A/n: Because I am only slightly mean and rotten, here is a sneak preview

There But for the Grace of God

Prologue

Dr Suitland indicated that Frank should make himself comfortable. "Well, Frank, do you know why Joe has asked me to help you?"

"Not a clue and no offense, Doctor, but I fail to see what you can say to convince me otherwise."

"Joe suggested I ask you a single question first. If you still feel that way after, then you are free to go."

Frank shrugged. "Ask."

"Who is Mike?"

Frank, who had still been standing as he was fully prepared to walk out the door, turned deathly pale and felt his legs buckle beneath him. He sat down heavily and came dangerously close to hyperventilating. In fact he was in shock. Dr Suitland dialed the reception desk and said "Mary, could you bring in a bottle of water for my patient, please? And cancel my next appointment. I have a feeling this one is going to run long."

After a long pause, Frank gathered his raw emotions enough to be able to form a coherent sentence. "w..where did you hear that name?" he asked tremulously.

"Joe heard you say 'Mike is dead and it's all my fault' in the hospital. He said you were completely out of it, didn't know him at all. His exact words were 'he freaked me right the hell out' and he is quite worried about you, Frank." The Doctor came out from behind his desk and sat on the couch next to the obviously distraught young man. "He also said as far as your Father knows that is not a former client either. But the name obviously brings back some pretty bad memories. It might help if you shared them."

Frank shook his head vehemently. "I ca..can't tell Joe. Or Dad. They wouldn't understand."

"I wasn't suggesting you tell them anything. At least not yet. But what about me? No preconceived notions to judge you by. So you don't have to worry about me not understanding. What I can do is help you make sense of things, and help you work past the guilt. Wanna give it a shot?"

Frank pondered his options. He was deathly afraid that his Father, or worse, his brother, would discover his terrible secret and that he would be unable to justify himself to them. He knew that Joe held a grudging admiration for Dr Suitland and credited the Psychologist for helping him through a pretty tough time in his life. Joe trusted this man. The least he could do was trust his brother.

Taking a very deep shuddering breath, Frank began to speak. "It was a long time ago. I haven't thought about Mike in years."

Dr Suitland spent the next 90 minutes taking occasional notes and asking one or two clarifying questions. Mostly, he let Frank ramble. He was amused to note that Frank had a completely different style of recalling his past than his previous patient named Hardy. Much more logical, his thoughts were quite ordered, if a great deal more self condemning than the younger one's had been.

At the end of the session, Dr Suitland led the way out into the reception area, where an obviously about to reach the end of his rope Joe was pacing. Joe took one look at his brother's face, blanched, then looked at the Doctor's grave one. Dr. S nodded and said to Frank " I will see you on Thursday, then?"

Frank nodded, not trusting himself to say anything. The silence continued as the men made their way to the SUV. He was relieved to note that Joe also made no comment other than to ask if he had any preferences for lunch.

Joe pulled into the parking lot of the closest Subway and grabbed 2 $5 footlongs, a couple bags of chips and 2 large sodas. He threw them in the backseat, and drove out to Barmet Bay. When Frank looked at him questioningly, Joe shrugged. "The sound of the waves helps."

They sat, backs to the large rock formation that had been Joe's refuge when Iola died. Neither man spoke for a long time. Eventually, Joe crumpled up his wrapper, stuffed everything into the bag the subs had come in and lightly placed his hand over his brother's. "When you are ready, I 'll be there."

A/n: This will pick up at the end of Cave in, which has reached the end of it's lifespan. it will be told alternately between Frank's and Joe's perspective.