Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything.
Choice
Tomorrow is my wedding day.
Alice has literally gone all out, choosing only the best food and dresses and decorations. It makes my head spin to think of all that extravagance for my wedding. I nearly fainted when I saw the cost of the flowers. Honestly, how are simple bouquets so expensive? Edward laughed at my shocked reaction or chuckled, really, because to him that's the same thing. Alice knows what she's doing, though, and I'm quite relieved. I know absolutely nothing about planning parties.
I do wonder, though, if I made the right choice. The pain in Jacob's eyes flashes through my mind every time I think of him. And, well, I've been thinking about Jacob a lot lately. To Jake, me marrying Edward is synonymous with me becoming a vampire, and he cannot accept that.
I love Edward more than anything in the world. I love Jake too, but there was never an alternative.
Jake's words from our last encounter leap unbidden to my mind; it would probably be the last time we talked for a while. I wince at the memory.
Once, before he left, he had told me everything I'd lose in an obvious last-ditch effort to persuade me: Charlie, Renee, Angela, Ben, other friends from school (though I don't exactly have that many), eating, sleeping, dreaming, sunlight, aging, life. He told this to me bluntly in a way that Edward would never have dared, treating me like an equal.
"I considered all of those things already," I told him.
"Bells, honey, no you haven't. You probably think you'll still see Charlie and that he won't wonder why your eyes are red or you smell sickeningly sweet." I shook as he said this. Charlie would never know about my decision. He'd think that I was dead and understandably blame Edward. If I discussed this with him, he'd think I was insane and never allow Edward over again.
Of course, it wouldn't stop Edward, but it would be nice to have Charlie's approval.
He also mentioned how we could be enemies, how it would ruin the peace between vampires and werewolves, and how, though he'd try, difficult it would be for us to be friends again. I think he said something about how science, the werewolves and my father were all on his side. Yet that all blurred together a bit in my memory because I was still seething over what he said about Charlie and what he listed.
When I couldn't take it any longer, I stormed off, telling him I didn't have a choice. His last words to me were "Bella, don't lie to yourself. You have a choice. You always had one, and every day you choose him."
I now realize that he was saying the truth, but it still hurts. Edward was not-so-surprisingly there when I left; I knew he was listening to every word we said. Not that he could help it; nonetheless I suspect he could if he truly wanted to.
The weirdest part was when I looked in his cold smothering eyes, darkened from lack of recent hunting, and thought of Jacob's warm brown eyes. I remembered how Jacob was the only one who made me laugh while Edward was gone. Now that Jake's gone, I'm not quite sure Edward will make me laugh the same way.
It is unfair to compare the two. Edward will win every time; we need each other in a way that Jake and I do not. I'm not sure I could live without Jake, though part of me will always mourn the future we never had, but I know I cannot live without my Edward.
He just wants to protect me, which is partially why I'm changing so soon. As a vampire, I will be strong, beautiful and perpetually young. Nothing will stop us from spending eternity together. Edward will finally stop treating me like a fragile but much cherished ornament. We will have a future with the Cullen family, and Edward and I will be equals. We will be happy.
Tomorrow is my wedding day. I am making the right choice.
Perhaps if I tell this to myself enough times, I will finally believe it.