Aaaaand I'm back with another KotoUmi a one shot this time. This might be short but I hope the story's feeling reach to all you readers reading this story.
I include a reference of a doujin here and also small bits of Season one of Love Live. Can anyone guess the doujin? Xp
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
'Thoughts'
"Flashback"
Story:start~!
"If you love something let it go, if it came back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't it never was."
The first time I heard those words is when I was 5 years old. The pet bird that I had, the one I cherished, had died from an illness. I grieved for days and days to no end. Mother told me those words one day, that we need to let something's go to move on. As a child I just agreed, not understanding the deeper meaning of those words. And so I moved on, as I grew older I never did figure out the meaning of those words.
I was 10 when I met her, her ash-colored hair flew around the wind, face smudged as she played with another ginger haired girl. I was enraptured by her, looking so free and smiling wildly as she played. I watched them till sunset, wanting to join but afraid to.
Days flew by and I continued to watch them at that small park, one day I tried to reach to them but as I grew nearer and nearer to those girls I became more nervous. On wits end, I tried to back away before I could however; I saw the ash-haired girl looked at me. Seeing no other place to go I hid behind the tree.
"Hey, do you want to play with us?" The ginger haired girl called out with a smile; timidly I looked around trying to decide. Another girl approached the same girl that I saw the first day coming to this park; she didn't say anything she just smiled. That's when I decided that I want to know them, to know her better. I would soon realize that those words, the words that I heard when my pet bird died would soon hold true.
As years grew by, I changed from that timid girl I was, I grew taller and stronger. We had so much fun these past few years especially now that μ's is formed. As skeptical as I was in the beginning I couldn't deny the joy that I felt being in the group.
There were no practice today and everyone stayed in the clubroom. Nico and Hanayo sat in front of the computer discussing about the idol stuff. Rin and Honoka as usual are goofing around the room and I would occasionally reprimand them. Maki as always reads a small book that she always carries and occasionally giving some snide remarks whenever Nico said something that irritates her, which Nico always argues back. This goes on for a while until the clubroom door opens.
"We're back~"
"Sorry we're late the student council meeting took a bit longer."
"How was the meeting?" I asked them as they took a seat. "Hmm, the gardening club wanted to talk about their budgets. They grew a rare flower and so they wanted to be recognized it as an accomplishment." Eli answered. "A rare flower?" Hanayo enquires. Nozomi nods, "Un, an Anemone. Apparently it's difficult to grow them here since it's rare." All of us crowed around the picture that Eli lay out on the table.
"Wow"
"It's so pretty nya!"
"It must be really hard to grow them perfectly."
The flowers truly are beautiful, the white petals shone in the light along with a blue anemone at the back. Suddenly Honoka raises her arm looking confused.
"I remembered that someone told me that each flower have a meaning so what does this flowers mean then?"
"Oh oh maybe it power nya!"
"Idiot no way that is the meaning look at the flower, it probably means beauty. Like the great idol Nico-nii." Nico boasts.
"Gross. ("WHAAT") If I remember correctly color gave different meanings for flowers, I think red ones mean 'passionate love'." Nozomi give a grin at Maki's answer.
"Correct, as expected of Maki-chan." Nozomi said before she gave a mischievous smile. "Maki-chan really knew about red flowers don't she?" She gave a glance at Nico. Nico just gave the girl a glare.
"White flowers mean 'Hope' while blue flowers mean 'faithfully waiting', right?" Maki continues.
"Yes, the two are similar to companions." Eli elaborates more about the flowers. I looked at the flowers again unable to take my eyes of them.
Hope and faith… huh…
'What would Kotori want?' My thought was racing throughout the day. Earlier Kotori went to me at the rooftop saying that she wanted to talk to me after school. She looked so serious, the first I've ever seen. My heart is beating so fast. I'm so nervous. It didn't help that we're in the same class. My mind is reeling at what it could possibly be. I tried to calm myself but as always it didn't work. This always happened whenever I thought of Kotori.
And now I'm at her house as I sat at the bed waiting for Kotori. I've been to her house many times with Honoka as we grow up and yet I couldn't get used to it no matter what. Come on Umi, calm down relax, she probably just want to know what fabric to use for the next costume. I tried to not give my hope up. It's probably something else she doesn't know how you feel about her. I tried to reason with myself.
