Yuri x Natsuki
Yuri hissed, as the crimson blood poured down her pale arm. She stared at the fresh cuts scattered all over her arms, and finally put the cutting knife down. She stood up from the cold tiles of the bathroom stall, and stopped in front of the door, listening for any kind of noise. Once she didn't hear anything, she exited the stall as quietly as she could. She stepped to one of the sinks and attemped the clean the blood from her pocket knife. She couldn't clean it completely, water was not enough. Annoyed, she threw the knife in her backpack, moving on to clean any trace of blood on the floor.
Yuri has been self-harming for almost a year now. She tried to stop herself in the beginning, telling herself that it was wrong. But as time progressed, she realised that she could never push her guilty pleasure away. It was one of the only positive things in her life, aside from books and the literature club.
For as long as she can remember, Yuri has always felt alone. Even when she was surrounded by people, she never felt like she truly had someone to talk to. Her parents were never there, always away overseas. And with her clingyness, she drove all potential friends away. Those few friends she somehow had were scared of her. Yuri understood. Who would want to associate themselves with a creepy, clingy bitch like her?
She had gotten used to the voices in her head, to her dark thoughts, and had ditched the idea of ever escaping from them.
She clearly remembers the day she cut for the first time. She was making dinner, home alone, as always. She was cutting a carrot, when she clumsily cut her finger. It was an accident. She was distarcted by her head, the voices. They wouldn't shut up for weeks now, but when she felt the sharp pain, they stopped. Just for a second, but they went silent. Yuri was mesmerised by that feeling of distarction. And like a lightbulb above her head, she realized she could escape them all.
She grapped the knife, and sliced it through her perfect skin. There was no going back from there.
Finishing the cleaning-up, she exited the restroom just as the school bell rang, signalling the end of the 7th period, her last class. Well, she missed chemistry again. Not that she really cared. The less time she has to spend in the cursed classroom, the better.
But the classes ended, which meant it was time for her to go to the club. The literature club was always her safe space, where she could read in peace, and be who she really was. She could surround herself with people similar to herself. Well, almost.
She entered the classroom the club was always held in, muttering a quiet greeting. Monika and Sayori were already inside, both saying their hellos in the own style. Monika in a simple toned „Hi", and Sayori practically screaming. It made Yuri flinch at first, but she couldn't hold back her smile when she looked at the bundle of sunshine thay Sayori was. Monika and Sayori continued talking about a new book they were both reading, and Yuri sat down at the desk in the far corner, taking „The Portait Of Markov" out of her old bag.
She kept reading this book over and over, and simply never got tired of it. It was definitely one of her favourite books of all time.
Just as she buried herself in the world of her book, finally sucefully tuning out the other two girls chatting, she was dragged back to the real world once again as the door openened agressively with a big thud.
She barely looked up from the book, only to practically bury her face in it as she saw a huge patch of pink.
Natsuki's small pigtails bounced as she huffed angrily, throwing her bag on one of the desks in the front row.
Damnit! These guys are so stupid! How can people this dumb even exist?!- Natsuki stomped her feet on the floor like a toddler.
Hello, Natsuki. You don't seem too happy. - Commented Monika with the calmness of a monk.
Of course I'm not happy! This dumbass boy keeps bothering me!
Yuri did her best not to sigh outloud. Natsuki, her third clubmate, was one she didn't quite like. While she felt comfortable around Monika or Sayori, Natsuki always kind of upset her. The petite girl was the complete opposite of Yuri, loud, kind of obnoxious, and she read manga, a genre that Yuri considered a disgrace to the human race. She never understood how anyone within their right mind would enjoy that garbage, so Natsuki's obsession with it always annoyed the life out of her.
Not that she had the right to whine about someone being obsessed.
Yet, at the same time, the pink-haired girl always kind of intriuged her. She wanted to know what was going on inside her head, what made her think like this. If Natsuki somehow wanted to be friends with her, she would try to get to know her, even though she would never admit this to herself.
She was sure Natsuki didn't like her either. Everytime they had any kind of interaction, she would be sarcastic, throw witty comments, and she would never look the purple-haired girl in her eyes.
Because of this, the bookworm was always afraid to approach her.
The baker girl was still going about some stupid boy, so Yuri stopped paying attention, and buried herself in the world of the book yet again.
Okay, everyone! – Monika spoke up after half an hour or so. – Can you all please gather around here for a minute? I would like to discuss something important.
Yuri slowly got up from her seat, and walked over to Monika, sitting down on her left. The rest of the girls rushed over, all getting seats around the charismatic club leader.
So, girls, as you know, this year's culture festival is coming up. I was thinking, that we should prepare some kind of preformance.
Uhm…Why?- Asked Natsuki with a grumpy look. – Why should we even bother with that?
Well, I was thinking, that we should attempt to get some new members.
Yuri barely sustained her gasp. She felt her face go pale, and her pupils go wide. New people in the club? She felt sick at the thought. The club was the only safe space, and it getting infested with the rotten posers of her school scared her half to death.
This wasn't the first time Monika has talked about this, she was planning on getting people to join for a few months now. Yuri had hoped she somehow forgot.
Monika…I don't think that's a good idea. – She commented without even realizing it.
Huh? Why not, Yuri? – Asked Monika. She tried to hide her annoyed expression with a forced smile, squinting her eyes slightly as she turned towards Yuri.
I-I mean… - The bookworm stuttered- Isn't the club supposed to be kind of our safe space? If we bring a bunch of s-strangers in here…wouldn't it ruin the atmosphere of this place?
Monika tried to surpress her sigh, and replied with a harsher tone.
Yuri, we have discussed this countless of times. Everytime I bring it up, you always outright refuse listen to me. We won't be attendig this school forever. We will graduate in 2 years. Who will keep up the club if we are gone? Don't you want it to have a legacy?
