"Memories from Yesterday"
By: Yiva
Chapter one: Caroline
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it OK
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction or a beautiful release
"Hello, Burr Oak, Iowa, Mankato, Minnesota? All right, put him on." I nervously crumpled my handkerchief in my hand. We had received the telegram from Laura two days earlier when Charles and Albert had set out for Mankato.
"Ma?" My eldest son's voice crackled through the receiver.
"Oh, Albert! You're all right! I was so worried. When are you coming home?"
"That's why I'm calling. Pa couldn't get through to you. Um, actually, Ma, I-"
"Albert, it's all right. Just say it. It can't be that bad." I half-laughed, knowing that whatever it was wasn't good.
"Ma. I'm staying in Walnut Grove."
"For how long?"
"Forever. I'm not coming back. I'm sick, Ma. The doctor doesn't know how much time I have left."
"What?" I asked, stunned. I couldn't comprehend it. I sat down. The room was spinning. The world stopped spinning.
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
I was five years younger and we were in Winona. He was a little boy, who had to grow up before his time. We were packing up to go back to Walnut Grove, and he was coming with. Laura was grown up and married, but I still had him. Then we were moving to Burr Oak, and he was different. He went back to Walnut Grove. He came back. He was still my Albert. He was-
"Ma? Are you okay?" That was like Albert, he's dying, and he's asking if I'm okay. "Ma, I'm sorry. I just can't go home; I can't ask you to watch me die. I can't. Pa said I could stay. Please, Ma."
"Okay. I understand," I breathed a shaky breath. "Can I speak to your Pa?"
"Sure."
You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here
So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
"Hello?"
"Why, Charles, why?" I gasped, struggling to hold back tears.
"I know. I know. I'm sorry."
"Do you know-"
"The doctor wasn't sure. He said not long. Albert wants to stay in Walnut Grove. I can't bring myself to say no."
"When can we go see him?"
"He doesn't want you or the children to see him. He says he can't let you watch him die."
"Charles, he is my little boy. My son. I want to see him." I screamed, and dissolved into tears. Sobs racked my body,
"Shh, shh, it will be all right."
He repeated that mantra several times. I think he was trying to convince both of that.
"I- I have to go. The children should be home soon. Call me when you get back to Walnut Grove."
"We will."
"And Charles?"
"Yes?"
"Keep me updated. Please."
"I will. I love you."
"I love you too. And Albert."
"He knows."
"Bye."
The phone went dead in my ear. I resumed my house work.
I started folding the laundry. I came across one of Albert's shirts. "Oh Albert." I whispered softly, clutching the shirt to my body.
I made my way down the hall to the various rooms to put the clothes away.
Albert's door was open. I made my way into it. He left it so neat. I never had to remind him to pick his things up.
"Albert, what's in the bag?"
"Just my laundry."
"Oh. Put it with the rest. I can do it for you. It's no trouble."
"No thank you Ma'am. I'm kinda set in my ways. I'm used to doing it myself. Thank you, though." He smiled, regretfully.
"Ma'am?" Albert asked anxiously.
"Oh, Albert, you don't need to call me Ma'am." I laughed.
"Oh. Well, I was wondering, if it would be all right, could I maybe, call you Ma, Mrs. Ingalls?"
"Yes. Yes, oh that would be wonderful, Albert." I leaned down and hugged the curly head.
"Help! Help! No! No!" Charles and I awoke to the sounds of our son screaming in the loft above us.
"I'll go." Charles offered
"No. I'll go. You have an early morning."
"Albert, are you all right?"
"Yes. Sorry, Ma. I guess I just had a nightmare."
"That's all right. What was it about?" I asked, as I sat next to him on his bed.
"Nothing. It was just about the orphanage. I'm sorry I woke you." He said sheepishly.
"Don't worry about it. I'll just sit here, until you fall back to sleep."
"You don't have to Ma."
"I know. I want to." I stroked his head and hummed a lullaby.
"Good night, sleep tight, dry your tears. In the morning I'll be here."
"G'Night, Ma." He breathed.
"Good night, son."
"Albert....a boy your age has no idea—"I began
" Ma, please don't tell me I'm too young to know how I feel!"
"I wasn't going to try and tell you that. And don't you ever raise your voice to me while you live in this house! Marriage.....marriage is a big undertaking, under the best of circumstances—"
"I know that!" Albert Interjected.
"Let me finish. When two people fall in love, that feeling is so big in the beginning. It overshadows everything. It's the only thing in the world. People tend to push real problems away, and pretend they don't exist. They don't even want to think about them, because facing those problems can be painful." I carefully explained.
"But Sylvia and I have already faced up to those problems. I have a job, I'll work hard....and I'll take care of her."
"What about the baby?"
"I'll take care of the baby, too."
"I'm not talking about taking care of the baby--I'm talking about loving the baby! How does Sylvia feel about the baby? Have you asked her?"
"No."
"That baby was not conceived in love. It was a cruel and brutal thing. It won't be so easy for that girl to forget. How is she going to feel about that child?"
"I don't know, Ma. I just want to love her"
"Ma? Ma where are you?" I was pulled out of my reveries by my other children clamoring into the house.
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees
In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here
"I'm coming." I gave the room one more sweeping look, sighed heavily, and pulled the door closed with a resounding click.
You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here
So that was my idea for how Caroline's reaction went to Finding out about Albert's death. It wasn't very good, I know. Please r/r. I'm going to work on Willie's reaction next, I think. The song was In the Arms of an Angel by Sarah McLaughlin. I also used a line from "Good Night" by Evanescence.