sentimental generation

This is the second time I'm posting this. It was taken down the first time after I couldn't figure out how to format it properly. There are a few minor changes, but there's nothing big. I really wanted to change the title, but left it because I don't want to dupe anyone who's already read this to think it's something new.

Again, I had originally planned for the entire thing to take place in a month (instead of a week), but kind of took got lazy in the middle and changed things around.

I haven't forgotten and am eternally grateful for any reviews I received before taking this down, but again, I implore anyone who gets through the whole thing to leave me some feedback or just a review telling me you read it. Thanks so much!

disclaimer: self-explanatory.

warnings: mature themes (boy love, twincest, alcohol), angst, ridiculous amount of team!fluff

Enjoy.

It was stupid, really, and even Kouichi wasn't naïve enough to hope his brother would pick up the phone. There was just no point in dialing his number hardly two hours after he had left.

It was stupid and pointless, Kouichi knew, and he fought down a strange feeling crawling up his throat after the first hundred rings went by unanswered.

"…h-hello?"

"Eh- hello there? Kimura?"

"Yeah, I'm here. Er-"

"Hey, are you okay? You sound a bit shaky."

"…I-I'm fine, thank you."

"Actually, I was just calling to check up on you. It was just a bit strange, you know, for someone like you to be missing work."

A short pause.

"Wait, ah- h-how- it's already- I… I'm so sorry, I can't be-"

"Ah, that's okay, really! You've always been working so hard for us, you know, and all. Those early Saturday shifts can catch just about anyone off guard, so-"

"N-no, that was careless of me- I just kind of…"

"Kimura? I can hardly hear you. You sound terrible! You know what, why don't you just take a week off?"

"Eh? Wait, but-"

"You do realize you won't be able to use your off days after the year's over, right? Things are pretty calm here, so you should probably take a break. Really, you're so young. Go out and spend some time with your friends."

"I don't kn-"

"Relax! I'll see you next Saturday, Kimura."

Having no choice but to stay home, he spent his free time cleaning. There wasn't much too much to do with Kouichi being the only occupant of the small one-floor house. The bathroom floor was scrubbed over twice and the kitchen was reorganized several times.

Kouichi awkwardly led the vacuum a few times around the couch in the living room and finally left, closing the door behind him.

He couldn't take being in there too long.

The next call he got came two days later, from Izumi.

"I'm already on my way," she said. "Expect me in around fifteen minutes."

He opened the door before Izumi could ring the doorbell.

"You're welcome in," said Kouichi, and the two exchanged equally tired smiles.

"Ah, thank you…you don't look too good, Kouichi-kun. What do you have here? I can make you something warm."

"Eh? No, I'm fine. This is my house, so I should be the one taking care of you. Here, give me your coat."

"You're too kind, Kouichi-kun. Why don't we sit down and chat for a while?"

"-couldn't believe it!"

"But that's great for you guys, isn't it?"

"Right? But still, in front of his parents as well! Oh, but everything was okay in the end, of course."

Kouichi smiled.

"To me, it's surprising how everything's turning out," Izumi continued, her voice taking a thoughtful tone. "I've never been happier after coming back from the Digital World. And after meeting you guys… meeting Takuya, I've become so much more confident in myself."

There was a heavy pause.

"It's scary, thinking about what things would be like if we hadn't gone there together so long ago," she finally finished, "for all of us… to think of it, you and Kouji-kun would have never met."

There was another pause as Kouichi awkwardly shifted in his seat, looking at his hands.

"You know, Kouji-kun didn't come to school today."

"I didn't know."

"He's been working really hard... never missed class even when he got sick… and he's not answering my calls."

Kouichi berated himself for feeling a flicker of relief at those words. "He hasn't been answering mine, either," he worked out.

"Aren't you worried, Kouichi-kun? I mean, you two… if he's not talking to you, there's definitely something wrong, isn't there?"

"I suppose so."

"Did something happen?"

He looked up; she was leaning across the table, looking straight at him with a strange look on her pretty face.

