoy, and remember, I mean no offense by it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Invader ZIM! Or "Bank Job" but oh, if I did…I'd be…I'd be SOMETHING!
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The chosen day was a hot one. It was the kind of day that melted ice cream in three minutes, flat; the kind of day that caused metal to become over heated; the kind of day where you could fry an egg on the sidewalk.
The sun beat down onto the heads of anyone who was outside. Everyone was sweating, and looked miserable. Those were the people unfortunate enough not to have air conditioning. These were the people that often decided to go to the movies during the day, or hang around the banks. Really, any place that was air conditioned was lovely.
That was seemingly the purpose of the few people that had been in a dark blue, inconspicuous car parked in front of the bank. The car was a small one; one that would only fit a few people, perhaps four - five. At the moment, however, only one person sat in the driver's side, arms spread over the steering wheel. He, too, was sweating, scythe hanging sloppily over his face.
He was the driver.
He didn't seem too aware of his surroundings, however. He almost seemed to have fallen asleep, face stuck to the center of the steering wheel. This was why it took him a moment to realize that there was a commotion coming from the front of the bank. Several people in ski masks were running out of it, the first of which was signaling to the man in the car to start it.
"Ngh?" the man said, pulling himself off of the steering wheel with a loud ripping sound. He winced as he turned the key, already in the ignition. The car started with a slight grinding sound. At that same moment, his three accomplices opened the car doors and immediately he noticed they had no money.
"DRIVE!" a female in the back seat demanded darkly.
It was an upset, in two minutes, flat.
"No money?" the driver questioned, shoving his foot down onto the pedal and speeding away from the bank so quickly that the car was just a blur.
"No," a different female, this one in the front seat, right next to the driver, snapped. "ZIM messed it up."
"You dare doubt the skills of ZIIIIM?" the only other male, besides the driver said from the backseat.
"Shut up," the woman next to ZIM hissed, elbowing him in the stomach…area.
As they sped off onto the freeway, the driver could hear a sudden intake of breath, as elbow met stomach.
We're back on the freeway, foot to the mat.
"What'd he do?" the driver asked.
I can't understand it, we had it down pat.
"Well, Dib," the female next do him spat, pulling off her ski mask, from the heat. It was revealed that she was a rather pretty girl, perhaps in her twenties. Her skin was rather pale, with a sight greenish tinge. Short purple hair went off jaggedly from her face, and her purple eyes glittered with anger. "He froze."
It's very upsetting; can we leave it at that?
"Whoa, relax, Tak," the driver, Dib, said, keeping his eyes to the road.
"RELAX?!" Tak exploded. "I planned the damn thing out and he messed it UP. THEN YOU TELL ME TO RELAX?"
We all had positions, we each had a role.
"We didn't practice over and over for you to mess it up, ZIM!" she growled at the man in the backseat.
We'd over rehearsed it, we had full control.
"ZIM messed up nothing fool woman!" ZIM snapped.
They can't teach you acting; it's there in your soul.
It's the same with a bank job, and each thing we stole.
Dib sighed, staring forward at the road. It was times like this that he was grateful that he was the driver. He did his job right; no one could blame him.
I was the driver, you ran the show.
"BE QUIET, BOTH OF YOU!" the voice from the backseat said again. "You're both morons! It's all your STUPID FAULT!"
You had the last word, the go or no go.
"My fault?" Tak repeated, disbelievingly. "How is it my fault? You were the one that told us when it was ok to go!"
I knew every laneway in Ontario.
"Yeah, Gaz," ZIM suddenly said. He seemed like he was going to say more, but stopped at a growl from Gaz.
But it's not what you're sure of; it's what you don't know.
Dib sighed, "What happened?" He had remained quiet through the argument, but he wanted to know exactly what happened.
It should have been filled with the usual ones.
Tak scoffed, "I already told you, Dib."
Throwing their cash into mutual funds.
"Yes, ZIM stupidly froze, I know," Dib said, making a sudden turn. He was trying to shake off anyone that might be tailing them.
We all had our ski-masks, and sawed-off shotguns.
"But why?" he asked.
But how do you plan for a bank full of nuns?
"Nuns," ZIM said. "Stoooo-pid bank-y nuns!"
But I guess we panicked, we all have taboos.
"Moron," Gaz continued to berate.
They were like Zebras, they had us confused.
"They were so…black and….whitey!" ZIM continued, as though he were traumatized by it.
Dib sighed. He wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for Gaz, his sister.
How had she convinced him to do this, anyway?
Wait, no, she hadn't convinced him, she had threatened him.
He sighed.
We should be in condos with ocean front views.
"Because of you three idiots, we're going to-" Gaz began.
"Whoa, three?" Dib suddenly interrupted, looking irritated. "Listen Gaz, I didn't do anything wrong. In fact, I'd say that this was all your fault. If you had realized that the bank was full of nuns then maybe we wouldn't-"
Gaz snarled suddenly, and moved forwards to hit Dib.
That was when they heard the sirens.
Instead we're most wanted on the six o'clock news.
They all paused for a moment, and Tak and ZIM looked out the back window. Sure enough, there were the police cars.
"Damn," Gaz swore, "Drive. DRIVE. That's what you're FOR isn't it"
"Yeah, there's only one problem, Gaz," Dib said, dully.
"And what's that?" she spat.
Dib didn't need to answer, though. It was obvious to all of them. There was a road back up ahead.
Swerving into a ditch, Dib quickly unbuckled himself and ran like hell away from the car, and away from his accomplices. There was only a split second to hide, which he took.
The police surrounded the car.
Roughly, they pulled the three out. From his hiding place, Dib could hear the police reading their rights, as they were lead to the police car.
Gaz was shoved in first.
Inside the police car you tried to explain,
"You don't understand officer!" Gaz hissed, "It wasn't my idea! It was all my brother's!"
Dib could barely stop himself from growling, and had to cover his mouth to do so. He didn't want to give away where his hiding spot was.
Your crisis of conscience, the voice in your brain.
"I honestly didn't want to do this!" she cried, before Tak smacked her upside her head. Gaz couldn't do anything about it, she had already been handcuffed.
And now that the whole thing has went down the drain,
ZIM chuckled at this. It was obvious that he thought it served her right. However, he stopped immediately when Tak did the same to him.
She was obviously not happy.
Gaz looked even less so, however. "Damn him…" she muttered, searching the landscape for a trace of her brother.
I think we all know who should shoulder the blame.
"He got away."
"Alright, that's enough chatter," one of the policemen said, slamming the door shut.
'Cause you made a choice there, almost sublime.
The cars took off, slowly disappearing, one by one, until Dib was finally alone. The only sound was his heavy breathing, and the traffic that had started pouring in, once the blockade was finally cleared.
I'm all for compassion, just not on my dime.
After a few more heavy breaths, he slowly emerged from his hiding place, looking around with wide eyes. No one had noticed him; no one knew that he had been the driver. He even doubted that the police believed Gaz when she said that she had a brother.
You look like an amateur, and that's the real crime.
Suddenly, he grinned, and headed up the hill, away from the freeway – away from the police, from prison and from…Gaz.
So, I'll take a walk now, and you do the time.
He was a free man, in more ways than one.