Disclaimer: I don't own 'Being Human' I only wish I did. This is just for fun.

HOPE, PURPOSE, TEMPTATION

With Leo and Pearl I found hope. A place to hide from the past I was so desperately afraid would catch up with me, a life I no longer wanted to be part of. They saw through the violence and the blood that stained me. They saw the man I wanted to be, not the man I had been, and they welcomed him. They took care of me when I couldn't take care of myself and gave me the strength to go on. They helped me find a way to cope, to keep the monster inside me at bay. They gave me stability. Ultimately though, they had meant more to one another than I ever had and they left me

With Annie and Tom and Eve I found purpose. A reason to keep on fighting. When we met they were both grieving. Annie a lover and close friends, Tom a father. I wasn't welcome. We, Leo and Pearl and I, weren't welcome, we were an intrusion. Then suddenly, Leo and Pearl were gone, I was alone and vulnerable and we were united in our grief. We sated a need in each other that we hadn't previously known and though it was difficult in the beginning, we grew to care, we became a family. They know the truth about me, not all, but enough. They see me as I am now, a work in progress, but they see the old me too and they accept us both. They love me, in spite of him. They have faith and I don't want to let them down. I don't want to disappoint them in any way. I don't want to hurt them. I want them to be proud of me. I want to show them that their faith in me isn't misguided.

But there's Cutler.

With Cutler… Nick, there's only temptation.

Nick is everything I used to be, everything I despise about myself, the very thing I ran from all those years ago. He is my nightmare, the reason I wake at night, covered in sweat, gasping for breath, trembling with fear and though I'm ashamed to admit it… longing.

Nick is exactly what I made him, everything I wanted him to be. Clever, funny, cruel, playful, vicious, bloodthirsty and so heartbreakingly beautiful that just the briefest memory can make me ache. He drove me crazy, made me want. God, he made me want.

I try not to think about it, but it's impossible with him so close. He's looking at me with the same blue eyes, eyes I would lose myself in back in the day, and the same crooked smile on his lips, lips I used to kiss until they were swollen and bruised and bloodied. He's remembering those kisses too, I can smell the desire in him, it's still there after all this time, I'm sure he can smell the same in me but he doesn't mention it.

He sounds hurt when he asks softly…

"Why did you go? I deserve to know that much."

And in that moment I'm asking myself the same exact question. Why DID I leave? How could I ever have left him? All I can think about is how it used to be between us. The way his skin had felt beneath my fingers when I touched him, the way he'd tremble with arousal when I whispered in his ear all the lewd and indecent things I was going to him, the way he'd moan and gasp beneath me as I moved inside him, the way he cling to me and beg … Harder. Faster. Deeper. Bite me. Please Hal, I need… The way he'd beg for his release and I'd give it to him because I was so damned close myself that I couldn't have lasted any longer if I'd tried. The way his eyes would slip shut and his back would arch and he cry out from pleasure as he…

"I have to go." I mumble, and I turn my back on him. I have to leave, I can't be here, it's too hard. If I don't go I know exactly what will happen and I've fought this for too long and too hard to give in to it now.

"Hal!" He calls after me as I stumble down the stairs on unsteady legs, lunging for the door before I've even reached the bottom. My hand is on the door handle and I'm shaking. Run. My head is screaming at me to run, to get the Hell away from here as fast as I can and never come back but my body is screaming something entirely different. I freeze. I can feel him behind me.

"Hal." He whispers, one hand coming to rest lightly on my shoulder, and I'm lost. Hopelessly lost. Fifty five years of hiding from the past, fighting my true nature, denying who I am and what I want, it's all lost, forgotten. There's only him now. My beautiful Nick, the temptation I'm powerless to resist.

Slowly, shakilly, I turn back.

He knows he has me.

"Welcome back." He says with a wicked grin before his lips crush mine in a kiss that's all tongues and teeth and blood and… God I've missed this, I've missed him, so damned much. I'm never letting him go again. He's mine.

His eyes are jet black now, as are mine. His tongue, cool and wet as it slides against my own, exploring. And as I sink my fangs into his bottom lip his moans of pleasure fill my ears, his blood fills my mouth and I realise that I don't even want to resist any more. I don't think I ever really did.

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