Author's Note:
Hi people, this is my first story, and I'm all for criticism!! (I do appreciate complements as well...) ;)
I hope this isn't too confusing...but it probably will be unfortunately but i plan on clearing up everything in later chapters, so never fear!!
I think I've bored you enough with my rambling, so please read on...

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its awesomeness....unfortunately....that is all Stepenie Meyer's... but i do own my completely original plot-and if anyone steals it they will die a slow and painful death...haha :) -laughs innocently-

Hey. I'm the new author of this story, NinjaFoodLover is the name. The above note is from Satan's Army, but it goes to me too. I may have tweaked with the story a little bit so I hope no one minds.

As they say On with the story.

***

I always hated the way I was different.

I hated the way that these differences always caused me to stand out in a crowd. I didn't like attention yet by being the way I was, attention was inevitable.

Everyone knew from the moment they laid eyes on me that I wasn't normal, well, at least in their definition of 'normal'. But I couldn't blame them, even my appearance screamed out FREAK so I wasn't fazed by it. Starting with my skin color, I don't even think it could be considered a color! I looked like my body had been bleached inside of the womb to everyone's eyes including my own! …ah…yes…my eyes, there was also that "little blemish" of my appearance that caused everyone to stare shamelessly in wonder. You see, my eyes were different from everyone else's', they weren't the 'plain Jane brown' or the typical 'bimbo blond blue' or the other 'normal' colors like green—no no—my eyes were a stunning yellow-orange color, yet they were terrifying in a very mysterious way. The fact that they were so unusual was what caused people too be afraid, but that uniqueness of my appearance also had the power to reel anyone I pleased in. Whether I wanted them to or not.

Unfortunately for me however, I would so much prefer life if people would just leave me alone!

And I'm not trying to be self-absorbed or anything when I say this, but I was, in my own way, absolutely gorgeous! My eyes, when I was born were like the sun; they shimmered between yellow and orange and sometimes even a little sparkle of red, and to look into them would cause you to feel exactly as I do; literally. It wasn't a problem when I was little, because when I was little I was this little smiley bundle of energy and happiness. It was a good thing that I had my gift because I made everyone around me impeccably giddy.

Also, I had very nice facial features; my face had a sort-of heart shape to it, I had very angled features and flawless clear skin. My hair was a smooth dark chocolate color; it fell in loose ringlets down to my lower back. I have a few layers so that the first few caressed my face while the rest could be left to cascade down my back…

Alright, I think I'm starting to sound like I'm extraordinarily stuck-up, but I'm honestly just trying to give you a mental image of how I look. I'm sorry though.

I'm just going to finish this because I already started though…

My bodily figure is subtly curved, just the right amount in my opinion, delicate but with potential, but currently I'm inwardly laughing because I would never let anyone be aware of those 'subtle curves.' I'm not one for glamor. Bring sparkles anywhere close to my face I will unleash my gift on you, at least now that I've learned a lot more about it and learned as much as I can, 'unleashing my gift' can actually be considered a threat.

But this gift took me a very long while for me to figure out that I had it, for a while I just assumed people loved my company-ha! That was just because they couldn't help but be happy around me because that is how I was feeling.

But I only got to feel that way for so long…

My life, up until now, had been in my opinion, flawless.

Okay…maybe not flawless but it was all I could have ever asked for and more.

At least that's what I had thought for a long while, until the carefully woven lies that was my life began to unravel itself at the seams, until the once in my opinion flawless life turned into nothing but a pile of tangled, confusing, mixed up illusions made of a mush of withering threads.

I always thought that my family was perfect, I had my slightly eccentric mother; Renee, and my father Charlie; who always had a special way of projecting his love to me, very gentle and subtle, we had a very strong relationship and I was always so sure that nothing could ever possibly change that.

But I was terribly, terribly wrong.

