A/N: This was written by me, with small add ons from my good friends (and wierdos) Natalie and Melissa. Don't hold us accountable, there we were in a situation of extreme boredom.

Disclaimer: Neither Natalie nor I own anything you recognize. Melissa owns the Pony. I would like to think I own Griffin. Natalie very upset that Jack is not in this story.

WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS MAJOR BASHING OF ALMOST ALL CHARACTERS, DRAMIONE FICS, AND DANIEL RADCLIFFE. IF YOU ARE A FAN OF ANY OF THE FOLLOWING, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER! (But honestly, if you like Daniel Radcliffe, there is something wrong with you) IF YOU ARE A FAN OF RANDOMNESS, PLEASE READ ON!

Harry pushed through the brambles of yet another thorn bush and winced as he felt a deep cut on his right arm. Sighing, he gave up and collapsed on the forest floor. He had been stupid to think he knew the Forbidden Forest well enough to find a unicorn hair and come back out. Then again, Harry Potter was pretty moronic in general. He had accepted because he had promised him a shiny penny, which had made him very excited. Ron had dared Harry to go into the forest because he was in love with him, and wanted Harry to stop angsting and go out with him.

Ron had planned to go into the forest to save Harry, but he wasn't very bright either and was stuck in a bush. On another note, Dumbledore was modeling new socks, and black licorice is gross. Now back to our story.

Harry had given up trying to get out of the forest and was lying on his back wondering if pink dress robes were daring or too feminine and also how many freckles were on Ron's nose. Suddenly a bright light burst into the clearing and he scrambled up shielding his eyes from...

...

A horribly ugly orange sweater!

AND A PONY!!

Harry became very excited because he was very found of the colour orange, especially this sweater, which was a lovely shade of tangerine. But the Pony grabbed the sweater away and reared up -

Harry felt his life flash before his eyes, and was very depressed about the lack of girls. How pathetic was it that he head his own book series, and he still had never had a steady girlfriend. Maybe it was because they had made Daniel Radcliffe play him in the movies...

The Pony backed up and stared at him. Then, to Harry's surprise began to talk.

'Orange! Are you insane! You have GREEN eyes! They told me you were the chosen one.'
Harry didn't hear because he was too busy watching the Pony's tail. Back and forth, back and forth...

'Pay attention.'

Harry was wearing a clown wig and was playing with a water flower on his shirt.

'Where did you get that? Never mind. I am here to help you.'

Harry stopped playing with the flower and looked up. 'W-with girls?' he asked, eyes wide.

'No dipshit. Your ratings are falling. Everybody likes Fred and George better than you! Even SNAPE has a bigger fan base!'


'Can you blame them? He does have a very sexy nose.'

The Pony slapped him with a fish.

'Come with me.'

'Where will we go?' Harry really wanted to go to the science museum. Or a fair. Or an NSYNC concert!

...

Harry took a few minutes to question his sexuality.

'I'm going to make you - well. Less you!' the Pony said, grimacing.

Harry got up and started to get on the Pony.

'WOAH. Hold up. What are you doing?'

'Going -' Harry began, but the Pony slapped him again, this time with a rubber chicken. Harry vaguely wondered where the Pony was getting the plastic animals, but he was also wondering why the sky was blue, and his small brain couldn't handle two questions at once.

'We're riding in this!' The Pony pointed to a giant yellow hummer, which had magically appeared at the other side of the clearing.

'SWEET!' Harry ran towards the hummer but was stopped by the Pony.

'Oh no. You ride in the trunk. Your not getting your crustyness on my ride.'

Harry skipped joyfully to the back of the truck, happy because of the bright yellow colour. Brad Pitt opened the trunk for him.

'Brad Pitt? What are you doing here?'

Brad Pitt shifted around uncomfortably. 'I kind of owe him...'

'Owen Wilson! Get your ass back in the car!'

Harry stared at Brad Pitt/Owen Wilson.

'What? Maybe I want to be funny AND good looking. Is that too much to ask??'

THIS STORY HAS BECOME TOO RANDOM FOR YOUNG AUDIENCES. VIEWER DISCRESTION IS ADVISED.



They stepped out of the car and into...

The magical hair salon of wonder!

Harry clutched his hair in terror.

'Don't give me that. That thing has got to go!'

The Pony snapped its non-existant fingers. Remus Lupin appeared holding scissors.

'LUPIN?' Harry cried in shock.

