How to Deal
Disclaimer: I don't own life with Derek or the song is How to deal by Frankie Jay
Enjoy
Sometimes a man has to choose
And do something he doesn't wanna do
Do i live my life with you as my wife?
Or do i go on and pursue my lifetime dream?
i gotta do this for me
Cuz if I dont I'll probably regret it
But if I do I'll probably regret it
How do I cope?
I Derek Venturi get everything I want. It is just a rule that the world goes by. Even that one girl that I wasn't suppose to have- yeah I got her. Now don't think I'm cocky or something I appreciate everything I have. But having the life I do it never led me to believe that one day id have to choose.
Now before you go off and think I was torn in between two women stop right there. That's not the case. If that ever was I know I would choose her in a heartbeat. She's my life and even to this day I love her and would take a bullet for her.
Now that we established that we can move on. I had to choose between two of my strongest passions. Casey McDonald- the woman I love and what I loved before Casey. Hockey. Now before you want to kill me let me tell you the whole thing. We were engaged at the time. I was in the process of becoming an official player for the Maple Leafs. I never thought I had to decide between the two. Thought I could have both.
It was a typical afternoon for us. I was sitting in my recliner- the same one I grew up with, Casey came into the living room of our apartment, and instead of sitting on my lap like she usually dose when I'm watching hockey she sat on the couch. I was about to question it when the refs call was wrong and I got all fired up about it. She waited till commercial to say "Der we gotta talk" I knew I was in trouble. But what i didnt know was that part of my world was goign to come crashing down on me.
"What happened case?"
"I love you" Now this confused me because I know that she loved me but why she said it in the tone of voice I wasn't sure about. So I turned off the game and sat next to her.
"Case I love you too and to be honest your scaring me. What's wrong?"
"Your about to be part of the leafs Der."
"Yeah case and with that much money coming in I can treat you like a real princess. Babe well move into a huge house with the little white picket fence and blue shutters everything you want. With a little dog and the kids and-"
"Der what am I gonna do in a beautiful house with our kids and our dog but without my husband?" she said eyes getting watery.
"What's this about babe?"
"Der I've heard so many stories about athletes. What are you gonna do when you're missing me and you're out of town playing a game?"
"Ill call you case- duh"
"Derek" she said her voice cracking as tears rolled down her face hard. She was shaking I wanted to hold her to make it stop. But I knew I couldn't. " I can't do this."
"Can't do what case?"
"I can't risk getting hurt. And even if you don't cheat on me while you're not here, I don't want us to have that amazing house with our kids and the dog if you're not going to be there Derek. I'm sorry i just cant"
"Case, are you asking me to choose?"
She shook her head "No Derek. I know how much this means to you . Friday night when you slip on that jersey, you better believe I'll be in the stands watching my man play his first game." She said laughing a little bit.
"Case I don't get this I'm confused. You're saying we can't be together but that you'll be at my game?"
"Its an honor to wear that jersey right?"
"Of course case something I always wanted. But again I'm gonna ask you do you want me to choose?"
She shakes her head "No. I choose for you. I know this means a hell of a lot to you Derek. And I know that I don't want to stop you living your dream. I'll be at your first game baby. Never forget that I love you and I'm doing this for you. No matter what slut you marry after me- ill still love you baby, forever and a day" And with a sweet tender kiss she laid it all out for me, and left.
So what I should of done is run after her. Tell her id leave hockey if that's what she wanted. But I have having second thoughts. What if she was right? What if I I was never home always out on the road I didn't want to go through missing her and I really didn't want her to go through any struggles because of me. I remember once we were thinking bout our future we were gonna name our kids July and Derek Jr. I swear I could picture them already. And even though they weren't born yet I wouldn't want them to grow up seeing me only during the off season. So call me a punk. Tell me I wasn't willing to fight for her. But at the time it seemed like she was the one who called the shots and she had already decided for me. And Let me tell you when Casey McDonald has her mind set on something- it doesn't change.
A few months later
So now I find myself sitting in the penalty box. She's here. She was to most of my games. Always front row too. Ever since my first game- if it's as close enough shed be here. So if always leave her tickets at my dad's house. Sometime shed come with smarti and the rest of the family, sometimes she would come alone. But not tonight. Tonight she was in the stands with a guy.
How do you cope when
the one you love is with somebody else
And there's nothing you can do about it
How do you deal with
The fact that you had a chance
But you chose to turn away for your career
I gotta take it though its heartbreaking
Its something that I had to do
But nobody said that it would hurt so bad
So how do I live..
How do I deal without you
So I lost it. Seeing another guy with my girl wasn't something I knew how to handle. They were holding
hands. HOLDING HANDS! That punk was holding my girls hand. A hand that still had bracelet on it. A bracelet that I had given her. Why- why would she show up to one of my games with another man. I mean sure I have dated since then. But they never make it to a second date. There never anything like my Casey. No one can compare. And every day that goes by I find myself dialing her new number (that I got from Smarti) but hang up before it rings. I can't do it. She walked out on me thinking it was best- so maybe it was.
But this I couldn't – no wouldn't take. So I played my heart out that night after I got the penalty box for the 2nd time. I had to prove to her that I was enough for her. That the guy standing there holding her hand- had nothing on me. And hell, I could take him just to prove it to her. I Derek Venturi needed to get my girl back.
The thing is that's not my girl. Its his. The lucky son of a bitch. Doesn't even know what he has i bet. Maybe Case brought him here to show me that shes moving on. But she doesn't have to. I know shes beautiful i know any guy would be extremely lucky to have her. Im lucky i even had her myself. But my smart ass let her go.
Its killing me to know
That your heart's with me
But you're with him cuz I chose to be
In this industry
Money, shows and hoes come along with
Luxury and pain
Is all you see when you think about it
But this is the life
That I was given
So i have to live it to the fullest
But how do I deal in the meantime
Without you
After the game I saw them. Which is extremely weird, she never stayed. Not since the day she walked out on me. A had a crowd of reporters wanting to get interviews. I realized I just want to go home. Didn't even want to talk to Casey.
"Derek" I heard from a voice I have grown to know far too well
"Hey case" I say struggling to smile, without looking that he's still holding her hand.
"Derek this is Jason. Jay you already know this is the famous Derek"
"Hey. I'm a huge fan of the Leafs. I don't want to bother but could I get your autograph?" he said holding out a pen and paper. And i dont deny an autograph- even though i should of. So without a word I signed the paper "Nice to meet you Jason. I'm going to get going. Nice seeing you again case." I say as nicely as possible before walking away.
"Wait Derek!"
I turn to face her.
"Yeah?"
"Stop by my house on Sunday. I have an announcement to make to the family"
"Case I don't know where you live anymore" tear treating to run down my face. Damn why did I let her walk out?
"Here give me your phone." I take it out and hand it to her and I notice something shin when the light hits it. And that's when I really notice that she has an engagement ring on. And not the one I had giving her no, She had left that on the counter for me to find. This one Mr.Jason must have given her.And i think i know what she wants to tell the family on sunday.
She smiles and passes me back my phone as my stromach turns. The smile is fake that much I know because I know Casey just like she knows me. And I know that her smile was faker then my last date's blonde hair.
How do you cope when
the one you love is with somebody else
And theres nothing you can do about it
How do you deal with
The fact that you had a chance
But you chose to turn away for your career
I gotta take it though its heartbreaking
Its something that I had to do
But nobody said that it would hurt so bad
So how do I live..
How do I deal without you
A/N: I love this song and was inspired by it. I feel like im getting better. Reviews?