"I won't tell anyone. Was it a fight?"

"… kind of, I guess."

"Really? You two were just fine last Friday."

He didn't respond; Izumi sighed and leaned back, tucking a straight blonde lock behind her ear.

"Actually, that makes me a little relieved. It's not like you two haven't fought before. Everything should be okay soon, right?"

Kouichi stayed silent.

"Right, Kouichi-kun?"

"Uh! Hey, man, I don't mean to intrude but-"

"Izumi asked you to call?"

"Y-yeah," admitted Junpei, embarrassed.

He missed going to work everyday. It was a hard but lenient lifestyle, getting up early in the morning, running around all day and missing lunch, and collapsing on the couch the moment he got home.

He was stuck in the house, going out occasionally to buy something from the local convenience store (to eat, as he was horrible at cooking) or to the hospital (to see his mother, who was gradually getting better).

He couldn't fall asleep at night. He'd spend hours lying in the darkness (it still made him shiver to think of how the now calming element once controlled his heart), rolling around and kicking at empty air, staring up to the ceiling, out the window, at the blue lights of the digital clock across from him.

Because I'm not getting tired enough from work, he told himself at 3:27 AM.

"Kouji-kun came to school today!"

"Well, good," said Kouichi.

"So everything's fine now?"

Everything was not fine.

There were moments of pure desperation when he considered leaving forever on the train to the north (he'd sell the house for money), jumping down the stairs to break a few bones (the hospital would take care of him), or leaving the house that very moment and showing up at his twin brother's front door.

Be rational, he'd tell himself, calming down.

"Whaat? Taking a break from work?"

"Yeah."

"Whoa! That sounds so unlike you. Anyways, we're all gonna grab something to eat after school. Even Tomoki will be there. You don't have any other plans, right? Come with us!"

"W-well, actually-"

"It's okay, Kouji has kendo on Thursdays."

"Huh?"

"Remember to bring some money, and we'll meet right outside the school after it's – oh shi- I'm going to be la-"

Takuya, Kouichi thought as he hung up, was a lot more perceptive than he seemed.

"Kouichi-kun."

Kouichi looked up from the textbook. Izumi took a moment between her 5th and 6th hamburger to smile at him.

"So, do you get any of it?"

"Not really," he replied truthfully.

She stopped eating. "What, why? Here, I'll help you out. What don't you get?"

"Umm, all of it? Can I eat now? I'm starving."

"No way!" huffed Izumi, taking a break from the hamburgers to start on her pizza (Kouichi's stomach growled). "Just two more chapters. Hurry up!"

"Give him a break, Izumi," laughed Takuya, patting Kouichi on the back. Junpei took the opportunity to grab half his fries.

She frowned at both of them. "Honestly, I wish you guys would take your education more seriously. Especially you, Kouichi-kun."

He laughed, a hard and flat sound. "I don't have an education."

"Yes, you do! I'm educating you." She split her crust and started on the first half. "I know you didn't have a choice when it came to dropping out of school, but it's still very-"

He tensed. She broke off, sighing.

"Have some pizza, Kouichi-kun."

"Thanks, Izumi." A pause. "I'll finish reading."

"So are we going again?" Junpei asked after they dropped Tomoki off at home.

"Going where?" Izumi asked sharply.

"You know what I'm talking about, Izumi-chan."

"And you know my answer. We can't go out drinking like reckless teenagers."

"But we are teenagers-"

"Besides, last Friday was an accident. We just followed everyone there and happened to take in some alcohol-"

"You guys did. I didn't because I planned to drive you home. I'm curious. Hey, what about you, Kouichi? You didn't come with us that time, right? Cause you had work. Aren't you-"

"And thanks for doing that, Junpei," Izumi said over him, raising her voice firmly. "We'd better split up and go home soon. It's getting late."

Unlike Izumi, Takuya didn't bother to call.

"I brought you cake," he said cheerfully, dumping a large white box on the kitchen counter.

"Thank you," Kouichi stammered, still surprised from the sudden visit.

