Warning: Male/Male relationship. A slight lime and angst YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
Disclaimer: Don't own, Don't sue.
There are nights when he forgets he's a pirate; he forgets the fact that his duty is to his ship and crew. He forgets that he has no choice but to be the 'Captain', a title he fought so hard to get.
On those nights, when he's mind is hazy with sleep, liquor or pain he lets himself dream of olive skin and dark brown hair. He imagines tracing his calloused fingers over the hard plains of a blacksmith's muscled chest. Embracing the idea of waking up to dark Spanish eyes looking at him with love and a warm body pressed into his side.
But then he wakes up, to a rocking ship and the sound of the crew getting ready to start the day, or more recently to one of the whores he hires to forget the man plaguing his dreams.
He tries to focus more on the 'Pearl' and making her happy. He tries to immerse himself in his captains' duties, and fails miserably.
He has tried to replace the tight searing heat of the other's arse clenching around his throbbing member with the loose whores in Tortuga, and the scratches short blunt nails left on is back with the almost gashes that long sharp nails leave behind. In short, he has tried to forget his blacksmith and does not let himself think about a life without piracy, because it's too late for that now. He refuses to think of the man that left him for a governor's daughter and the safety that land would bring. Except on those nights. The ones that torture him with heavy fantasies and painfully loved memories.
On those nights he thinks of Will (and even the name is painful to think about) and what they could have had if he wasn't a pirate. He thinks of that wonderful body and the beautiful moans that escaped it every time he drove into it (yes Jack. More! Please jack!). He thinks of the mornings after that would never happen, of going to sleep with someone to hold on to and waking up happy, with a lover to call his own. But then he remembers, He's Captain Jack Sparrow and his duty is to his ship and crew. And that those Spanish eyes always looked at another, just like that heart he made pound for what seemed like hours at a time, never actually beat for him. He remembers that William loves another and that a small sparrow could never compete against the gracefulness and beauty of a swan, no matter how much it wants to.
So he doesn't let himself think about love, passion and most of all pain. He launches himself into the role of the 'crazy captain', hoping that if he keeps it out of his mind the memories would be erased from his heart. But, there are always those nights when he forgets to be a pirate, and remembers how to be a lover. Yes, there are always those nights. And for some reason he doesn't know if he should hate or cherish them, because even if they bring agony, they mean that he once had Will turner no matter how short a time it was.