Occupying myself I unconsciously write on my notebook. Every thought and words appeared in my head. "Umi-chan?" I flinched and saw Kotori in front of me. I was deep in my thought I didn't realize she came in.
"Sorry for calling you over this late Umi-chan." She looked apologetically. I assured her that it's alright. "Oh are you writing a lyric, Umi-chan?" Inwardly panicking, I casually close the book and hurriedly put it in my bag.
"Um, not really just writing down anything popped in my mind. Maki still need to get the instrumental ready." Kotori just hummed.
"Why anemone though?" I racked my brain trying to find an answer.
"T-the girls were talking about flowers yesterday… at the clubroom. I guess it just stuck to my head." I shrugged trying to play it off. Both Kotori and Honoka always said that I'm bad at lying.
"I see." Seeing that Kotori believed me is a relieve but I sense that something is still off. Kotori is unusually quiet, as much as I want to ask her I knew that I shouldn't push her. The silence is thick as I wait for Kotori to say something. Seconds turn to minutes, I opened my mouth ready to ask her when,
"Umi-chan, I-I've been offered to study abroad." I froze unable to comprehend everything. I willed myself trying to believe that this is all a dream, a nightmare, that I would wake up in a few seconds but I knew that this is real, this is reality.
"Have you told the others?" I steeled my voice, forcing myself to sound normal. Trying to think rationally. Kotori shook her head from side to side, her eyes casting down.
"Uu-un, we have a live show soon. I don't want to worry everyone."
"I-I see."
And yet you make me worry, Kotori. 'I don't want you to go. Stay, please!' is what I want to say.
But it's not enough…
Days after I couldn't stop thinking about it. I knew Kotori tried in any chance that she could to tell Honoka. Everyone didn't notice anything strange but I knew that Kotori is still bothered by it. Watching Kotori trying, I couldn't help but feel concern as the live became nearer.
"Kotori, say something." I looked at her during our break practicing as Honoka insists us to practice more.
"I think Honoka-chan should do what she wants to do…" She replied back. She knew what I meant, and yet she didn't say it. Unable to say anything I let it go. When would you tell her?
That night I called Honoka. I asked her the usual stuff, had she done her homework and all that. I hesitated for a while until I asked her if she noticed anything unusual about Kotori.
"Eh, Kotori-chan? I don't think that anything is different…"
"I see…"
"What about you Umi-chan? Have you heard anything?"
Should I tell her? My mind ponders for a few second. She should know what happened but…
"No… I had archery practice lately so we haven't talked much." I wasn't lying but I knew it's also because Kotori has distance herself away slightly.
"She's probably fine. I'm sure she's just excited for the live soon." Honoka replied excitedly unaware of everything.
"I hope so." I replied back, anger slip to my voice a little but thankfully Honoka didn't notice. We end the call minutes later as I remind her of the live. A drizzle caught my attention and saw that it had rained.
"Umi-chan, do you like rainy days or sunny days?" Kotori asks one day as we went home.
"Rainy days, I guess." I shrug. "Why?"
"hmm, because it's nice."
Kotori didn't ask anymore after that and I couldn't tell her another reason why I loved the rain so much. Well, it's not like I can tell her that I enjoyed being near her under one umbrella whenever she didn't bring hers. That's embarrassing.
A ring from my phone snapped me out of my thoughts. Looking at the ID, I saw that it's Kotori.
"Umi-chan, actually…"
"Are you sure Kotori?"
"Yes, I couldn't tell them before the concert…"
"But today's the overdue isn't it?" I asked. "Yes, that's I'll tell them…after the concert. Including Honoka-chan."
Kotori… I don't understand…
When Honoka fainted during our live it became harder. Everyone tried to convince Honoka that it wasn't her fault. Though the school wasn't in any danger of closing anymore, my mind still reeled the fact that in few days Kotori would go abroad. I wanted to tell everyone myself but I knew Kotori would like to tell them herself. Powerless, I could only wait and hope for the best.
"Waiting will only make it more painful." I told Kotori as we sat on the park.
"I know."
"Didn't you decide already?"
"Yes, but I think about when I should've told Honoka-chan before I couldn't help but think of what she would say and so… I couldn't tell her… I don't want to worry her."