"It's fine! I picked it out with Izumi after school. I got her practically every kind of cake in the bakery last year, so she probably knows best. Anyways! Soccer ended up getting canceled at the last minute today and I figured you wouldn't mind if I stopped by your place. I think it was because the coach got sick… poor guy… the flu's been spreading like crazy. Do you have the flu, Kouichi? Cause you sure look like you-"

"Would you like to have a seat?"

"Thank you! Hey, your kitchen's so empty… and it's pretty late now. Are you having dinner?"

"I went out to get it, but I'm not hungry," Kouichi explained, gesturing at the shopping bag on the table.

"Hey hey, really now? Actually, I'm really hungry right now. Do you mind-"

"Would you like to stay for dinner, Takuya?"

"Whoa, you totally just read my mind!" He cheered, but eventually mellowed down, embarrassed. "Hey, is that really okay with you?"

"It's really fine, but I don't want to keep you. Don't you have any plans tonight?"

"Not tonight," Takuya responded, gulping down half of Kouichi's sandwich in a single bite. "You know what happened yesterday. Izumi got really pissed and all about the suggestion, so as punishment, we're not doing anything this week… not that I'm complaining. I agree with her, really."

"I'm su-"

"I hardly even remember what happened that time," Takuya plowed on, "but it wasn't as great as people made it seem." He paused. "Oh, and I'm sorry about-"

"It's fine."

"He's a weak drinker, you know, and I think I remember being the one to force something down his mouth. And then- we couldn't just bring him home like that- I mean, he was being responsible- it was all my fault, and- you two were always so close, so we figured you wouldn't mind if he'd just stay for a-"

"It's fine, Takuya."

"But is it really okay?" Takuya voice suddenly lowered, becoming more urgent and losing the brash quality it usually had. "Even for someone like him, he hasn't been acting the same- hell, you haven't been the same since last Friday. And I know you guys don't always agree, but your fights never last overnight, much less – how long has it been? It's been a week! What happened? Who started it? Do you ever think-"

"I-I don't know."

Takuya stared at him disbelievingly. "Sorry, I don't think – can you say that again?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean, you-"

He stopped. Kouichi's face was wet.

"I'll check up on you later," Takuya finally said, getting up abruptly. Kouichi didn't move from his seat to escort him.

"Thank you for the dinner. I'm- never mind. Good night, Kouichi."

With that, he was gone.

Kouichi remembered.

It wasn't hard, because he wasn't drunk.

It also wasn't hard because Kouji's hands had been rough under Kouichi's shirt and his breathing had been hot and unsteady in Kouichi's ear. His brother had crassly trampled over Kouichi's feet more than once or twice. Had they ever been so close before? The lights weren't on and the living room had somehow transformed into a dark and foreign land. He remembered hearing the loud rush of cars outside – or was that his heart racing? – and he remembered how much it didn't hurt after he had backed into the suddenly moving walls of the room.

"You're so pretty," his brother had slurred in his ear.

He remembered how Kouji's breath smelled so strongly like alcohol in his face and how he choked, feeling sick at the smell and at the notion of how many girls – girls, not twin brothers – might have swooned at that same phrase – how many, really? He could feel him but he couldn't see his brother's face – it was too dark – and he was shaking, but he couldn't move. His mind, his heart, his entire conscience was taking off, leaving his body – after all, through and through, they had always belonged to-

"You're so pretty, Kouichi," Kouji had groaned, loudly, more urgently, and Kouichi thought he could remember something inside him breaking as he returned the misaimed kiss his brother pressed on the side of his mouth.

The next morning, Kouji remembered too.

Kouichi had woken up to the slam of the front door.

"Why didn't you answer my calls earlier?"

"… Sorry."

"How was the cake?"

"Haven't had it yet." And he didn't feel like having it. His voice was hoarse and dry, his eyes burned, and he was too tired, too weak, too fatigued to care.

"Ko-"

"Look, I'll talk to you later, okay, Izumi? I have work tomorrow morning."

"But – okay."

"Goodb-"

"I miss Kouji-kun."