Yuri didn't realize she was shaking. She knew that she was overreacting, but the thought of her only escape ruined for her made the tall girl nauseous. All of the pain, the loneliness, and her anxiety all piled up into one big ball of rage. It shone within her like the Sun.
It was like a bomb waiting to go off, and poor, poor Monika pulled the trigger.
Yuri clenched her fist, and replied in a too harsh tone.
Why don't YOU listen to me? Why are you doing this? We don't need new people, we have eachother! I finally feel comfortable here! Call me selfish, I don't care! But I can see, that Natsuki and Sayori like it this way too! Why do you have to ruin it?! WHY DO ALL PEOPLE RUIN EVERYTHING?!
She was screaming at the end, tears threatening to spill out of her violet eyes.
The remaining three girls were left speechless. The quiet girl had never snapped like this in front of them before.
Oh God…I…- Yuri had realized what she had done. She wrecked this too.
Quickly grabbing her bag from the desk in the corner, she ran out of the classroom with warm tears spilling out of her eyes.
Yuri, wait! – Sayori yelled after her, jumping up from her seat, only to be sat back down by a very guilty-looking Monika.
Leave her be. Let's give her some time. She will get used to the idea. – She whispered the last part.
Natsuki felt like punching Monika in the face right then and there. How could they just leave her be in this state?
Determined, Natsuki ran out of the classroom, after the violet-eyed girl.
Yuri sat down under a tree behind a school. She kept running, until she was far away enough from the school, from her „friends." She collapsed under the blossoming leaves, letting the devastated sobs rack her body.
Good job, Yuri. You loser… She muttered to herself. -These girls were her only friends, and she cut them off too. Just like everyone else. She had no reason to snap like this. But, she was so scared.
The bookworm didn't know how long she sat under that tree, tears spilling from her eyes, watching the sun set with her blurry vision. It was only around 20 minutes, but it felt like decades to her.
Suddenly, a familiar voiced dragged her out of her cries.
Ah, Yuri, finally! There you are! I've been looking for you for like, ages!
Natsuki plopped down in the grass next to her. Her voices was strangely gentle.
Are you okay? – She asked quietly, her voice barely a whisper, resting her tiny hand on Yuri's shoulder.
No. – Yuri replied with a bitter chuckle. – I'm sorry. I'm horrible, I fucked it up, I know.
Listen, I don't know what got into you, but…I don't blame you. I don't like the idea of new members either. So…it's okay to be…sad, or angry or-
Why are you here, Natsuki? – Yuri looked up suddenly. – You don't have to do this. Go back to the girls. They are people you don't have to be ashamed of. It's okay.
Natsuki didn't budge.
Why am I doing this? – She repeated the question. – I don't know, actually. Maybe because I see myself in you. We are really similar, you know. I…kind of understand?
Yuri felt like her heart stopped. She and Natsuki…similar?
Just what do you mean?- She asked, her voice barely a whisper.
We both have difficulty socializing, and expressing ourselves. Or, at leat, that's how I feel like.
After finishing her sentence ,Natsuki has gotten quiet. They both stared at the sun reflecting on the green grass of the hill, listening to the distant chatter of students exiting the school.
The silence was beggining to get akward, and Yuri was just about to say something, when the smaller girl's voice rose up first.
I had this feeling you didn't like me very much. At first, I didn't like you either. I thought you were just pretending to be so mature. I guess I was kinda jelaous.
Natsuki sighed, and looked at the taller girl's suprised face.
Even though I was always kind of rude to you, I wanted to get to know you so bad. You're someone I look up to, you're practically everything I want to be.
Yuri's going to cry. She can't hold it. She can't hold it.
I wanted to be your friend.
Yuri broke down in quiet sobs. Her thoughts shook in disbelief. This was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to her, and it was Natsuki, of all people.
Before she realized what she was doing, she hugged the petite girl. She hugged her so tight, that she thought the pink haired student would suffocate.
They sat like that for god knows how long, with the only sounds being Yuri's shy hiccups, and an occasional 'shh' from her friend.
After a while Yuri let go, and leaned against the tree again.
Sorry, I might have gotten carried awa-
I-it's fine! – Natsuki stuttered with a slight blush on her cheeks. – Just try not to suffocate me…Well, this came out sappier than I intended.
Aaand, she was back to her tsundere self.
But to be honest, Yuri didn't mind. She saw how nice Natsuki can be. She saw another side to the aggressive girl, and it inwoked a strange warm feeling in her chest. She felt kind of special.
I guess you don't really want to go back. Let's go home, okay?
Alright. – Yuri let out a happy smile, and gracefully got up from the ground.
They walked through the narrow streets, their sillouettes painted orange by the descending sun. They talked about light subjects, like classmates, subjects, and favourite foods.
They were not too deep things, but Yuri still felt satisfied with the conversation. She hadn't had a good talk in years, and was just now beginng to realize this.
Before she knew it, she was standing outside her gate.
Hey, there is my house.
They stood there in akward silence, until Natsuki cleared her throat:
I'll get going, then. My father doesn't like it when I'm late.
She turned away, and picked up her steps, her heels clanking on the sidewalk.
Natsuki, wait! – Yuri yelled out.
The baker turned around, and raised her eyebrows questioningly.
T-thank you…for today. – Yuri said, looking down, her face red.
She could hear Natsuki stutter, and go quiet.
Y-yeah, you're welcome. – She whispered, playing with her fingers. W-well, bye…see you tomorrow.
And she took off.
Yuri smiled, and went inside.
Yuri sat in her bedroom, the moon shining through her curtains. She held her knife in her hands, the metal glittering in the moonlight.
She looked at it, and then with a bit of hesitation, put it back on her nightstand.
Maybe she'll skip today.