I said nothing as I listened to her, looking at her, her eyes are clouded in pain and worry and yet… and yet you haven't tell her. Your unfair…Kotori. Making that face for her when I have…
As the day grew nearer, dread and worry had filled me to the brim. Honoka being Honoka didn't notice. I asked Kotori one last time and again she hesitates. I knew she wouldn't do it and so…
"I'm sorry everyone but we have something to tell you." The rest stops, I feel bad interrupting the happy celebration but I knew if this dragged on… Confused, they pay attention and I steeled myself as to what I was going to say.
"I know this is sudden but… Kotori is studying abroad. She'll be leaving within two weeks." And the first to protest is Honoka. I listened to them argue. I heard Kotori cried I wanted to calm her…
"I wanted you to know… After all, you're my very first friend. You've always been by my side!"
Of course… Now I knew… I'm an idiot…
"She didn't want to go. She was worried about you after all this time." I told Honoka what Kotori had said at the park the other day as I went to left the room. "She wanted to tell you all this time. Please try to understand."
Try to understand that she's been worried about you. That you were on her mind all this time…
One week left… One week left until…
Honoka had decided to quit the group and μ's has been put on hold. Sadness filled me. I no longer see Honoka or Kotori; I buried myself with archery practice every day. I was angry, angry at Honoka for deciding something rash, angry that she didn't understand Kotori, angry at myself angry for not trying anything to stop Kotori and angry for hurting both of my best friend.
What should I do…
Kotori…
"That's why only you can do it. Only you can be selfish to bring her back…"
"I-I understand. I'll bring her back. I'll bring Kotori back."
I watched as Honoka ran out. I get it. I knew that she can bring her back. I know that if it's Honoka she wouldn't hesitate.
And yet… and yet… why do I feel so sad… why do I feel so hurt... I should be happy…
Because I wasn't enough… I wasn't enough to stop her…
Honoka managed to bring back Kotori and the show was a success, everyone is off celebrating. I stood at the rooftop enjoying the wind. A Notebook on my lap listening to the music I asked Maki to compose secretly.
The door creaked open; quickly I hid the notebook beside me. An ash-haired girl came in brightly smiling as usual. She sat beside me.
"Kotori." I greet her. She greet back.
"Why didn't you join us, Umi-chan?" I smiled while grimacing inwardly. My heart throbbed.
"I just need to get away for a while." I couldn't stand that look.
"I see." Silence engulfed us before she spoke.
"Hey Umi-chan, that lyric from before did you finished it?" she asked suddenly.
"No, not yet." I lied; in fact I finished it days ago.
"Aww, too bad I wanted to hear them." I smiled a little.
"Too bad then maybe next time let me hear it when you've finished."
I just nod but I knew I couldn't do it. Not with the lyrics like that.
"Hey Umi-chan… This past few days made me realize something that if I'm not honest with my feelings I would hurt people. So I realized that I couldn't keep this to myself anymore… so I-"
My breath hitched, I couldn't get my hopes up. Unconsciously, I gripped the hem of my skirt, waiting for her to finish what she said.
"I-actually I-I always… always… been…in love with Honoka-chan."
"…"
"Umi-chan?"
"I-I see. You should go for it Kotori." I told her as I looked at the sky above me. "Really?" Doubt could be heard in her voice. "You should try." I told her again.
"Thank you Umi-chan, for your support. I better go back; I'll think about what I should do to tell to Honoka-chan." I smiled not looking her.
"Of course, anything for you Kotori." I looked at the notebook again looking at the lyrics with a blue and white anemone drawn on the bottom of the page.
Kotori…Being honest has its limit… It hurts… my chest hurts…
Longing for kindness, being hurt by kindness
I'd never wanted to experience these feelings
I can't handle them.
But I would do anything for you even if it cost my happiness, I won't be selfish and ruin your happiness.
Your heart so distant, I want to cry
But even so, I've decided I will wait
For you, my first love.
In the end I guess those words held true. 'If you love something let it go, if it came back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't it never was.'
And you came back, only it wasn't for me… You came back for her… I never was for me… but it doesn't matter I would wait, no matter how long. After all, you the only one for me, my first friend, my first love.
Kotori…