"... Excuse me?"

"I mean it. I'm missing my first crush and my first true friend. Takuya misses his best friend and Tomoki misses his older brother. What is he to you? Don't you miss him? You do, don't you?"

"I'm hanging up."

"And Junpei says he misses you, Kouichi-kun."

"…goodbye, Izumi."

He called his mother and was informed by the hospital staff she was already asleep, resting comfortably.

Good night, he thought fondly, and that was enough.

The cake was better than he thought it'd be.

He'd have to thank Takuya and Izumi the next day.

"Hello?"

Silence.

"Hel-"

"Kouichi, it's me."

"You look like shi-"

"Good to see you too, Kouji. Would you mind coming in?"

"What's-"

"Cake. From Takuya. Have some if you want."

"I'm fine."

A shrug. "Suit yourself."

Kouji frowned at him, shifting in his seat. He was the only one who sat next to instead of across from Kouichi at the table.

"Are you okay?" A pause. "Did I make you worry?"

Worry wasn't strong enough of a word to describe the feeling – the torment – of lying through the entire night awake, of getting stiff from standing hours in the corner with the phone to his ears, of skipping dinner every night to cry his swollen eyes out – Kouichi was stressed, fatigued, sick of everything he had to go through – but all of that was somehow rolled into a lump he accidentally swallowed back down when he turned sideways to face his brother.

What was it about Kouji that made him throw away his sickness, his frustration, his envy (that slight twinge he felt when he passed by the high school), his distrust (his mother was taking quite a while to get better at that cheap hospital), and all the darkness in his heart (in the Digital World, so long ago)?

Kouichi wasn't sure if he knew the full answer, and he always had the feeling that he might not have wanted to.

"Hey-"

They had been lying on the couches in the living room, lights off again, staring up at the hidden ceiling in silence.

"I'm sor-"

They broke off at the same time.

"Why?" asked Kouji.

"That's what I wanted to ask you," said Kouichi, sitting up and frowning in the dark.

"What do you mean?"

"What do you mean?"

"W-what I mean is- you- did you - my mother begged me to unplug the phone all week, you know, but I just couldn't – and I knew it was wrong to-"

"I –"

"But I just wasn't ready- just like-" Kouji stopped awkwardly, took a breath, and continued, rushing, "And about that- I wasn't – we both weren't ready for- but- but I was the one who- I took adv-"

"-vantage of you. I should have stopped you, Kouji, before anything happened. I wasn't the one drunk out of my mind… I-" Kouichi broke into an awkward laughter – or was it laughter? He felt like he was crying.

"Kouichi, I'm so-"

"And I got this crazy idea before falling asleep – I don't know why, maybe I've watched too many dramas – but I told myself maybe – maybe you wouldn't remember anything that happened when you woke up, and I could maybe-" his voice cracked, and he swallowed, going on, "I could just keep it to myself and maybe just finally, finally, finally move on- maybe I could-"

He stopped talking, not because he ran out of words to say, but because his throat had suddenly closed up, making it hard to keep going.

"I was thinking all week," Kouji said quietly after a while.

"So was I."

There was silence again.

"And you know what?" Kouichi spoke up suddenly, "I'm tired of thinking about it. I haven't slept properly in a week, Kouji. I mean, unless you were just fine by-"

"You know I-"

"Yes, I know- just- god, I really hate you sometimes. How can you be so- I feel so stupid now, this whole thing's just messed up – did you know – at one point I was making up excuses to go see your mother just so I could see you – 'I love your pie, can you teach me how you do it?' or something like that... and suddenly it was like the same as – how many years now? – and I remembered watching you in town- I always ducked into a store if you happened to turn in my direction – it was usually the cafe, cause it was so warm and smelled so nice in there – and I wondered what she went through, I mean, it's you, so I feel so bad for Izumi-"

"I'm- Izumi?"

"Yes, and it's already obvious, isn't it? I know – you know, I know you know- that I like you a lot – a lot more than I should – and is it really worth it? To waste the time, the opportunity – to waste everyone's time – in case you haven't noticed, they're all worried sick about you – and, and I-"

"Will you learn to shut up, Kouichi."