Everything started to fall apart when I was 13 years old. It was just barely spring time, I was looking forward to the freezing winter in Forks, Washington to finally end, and my mother Renee had apparently had enough. She hated Forks. It was ALWAYS raining, and the noise drove her insane. I had originally found the rain to be irritating until I found a new way to look at it in a more peaceful way and thing of it as more of a calming meditation noise…but anyway…my mother hated it here, and apparently, she had been lying to me not only about the fact that she was truly miserable, but she also had 'fallen out of love' with poor Charlie.

Yes…it was a nasty storm that night that Renee officially packed up her trunk and left me alone. She broke my heart, not even thinking of asking if I wanted to leave with her. So after weeks of agonizing confusion of why she left, it finally dawned upon me; Iwas the reason she left! That realization only made me sob harder, not that anyone cared. I was not worthy of her life and time, I was not worthy of her spirit, I was not worthy of her happiness…I was not worthy of my happiness. So that night I promised myself that I would never be happy again. Strangely enough my gift accommodated to my wishes, and it was almost as if I simply didn't ever know what happiness was, even though that wasn't the truth, that's how it seemed to anyone who was around me. I think I could feel it on the inside, but if I did it just wouldn't show on the outside. Honestly, in a life like mine, who really needs happiness? My gift was warmly welcome in my opinion; it was odd, but convenient…

Months go by. My hope is waning. Everyday I've sat in the driveway after school waiting for my mom to come home. I would do my homework while I sat there, or read a book. Usually I'd have to use an umbrella because it was practically always raining. But sat there I did, no matter how bitter the cold got to be. I waited.

She never came.

I think what hurts the most is seeing my father in pain. I don't bring up the fact that I can see the pain in his eyes; he's never been one to show too much emotion. His only soft spot was for Renee and when I was little, me too.

I never saw the sparkle anymore that used to always light up his eyes when he came home from the station; he was Chief of Police and would find Renee and myself waiting for him. I missed that sparkle of happiness, but I already knew the happiness was long gone from him, and off away with Renee wherever her adventurous mind brought her to.

Two weeks later…

I've never been so scared in my life. Charlie is spiraling downwards in his depression lately, and it just keeps getting worse! He comes home later and later from work nowadays and some days…he just doesn't come home at all.

Three Days Later; 1:45am…

Where the hell is he?! Charlie acted so weird today! First of all, he talked to me today. We never talked anymore, and it wasn't even a simple 'hello' he made the three words very clear to me this morning so I know I was not mistaken, he said those dreaded three words that had already shred my heart to pieces once in my life. And then he hugged me! Then he left for work like every other day.

But now it was quarter to two in the morning and he still wasn't back yet. I tried in vain to remember every detail of this morning's encounter for the hundredth time.

Flashback:

-BEEP—BEEP—BEEP-!!!!!!

Ugh! Stupid, obnoxious noise!

I lashed out in the general direction of the source of the noise. Painfully; my hand collided with a piece of stiff plastic, I got a grip on it, and promptly-chucked it across the room. I signed pleasantly when it made the resounding --THWACK—into the wall. Ah…dead silence…bliss!

I looked at the pile of garbage that was what was left of my alarm clock. I shrugged it off. I had an endless amount of them stored in my closet so another casualty was no big deal. Some faint red lights were left blinking faintly on the cracked screen. 6:15am!—Why did school have to start so early?!

I jumped out of bed and did a record breaking shower, I wanted to finish quickly so I could make Charlie breakfast, and then I dried my hair partially then gathered it into a messy ponytail. I took a moment to look into the mirror. Staring back at me was a girl with dulled yellow-orange eyes; I realized all the sparkle that kept everyone happy, including myself, had left long ago with Charlie's as well. I sighed and walked out of the bathroom in an old robe much too big for me.

On my way to my bedroom I tripped (BIG surprise there…) on the hem of the robe and went face-first into the floor before I could get my hands out to break the fall.

I sputtered a bit and muttered sarcastically under my breath, "Hello floor, my old friend, long time no see?"