'Yes, Sarah felt that I should be in the story, and she always saw me as a hair dresser.' He turned to the Pony. 'What can I do for you?'

The Pony gestured to Harry's head.

'OH DEAR GOD! WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?? NOBODY CAN FIX THAT!!'

'Just do what you can. You're the only hope left.'

Lupin stared into the Pony's eyes for a long time. Then slowly, he nodded 'I'll see what I can do.'

He turned towards Harry, scissors in hands and a skunk jumped off Harry's head.

'Right problem solved. Lupin, Dumbledore called, something about socks. Come along git!'

Harry was holding his bald head but still managed to figure out that 'git' was him, and followed the Pony.

The next stop was a dress shop.

'But I want to get girls, not dress like one.' whined Harry, who was wearing the rubber chicken on his head to shield the baldness.

'Wait. Hold on a sec. You're a ... boy?'

'I think so...' said Harry uncertainly.

The Pony shook its head and led the way into the shop where they met Hagrid in a large furry brown dress.

'Do you think Professor Dumbledore will like it?' he asked excitedly.

The Pony wanted to burn its eyes out.

Harry wanted to know if they had it in a smaller size.

The rubber chicken thought it complimented Hagrids eyes.

Dobby was writing Harry a love song.



Ron was still in the bush.

The Pony had lost all hope in making Harry even somewhat desirable and had let him buy a long green dress that went with his eyes, and a pair of red gloves for Owen Wison.

Their last stop of the day was a dance club.

'Right. You may look like a drag queen, but we should at least make you - alright who the bloody hell are you?'

'I'm Griffin from the 2008 feature film Jumper, opening Valentines Day.' said an extremely attractive Irish 21 year old in a black leather jacket. And, for some reason, holding a flame thrower.

'What the hell?' asked the chicken.

'Sarah was bored in French class and a girl was watching my movie on her iPod. She thinks I'm hot and likes my accent.'

Suddenly a dorky, blond, 14 year old girl appeared and latched herself onto his arm. 'Come on Griffin, we've got to go somewhere and you can say funny irish things in my ear.' They walked off.

'Crazy hormonal teenage girls.' said the Pony.

'How come she got to go off with Griffin' whined Harry.

The Pony just shoved him in the hummer. Maybe he should consider another career path. My Little Pony ™ was auditioning.

They arrived back in the great hall.

'Its time for your reveal!' announced the Pony.

'I AM NOT GAY!' shouted Harry.

The Pony gave him the Kevin look.

Ron was still in the bush.

Suddenly a curtain was dropped and all of his friends were there cheering him on.

Professor Dumbledore was there wearing 27 pairs of socks, and Dobby was there with a sign that said 'Harry Hottie' Ginny was smiling next to Fred and George who left because they are too awesome to be in this story.

Hagrid and Lupin were there, and Snape with all of his fan girls.

Even Draco, who walked over to Hermione.

'I'm a git with greased blond hair and no pride who's in love with Crabbe.'

'Really?' asked Hermione. 'I'm a bushy haired book worm who over analyzes and cries over gay boys in love with their best friends!'



'Wanna make out!'

'Okay!'

Harry looked at all of these people, most of whose names his small mind couldn't remember and smiled because his dress made him feel pretty. Luna walked up to him. 'Hello Harry. I like a man with a chicken on his head.'

Harry, at the thought of actual contact with a girl fainted, and Luna took his shoes and ran off.

All was well in the world until-

A piano fell on Harry!

Some where in a very boring Geography class, 3 Canadian girls got up and cheered, much to the annoyance of their student teacher, who just wanted quiet. "Thank the lord!" cried Melissa, who was immediately mobbed by a group of vicious potter fan-girls, and carried away to their lair.

'Dogonit!' cried Dumbledore, 'I knew I shouldn't have left all those pianos up there. But my closet was full of Elton John costumes!'

Oh God, I spent a whole day on that idiot, thought the Pony.
That was such a nice dress! thought Hagrid.
Harry's shoes smell nice, thought Luna.
The like socks, thought Dumbledore.
The Dramione fans are coming to kill me, thought Sarah.
The Dramione fans are coming to kill Sarah, thought Natalie

I like ponies, thought Melissa.

GO BACK TO GEOGRAPHY YOU LAZY IDIOT! screamed Sarah's imaginary party.

'Help!' said Ron from the bush.

THE END

A/N Come on you know you want to review. If only to say what the hell!