He did, and Kouji got up and kissed him, not missing this time.

"Koui- ow! Did you just-"

"Goway-"

"No, you have a- ow! Stop-"

"Isaid-"

"Can't you just please- don't make me do this-"

"Mmtired. Hmn't slept in-"

"You have a call from your boss!" Kouji hissed, and Kouichi sat up, jolted awake. His twin more or less shoved the phone into his hands, and he ended up dropping it clumsily under the couch. After scrambling for a while to pick it up, he pressed it tentatively to his ear.

"…h-hello?"

"Good afternoon, Kimura."

"Good after- wait, already? I mean-"

"I see you took your break more seriously than I thought you would. Am I right, buddy?"

He winced. "S-sort of."

"I'll excuse you again this time, Kimura, but only because you're you. Should've known not to expect you to come in on a Saturday morning after I told you to party around this week. Do you mind coming in tomorrow instead?"

"I don't mind at all!" he said quickly and a bit too loudly. "And I'm sorry about- uh-"

"It won't happen again, will it?"

"N-no, I don't think so."

"Great! And Kimura?"

"You t- yes?"

"I'm relieved to know you're not alone at home anymore. You sound a lot better."

"I-"

"See you tomorrow, then."

"He seems like a nice fellow," Kouji said dryly, taking the phone as Kouichi got up and stretched.

"He is. Ugh, I can't move my neck-"

"I didn't want to wake you up by moving you from the couch," he explained, sounding almost apologetic.

"A-ah, it's fine. What time is it?"

"Past one. I already went out and got lunch, so you'll just need to brush up and take a quick sho- what's so funny?"

Kouichi was still grinning during lunch.

"I don't get it."

"That's fine." He stopped chewing, and his smile grew wider. "Should I be disappointed though, that you didn't actually cook lunch? But then again, this might be better because you absolutely suck at cooking-"

"Watch what you say," Kouji grumbled from his right.

"Love you too."

"…But I wouldn't mind staying around like this if I could. It's not like it won't ever work out, eventually. I mean, I can work hard and after I graduate, I think I can do it. Support you, I mean – and your – err– our – mother if I can manage to-"

"… You really were thinking all week, Kouji."

Kouji's cheeks flushed and he diverted his eyes to watch the clock for a moment. "I-I'm serious – I really think that-"

"I know," said Kouichi.

"Hello?"

"Ah! Kouichi-kun, you've got to – I should've called you earlier, but I was worried that – well anyways – we're all here right now because Satomi-san called late last night and said she couldn't find Kouji-kun-"

"Izumi-"

"I know, I'm sorry! We searched all over, but he can be anywhere – Kouichi-kun, you've got to help us, Takuya says he might've headed back to the Digital World – do you think he did something rash? I never thought about it, but he might be the-"

"Izumi-"

"-the type to do stupid things like that – Satomi-san's already considering calling the police, but we're the only ones who can stop him, oh no – what should we-"

"Izumi, listen to me. This is-"

"Kouji-kun?"

"You had us all up all night," she complained, "I was so worried, and – oh, stop giving me that look, Junpei-"

"I told you so," he said smugly.

"But it's great!" Takuya said brightly, gesturing wildly and accidentally elbowing Kouji in the face, "We haven't gotten together, all of us, for such a long time."

"A month, Takuya."

"See?" A nearby waitress came over and kindly asked him to quiet down. "What I'm saying is – we're still all together after- how many years has it been? Since we all met at the Digital World?"

"Well, if you count from the day Kouichi joined up with us-"

"I'm just trying to make a point, Junpei. But don't you guys think that's a miracle in itself? We've made it for so long, we can practically make it-"

"Forever!"

Tomoki's input, everyone realized, was not too far off from their dreams, their hopes – their reality. Takuya and Junpei cheered, Izumi simply sat back and beamed, and Kouichi felt his brother's hand on top of his. He had to smile.

How could he not?

end.