Author's Note: I need to write angst like seriously I'm depressed. Well as depressed as a teenager can get when the boy she likes thinks their only friends and decides to tell her every detail of how much he loves his new girlfriend. Yeah it really sucks. In a way this is like the diary entry that I can't seem to write without bursting into tears.

Disclaimer: I don't own house of anubis or glee's song.

Nina's Point Of View

What have I done? I wish I could run
Away from this ship goin' under
Just tryin' to help, hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders

I was just trying to help. I gave advice. I helped him ask her out. Hell I even picked my favorite resturant as the location of their first date all because I thought he was talking about me. But he wasnt. Of course he wasn't. He was talking about Joy. How typical. Now everytime I see them together I feel like the captain of a sinking ship. Like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I'm about to be crushed by it. What's even worse is that he still talks to me. He tells me about how he asked her to hang out on Monday and how she said yes. He tells me about "how much we have in common" and when I say "who us" he says "no me and Joy". He doesn't see the hurt and anger and jealousy all raging through my eyes when he does this because he has the glimmer in his that only shows when he talks about her.

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

What am I supposed to do! I want him to be happy really I do but how can I help my best guy friend please his girlfriend when I may be falling in love with him. I can't give him bad advice because I care to much about his happiness. How long is it going to take for me to make things right between us again?

Can I start again with my faith shaken?
'Cause I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I'll get through this

Cuz right now they sure as hell aren't . It's not that he only wants to talk about her. It's just that he doesn't notice that when we're sitting on the bench talking and watching a video on his ipod that I'm more focused on how close he is than the actual words spewing from my mouth or the video itself. He doesn't notice because he's thinking about her or texting her. I can't leave though. He'd die without me. No one would remind him to eat lunch or not to sit in front of Jerome and Alfie when their watching television. He'd never make it through his relationship with Joy without me either. Sure he could go to Mick for advice but I wouldn't recommend it. Last time they got into a fight and I wasn't around Mick told him to ignore Joy so that she'd come back to him and well let's just say that he was depressed for a week cuz she wouldn't talk to him. I'm staying put and if it makes me stronger than I was before so be it.

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right

I want him to be happy no matter how much it hurts me. Before on wishes like 3:33 or 11:11 I would wish for trivial things like "I wish Fabian would take me to prom" or "I wish Fabian would like me" or even when I only got the last few seconds to wish "I wish for fabian". Now the only wish I have is "I wish for fabian to be happy". Is that so much to ask?

So I throw up my fist
Throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair
Yeah, I'll send down a wish
Yeah, I'll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care!

It's been over a month now. Maybe it's time to move on. I'm moving houses tomorrow. I almost cancelled my scholarship but Gran forbade it. I'm tired of waiting for someone who doesn't want me. Life isn't always fair and things don't always go the way you want them to. Maybe in seeing that I left the house due to the constant heartbreak maybe just maybe he'll see just how much I care for him and maybe he'll come find me. Or maybe he'll stay with Joy and forget I ever talked to him, forget that I ever layed my head on his shoulder after a long day, that I kept his secrets and listened to his stories. The way life is now that seems like it'll be the case.

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

I left today. I left notes for each of my house mates. I left a book of advice for Fabian. When he gets to the last page he'll find out that I left because of his obliviousness. He'll find that I don't want him to contact me and that this is me finally getting something right.

Author's Note Continued: It's like 10:30 now and I feel slightly better. 98% percent of this is about me and my 'friend'. Don't ask me for another chapter because it's not going to happen. This was as therapuatic for me as it was interesting for you guys. To anyone who reads my story Haunted : Sorry guys I'm kinda stuck there. It's also extremely difficult to write about love when you have none. The song's name is Get It Right by the way if you want to search it 's by the cast of glee. I'm signing off now. Review you know if you want.