I gathered myself up again and made my way to my room. I had redecorated after I 'lost my happiness.' Now instead of being the gentle baby blue that always reminded me of Renee because that's the color she would always say looks the best with my skin and personality, instead I threw violent splats of pitch black paint and midnight blue angrily against everything. I had a few deep crimson splotches on my walls as well. The contrast between all the dark colors surrounding the gentle and innocent baby blue was mystifying. It was like a false sense of hope amidst all of the blackness…more lies. The splotches covered my floor, walls, bed, and my bookcase; even some of my precious books suffered a nasty paint job from my episode. I remember going through all the phases after my mom left us. First I was heartbroken, and then I got angry, really angry. I remember screaming out in frustration and breaking everything in sight, and then after I had exhausted myself completely from my rage, I would collapse and cry myself to sleep.

Then I got depressed.

I recapped my life while pulling on a black tank and a deep blue polo over it.

It started out as a few sips of alcohol here and there to dull my senses and ease the pain, but it got a lot worse.

I had decided to drop the alcohol completely, I didn't like the taste and it didn't do much unless I literally blackout for getting too drunk. Plus hangovers were unpleasant to the twentieth degree! (A b***h?). It was only a few months ago that I first cut my upper arm. I remember perfectly the black fire that erupted when the blade broke my skin. I also remember laughing hysterically while doing it too, my goodness, I was insane!

I was different now though, I thought with finality, I stopped cutting after I realized I was getting scars from them. I knew deep down that those three scars; one on my left shoulder, one across my abdominal, and another on my inner right thigh, would be there for the rest of my life, they had faded, but my skin was still slightly puckered at the slash marks.

I grabbed the first pair of jeans my hands touched in the closet; I honestly didn't care what I wore so long as it was warm. A blue--practically black--pair of worn and torn skinny jeans. Faded and peeling at the knees. They were pretty pathetic and sad looking, lost amongst all the other perfect pairs, just like its owner. Perfect.

I trudged down the stairs and into the kitchen. Charlie was slumped over at the kitchen counter, his head in his hands. He seemed to be deep in thought. Wordlessly; I prepared breakfast for us both. Eggs; plain and boring. I was lazy today, sue me! When I placed the plate in front of him, he began to search them out with his fork, not really paying attention to what he was doing.

I sat down across from him; sifting the food around my plate, uninterested. We sat there in silence…sweet silence, you see, Charlie and I could live with each other because we both understood very well both our needs for personal space. Frankly, it's quite amazing we can abide by that silent rule seeing as we have to share a bathroom in the hall.

I remember when Renee-cringe-used to live here, she and Charlie would constantly be having silly little playful arguments, they'd be acting like five year olds only to have me, the five year old, break them up and send them to their room. They would bow their heads and very dramatically stomp to their rooms! I would laugh and laugh until my sides hurt and I was rolling on the ground, continuously until Renee and Charlie came back again and managed to calm me down. I loved those times…

I almost smiled at the memory, but I didn't. I couldn't smile anymore…or maybe I could I just forgot how to…?

I looked up from my not cold plate of eggs to see Charlie gazing at me. It looked as though he was using all he had left in him to memorize my face completely, but why was he doing that? The look in his eyes was overwhelming! His dark chocolate colored eyes held so much sadness I didn't need my gift to see it! But they also had the look of finality, I could see that Charlie had made a decision and he was not going to be swayed. It was the classic Swan family stubbornness, it's genetic, we all have the gift of being unbelievably stubborn! (It could come in handy sometimes when using it against people outside of the family, but when two Swan members faced off…*shudder*…you don't even want to think of the consequences, but usually it would end up with arguing and yelling witty comments back and forth for hours, then there would be a few hours of red-hot glares being shot across rooms at each other like sharp knives, and then we'd end up with a few last nasty comments and then storming to separate rooms in the house, and if we weren't in a house, we'd get really creative, but nothing at all would come out of the whole thing because no one could win…good times, good times…)

I rose from my seat to find Charlie standing up with me…that's odd…before I could further broach the subject, Charlie gently but swiftly gripped my wrist and crushed me to his chest, burying his face in my hair, smelling my strawberry shampoo for sure. After I got over my initial shock I hugged him back tightly. After a few sweet-and oddly not awkward-moments, he shifted his head so that he could whisper in my ear without being muffled by my hair; he said three simple words,

"I love you." He said it with so much conviction that even though we had been very distant of late I couldn't help but believe him.

