Nate didn't drink to get drunk.
That was a common misconception.
He drank to be drunk.
There was a subtle yet important difference.
Being drunk was simply the end, and drinking was the means to reach it.
He didn't need alcohol. That's what no one on the team seemed to realize. He didn't need the alcohol to function.
He just needed to be drunk.
If they had another way to make that happen, he was more than willing to discuss it.
He always knew when he was close to getting drunk because he could feel the first wave of light-headedness slowly beginning at the back of his mind. He could see the objects around him slowly start to grow blurry and out of focus.
He loved it when the world was out of focus.
Why the hell shouldn't it be?
Sometimes, it seemed like everything was the most clear when it was hazy.
Nate's entire life was about focus.
Control.
Being three and four steps ahead of everyone else.
But after his third drink, none of that seemed to matter anymore.
After his third drink, he didn't have to think anymore, and more than anything on earth, Nate wanted to stop thinking.
He only ever thought about his son when he was thinking.
If he could just turn off his mind, pretend for one minute that nothing had changed, that the out of focus world around him was still the world in which his family was together and he wasn't just clinging on for dear life…
No, Nate didn't need to drink.
Why didn't they understand that?
He didn't need to drink.
He just needed to be drunk.