Struggle With Ana
May 14, 1812
Every day is like a maze; trying to get through, but cannot seem to find the way out. I put on an act for the ones who are dear to me, but inside I'm crumbling. Going for dinner is like going to a noose.
The happiest people I see are either in crutches or bound to a wheel chair. It makes me wonder "how are they so happy with the way they are and I'm as close to healthy as possible?" Every day the only reoccurring though I have is "how did you allow your body to get like this?" And the only thing I can respond with is "hunger hurts but starving works."
Whenever I try to overcome it, it hits back ten times harder and faster.
May 26, 1812
Skins starting to yellow and I couldn't be happier! I'm beginning to see my ribs and hip bones. How could I have gone so long without seeing them? Soon I'll be able to see all of them; perfection is only a few pounds away! And I cannot wait!
June 12, 1812
Everything went black, and I woke up on the ground. This is when I know it's working, but I've been getting many odd looks from the crew. They don't understand! This is what it takes! It's all I have left...the only control I have.