But before I could respond he was gone and out the door. I looked after him as his cherished police cruiser pulled out of the driveway and he headed toward the station. I watched until the cruiser rounded a corner and I couldn't see it anymore, then I looked at my feet and mumbled under my breath, "Yeah dad…I love you too,"

Why did it sound so much like a damn goodbye?!

I sighed, quickly; I cleared the table and washed the dishes, leaving them on the counter to air dry, then I gathered my stuff and left, walking to school much faster than normal in a false hope of being able to end the day faster and get back home to Charlie.

I don't think my teeth ceased pressure on my bottom lip that whole day in my nervousness.

End Flashback

My stomach dropped.

Oh no.

Oh NO!

DAMMIT!!!

I grabbed my cell phone and my helmet off a hook by the door. I threw it on quickly but made sure it was secure so that it would at least be effective, knowing the klutz I am I was sure going to need all the protection I could get! I then tugged my thick raincoat on and zipped up, I no longer cared that I was still in my pajamas; I have much more important things to worry about. Satisfied, I stuffed my feet into my boots then flew out into the drizzly night. I ran to the shed and grabbed my bicycle; I really couldn't wait until I would finally be allowed to drive, but I was still too young. I kicked off the ground and peddled as fast as my feet would take me to the police station, I really hoped that I was just overreacting…

I sucked in the much-needed air greedily as I dragged my bike to a stop in front of the station about 10 minutes later. I just cut the biking time of my usual trip to the station in half with my reckless peddling! Not bothering to even put up my kickstand or locking any chains I dumped the bike onto the grass and made my way into the small-town police station.

Nothing in my life could have prepared me for what I saw.

I heard screaming. It was barely a faint humming in my ears, and I was only partially aware that piercing noise was coming from my own mouth.

Then I started to sob. I picked up a note off of a table, a tiny white envelope. I opened it up slowly.

My blurred vision only made it harder to read, and it only got worse as I continued on.

Bells-

Please, please forgive me. All of my thoughts have been haunted by my depression for the last months and I just can't take it anymore. You were the only reason I could of ever lasted this long. I'm so sorry, but I love you so much. Please be strong for the both of us, I am always with you. Don't cry over me, this is what I wanted. Don't miss me because I promise to always be with you wherever your life takes you. Remember I love you, my beautiful Bella. Goodbye.

Dad

Dad

DAD!

I couldn't bear to see him, or what was left of him anymore. He had hung himself, and I couldn't save him. I lost the last person in my life that I actually loved. I would never make the mistake of loving someone and letting someone in ever again, I promised myself.

Renee had been the one to break my heart to pieces, and Charlie had blown the remains away.

That night was the last night I cried, and showed my pain, I cried my heart out until I was nothing but an empty shell; devoid of all emotions. That night was the last time I ever showed any emotion at all, I let it all out and never let any of it, or anyone back in again.

***

Author's Note:

Hello again, I hope I haven't bored you out of your mind, but remember this is just a prologue and I PROMISE it will get better, and if you find that it hasn't gotten better, my friends will know and will all beat me up with sticks...(I'm totally serious they will haha)

Please review, it causes me happiness...and you don't want Satan unhappy....DO YOU!?!?!? heehee...

with love,

~Satan

there not too many changes right. Note this is the last time you are seeing Santan's Author note. The rest will be all me. C ya.

P.S. Sorry for deleting it. All of you who read it before that was the whole story before I was going to post new chapter's. So when I found that out I had to delete the whole thing and post it differently. Sorry again and thanks for waiting.