My first and probably only Monk fic. It's not much of a story as it's kind of how I feel this song relates to the show. The song in question is Beautiful Disaster by Kelly Clarkson. If you've never heard it I urge you to YouTube it or something because it is a beautiful song and I do feel that it can somehow be related to Monk. So enjoy, let me know what you think!!
Sometimes she would watch him sleep. She would sit on the edge of his bed and watch him dream. Always peacefully at first but then she could see a change in his appearance as his dream went from peaceful to a nightmare.
She was always so amazed by him, his ability to see things so differently than others, and using that strange gift to help others.
He was unhappy though, a bad childhood left him with emotional scars that would follow him forever. However to her, he was always more than she could ask for in a friend and husband.
He drowns in his dreams an exquisite extreme unknown.
He's as damned as he seems, and more heaven than a heart could hold.
She'd tried to help him through his ruff times, be there for him whenever he needed someone. She felt his pain though, and it was a hard burden to bear. She never understood how he could keep going, he was strong and she loved him for that.
And if I try to save him my whole world would cave in.
Just ain't right no, it just ain't right.
There were times where she didn't understand him. She was confused by the little things he would do, what their purpose was. It always seemed to make him feel better though so she let him do what he wanted and smiled all the while, knowing how wonderful a person he was.
Oh and I don't know, I don't know what he's after.
But he's so beautiful, he's such a beautiful disaster.
But with the happiness there always came a few rare moments where he would breakdown, overwhelmed by everything he did. She was there for him, through it all. She was more than willing to stay by his side.
And if I could hold on through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster
He was magical, that's what people would say about him. The way he worked was something to see. She knew better, there was no magic behind what he did, it was simply who he was.
He was the strongest person she knew, even in his moments of weakness he never wanted to give up. After all he went through in his younger years, and he continued to work around such displays of violence, but he wanted to help people, and that she was proud of.
He's magic and myth as strong as what I believe
A tragedy with more damage than a soul should see
There were days where it was too much for her, the routine of it all was more than she could handle and she would beg him to change. But in the end she knew better, it wasn't his fault, the way he was, it was what made him the person she loved so much.
And do I try to change him? So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight, baby hold on tight
Even though she understood how much he wanted to help others, she could never quite understand why he put himself in the situations he always ended up in. She knew sometimes he couldn't handle it. But that was when she got to see him fend for himself and be the strong person she knew him to be.
Oh 'cause I don't know I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful, he's such a beautiful disaster
He would come to visit her often. He would cry for her, but laugh at the memories they had. Those were the days she loved the most.
And if I could hold on through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster
He wasn't what she expected when they first met so many years ago. She was looking for a simple love, but the man she fell for was far from simple.
I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
She had been waiting for a while, hoping to find the person who would complete her, make her happy. She remembers the day that happened very well, she always will.
I'm searching for some kind of miracle
Waited so long, waited so long.
As she sits and watches him sleep she smiles warmly, reaches out to softly stroke his face. He's peaceful now, sleeping soundly but she knows the stories that the lines on his face tell.
He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
She enjoys these moments when she can see him in a peaceful way, when he's not worried or stressing about something. When his face shows calmness.
She wishes for more moments like these but knows that it's something that can't happen too often. Seeing him makes her happy but it also upsets her, knowing that she can't be with him always, sometimes seeing him is more than she can handle.
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take
His face brightens now, almost as if he senses her. She knows he probably does. She smiles too, deciding to stay unknown to what he's thinking and just enjoy seeing him.
Oh 'cause I don't know, I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful, he's such a beautiful disaster
She watches a tear run down his face as he smiles, she knows what he's thinking of. She smiles sadly and wipes the tear from his face letting her hand linger for a few last seconds.
And if I could hold on through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster
She knows it's time for her to leave. She takes one last glance at the man she loves and smiles, happily knowing the closure he'll be receiving. She hopes that will take away some of the heaviness that lingers on his heart every day.
Her last thought before she leaves is that no matter what happens he will always be her one and only love.
He's beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
Adrian Monk.